Always Here

“2% or non-fat?” Harry asked as we strolled down the dairy aisle of Safeway.

“Do you know me at all? 2% all the way.” I pulled my hair into a bun, annoyed that I hadn’t gotten to take a shower yet after Harry had forced me out of bed to go to the grocery store.

He grabbed the gallon and put it in the cart, which had been filled up with Cocoa Puffs, chia seeds, mac and cheese and other assorted food items.

“Okay, what else is…” Harry said scanning the list in his hand. “Eggs check. Milk, check. Cereal, check. The only thing left is kale. God, Bella, do we really need to buy that disgusting excuse for a vegetable?”

“Hey, it’s really healthy! Come on, we’re in California!” I said with a valley girl accent that always made him laugh.

He tried to keep a straight face but quickly failed. “Fine, just go get your health shit and lets get out of here.”

After paying, we walked out into the hot, sunny parking lot, our wrists in pain from the heavy bags of groceries. Sometimes I really wish I had a personal shopper.

“You wanna do something tonight? We could see what the boys are doing—maybe a poker night with them and Madison?” I asked.

“Sure sounds good. Is it cool if I invite Zoe?” He said as he closed the trunk, facing me.

“Yeah, definitely!” I said, immediately regretting how fake-excited I sounded. “The more girls the better, there’s enough testosterone to go around already.”

He laughed. “Wait,” his smile dropped, “shouldn’t we get some beer or something? The house is pretty bare when it comes to alcoholic beverages.”

I groaned louder than necessary. “You know I hate grocery shopping.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that.” He grabbed my arm and we walked back into Safeway, in search of cheap beer and a couple bottles of whiskey.


* * *

“Why is it always me?” Niall yelled at no one in particular. Everyone was roaring with laughter at the sight of the blonde Irishman’s now shirtless form. We had initially been playing poker but a half of a bottle of wine in me and a few rounds of shots for everybody else had led to a game of strip poker. Niall, Liam, Zayn, Madison, Harry, Zoe, and I were crowded around the small wooden table in the dining room of Norbert. Louis had the flu and couldn’t make it.

“Alright deal another hand, Niall’s gotta get his pants off sooner or later,” Harry said while taking a sip of his beer. He and Zoe were sat next to each other and though Harry was acting like his normal loud self, Zoe was actually quite reserved.

I laughed out loud, “Give me the cards folks, the rounds are rounding.” I giggled, somewhat aware that I was very drunk.

“Uh oh, someone better cut her off. Don’t want another wine night.” Harry said, smiling at me, his dimples as clear as ever. His eyes were twinkling as I looked at him and I was overcome with a happy feeling.

I narrowed my eyes at him, trying to act tough and annoyed that he had mentioned the time I had gotten shitfaced and threw up in a bush. “I told you not to ever mention wine night, Harry Styles. This is a violation of Code 1569, you must remove one article of clothing.” I leaned back in my chair in satisfaction.

He gaped at me, “This is strip poker! Not a strip club. Deal the hand, Barnes.”

“Strip, strip, strip!” I chanted, everyone else closely following. I smiled cheekily at him and he smirked back.

“Alright, alright if you guys want it so bad,” and he pulled his white t-shirt over his head.

I was temporarily caught off guard by his body and stared at the smooth, tan skin and defined abs. Everyone else was laughing and whooping so luckily my staring went unnoticed. That is until I saw a pair of green, puppy dog eyes staring at me with surprising seriousness. I looked at him across the table, suddenly not feeling all that drunk anymore. We looked at each other for a moment, the energy unclear.

“Okay, Bella, deal her up.” Niall said we a wide smile.

* * *

A few hands later we had all lost a few pieces of clothing—Niall down to just his boxers, me in a white bra and leggings.

“Can we turn this into a drinking game? I’m getting a little too breezy over here.” Niall said.

“Yes please, thank you,” Madison said as she pulled her jean shorts back on, much to Zayn’s disappointment.

“Ooh, never have I ever!” I giggled excitedly, not bothering to put my shirt back on. Norbert got pretty terrible ventilation so it was always hot in here, sue me. Also this is my favorite bra and it looked really good on me so why cover it up? “Who’s first?”

“I’ll go,” Zayn’s deep voice said. He cleared his throat, as if initiating the beginning of the game, “never have I ever had a one night stand.”

A few remarks of surprise and a shot of whiskey from Niall, Harry, Zoe, Liam and I proceeded.

“Really mate? Never?” Liam asked.

“I was with Perrie for the past two years I didn’t really have a lot of opportunities.” Zayn replied casually.

A chorus of ‘ahs’ followed as we settled back into the game.

“Alright my turn.” I said, “never have I ever…had a body shot done on me.” I smiled triumphantly, knowing they’d all drink.

“What! Bella there’s no time like the present, someone do it to her now!” Liam said shouted.

“No! I didn’t mean that! I—” I tried to reason with them but Niall had already fetched an empty bottle to spin; most likely to decide who would do the deed.

“Okay kids, who’s going to be the lucky suitor,” he said as the bottle spun hopelessly out of my reach—Zayn was holding me down in my chair.

