Nothing Without Love

Josie's POV


So here we are. Sitting in a round table booth, coupled up. I'm so tired of this ruse. Its just this sudden, overwhelming feeling that all I can think of is how I'll hurt these people that didn't do anything to me. And how I'm hurting myself. Hurting myself because I know I have trapped feelings for Louis. I'm not an idiot, I understand whats going on with me. I like Louis. I've gotten to know him from this plan we've made and I just need to get away before I find myself in too deep. It's hard.

Just one fucked up plan. I lean my head back as Stan and Louis take another shot. Sam is looking anxious as she keeps checking her phone. What kind of friend is Louis? I examine their relationship as I swirl my drink around on the table. Its my third but I've been drinking slow so it's just making me more angry then relaxed. What kind of twenty-eight year old creates this plan? This plan to trick his best friend into believing he's happy with his life? But what kind of person am I who just goes along with everything? I'm not twelve anymore. This is so juvenile.

I roll my eyes at my thoughts and try to shake out of it. It's almost over, I tell myself over and over again. It will be fine. I plaster a smile on my face as Stan and Louis down yet another shot. I swear that's like maybe six or seven drinks? I haven't been the best of company as I've been lost in my thoughts of self pity.

Or other people pity, if that's even a thing. I don't really think it is, at least not the correct vocabulary. Ah shut up Josie.

I take a moment to look around the club, or wherever we are. We all shared a fantastic dinner. This little place I've never heard of that Stan found with the help of his phone. Some place that looked like a dive bomb turned out to be amazing. We ate at the back, an outside place with sand on the ground as floor. I didn't even wear my shoes. There was a fire pit, we laughed, we had two bottles of wine, probably one of the reason I'm not in a rush to drink so much right now. I enjoyed a quiet conversation, we all acted like old friends, like I haven't just met them two days ago.

Then the boys wanted to have fun, so we came here. I feel like they're trying to relive their olden glory days, before they got “old”. I feel good about not being here, I laugh to myself as that doesn't really make a lot of sense. But looking around I just feel old. An old 25? Young women at the bar pounding on the counter, yelling and clapping for their friend buying and taking shots. The one with long blonde curly hair has a white sash over her short dress, I can't read the sash but one can assume it's because she's getting married. The ones howling at her must be her bridesmaids and friends. They all look so young. I can't imagine finding someone I want to marry at 21. But I didn't find someone when I was 21 so I wouldn't understand. Another couple fighting with each other at the end of the bar, he looks upset, shoulders drooped, nursing his beer. She looks just pissed, lips pursed, eyes glared, I can only imagine what is going on in their brains.

I prefer people watching to be honest.

Then all the people dancing to awful techno remixed music. Sweaty, clothes slinging to their bodies. Some of them look like they're finally feeling free, others I've never seen so uncomfortable. This place seems to have a common theme, finding some sort of love, some sort of something. If not love for life, love for the night.

I can sense some sort of anguish across the table, Sam frantically looking at her phone, she hasn't been much for conversation since we left dinner. The sitter seemed really sweet, she's from the area and some friends that Louis has in the area recommended her. But I'm sure leaving your child, even though he was already asleep, is never easy. I mean, Niall and Erica did background checks on plenty of people before they even offered them an interview.

“Are you all right, dear?” Stan's voice raises slightly and I turn to pay attention to them as I haven't yet. You can see their love and admiration in their slight interaction. Louis, sitting next to me, leans back a little, resting his head on the booth cushion. He seems tired.

“Yeah, I'm just feeling like we need to get back. It's been a few hours and I'm feeling a bit anxious.” She revealed, looking sheepish almost like she feels like she should be embarrassed but that's her baby, I don't think I could ever leave my son of daughter if I ever had one. I force a smile to try to calm her nerves.

“All right, we'll head out then.” Stan smiles at her as she starts to scoot out of their side, he follows suite.

“We should go then too.” I turn to Louis and smile. Just keeping up the game, I tell myself over and over again. It will be over before I know it, and I'll probably never see Stan and Sam again. I'm sure if they ever found out they wouldn't want me around anyway. Best friends always forgive each other, other person, not so much. If Ophelia pulled this I'd laugh in her face and then we'd go shopping.

