Change
~Chapter 4~
Nera's Outfit
Dear Diary,
It's been exactly a week since the party. Exactly one week since Paul and I became an official couple. It's been exactly one week since Paul and I left behind our title as a pair of best friends and became an "item".
Paul is so perfect. He's dreamy and kind and hilarious. I feel safe with him. He gives me a sense of security. I know he loves me and that he would never leave me.
Despite the fact that Paul should be the best thing that ever happened to me, I can't stop thinking about Harry. I don't think he's bad. He and I were both drunk that night and I was urging him on. I know that if I had asked him to stop, he would have.
I should be happy with Paul. But the thing is… I'm constantly craving more. The passion that Harry poured into our kisses… It was unlike anything I've ever experienced before. It was driven by fire and heat and it felt as if we were tied together by an electric current. I haven't felt that with anyone else.
I know that I should be happy with Paul. And for the most part, I am. But I need to experience that passionate sensation, the one filled with danger and electricity. I don't know how or if I'm going to do it yet. I constantly ask myself "Do I have the guts to be with Harry Styles?"
I just don't know if I can do it. But I know that I do have to try.
xoxo
Nera
"Hello beautiful." Paul's voice said, startling me.
Snapping my diary closed, I whirled around, taking in his beautiful features. His face was so amazingly structured, like an angel from heaven. His hair was tousled and still wet from the shower. He was shirtless, his abs bulging and his skin rippling over his muscles. Snapping out my haze, I smiled at him, walking into his waiting arms.
"Hi." I replied, nuzzling my nose into his bare chest and breathing in his warm scent.
"I hate to say this, but I have to get going soon. We've got filming." Paul said, sighing and rubbing tiny circles on my bare shoulder with his thumb.
"No!" I exclaimed, my voice muffled by his strong chest. "Don't go!"
"I'll only be gone two weeks. Then I can come home." Paul replied, pulling away from me slightly so he could look me in the eyes. "I promise that I won't forget about you."
"Well I would hope not." I teased, biting my lip and batting my eyelashes. "After all, there are very special rewards for vampires that work hard."
"Mhm." He said, laughing and leaning in to kiss me, his lips gently working their way down my neck, making me moan with pleasure. He gently nibbled at the delicate skin under my jawline, his warm breath tickling me. "You need to be careful. I might just have to take a… bite out of you."
Laughing, I lightly punched him in the stomach, enjoying our easy teasing.
"I'm sure I wouldn't mind." I replied, removing myself from his comforting arms and handing him his black t-shirt. "Now get out of here. You're gonna miss your flight."
I watched as he pulled the shirt over his head, the fabric stretching over his muscular shoulders. His jeans fit him snuggly and his black leather jacket contrasted nicely with his skin.
"Ok. I gotta go. Bye." He said, giving me a small kiss on the cheek. "I'll see you in two weeks. Stay out of trouble while I'm gone."
Winking at me, he waved, heading out the door, his black converse allowing him to move silently on the hardwood floors.
"Bye!" I called out as he entered the elevator, waving at him.
"Bye Nera!" He replied, the chrome doors shutting in his face, carrying him away from me.
Sighing, I collapsed onto my bed, my body sinking into the soft pillows and duvet. Closing my eyes, I slowly began drifting off to sleep, my breathing becoming heavier. Suddenly, the buzzer rang, indicating that someone wanted to come up.
"Miss Depp?" The voice of my building's doorman, Frank, said from the intercom.
"Yes?"
"There is a man here to see you. I recognize him from the party. He says he left something in your penthouse." Frank said, sounding vaguely unsure.
"Send him up Frank." I said, sighing as I stood up to greet whoever it was at the elevator.
"Yes Miss Depp."
A minute later, the elevator doors opened with a "ding" revealing Harry. His hair was a mess and he was wearing sweatpants and a baggy hoodie. Black sunglasses were still perched on his nose as he entered my living room, his eyes finding me sitting on the couch, my mouth open with shock.
"Hello love." He said, whipping off his sunglasses and glaring at me, his emerald eyes burning. "What do you say we chat?"
"Here you go." I said, pouring some coffee into Harry's mug. "Anything else I can get you?"
"No, thank you. This is plenty." He replied, his eyes carefully watching my every nervous movement.
Sitting down across from him, I shakily sipped my coffee, burning my tongue and wincing slightly.
"What is it you wanted to talk about?" I asked, crossing my legs under me.
"Well, I wanted to apologize, about the night of the party."
I opened my mouth to object, but he cut me off.
