Love & Redemption

the boys may still be on a hiatus, but mine is offically over. if anyone cares or even reads this anymore... okay thx. <3


“Performing a medley of her top hits, put your hands together for CARRIE UNDERWOOD!” I shouted into the microphone before disappearing down the steps towards the green room under the stage.

I wasn’t used to hosting events as big New Year’s Rocking Eve. I had spoken at charities, been on talk shows and radio shows, but never was I hosting them. To say I was nervous coming into the night would be an understatement. I was introducing multi-platinum artists, entertaining those who tuned in to watch on TV, and the millions of people who came from all over the world to watch the ball drop in person. It wasn’t an easy task to take on, but luckily I had amazing support around me.

“You look better every time you get in front of that screen.” Lily smiled at me as I took a quick break while the current performance played out.

“Shut up, I’m freezing my tits off out there.” I said, subconsciously tugging on my coat. It was barely above freezing tonight and I was not prepared for that. I knew I would be outside, but I wasn’t expecting to freeze.

Lily was able to come and stay in the green room for the show, giving me someone to keep me grounded as the night went on. Niall had given her a pass that allowed her to be on premise, but had other obligations before he was to perform with the rest of the group. Until then, Lily was watching most of the show from inside the warm room under the stage, occasionally going out to watch someone she particularly fancied. I was finally almost able to feel my toes again when I was being called back to duty.

“The guys are set to perform in 20ish minutes. So they should be over here any minute now.” I smiled, letting Lily know.

“Niall looks so cute with his little scarf. I can’t wait for you to see him.” She beamed talking about her ‘kinda boyfriend’ as she had described him earlier in the night.

“Oh boy, how will I ever make it until I see him now?” I stuck my tongue out at her before heading back outside.

There was a main stage setup for performances and many little areas in which cameras had been set up for me to talk along the street. I was co-hosting with Ryan Seacrest which was really unbelievable. He had interviewed Harry and me in the prime of our relationship, but being able to sit around and get to actually know him outside of the studio was something else. He was a completely genuine and his relaxed demeanor was the only thing keeping slightly calm.

I followed the crew member leading me back up towards the main stage where Ryan was already waiting. We had about 30 secrets before we were live again, giving us time to chit chat.

“Decide on who’s getting that midnight kiss yet?” he chuckled as I joined his side.

“Probably the back of my hand.” I laughed, shrugging.

“I’m sure you’ll figure it out. You have less than an hour now though.” He laughed with me.

“Yeah, right.” I rolled my eyes, as they cued us to get ready.

We waited for the countdown, 3…2…1.

“And we’re back with more New Year’s Rockin’ Eve, live from Times Square!” Ryan beamed into his mic. “Now for those of you just tuning in, we’ve had an incredible night with more excitement to come!”

“Yes! That’s right, we have a performance by Demi Lovato, and a much anticipated return to the stage from One Direction!”

“Now, earlier we were talking about our new year resolutions and what we plan to accomplish this year, Spencer what’s going on for you?” Ryan smiled over at me.

“You know, I’m just going to try to make more time for myself and maybe some more time for romance.” I giggled, wiggling my eyebrows. “What about you?”

“I definitely like the idea of having more time for myself, but I’m going to try and stick to my diets and workout more. Personal health is on the top of my list.”

“I might need to add that my list of resolutions.” I laughed along with him.

“Instead of boring people with what we want to change about ourselves, why don’t we get back to the stage behind us?”

“Yes! Here to sing some of her fan favorites, ladies and gentlemen, give it up for…”

“DEMI LOVATO!” Ryan and I shouted in unison.

We stayed still for a minute until we were given the all clear to move. I let out a breath I didn’t even know I was holding in. Someone came over our earpieces mumbling about One Direction being prepped to go on next. I waited for Ryan to exit our stage first, following him down the steps.

“Miss McMichael, we’re going to need you on street level after this performance is over. You have approximately fifteen minutes to go inside quickly. We’ll call you when we need you out here.” A crew member said as I made my way inside.

