Written in These Walls

We exit into the airport and go to retrieve our bags. I look out the windows and into another world.

I look to my mom and she is all but shut down, retreating into herself. I take a couple of quick steps to get in front of her, to lead, were exchanging roles. I hail a taxi and give him the name of the hotel we will be staying at. He helps us with our bags and we get into the back seat and take a breather from whatever is going on in my mother’s mind.

The hotel we’ve chosen is close to the hospital so my mom can retreat and hide out there if she needs to. Yet close enough if something were to happen and she is needed at the hospital immediately,

We stop by the hotel to check in and drop our things off. We are escorted up to our room by the bellhop who puts our things into our room and turns to leave but not before I tip him generously and wish him a good day. After freshening up, we decide to go to the hotel restaurant and get a bite to eat before heading over to the hospital. We eat in silence. I watch her worried face and know that more had to have gone on than just what she told me. I don’t know how to approach the subject without upsetting her and I don’t think now is the time or place to be doing it.

After finishing, we take a cab over to the hospital and walk through the double doors. The sanitized smells hit us head on. We make our way to the information desk and get her room number then follow the signs to the elevators.

The doors open up to the cardiac floor and its eerily quiet, almost too quiet. Again, the roles are reversed and I have to step forward and make the first move. I ask the lady at the desk for information concerning my grandmother and am told her nurse would be with us shortly, we could wait in the room if we’d like.

We walk down the hall to her room, the only sounds are the machines in the rooms almost all in perfect rhythm with each other. My mothers hand goes up and lightly knocks on the door and is told to enter. She steps in first and into the warm embrace of her father. Immediately her tears start to flow and I fight my own back for fear of upsetting her more. He puts his arm around her and leads her beside the bed and tells her what each hook up is and why. The prognosis does not sound promising and my heart aches for my family, the family I have no connection to.

He holds my grandmother’s hand as he tells of the events that lead up to her being there. I listen intently as he is speaking softly and his accent very strong and sometimes hard to follow. My Mom’s hands grip the side of the bed as if to keep herself from falling or to find stability in something.
I watch as she moves a piece of her hair over to the side of her forehead, bends over and kisses her there. A tear slides down my cheek as I know, she probably wont be here much longer and hurt for my mother knowing this.

A light knock at the door and it is slowly pushed open. A lady enters who looks almost identical to my mother, this has to be her sister. She almost pushes her way past me and puts herself right next to the bed, even though there is plenty of room on the other side. No words are spoke between the three of the them, the air thick with bitterness and resentment. I stand back and watch the body language, it speaks volumes where nothing is said.

The nurse comes in and goes over the daily readings with my mother, her father and sister, I stand and listen. She checks the vitals and levels in the IV bags, tells them if they have any more questions not to hesitate to ask, turns and leaves.

I feel as though I am intruder, though I am not. My mom takes the nearby chair and pulls it up next to the bed and sits down, her hand still on top of her mothers. My grandfather kisses her on the head and turns to me taking me by the elbow and leading me out of the room. I follow him to the waiting area for the floor.
He stands back and takes a good look at me as if he’s sizing me up, inspecting me, then pulls me in for a hug I swear possibly fractured ribs. He motions for me to take a seat and we sit. He starts to explain things as he saw them and how it got to where it is today.

When my parents fell in love, her sister became insanely jealous, wanting what she had. She had always wanted to move away from the life they lived and move into a large city. Even though it took two years, they did get married and she moved away. It was always the plan that whoever she married, that they would be the ones to take over the pub and keep it going, but that not what fate had in mind. He never held it against her, but her sister did. The bitterness grew and she then got her mother involved, blaming my dad for taking her away from them. He went on and told stories how he would try to convince her that what she was seeing was wrong. My mother had not done all of it for spite, but love. She would have no part of it but continued to let the bitterness fester, pushing my mother and us away.

I sat in silence as he explained everything to me and understood now why I had never been told and why it upset her so bad. She didn’t want me to think poorly of her sister and mother.