“No, I think we should stay for a little bit longer.” Louis tells me and I can feel my face change and my shoulders drop. Not what I wanted to hear. I enjoy sweatpants and sleeping, not dresses and drinking. I feel a slight shove from Louis and I snap my head in his direction. “Come on, lighten up, this is fun!” I can tell he's had more than his share of drinks and the last thing I want to do is hang out with a drunk guy. I babysat when I was a teenager.

“We'll see you two later, don't be too loud when you come back!” Stan shouts over his shoulder as he places his hand on Sam's lower back and I find myself jealous of them. They've found the ting that everyone wants. Even if someone doesn't say it, in the end everyone just wants love.

So here we are. Damn, I'm depressing lately. I rest my elbow on the table and leave my hand to hold up my head. I just need to have fun. Louis catches my eye as he looks uncomfortable, leaning back and wiping his hands on his jean thighs. I remember when he used to wear pants so tight it was insane. I remember seeing pictures of him, it looked like he would have to cut himself out of his jeans, and his vans always looked like flippers coming out of his skinny legs. Thankfully jeans have gotten a little bigger since then. Not a lot, but enough that his legs didn't look like toothpicks and flippers.

I laugh to myself at my sudden hilarity.

“Whatcha thinking about?” He smiles at me and I decided to be truthful.

“When your legs used to look like toothpicks and your feet like flippers in your extremely tight jeans.” I say it so seriously that even Louis cracks a smile at my admission.

“Hey, those jeans were in style.” He defends himself.

“I also remember they were always black, or you were dressed head to toe in Adidas.” Some other images come to mind the more I think of it. “We're you getting paid to wear their clothes?” I ask honestly.

“No, I just really like Adidas. They have good style.” He pulls at his t-shirt and it has me wondering how much Adidas he actually owns. It wouldn't surprise me if he has a full closet.

“They're t-shirts and sweatpants with three lines on them somewhere.” I narrow my eyes, not saying that I don't like Adidas, just find it funny that he thinks they're so stylish. They're for working out and lounging.

“Whatever. You're probably a Nike fan.”

“Ah! God forbid it!” I clutch my chest and feign distress.

“There she is! Josie is back everyone!” He speaks loudly to no one and flashes a bright smile at me and I can't help but grin and look away. “What's going on in your brain? You haven't been acting like my pretend girlfriend all night!” He's trying to prod and I just know it. Not like it will matter because he's drunk, he won't remember in the morning.

“Just waiting for us to break up so we can get on with it.” I tell him truthfully. No sense in lying and just telling him I'm tired. I've always hated those girls, the ones that have real stuff going on and they'll just say everything is fine so they can move on with it.

“Ah cheer up! Who says were breaking up? You never know Josie, maybe I've taken a liking to you.” He slides next to me, his face coy as he seems to have a secret hidden behind his eyes. I cannot fall for this charm of his, my recent mantra. I roll my eyes dramatically as to change the subject.

“Oh look, she's really pretty, she's been eying you all night.” I nudge his attention to the girl at the bar that just won't quit looking at him. It's rather annoying if you ask me. “You should go to talk to her.” I suggest, half heartily as I hope he doesn't take the bait and just stays with me. Funny, I don't want him to go but I know if he stays my gig will be up.

“Ah, I don't think so.” My heart feels like it will leap out of my chest at any moment with his admission. He's watching me to see my reaction, I can feel it.

“I dare you.” I raise my eyes and look over at the young brunette yet again who is literally gawking at Louis, swirling her drink straw around her tongue.

“Well, guess I can't back down now.” He winks at me as he starts to scoot and I realize my mistake. He's not a novice in these matters, he knows exactly what he's doing and what chess piece to move next. And I know exactly how to play this game.

Notes

Happily enough, this didn't take me eight months to update! :) I really want to finish this by the time summer is up! A small request, I must have updated at the wrong time as in one hour I got five new votes, no new subscriptions but I was majorly down voted. If you haven't, I'd love my 10 back. Just happy who ever did it didn't go after my other stories...not that it hasn't happened in the past.

Hopefully you all enjoy this chapter update! LOVE all the comments, they're my favorite to read, and welcome to all the new readers, love having you!

Have a fantastic summer day...I've been eaten alive by bugs lately so I'm just trying not to itch. Bug spray is a must at my summer job now. :)

xoxoxo

P.S. Shout out to @not_any_maryjane for supporting me through my absense and encouraging me to write again!