"Let me talk." He said, setting his mug down on the coffee table and sinking into the pillows of my living room couch. "First off, I want to let you know that I would never have taken advantage of you. I would have stopped if you had asked… but you weren't exactly giving me any cues of that. Second, I was drunk and so were you. That isn't an excuse, but it definitely brought out our dirty behavior. I can't make any excuses for what I did. I knew it was wrong, kissing you like that. After all, we've only met a handful of times and you weren't sober enough to realize what you were doing. I should have stopped. Honestly, I'm glad your friend came in when he did. I'm not so happy about him beating the shit out of me, but I healed. Now I'm here… to help heal you."
Harry leaned in, covering the distance between us quickly as he took my hands and gazed deeply into my eyes.
"I am so so sorry Nera. I can't stress to you enough how sorry I am. I took things too quickly with you. You aren't the type of girl that should be treated that way. I missed my chance. I came to your party that night thinking that I wanted to ask you on a date, a proper one, not hook up with you. When I asked for Taylor, I did it because she knows where I live when I'm in Manhattan. She was the only person at that party that knew. I shouldn't have asked for you to get her. That was extremely insensitive of me. All I really wanted to do was win your heart. And now, I even blew that chance, because your dating Paul and I respect that. I don't cheat with people. It's not right and now I can't have you as mine because I really really messed up."
Harry sighed, taking his hands away from mine and running his fingers through his dark curls.
"I just wanted to apologize. I'm sorry. I really am. I hope you're happy with Paul. He's a good guy."
Harry stood to go, tucking his hands in the pockets of his sweatpants and making his way towards the elevator, his head hanging low and a look of defeat imprinted on his face.
"Wait!" I called out, scampering over to him and grabbing his arm. "There's no one here with me. My dad and Paul are gone. I really hate eating alone. Do you wanna have dinner?"
Harry turned around, surprise registering on his face.
"I would love too. I can't think of a more splendid way to spend my last night in Manhattan."
"Great!" I said, taking his hand and leading him into the kitchen. "Then you, sir, get to help me cook.
Laugher filled the kitchen as Harry and I stood at the island, chopping onions and bell peppers together. We had been shooting puns back and forth at each other as we cooked, sautéing the vegetables in a pan with the rice noodles and peanut sauce. Our pad thai was cooking nicely and by this point, the only thing that needed to be cooked was the nan.
"What temperature do I cook the nan on? I don't know how!" I asked, looking at the packet.
"Oh come on Nera! A good baker will rise to the occasion, I mean, it's the yeast you can do." Harry said, throwing another pun into his sentence.
"Oh! Good one Mr. Smooth!" I said, finally locating the cooking directions on the packet, imprinted in tiny font at the bottom of the page.
Ten minutes later, Harry and I sat in my TV room, piles of rice, pad thai, and nan on our plates.
"Seriously, where did you get all of those amazing cooking puns?" I asked, poking him with my fork.
"You forget that before I got famous I worked in a bakery. We traded those things back in forth all day, the ladies and I." Harry said, a shadow appearing in his eyes when he mentioned the bakery.
"Ah! So you're a pun wizard!"
Harry chuckled and shrugged.
"What do you wanna watch?" I asked, flicking through Netflix.
"How about we watch your TV show? The one of you as a mermaid." Harry said, smiling at me goofily, strands of noodles hanging out of his mouth.
Laughing, I shook my head.
"We can't watch that. I hate watching myself act. Especially back then. I was an awful actress." I said, blushing as I remembered those days on set.
"I disagree! We are gonna watch it!" Harry exclaimed, grabbing the remote from my hand and selecting H2O, the opening credits rolling.
"Harry!" I said, groaning as my face appeared on screen, my torso attached to an orange mermaid tail.
"Wow…" Harry said, pausing the episode. "I didn't realize you all actually wore legitimate tails. What was that like? Were they comfortable?"
I stared at him, shocked. Not many people asked me questions about my times filming H2O.
"Well… They were awful at first. It was like I was caged. I can only bend my legs in the tail, and that's just enough to propel myself forward. We all hated them at first, the girls and I. But then, they began to feel like a part of us. It was so amazing, swimming under the water like that. I felt like an actual mermaid. I learned to love it."
"That sounds so peaceful." Harry said, staring at me. "Tell me more."
So I did. We stayed there, talking and eating. I lost track of time, becoming enveloped in the magical world of mermaids and fairies and myths. We talked about our hopes and dreams and what we had imagined life would be like, when we were kids. We talked about our lives now and our lives then. We talked about our triumphs and our regrets. We talked about life and during that time we were talking, I forgot that we were famous. I forgot that we were never alone. I forgot about my life, and I simply enjoyed him. And it was the best feeling on earth.
