Love Ridden

I’m sitting on my couch doing absolutely nothing when I hear a knock on my front door. I groan as I stand up. I’m not expecting anyone today or any day soon for that matter so I have no idea who it could be. Looking through the peep hole, I see Jenny, my close friend and Madelyn’s best friend, standing there. I put my hand to my face and feel the five days worth of stubble I haven’t bothered to shave. I look down at the same sweatpants I’ve been wearing all week. I’ve lost count of the stains by now. Sighing, I think to myself, ‘Fuck it’ and I open the door.

"Hi." A simple greeting is all I have in me. I watch her eyes travel over my disheveled appearance.

She takes one last look at me before she speaks. “Niall, seriously, what the hell? Did you suddenly adopt an aversion to soap, water, and clean clothes.” She doesn’t even wait for an answer as she pushes past me into my house. I watch her as her eyes take in a week's worth of takeout containers covering every available surface. She turns to face me and she points over her shoulder at my mess. “This is disgusting and not like you at all. What the hell happened to you? No one has seen or heard from you all week.”

I’m going back in forth in my mind about telling her the truth or just blaming it on the fact that Number Two left me, but I know Jenny will smell that lie for what it is, complete shit. I silently walk back to the lounge and she follows me, taking a seat beside me on the couch. She puts a hand on my shoulder, bringing my eyes to hers. “Is this about Madelyn?”

I sigh inwardly. Secretly, I knew she would get it. I just knew she would see it. I nod, but don’t say a word.

"Did you finally figure out you were in love with her?" She says as she looks around at the mess in this room, her nose scrunching up in disgust.

I sit forward and put my head in my hands. “I’ve known I was in love with her.” I look back at her. “For a long time now.”

She shakes her head and chuckles to herself like she’s finally figured out the end of a joke. “Of course. Of course you’re in love with her. Why wouldn’t you be? Of course, it’s been a long time. Of course.” She says more to herself than to me.

"What does that mean?" I ask, confused.

"Nothing. Don’t worry about it. But this…" She gestures around the room. "...is gross. And you…" She points at me. "...need a shower. Go. Take a shower. Put on clean clothes. After you're finally presentable and you don't smell like trash, we are getting out of here."

I stand and head back to my room to do as I was told. The hot water does feel nice as it runs over my skin. It doesn’t make me forget anything but it does make me feel the tiniest bit better. When I feel the water start to run cold, I get out and towel off. I look in the mirror and decide I might as well shave while I’m in here. I watch my face slowly make its way from homeless man to normal again. I run my hand over the smooth skin and somehow my thoughts wander into the familiar territory of fantasy. I’m thinking of her hands touching my skin, feeling my cheek and commenting on its softness. I think about how that's never going to happen. Shaking my head, trying to clear the thoughts, I make my way to the closet to get dressed. I can’t let myself go there or I will never leave this house.

By the time I make my way out of my room, Jenny has already cleaned most of my main living area. She’s leaning against my front door with a large amount of trash on the floor next to her. I look at the three bags sitting next to each other and smile at her. “You didn’t have to do that, you know.”

She shrugs and hands me my car keys. “I know, but I couldn’t look at that filth for more than a minute.” She takes in my freshened appearance, as we walk out to the car, hands full. “You look a million times better. Wallowing doesn’t wear very well on you.”

"Yeah, I suppose not." I say as we both get comfortable and I start the car.

She looks over at me and shakes her head again. I give her a look that clearly asks for an explanation, but she just ignores me. “I need to run some errands. Take me to the drug store. Boots will do just fine.”

We have been wandering around the aisles for a only a few minutes, but I’m already feeling better. Jenny has been making me laugh. Currently, she is trying to get me to test out a new shade of lipstick. She drops her shoulders, defeated, as I avoid the tube for a fifth time. “Fine. Party pooper. If you aren’t going to be helpful here, then why don’t you go find some shampoo for me to buy.”

I start walking backwards away from her. “I just don’t think pink is my color…I’m more of a red kinda girl.” She rolls her eyes and it makes me laugh again. I turn and head towards the aisle where I can find what she has sent me for.

As I turn the corner, I see someone standing just a short distance in front of me, someone who I have been longing to see for weeks. I’m speechless as I my feet carry me towards her. But I finally find my voice and call out her name. It sounds like a laugh as it passes over my tongue.

My excitement at seeing her coming out in my voice. She turns to face me and I open my arms to wrap them around her. This is the feeling I have missed so much. I hold her close to me and feel her sink against me. The obviousness of how perfect we fit together hitting me afresh.

Before I can stop myself, I am pelting her with questions like gunfire. “Where have you been?! You literally fell off the face of the planet. And did you change your number? Why haven’t you called me? Or answered my texts?”

I can feel her body tense and her breathing speed up, but then slow back down. She lifts her face and looks up into mine. I have missed her, missed her eyes, her lips, missed the blush that colors her cheeks. I know my own face is covered in a look of complete rapture. I am beyond happy to have her in my arms again.

But all too soon she starts to pull away. Her expression turns blank as she speaks to me. “It’s nice to see you Niall but I’ve got to go.” She slips completely from my hold and turns and walks away.

I call out to her. “Madelyn? Madelyn! Wait! Come back…” But she doesn’t even turn around. She just keeps walking and it feels like she’s walking out of my life again.

I stand there just staring at the space where she used to be.

I’m suddenly lost.
Again.

Notes