It would be so easy to say everybody was calm when Louis said those two words. I could just write it and everybody reading it would believe me. I may have even been able to convince myself had I phrased the words right. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t lie to myself, I couldn’t lie to my road family. I couldn’t lie to anyone really. Ever since I was young, my foster mother was always able to tell when I was attempting to pull the wool over her eyes. So I’ve stopped trying.

Liam’s mouth parted slightly before he began to mutter “oh god, oh god, oh fucking Jesus, no.” Niall just stood there, hand paused mid-stroke, with his eyes conveying pure, white fear. Harry put his head in his hands, screamed loudly and then moved his eyes to mine. He gulped and shakily reached for his phone, placing a call that could destroy everything the band had worked so hard for.

As soon as the lady had picked up the phone, Harry handed it to me as the only one who could speak fluent French, but, as of right that minute, my mind was elsewhere. I was sobbing as the lady desperately requested that I calm down and tell her everything that was going on. Trembling, I began to explain everything, Niall’s arms still wrapped around me though he was tense and uncomfortable to be next to.

I explained how we had come home, subdued, to find the tour manager on the floor, surrounded by what Zayn and Louis informed me was mass quantities of blood. The kind lady instructed me sternly to remain civil and compliant as she put the information through to the police. She quickly let me know they were on their way to the address I had provided and then asked me if I needed anyone to stay on the phone with me. I simply hung up.

The six of us stand there, completely shell shocked. I don’t think it occurred to any one of us that police sirens were nearing and that the screaming noise of police cars that were always associated with bad events could be heard more than a block away. I don’t think it had even sunk below our skin just then.

To his credit, Niall still had his arms wrapped around me, enclosing me in a warm capsule. I had nothing on my arms and he was trying his best to keep me from developing pneumonia. The night sky darkened even further and the pale, milky glow of the moonlight slowly began to illuminate the tour bus. In this light, it looked even eerier and stranger than when we had first approached it. The metallic scent of blood still hovered in the air and I buried my face in Niall’s chest to keep the smell away from me.

Around us, I could here the shouting whispers of panic and frustration as the boys desperately attempted to work out what was going on. I was too numb to even try to speak and I was grateful when I heard tyre tracks cutting through the snow like a knife to butter. The police had arrived. We were safe.

The police man began speaking in French and the boys cast anxious looks at me. I sniffled as I stepped away from Niall’s arms and into the bitter wind. We began having a conversation in French, throwing questions and answers back at each other like a game of poorly rehearsed tennis. I was talking so detachedly about the subject, as though I were some soul on the outside, looking in. Not the one who had seen Paul alive mere hours ago when he had threatened her. I choked on the remaining sentences and, the police officer, noting I was too tired too resume talking, motioned over a woman pulling on a white bio-chem suit.

She looked intimidating as she snatched my wrist and began to explain, in great detail, that she wanted fingerprint samples. I shook my head in disbelief at her audacity- somebody I considered a friend had just been killed and she was more worried about taking fingerprint samples.

Reluctantly, I dip my fingers in black ink and roll them slowly, one by one, across designated spots for each finger. The whole situation didn’t seem real, and yet, it was. My emotions were far too raw for me to keep contained though and I think the other guys felt the same. I was overcome with sorrow and dissolved into a puddle of tears as Niall sank down into a nearby snow pile.

There was very little chatter amongst us all, a rare occurrence, and that just made us even more subdued than we had previously been. When the woman was done with us, she instructed us to lodge somewhere for the night and to return in the morning. She said to us she believed she would have everything sorted out by that point and bid us good night.

We stood stock still for what felt like hours, yet was just tiny minutes. I let out a deep whoosh of air and it was then that I realised I had been holding my breath. I tried to chuckle but couldn’t bring myself to do it in the circumstances.

Liam, awkward Liam, tried to tactfully bring conversation up to a cheerful topic in an attempt to try and help bury the pain, at least, for a little while.

“Did you see the new FIFA game out soon?” he broached the subject quietly.

Niall, who had been a silent witness to most of this suddenly spoke up but his usually jovial voice was more a mix of despair and panic.

“Yes, they made Christiano Ronaldo appear on the Spanish team this time. They fucked up on the last edition, he ended up in Thailand’s team.”

I laughed hollowly and we continued on in silence, each of us trying to deal with what was going through our heads right at that moment in our own, different ways. Though it was barely further than two blocks away, it took us 30 minutes to reach a hotel and we all gladly entered, keen to get rooms and try and get out of the cold, even if it was just to sit and pray.

“May I help you?” a lady’s voice sounded over the reception desk. She was speaking English and the boys looked a little taken about.

“We were, er, well, um we were,” Niall stuttered and choked and the lady frowned, looking concerned.

“Is your friend alright? Are you looking for overnight lodging?”