Dear Diary,
It's been exactly a week since the party. Exactly one week since Paul and I became an official couple. It's been exactly one week since Paul and I left behind our title as a pair of best friends and became an "item".
Paul is so perfect. He's dreamy and kind and hilarious. I feel safe with him. He gives me a sense of security. I know he loves me and that he would never leave me.
Despite the fact that Paul should be the best thing that ever happened to me, I can't stop thinking about Harry. I don't think he's bad. He and I were both drunk that night and I was urging him on. I know that if I had asked him to stop, he would have.
I should be happy with Paul. But the thing is… I'm constantly craving more. The passion that Harry poured into our kisses… It was unlike anything I've ever experienced before. It was driven by fire and heat and it felt as if we were tied together by an electric current. I haven't felt that with anyone else.
I know that I should be happy with Paul. And for the most part, I am. But I need to experience that passionate sensation, the one filled with danger and electricity. I don't know how or if I'm going to do it yet. I constantly ask myself "Do I have the guts to be with Harry Styles?"
I just don't know if I can do it. But I know that I do have to try.
xoxo
Nera
"Hello beautiful." Paul's voice said, startling me.
Snapping my diary closed, I whirled around, taking in his beautiful features. His face was so amazingly structured, like an angel from heaven. His hair was tousled and still wet from the shower. He was shirtless, his abs bulging and his skin rippling over his muscles. Snapping out my haze, I smiled at him, walking into his waiting arms.
"Hi." I replied, nuzzling my nose into his bare chest and breathing in his warm scent.
"I hate to say this, but I have to get going soon. We've got filming." Paul said, sighing and rubbing tiny circles on my bare shoulder with his thumb.
"No!" I exclaimed, my voice muffled by his strong chest. "Don't go!"
"I'll only be gone two weeks. Then I can come home." Paul replied, pulling away from me slightly so he could look me in the eyes. "I promise that I won't forget about you."
"Well I would hope not." I teased, biting my lip and batting my eyelashes. "After all, there are very special rewards for vampires that work hard."
"Mhm." He said, laughing and leaning in to kiss me, his lips gently working their way down my neck, making me moan with pleasure. He gently nibbled at the delicate skin under my jawline, his warm breath tickling me. "You need to be careful. I might just have to take a… bite out of you."
Laughing, I lightly punched him in the stomach, enjoying our easy teasing.
"I'm sure I wouldn't mind." I replied, removing myself from his comforting arms and handing him his black t-shirt. "Now get out of here. You're gonna miss your flight."
I watched as he pulled the shirt over his head, the fabric stretching over his muscular shoulders. His jeans fit him snuggly and his black leather jacket contrasted nicely with his skin.
"Ok. I gotta go. Bye." He said, giving me a small kiss on the cheek. "I'll see you in two weeks. Stay out of trouble while I'm gone."
Winking at me, he waved, heading out the door, his black converse allowing him to move silently on the hardwood floors.
"Bye!" I called out as he entered the elevator, waving at him.
"Bye Nera!" He replied, the chrome doors shutting in his face, carrying him away from me.
Sighing, I collapsed onto my bed, my body sinking into the soft pillows and duvet. Closing my eyes, I slowly began drifting off to sleep, my breathing becoming heavier. Suddenly, the buzzer rang, indicating that someone wanted to come up.
"Miss Depp?" The voice of my building's doorman, Frank, said from the intercom.
"Yes?"
"There is a man here to see you. I recognize him from the party. He says he left something in your penthouse." Frank said, sounding vaguely unsure.
"Send him up Frank." I said, sighing as I stood up to greet whoever it was at the elevator.
"Yes Miss Depp."
A minute later, the elevator doors opened with a "ding" revealing Harry. His hair was a mess and he was wearing sweatpants and a baggy hoodie. Black sunglasses were still perched on his nose as he entered my living room, his eyes finding me sitting on the couch, my mouth open with shock.
"Hello love." He said, whipping off his sunglasses and glaring at me, his emerald eyes burning. "What do you say we chat?"
"Here you go." I said, pouring some coffee into Harry's mug. "Anything else I can get you?"
"No, thank you. This is plenty." He replied, his eyes carefully watching my every nervous movement.
Sitting down across from him, I shakily sipped my coffee, burning my tongue and wincing slightly.
"What is it you wanted to talk about?" I asked, crossing my legs under me.
"Well, I wanted to apologize, about the night of the party."
I opened my mouth to object, but he cut me off.