I needed to sit and I needed coffee. I was cold, tired and sore. This week had been filled with rehearsals and a lot of prep work. I was definitely going to sleep well tonight, after we went out of course. I made my way over to the coffee only to be bear hugged from behind as I tried to dump my sugar in.

“Guess who?” a voice I would instantly recognize at any moment said into my ear.

“Hmmmm? Could it be…Niall?” I joked, spinning around to hug him.

“How’s hosting? Ya look good!” he laughed as he pulled away.

“It’s fucking exhausting.” I answered honestly. “Are you guys ready for your big moment?”

“As we’ll ever be!” he smiled big.

“Nervous for your ‘kinda’ girlfriend to watch you perform for the first time?” I wiggled my eyebrows at him as I air quoted kinda.

“I’m working on that being a real thing. I just want it to be right.” He sighed.

“I don’t think she has an issue with what’s happening right now honestly.” I shrugged turning back around to finish making my coffee, I was on a time schedule.

“I know, but I do like her, just so ya know.” a red blush appear across his cheeks as we made our way over to the rest of the group.

“Spencer! Doing a proper job out there!” Louis yelled, seemingly already intoxicated.

“Thanks Louis, really appreciate it.” I smiled over at him as I plopped myself in between Harry and Zayn, a place I’m now realizing I find myself all too often, but never with positive payout. “Are you guys ready? What are you even singing?”

“A new one.” Zayn wagged his eyebrows.

“And two old ones.” Harry groaned.

“Why the long face Styles?” I cupped my hand around his pout, causing everyone to laugh.

“I’m tired of singing ‘What Makes You Beautiful’, that’s all.” he said shrugging out of my grip.

“Honestly, yeah.” Liam added. “But of course the fans go mad for it.”

A voice rang through my earpiece as another crew member came into to get me. “Well, good luck out there, don’t forget the words.”

“Yeah, see you after!” the lot smiled back at me as I made my way out back into the cold, pulling my coat tighter around me.



“What a wonderful return performance from One Direction!” I smiled as the camera panned back in on me. “We’re just getting closer to the ball drop and to a great new year! Everyone got their midnight kiss ready?”

I was stationed on ground level by the barricades swarmed with fans. I was beginning to feel a little somber. The boys were on stage with Ryan and the other performers, and I was stuck surrounded by millions of people I didn’t know. I wasn’t going to have a midnight kiss, something I was okay with but it still made me sad. I tried to keep my cheery expression plastered on my face as I made my way over to the crowd. My eyes landed on a sickeningly cute couple.

“Hey! Would you guys mind if I asked you a couple questions?” I smiled, approaching the pair.

“Oh my god, yes yes yes that’s fine!” the perky blonde all but exploded in front of me.

“Awesome! Well I’m Spencer, so glad you guys could make it out here, what are your names?”

The TV was currently on Ryan, giving me the time to chit chat and get a feel for the people I would be talking to. I liked asking the average who, what, when, why, questions before going on camera just in case someone was too obnoxious or drunk. It also gave the crew time to make captions to put along with the feed on the TV.

“I’m Jessica!” The blonde smiled.

“And I’m Tyler.” The boy smiled, not nearly as excited as his partner.

“Well Tyler, Jessica it’s very nice to meet you! Where are you from, how old are you guys?” I questioned, the pair appeared to be younger.

“I’m 21 and Tyler just turned 23.” Okay so older than I thought, but still good genes are good genes. “And we’re from right outside of Atlanta.”

“Atlanta! That’s a bit of a drive, huh? Or did you fly here?” I couldn’t imagine being in a car for that long, let alone with your significant other.

“Yeah, we drove. Took us about 15 hours.” An unenthused Tyler answered.

“Props to you guys! That’s crazy.”

I heard a voice come over the earpiece letting me know it was almost time to pan back to me. Jessica was talking about the drive while I listened to the message in my ear. The crew was ready, all I needed was to hone this girl in.

“And we get to do it all again on the way back, I’m so excited!” Jessica smiled eagerly at me.

