Love Ridden

Dinner goes smoothly. I cry from laughing too hard. I really have missed Niall. Before he was the person I accidentally fell in love with, he was just Niall, funny, sweet, goofy, lovable Niall. He is still all of those things, but now there is just an extra label attached to him.

I have excused myself to use his bathroom and the moment I walk through the door I see it, the reminder of her that I have been avoiding all evening. I’m staring at a small dish of bobby pins lying on his countertop. The dish not doubt provided by Niall who is nothing if not tidy. I pick one up and I stick it in my own hair. It matched the ones already there exactly. It will never be missed, just a tiny stolen piece of property, but I quickly take it out and lay it back down, treating it like it’s contaminated. Fighting the urge to wash my hands to rid myself of some unseen foulness that makes my lip curl. I do not need a reminder of her. Especially not one of her in Niall’s bedroom, undoing her hair, removing her makeup, readying herself to lay in a spot that I wish were mine.

She is the one that gets to fall asleep with him. Not me.

On that terrible I thought I decided to take my leave. He walks me to the door and helps me with my coat, hugging me one last time. Then he places his lips on my forehead and I close my eyes, cherishing the feeling of it. That’s all I’ll ever feel. His lips on my forehead. His lips on my cheek. Never the places I would like to have them. My lips. My jaw. My neck. The tiny spot behind my ear. Only the forehead and cheek are suitable for me. The best friend.

At home, I crumble. The drowning that I thought was going to take place earlier in the night happens. A tidal wave crashes into me and I instinctively reach for my only other lifeline, someone who is not Niall, the only life preserver I have left. I send a text to the only other person who knows, the only person who could possibly talk me down from this ledge of emotion. My lighthouse who can guide me through the treacherous waters and past the rocky shores. Someone who can put a bandaid over my gaping chest wound. Who can staunch the bleeding. Who can almost fix me.

She is my person.

Notes