"Let me talk." He said, setting his mug down on the coffee table and sinking into the pillows of my living room couch. "First off, I want to let you know that I would never have taken advantage of you. I would have stopped if you had asked… but you weren't exactly giving me any cues of that. Second, I was drunk and so were you. That isn't an excuse, but it definitely brought out our dirty behavior. I can't make any excuses for what I did. I knew it was wrong, kissing you like that. After all, we've only met a handful of times and you weren't sober enough to realize what you were doing. I should have stopped. Honestly, I'm glad your friend came in when he did. I'm not so happy about him beating the shit out of me, but I healed. Now I'm here… to help heal you."
Harry leaned in, covering the distance between us quickly as he took my hands and gazed deeply into my eyes.
"I am so so sorry Nera. I can't stress to you enough how sorry I am. I took things too quickly with you. You aren't the type of girl that should be treated that way. I missed my chance. I came to your party that night thinking that I wanted to ask you on a date, a proper one, not hook up with you. When I asked for Taylor, I did it because she knows where I live when I'm in Manhattan. She was the only person at that party that knew. I shouldn't have asked for you to get her. That was extremely insensitive of me. All I really wanted to do was win your heart. And now, I even blew that chance, because your dating Paul and I respect that. I don't cheat with people. It's not right and now I can't have you as mine because I really really messed up."
Harry sighed, taking his hands away from mine and running his fingers through his dark curls.
"I just wanted to apologize. I'm sorry. I really am. I hope you're happy with Paul. He's a good guy."
Harry stood to go, tucking his hands in the pockets of his sweatpants and making his way towards the elevator, his head hanging low and a look of defeat imprinted on his face.
"Wait!" I called out, scampering over to him and grabbing his arm. "There's no one here with me. My dad and Paul are gone. I really hate eating alone. Do you wanna have dinner?"
Harry turned around, surprise registering on his face.
"I would love too. I can't think of a more splendid way to spend my last night in Manhattan."
"Great!" I said, taking his hand and leading him into the kitchen. "Then you, sir, get to help me cook.
Laugher filled the kitchen as Harry and I stood at the island, chopping onions and bell peppers together. We had been shooting puns back and forth at each other as we cooked, sautéing the vegetables in a pan with the rice noodles and peanut sauce. Our pad thai was cooking nicely and by this point, the only thing that needed to be cooked was the nan.
"What temperature do I cook the nan on? I don't know how!" I asked, looking at the packet.
"Oh come on Nera! A good baker will rise to the occasion, I mean, it's the yeast you can do." Harry said, throwing another pun into his sentence.
"Oh! Good one Mr. Smooth!" I said, finally locating the cooking directions on the packet, imprinted in tiny font at the bottom of the page.
Ten minutes later, Harry and I sat in my TV room, piles of rice, pad thai, and nan on our plates.
"Seriously, where did you get all of those amazing cooking puns?" I asked, poking him with my fork.
"You forget that before I got famous I worked in a bakery. We traded those things back in forth all day, the ladies and I." Harry said, a shadow appearing in his eyes when he mentioned the bakery.
"Ah! So you're a pun wizard!"
Harry chuckled and shrugged.
"What do you wanna watch?" I asked, flicking through Netflix.
"How about we watch your TV show? The one of you as a mermaid." Harry said, smiling at me goofily, strands of noodles hanging out of his mouth.
Laughing, I shook my head.
"We can't watch that. I hate watching myself act. Especially back then. I was an awful actress." I said, blushing as I remembered those days on set.
"I disagree! We are gonna watch it!" Harry exclaimed, grabbing the remote from my hand and selecting H2O, the opening credits rolling.
"Harry!" I said, groaning as my face appeared on screen, my torso attached to an orange mermaid tail.
"Wow…" Harry said, pausing the episode. "I didn't realize you all actually wore legitimate tails. What was that like? Were they comfortable?"
I stared at him, shocked. Not many people asked me questions about my times filming H2O.
"Well… They were awful at first. It was like I was caged. I can only bend my legs in the tail, and that's just enough to propel myself forward. We all hated them at first, the girls and I. But then, they began to feel like a part of us. It was so amazing, swimming under the water like that. I felt like an actual mermaid. I learned to love it."
"That sounds so peaceful." Harry said, staring at me. "Tell me more."
So I did. We stayed there, talking and eating. I lost track of time, becoming enveloped in the magical world of mermaids and fairies and myths. We talked about our hopes and dreams and what we had imagined life would be like, when we were kids. We talked about our lives now and our lives then. We talked about our triumphs and our regrets. We talked about life and during that time we were talking, I forgot that we were famous. I forgot that we were never alone. I forgot about my life, and I simply enjoyed him. And it was the best feeling on earth.
Notes
ok! I hope you all like this chapter! it's got a little more meaning to it!
thanks so much for reading! :)
xoxo
ThatGirlll
@JessicaLynn16
Thanks! I'm glad you are liking it so far!! :)
4/7/15