“Wow that’s really cool. I’m excited for you!” I smiled back trying to match her enthusiasm. “So we’re almost ready to go on air down here, I’m just going to introduce you guys, smile and wave for the camera when I do, and then I’ll just ask a couple easy questions for you guys to answer, try not to swear or say anything too inappropriate and voila, you’re on Dick Clarks Rockin New Year’s Eve!”

“I’m nervous.” Jessica giggled into Tyler’s shoulder.

“Don’t be! This is exciting and fun, just pretend you’re talking to me, your old friend Spencer.” I smirked, trying to lighten the mood as another voice popped into my ear. The light on the camera came on signaling it was time.

“Ready in 3…2…” my cameraman counted, letting me know we were live.

“Welcome back to street level, I’m Spencer McMichael and I’m standing here with my new friends, Jessica and Tyler, all the way from Atlanta!” they were doing just as I asked, beaming from cheek to cheek and waving away. “What brings you guys all the way to Times Square to ring in the New Year?”

“I mean it’s New York City on New Year’s Eve, does it get any better?!” Jessica looked up at Tyler.

“We’ve been talking about it for a couple years now, and finally we just did it.” he shrugged.

“Well good for you guys, this place is electric right now! What are your plans going into the New Year? Trying to make any big changes this year?” I smiled, leaning the mic back over the couple.

“Well, we just recently got engaged, so we have a wedding to plan.” Jessica started but I cut her off, not trying to interrupt but couldn’t help myself.

“Engaged?! That is so amazing, congratulations you two! Wedding planning will definitely bring a change, huh?”

“Yeah, we’re pretty excited, I’m happy to have found her.” Tyler smiled down at Jessica, showing the first bit of enthusiasm yet.

“I’m very lucky.” Jessica smiled back up at him.

“Well we’re minutes away from the ball drop, it’s awesome you guys made it all the way here to share this moment with us!” I turned away slightly, not wanting the couple to think I was completely done with them. “Ryan, what a wild time we’re having down here! What’s going on with you on the main stage?”

The light of the camera went off signaling the focus had switched back to Ryan. The voice in my ear started again, letting me know the next time I would be on camera, in two minutes, would be for the ball drop. I let the crew member with me, I would be in spot on time, I just wanted to say a few more things to Jessica and Tyler.

“Hey guys, seriously congrats, I wish you all the best!” I beamed with joy for the two, if I couldn’t have a happy new year, I’m glad someone else could.

“Awe well thank you, we appreciate it.” Jessica said, voice turning shy she continued. “Uh, do you maybe think we could grab a picture with you?”

“Oh of course, we gotta be quick, I gotta run to another spot, but absolutely.”

I moved as close to the gate as I possibly could as Tyler held out the phone for our selfie. I put on my best ‘can we get a picture’ smile and posed. As I was pulling away to say my goodbyes, Jessica said something that caught me completely off guard.

“I enjoyed following you more when you dated Harry.”

My head whipped around as fast as it could, facing a now terrified looking Jessica. She started to back pedal when she noticed my expression, but before she could form a real word I smiled. I decided to let it go, I was probably way more fun and posted way cooler things when I dated Harry. Pete and I were comfortable with our financial status, but we never did any fun traveling or cute couple things.

“I probably was.” I shrugged, watching Jessica open and close her mouth. “Enjoy your selfie.”

I walked away, honestly a little flustered. On the outside, I looked calm and collected. On the inside, I was not. Her comment surfaced everything that I had been thinking about dealing with Harry. Am I settling with Pete? Am I having fun with Pete? Is Pete honestly my soulmate, my forever? I didn’t really know the answer to any of these questions. We were still going on a vacation with a few other of our couple friends, it still needed planned but that was the first thing on my agenda in the New Year. Make more time for romance.

I continued my way to the next X I was needed at. It was 2 minutes until the ball dropped. It was 2 minutes until everyone around me was as happy as a clam. I was preparing my game face, when I was told we were at 30 seconds. I was supposed to just celebrate with those around me and keep the smiles going. They were just going to flip back and forth between me and Ryan and the guests on the main stage. 10 seconds.