I smiled meekly and nodded my head. Her eyes flicked to Niall and the boys who had their arms around him.

“I’m afraid you’ll have to double up. I have only three rooms available tonight. My name’s Lucia, by the way.” Lucia cast her eyes downward.

“We’ll take them, thank you.”

“You’re most welcome. Who will be sleeping in each room? You have no luggage, I assume?” I shake my head.

“Harry and I’ll double up, Zayn and Louis can and you and Niall can, Kayleigh.” Liam tucked in his lips. I stare wide eyes at Liam in fury, but I can’t complain. Given the circumstances it would make me appear childish and incredibly selfish. I couldn’t bring myself to argue so I shut up. Niall didn’t even attempt to consider the thought but I could tell he wasn’t overly happy about the arrangement.

“You are free to roam around your rooms tonight as they join onto each other but please respect the other guests here. If you need to contact the customer service desk at any point during night or day, press the 1 button on your phone. Have a good night.” And Lucia disappeared down the stairs.

I gulped and opened the room door slowly, Niall following closely behind. I had supposed there would be two separate beds for us both but there was just a double bed. My cheeks flushed bright red and Niall interjected.

“I’ll sleep on the sofa. You have the bed.” He coughed.

“I can’t do that Niall, this is your room too. We’re friends, right? It won’t hurt for one night.” I couldn’t believe my mouth had formed those words but I didn’t take them back. For all I knew, Niall could just be longing to sleep in a proper bed tonight, rather than the tour bus ones.

“Um, yes, of course. I suppose that could work.” He muttered, running a hand through his hair. I quirked my lips to the side slightly, feeling an awkward tension growing between the two of us.

“Go hang out with the boys if you want to Niall. I think I’ll just head to bed. This has been a very long day and I’m having trouble processing all the information I’ve been hit with.”

“Nah. I’m pretty tired so I think I’ll join you. Are we just going to sleep in our clothes though?” He cast an eye uncertainly down at our skinny jeans and t-shirts we each donned.

“Well, they’ll have to do. We don’t have anything else. I’d rather not sleep naked but I suppose that’s your call.” I shrugged, walking over to the bed and trailing my fingers across the crisp, white sheets.

He let out a low chuckle and finally agreed with me. I slid beneath the covers after chucking my shoes on the floor and Niall followed suit, his body radiating warmth even after we’d just been stood outside in the freezing cold for over an hour and a half now.

Silently, I started to cry when I realised what this night meant. Niall must have caught me though because he gently moved his body towards mine and cradled me in his arms, returning to stroking my hair gently like he usually did. And that’s how we fell asleep, me in Niall’s arms, him in mine, as we both came to terms with what the day meant for both of us. And how it would possibly change our lives forever.

---

I slid out from the shelter the covers around me made and placed my bare feet on the ground, shivering involuntarily as the cold rushed up through my body. I glanced over at Niall, seeing him still sleeping soundly and I smile to myself. Another cold, winters day but with overly bright sunshine that streams through the window in golden ribbons, is waiting for me outside. Ready to test me to the end and I’m ready.

Glancing at the nearby clock I notice the time is a little after nine and curse softly when I realise that we are supposed to be meeting at the venue to leave today. I’m not sure what will be happening now but I suspect the tour will either be cancelled or put on hiatus as everybody comes to terms with what’s happened.

I shake Niall awake and he moans groggily, placing his hand against his forehead to block the sun. “What time is it?” he exhales slowly.

“9:05. We’ve got a meeting in 55 minutes.” I reply, beginning to make the bed as he hurls himself out of it.

“Shit. We need to tell Paul that…that we…..” He drifts off into silence as the events of last night slowly leak back into his mind. I purse my lips and continue with my work but in trying to be strong I know that I’ll just have a breakdown that’s much worse when the time comes. Still, I set my shoulders back, jut my hips out and set to work, cleaning up the hotel room while Niall stands there in complete shock, just watching me.

I let him be, knowing that his way of grieving was going into a world where the dead person was still alive. Sometimes I think it’s creepy I know so much about one of my closest friends. I scurry around the room, trying to make it look presentable. One Direction may have personal housekeepers but I never have done and I don’t like the thought of someone else cleaning up after my mess. It isn’t fair on them in my opinion.
When I’m done, I hold a hand out and grasp Niall’s sweaty one. We walk out of the room and down the corridor to wake the other boys up. By the time we’re done, we have just enough time to run to the dome and get to the meeting.

Simon flinches at our sorry state when we alive but he doesn’t comment, knowing what happened the night previously I presume. Instead, he lowers his voice to a whisper.

“There’s fresh clothes and all of your personal items in the hall. Get changed after we congregate but don’t expect to get away quickly. This will take a while.”