The bottle slowed and ticked its way over to Harry’s spot. We all burst into laughter, mostly out of drunkenness but also out of the incredulity of my best friend doing a body shot off of me. We made eye contact both of our eyes stirring with playfulness. His shone with something else too, though. It might have been nervousness but my drunken mind was too out of it to pick up on it.

“Alright Barnes get ready.” Harry said, his voice teaming with anticipation.

“There’s not much for me to get ready for, Styles. I’m already shirtless.” I winked at him and I watched him visibly gulp. He definitely looked nervous.

Niall and Liam cleared the table so I could lie down. My bare back hit the table and I felt butterflies in my stomach, most likely from the excitement of doing a body shot. Harry approached me, not making eye contact. He rimmed my bellybutton with salt, and then proceeded to fill it with tequila. He walked over to my face, coming closer, and handed me a lime. “Put it in your mouth.” He said, this time his eyes burning with something else—was that lust? I couldn’t help but feel turned on—alcohol always does that to me—and the suggestiveness of his word choices weren’t helping.

I placed the lime between my lips, feeling the sour citrus flavor envelop my taste buds. There was a pause and I almost had the urge to sit up and see if he was still there, when I felt his lips on my abdomen and my eyes fluttered closed. His mouth was surprisingly soft and goose bumps formed on my skin at the warm touch. He continued to lap of the liquid in my belly button and then I slowly felt his tongue lick the salt around the rim. I suppressed a moan. He came over to my face; I knew he had to take the lime out of my mouth. I looked up at him, this time we weren’t breaking eye contact. I involuntarily looked at his lips. How had I never noticed how pink and plump they were? He came closer to my face and I was filled with the strong feeling of wanting him to kiss me. It felt like an eternity as his face came closer to mine. And just when I thought I felt the softness of his lips on mine, there was a yell.

“Okay! Nice job guys, isn’t it my turn?” Zoe said at a volume too high for a normal conversation. I felt immediately uncomfortable and estranged. I had completely forgotten she was here. Why had I let Harry do a body shot off me when he literally had a date sitting there watching?

I sat up; feeling weird and unstable like my head was going to fall off.

“Yeah,” Harry said, his voice breathy and cracking.

I found my way to my seat, I didn’t feel as drunk as I had ten minutes ago. The game continued without very much of my interest.

One by one, people started filing out the door. It was 2 a.m. and, all of us being adults, had jobs and other annoying responsibilities that called in six hours. Eventually, all that was left was Harry, Zoe, Niall and I in the living room.

Harry and Zoe were nuzzled on the couch, not really talking to each other, but looking frustratingly content. Niall was half asleep on the armchair and I had the immense urge to get out of this room.

“Niall. Niall wake up.” I said shaking his arm. “You can’t drive home tonight just come sleep in my room.”

“Mm, okay.” He stumbled up, wrapping his arms around my shoulder and pecking kisses on my head.

“He’s sleeping in your room?” Harry said loudly.

“Yeah.” I replied dully. Was that jealousy in his tone? I knew in that moment that I wanted to make him jealous. And I wanted to make him mad. I didn’t know why I was so angry with him, I didn’t have any reason to be, but I was not in the mood to be near him. Or Zoe.

“Oh.” He said. I waited for him to say something else, but his silence just motivated Niall and I to climb the stairs to my room.

“You’re so pretty, Bels.” Niall said as I closed the door of my room. I could tell by his tone that he was smiling.

I laughed, “Thanks Ni. You are too.” I was suddenly filled with the same drunk horny feeling that I had felt while lying on the table. Niall was cute and I knew that he had liked me for a while…and I did feel lonely.

“So did you like that show I put on earlier?” I hoped my tone was suggestive enough to get the hint across, though I just thought I sounded ridiculous.

“Mmhmm.” He said and I could still hear the smile in his voice.

“Want your own?” I slowly unbuttoned the flannel I had on, revealing the white bra that had been on display earlier in the evening.

He sat down on the end of the bed and I stood above him. His eyes were filled with curiosity and excitement; he looked like a little kid getting ice cream. God, I love being drunk.

I slowly walked toward him smirking seductively. I sat on his lap and straddled my legs around him so that I was tightly landed on his crotch. I heard his breath catch; he clearly had not been expecting this when I invited him to my room. Granted, neither did I. I nibbled on his ear, and then spread kisses down his neck until I reached the white fabric of his t-shirt. He eagerly pulled it over his head and I continued to kiss up and down his abdomen. My lips finally met his and I was overcome with the feeling of…second best. They felt nice—and he was a good kisser but it wasn’t an extraordinary kiss. I hate to be cliché, but there was no spark.

We kept kissing and then broke apart for both of us to take off articles of clothing. As I pulled a condom out of the drawer in my bedside table and he did the classic ‘you sure?’ thing, he plunged into me and the euphoria overcame me. And even though it was short-lived, I was temporarily taken away from the feeling of emptiness that I had been feeling for the last hour. And that was enough for now.

Notes

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