Nothing Without Love

Josie's POV

I wake up groggy. Still annoyed with Louis and waking me up this morning. I mean, I understand his gesture to let me know but I also know that he knows I'd rather be sleeping. Plus after he left I was up for almost an hour thinking about everything. I literally over think everything, every small little detail. It's an annoying habit of mine.

How is it that every man that has ever called me baby I want to chop them into little bits but the more Louis does it the more I want to hear it? I sound like a love sick damsel but it's the truth. The way I catch him looking at me when he says it makes my heart beat faster. And at the same time I hate it because I know when this is over, we'll just be two people again. Two people who pretended for a minute.

I stretch in bed, looking at my phone and realizing that it's past nine. I'm usually one to wake up early but the sounds of the waves crashing in all night, the big comfy bed, I've gotten lost in rest. Plus I never get to sleep in as every weekend I'm at the gym helping my dad. I flip the covers back and climb out. Stan and Louis are gone so that means Sam and Davis are around here somewhere. I like Sam. Sometimes when you're forced to share a space with someone you don't know it doesn't really work but she seems pretty cool. And I love little kids so Davis is okay in my book. I throw my hair up in a high bun, brush my teeth, and slip my flip flops on, taking the steps two at a time. When I don't see anyone in the small kitchen/living room area I quickly check out front and see that Sam's rental car is still there.

When I hear laughter I turn and see that Davis and Sam have taken to playing in the sand outside. I take my time preparing some cinnamon sugar toast and chocolate milk, letting the slight breeze from the open door wake me up. I'm a bit of a bear when I don't get food in me, I wouldn't be a nice person if I didn't at least have something in me after an hour.

I brush the crumbs off my lap and fingers and slip my shoes off to visit with Sam and Davis in the sand. The sand isn't too hot against my feet, thankfully because wearing flip flops in the sand kicks up all sorts of crap on my legs and my feet get sandy anyway.

“Morning sunshine!” Sam looks up and smiles at me as she's sitting behind Davis in the sand.

“Sorry I'm up so late.” I excuse myself and plop on the sand, picking up some of Davis' sand toys and messing around with them.

“Oh God no, I would love to sleep in every day, hell, I'd probably still be sleeping if I was you.” She laughs as she lays back on the beach towel, covering her eyes with her hand. Davis is happy flinging sand around with his toy shovels, giggling and smiling from ear to ear.

“But you love being a mom?” I ask.

“It's the best job I've ever had.” She tousles his hair and kisses his cheek. “He's so much work and I'm so tired at the end of the day but he's the best. And his dad helps out all the time so I really can't complain.” I watch as a slight smile comes across her face as if she's thinking of something, some secret that she doesn't want to share. “You and Louis are pretty cute.” I was literally waiting for something along the lines of Louis, I mean it's one of the things we have in common, Louis.

“Ah thanks.” I know I'm already blushing but I'm seriously hoping that the sun will somehow hide this. I hate this rouse were pulling on his friend and wife. I'm not one to lie. I think it's a vile and disgusting trait that people do to others and here I am, playing along with it like it's no big deal. Like everything is okay. I mean, what will happen when they find out? If they find out, Louis said that he'll just tell them that we broke up but I'll feel terrible if they know it was all fake. I mean, maybe one day Louis will get drunk and spill everything to Stan. What will they think of me? I try to brush the thoughts aside and pay attention to Davis and his random screams.

I half listen to conversation with Sam about how he's never been to a beach this warm before, well one that he actually gets to play in because the other times he was too young to mess around in the sand.

“How did you meet Stan?” I ask, I actually blurt the question out but it's a legitimate question as I don't know if it would be a topic of conversation between Louis and I.

“Oh I just love telling this story. I was at a huge music festival in England with all my best girlfriends and I saw him, thought he was perfect but I was pulled away by my friend who wanted to see a band preforming. Then I kind of forgot about him, so many people attend this festival and so much was going on that I just let it go and enjoyed my time with everyone. We were all at that awkward stage in life that some of my friends were in serious relationships, one was already married, a few were single, we were just all over the map.” She laughs. “I'm getting off track. So yeah, it was getting dark and so one of my friends had brought a glow in the dark Frisbee, we were messing around with it, I was terrible at catching and it kept hitting this tent so after I think the third time I went over and apologized, low and behold, Stan was the one getting out of the tent. And that was it, we chatted for hours and were basically inseparable until well, right now.”

“You don't ever get sick of him?” I ask.

“I do. I really do.” She brushes sand of of Davis' hand and kisses it, he's so engrossed in his sand toys that he doesn't seem to care what I do at all. “But you know, when you first get together with someone it's all butterflies and nervous feelings and that goes away eventually. But it's replaced by the need to feel safe. It's all making sense in my mind. But just knowing that Stan is there, like I feel instantly better when he comes home, when he crawls into bed, when he hugs me. They last longer because they're more meaningful.” She looks up towards the sunny sky and smiles. I can't help but feel a twinge of jealousy. I think everyone wants that. Everyone wants that person they can rely on for the rest of their life. I'm jealous that Sam has gotten that with Stan. I want that with someone. Louis and I get along, but we can't have that, he doesn't want that. I can hide as many butterflies as much as possible but I know it's not the same for him. This is all an act for him.

“You know, Louis looks at you like I've never seen.” My body gets a tingly feeling at her words.

“He's just being nice.” I try to brush it off.

“Don't say that. It's the truth. I've known Louis for close to three years and he's not like this towards other women. In fact, no offense, he usually just jumps from one bed to the next. It's nice to see that he's finally relaxed and found someone he can be happy with.” I've known about Louis past, it's hard to avoid, everyone knows about how Louis got drunk a lot, got high a lot, and had too much fun in hotel rooms. But that was “before” me so it wasn't really any of my concern. I can't fixate on something that I can't change.

“Well I just don't like to get my hopes up. I mean we've only been together for six months so I don't want to assume anything beyond dating will happen.” I shrug, leaning back on the sand.

“It's understandable, but it's okay to get excited for something, anything.” Davis starts to get a little fussy and she stands to pick him up. “I think this little man is already ready for a nap and some milk!” She smiles at me and I just want to sit here a little longer. Surprisingly enough not a lot of people are out and about yet. I do see some surfers taking on waves but they're not very big yet. A few people running with their dogs on leashes, other reading books. But a lot of the noise is just nature, just the waves.

I already know I've got my hopes up with it comes to Louis. I try so hard to guard myself, to not let myself get excited about this situation I'm in. Who in their right mind lets themselves get into this kind of situation anyway. What kind of a twenty-five year old fake dates someone just because they ask and you get a free trip to San Diego. It's San Diego. I can go whenever I want. I sit up and rest my head on my knees, feeling incredibly stupid.

“Would you like to join me for a delicious meal of processed mac and cheese?” Sam yells from the patio.

“Ohhh!” I exclaim as I pull our towels up and shake out the sand.

“I'm an awful cook, it's about all I can do and I'm starving, even though it's only half past ten.” I'm not one to turn down a good old mac and cheese.

“I'd love to.” I smile and skip up the steps, meeting her at the door. I'm going to live up this friendship now as I know that soon, when Sam finds out she'll find me a disgusting excuse of a person.

Notes

So please excuse my eight month absence. I'm absolutely awful about updating here (I would say lately, but lately is like a month..not eight!). Good news is that I got a new computer so hopefully it will make things easier to type, write, upload, the whole nine yards! And it's finally summer so no more studying and exams! I'm hoping to upload two chapters today...then I need to get to writing as it's been so long!!

Have a great day!!
xoxo