With that he moves on, greeting more and more staff and crew members until his voice will likely break and get sore. I move towards Lou and a few others sitting in the middle of the chairs set out. I notice the boys move towards the front and Niall tries to get me to follow. I glance from Lou to Niall, but, realising Lou’s crying, I point this out to Niall and he understands. The boys walk away and I walk towards Lou.

“Hey.” I whisper softly as I slide into the seat next to her. “How ya doing?”

“Not well. I can’t believe it, Kay. One minute he was alive, the next he wasn’t. I just, I just can’t quite believe that it’s actually true.”

I lower my head slightly and quirk my lips to the side, trying to think of something to say.

“You know, Lou, not everybody has a happy end to their life. Sometimes it can just be as fucked up as the world and nobody will notice. Don’t cry so much. The police will find out the truth. Just you wait and see.” Lou reaches up to wipe her eyes with a tissue and then I notice Lux is missing.

“Where’s Lux?”

“James came and took her from me, said I needed a few days off after what’s just happened.”

“It’s probably for the best. I…” But I can’t get any further because Simon’s voice being broadcasted across the venue stops me in my tracks.

“Ahh, I see most of us have made it. First off, I need to give my condolences. Paul was a well respected security team member and it will leave a hole in my heart to not see him where he belongs.”

Simon shuffles through some papers he has on the podium before continuing. “So this meeting is primarily to discuss the plan for the rest of the tour. Obviously we can’t stop the tour but perhaps a few days off would be prudent for…grievance purposes.”

An audible gasp rings around the venue as it sinks in that nobody will be given much time to think this whole thing over. It was as though Paul’s life wasn’t even being honoured.

“Boys? Are you willing to speak for a few moments?”

“Of course.” Louis replied, standing up a little nervously.

“We all know Paul was a great man. And he deserves to be honoured. I would like to ask if we could all have a minute of silence for him.” Harry asks very politely.

A minute later, Zayn speaks. “Also, all proceeds from the next five concerts will be going to Paul’s family and-.”

A frantic Simon quickly cuts them off. “Erm, no. They won’t boys.”

Liam narrows his eyes. “Yes, they will. Or we will personally not turn up to any of the five remaining scheduled concerts. I advise you consider both outcomes before you make you decision Simon.”
But that was when I noticed the police at the door.

“Kayleigh Michaels?” One walks over, speaking English. I nod my head slowly. “We are arresting you on suspicion of murder. You do not have to say anything but anything you do say may be given as evidence. Give me your hands.”

And suddenly I felt cold metal snap around my tender wrists.

YOU

The Paris sun is beating down hot on my back as I cross the plaza towards a nearby café. Despite the remaining snow tucked away beneath a few trees where there’s little light and heat, there’s no trace, no reminder of yesterday. The plaza is crowded today and I try to keep my head low, it’s even hotter in the midst of sweaty tourists and grumpy locals.

I approach the café on the opposite side of the street and settle down in a metal seat, bringing my book out to read in the sunshine. As I begin to read, I feel a silky movement at the base of my knee.

Glancing down, I spot a gorgeous black cat, rubbing himself against my leg. It was almost as though he were trying to cool down. For no apparent reason, Paris went from one extreme to the next. I reach down so the cat can sniff my hand, a trick I learnt when I was younger and my parents owned animals. I scratch behind his ears softly before retracting my hand and returning to my book.

“You’re very good with animals you know.” A gravely voice speaks softly. From the corner of my eye I see a man in a trench coat, draped across a nearby table in an elaborate fashion. I narrow my dark eyes slightly and smile almost hesitantly.

“I…well I suppose I am.” I’ve never really considered it before but, now that I think about it, it makes a lot of sense. Animals almost seem drawn to me.

The man gives me a wry smile before standing up and turning to go. He walks away briskly and I am left to return to my reading. Except I can’t go back to it now. He’s the first person I’ve encountered since last night. Oh the joy last night gave me!

The feeling of his flesh piercing beneath me, his pleas and cries. The way he cried, what man cries?, when I produced the knife only made me smile harder as I tauntingly grazed it over his neck, whispering to him that I hope he suffers. And he did. I sound psychotic, I know, my intention was never to kill him really. Only scare him into leaving me alone. But my anger, my passion gripped my heart and took over until all that remained was a feeling of satisfaction as I saw his lifeless body.

I may rot in hell for what I did, but I don’t care. I protected her. That’s all that matters really. That she’s safe. I stand up and slide my book back into my rucksack, slinging it back over my right shoulder and walking away.

In the centre of the square a small fountain rises up, the soft dripping of the water arousing my interest. A small group of people were gathered around there, some chanting, some whispering, some closing their eyes. One approaches me and holds out a coin, motioning at the people around me. I nod my head slowly as I take the cent and move towards the fountain. I shut my eyes tight and wish. Then I throw, turn around, and walk away. And I don’t look back.

Notes

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