“So I hear, your on an adventure? I have the perfect young lad to show you around. He can take you anywhere you want to go and tell you all the stories.”
I smile and decline his offer, I see what he has up his sleeve. He’s trying to play matchmaker but I’m not here for that.

“I just want to look into my heritage. Maybe see some castles, gardens, the country side, and small towns. I need to get away from it all and look for me. Get some direction on which way to turn next.”

He’s nodding as he listens to me. “Can I help you out in any way or are you going to let me help you?” He asks jokingly.
“I don’t need any financial help, I’ve got it covered. I had enough saved up and my parents pitched in a little also”
“Well, instead of staying around this glum place, why don’t you get started first thing tomorrow. I think we’ve got it all under control. You go do what you want and need to do. If something happens we’ll let you know. We’ll be just fine. This hospital is not going anywhere.”

I almost outwardly sigh a sigh of relief.

We continue to sit in the waiting area and he tells me stories of my mother growing up and the small town they lived in and still live in. It doesn’t take long before he has me trying to control my laughter.I feel as though I have known him my entire life just from sitting down with him for a few minutes. I see now why it hurt my mother so much to be separated from him.

We both look up when we hear footsteps stop at the entrance, its my mother. Her eyes are swollen and wet, no doubt having words with her sister. Her father takes her in his arms and reassures her everything will work out but if it doesn’t, it was no fault of her own.

I stand up to join them and we head toward the elevators. I don’t press her for information, she’ll share it with me when she is ready. The doors open and the once busy hospital is now quiet as everyone is leaving or has already gone home. A cab is waiting at the curb so we get in and head back to the hotel. I tell her on the way how I am told to start my ‘adventure’ as he called it, tomorrow, She starts to relax and open up a bit, talking about where I plan on going.

I had phoned down to the concierge before we left to go to the hospital and asked them if they could get some information together for me and possibly an itinerary. I only hope it will be ready by in the morning. I hadn’t planned on it happening so quickly.

The cab pulls up to the hotel and we get out, walk in and up to our room. The emotions of the day have exhausted us. After going though our nightly routines and change in pajamas, we sit on the bed and talk about the past. She never understood why her sister has hated her so. The only word, jealousy. She wanted what my mother had acquired, love. Talking about it has seemed to clear her mind and help her to relax even more, so we both crawl into our separate beds and are asleep within minutes.




The phone rings alerting us to our wake up call from the front desk. We both wake up refreshed and renewed. I’m super excited that I start my journey today. I have no idea where it will take me but that’s what all of this is about, getting me out of my comfort zone.

After getting dressed and eating a light breakfast brought up by room service, I phone down to see if they were able to come up with anything. He assures me he has something I will be very pleased with, and it is ready whenever I am.

I am almost literally pushed out the door to go retrieve it. I think she is just as excited about it as I am. I take the elevators down, and walk over to the concierge desk. He hands me the folder with a huge grin on his face and asks if I’d like him to reserve a car for me. I reply ‘yes’ and head back up the room.

As soon as I enter its as if we are teen girls plopping on a bed with the latest teen magazine. The papers are all spread in front of us with pictures and maps of different destinations. It seems he has me geared towards a castle theme, which I am thrilled about. I pick up the paper that was first in the folder, Lismore Castle and Gardens.

“I guess this is it, this is where I will begin” I say looking at my mother who is grinning from ear to ear.
“I almost wish I was going with you, but you need to do this on your own. You’ll do fine”

I pack a bag of clothes and essentials, the journal, a camera and throw in a couple of other things just in case I might need them.

We walk each other down to the main floor, stopping first to get the rental information. We hug each other tightly and I watch as she gets into a cab, my rental is to be driven around shortly.

I see a small car approach me and know this must be it. He goes over the basic operating instructions and any other extras on the car, which are few. He bids me farewell and I get in, take a deep breath and drive off.

Notes

Next chapter will reveal who is also searching for something.

Stay tuned :)