“ARE YOU READY NEW YORK CITY?!” I beamed into my mic, looking around at the crowd surrounding me. “7, 6, 5 seconds, everyone get those lips ready, 2… 1!! HAPPY NEW YEAR!”

Auld Lang Syne began to play in the background as I took in the scene around me. I was smiling, trying to hide my disappointment. It seemed like nearly everyone had a midnight kiss. It was hard to be too bitter though, I knew my friends were having the time of their lives, and this was a beyond incredible experience. I heard the voice in my ear say my name, making me want to roll my eyes.

“Spencer, dear, turn around.” The voice instructed me. Okay, weird request but I do as I’m told.

As I spun around, ready for whatever they needed me to do next, I nearly fainted. Right in front of me, stood the man I wanted most in this moment with a bouquet of red roses. I rushed over to him, jumping into his clutch, wrapping my legs around his waist. I planted a solid kiss on his mouth, causing him to break into a smile. I pulled back, still being supported by him, tucking a stray hair behind my ear.

“What are you doing here, Pete?” I couldn’t believe it.

“You were right, this is where I need to be. I’m sorry I wasn’t here from the start.” he set me down in one swift motion, handing the flowers to me. “Can you find it in your heart to forgive your jackass boyfriend?”

“Let me think about it…” I tapped my finger to my chin. “Kiss me again and all can be forgotten.”

He kissed me like we weren’t in a crowd, surrounded by millions of people. He kissed me like we were back on our first date all over again. He kissed me with more passion than I have felt from him in a long time. At this moment, I didn’t care who was watching and how many gossip channels would report on this very rare public display of affection. Pete was my forever, I didn’t need to worry.

As the show ended and we were herded back to the warming room, I couldn’t wipe a genuine smile off of my face. I saw Niall and Lily smooching in the corner, Louis was on facetime with Emily, due to conflicting schedules, and Liam and Rachel were snuggled up together on a couch. Zayn was no one where to be seen, but that’s the norm with him. I turned the corner to gather my belongings letting my friends enjoy their moments. I was excited to go party with my friends, but first, I needed to strip down my very handsome, very thoughtful boyfriend.

Pete said he’d wait with the guys for me to get my things, saying something about wanting to catch up quick. I opened the door to a holding room, surprised to see Harry sitting on one of the couches.

“Oh, uh hi.” He muttered looking away quickly.

“Hey happy New Year, Harry.” I tried my best to keep my emotions neutral.

I literally just had a guy fly across the country to surprise me, there was no more questioning. This was life now.

“Yeah, same to you.” he said, tipping his half drank cup towards me. I was willing to bet, it wasn’t just water. “I saw pretty flew in to save the day.”

“Uh, yeah. Pete ended up coming after all.” I looked anywhere but into Harry’s eyes.

“Whoop-tee-shit.” He finished his cup, standing up to face me. “I hope this year bring you eternal happiness.”

“Obviously, I want the best for you too, Harry.” I rolled my eyes as he closed the space between us.

“Obviously,” he mocked, “You don’t, or you wouldn’t still be with that bastard.”

With that, he shoved past me going in the door I had just come from. I stood still, unable to process what had just happened. Clearly, he was intoxicated. He definitely was just talking nonsense, there was probably no meaning behind his words. However, that wasn’t going to stop me from overthinking them for the next few weeks.

Why wasn’t anything easy when I came to Harry? Why wasn’t anything easy when it came to life? Especially mine.

Notes

hey everyone, or whoever still thinks this is relevant enough to keep checking....

i know it's been like a year since i've posted but i've gone through some shit....don't asking for pity or making excuses, just being real.

anyways, heres a new chapter and plenty more to come after this....i'm on a roll now!!

even if no one continues to read, i will still post. i plan on finishing this no matter what..it's my baby after all.
much love xx
i_heart_1D