My feet ached. Badly.

I had no idea it was possible for somebody who was essentially dead, to ache so much all over. I mean, the shifts I had done before were simple: feed, check charts, administer medicine and repeat. But today, today had been tough.

You know how they say Junior Doctors have it easy? They don't, not in the slightest. In fact, we probably have more pressure put on us than the actual doctors themselves - do this, do that, no, we only store paracetamol on the top shelf, away from contaminants. I’m learning, I’m growing and I’m loving it, but there are those days when it feels like everything you do is wrong, and somehow it’s all your fault that that girl who came in last night is being sick across her bed sheets.

Six emergency patients I had seen last night, all of whom had had some type of the Norovirus, back again now that we were slowly creeping into the winter months. It had been the bane of my existence last year, I smelt like sick children for weeks.

A nine year old girl had been admitted to the paediatric department for a suspected broken arm, which had taken me a total of three hours to bind and set because she wouldn’t stop wriggling. To make matters worse, it was her brother who had brought her in, so I had had to make a phone call to the Matron’s office asking him to go to reception to collect some forms he had to sign.

A fifteen year old boy complained of stomach pains in his lower abdomen, and had been treated by his local GP for appendicitis. I’d had to admit him for emergency surgery, which I had to be present through for “experience”, and then deal with his distraught mother because she was concerned about such a ‘young woman, of all the people’ dealing with her son.

You’d think people would just be grateful you’re not letting their children die, wouldn’t you?
It was coming up for seven o’clock, which marked the end of my shift. Halfway through, I’d thrown my hair up into a makeshift pony tail, unable to deal with it falling into my eyes as I sorted through some paperwork. I’d wiped my brow more times than I cared to count and dusted my palms against my scrubs so often there were white, palm shaped stains beginning to form in the densely packed cotton.

To say I was relieved to see the clock change to seven was an understatement.

“Eddie!” a loud voice called after my retreating back, footsteps pounding along the corridor to catch me “Eddie!” Maisy yelled “What movies have we got for tonight?”

I smiled as my best friend jogged to my side, her stout legs taking two paces to my every one. Her breath was ragged and her cheeks were red, but her breezy grin told me she was just as exhausted as I was, if not more, because she’d dealt with the babies all day.

“I was thinking Goosebumps?” I suggested, spinning the dial on my employee locker to retrieve my bag and coat “And maybe something classic? Like Forrest Gump?”

Maisy rolled her eyes and tutted at my choices, not keen on my film preferences. “Don’t be such a nerd, Ed! What about The Notebook? Or Clueless? Something we can actually relate to!”

“You can’t relate to Forrest Gump?”

“Not unless you’re a mumbling freak with a tendency to believe you can time travel, no.”

I bit my lip and sighed, slamming the locker closed and leaning against it. “Okay, how about a compromise? I choose one film, you choose the next. Deal?”

“Deal,” Maisy reluctantly conceded, her voice betraying her annoyance as we began to leave the hospital “but you have to buy me magic stars!”

I scoffed at her and pushed against the double glass doors that led onto the street outside, wincing as a blast of cold air hit me. “Magic stars? What are you? Five?”

“No. I’m somebody with her priorities in order.”

Shaking my head, we passed the bus stop and rounded the corner into the hospital car park, Maisy fishing in her bag for her keys. Skipping lightly beside her, I noticed the falling orange leaves, twisting and turning this way and that as they fell to the ground, as indecisive about their destination as I was about my future.

I wasn’t ready to leave the world yet.

“Calm down,” I scolded myself inwardly “you still have eight months left. He’ll find you, it’s just a matter of-“

“Here they are!” Maisy yelled triumphantly, jangling the keys in my face.

“Just get in the car.” I chuckled, releasing my hair from its loose ponytail and allowing it to fall behind my back in its waves. Feeling much freer, I opened Maisy’s car door and hopped inside, glad to feel the warm leather tickle my skin as the seat heaters began to get hotter.

“So,” Maisy began, putting the car into gear and pulling out of the car park “how’s it going with project boyfriend?”

“Project boyfriend?” I asked, started, gripping my seat as she sped down the road. Man, how did she even pass her test?

“Yeah, you know, project boyfriend. My plan to get the famously single Eddie Henstridge a date before the year is out.” Her suggestive eyebrow wiggling made it all the more disturbing.

“What? You decided to get me a boyfriend and not even tell me about it?”

“I knew you wouldn’t like it!”

“Too bloody right I don’t like it,” I muttered, crossing my arms and sinking further down in my seat in protest. A strand of hair fell across my forehead, and I flicked it away more harshly than I had originally intended to.

“You, know, Eddie. You’re allow to feel, right?”

“I know, I just don’t want to feel. It’s too hard. It feels like there’s so many roads and paths I could choose, but if I make the wrong choice, I’ll end up lost and confused and alone.” I shrugged, turning to face the window so she wouldn’t see the tears threatening to spill over my cheeks.

“Well you know the solution to that, don’t you?” Maisy laughed, swerving violently and using her horn as she yelled at the driver she had just cut off. Honestly.

“No? Who needs men anyway? Just please don’t kill me.” Huh. Probably pretty hard to do to be honest.

“Oh for goodness sakes honey! The answer’s simple!”

“Well do enlighten your poor, mightily perplexed best friend.”

“We make you a map!”

Notes

This chapter's lyrics are from The Middle of Starting Over by Sabrina Carpenter, which I thought was a pretty good match :)

Let me know what you think?

xoxoxoxox