Coming Home

It's been a week.

Seven days.

Seven Hell like days. Seven days of falling asleep and waking up three hours later. It's been seven days and my heart hurts.

My dad would always say that when my heart was sad all I needed was tea and a cuddle.

I was seven when I first heard that. It had made sense back then. I was seven and small.

I'm nineteen now and it doesn't make sense anymore.

I hadn't called Harry. I don't think I'll call Harry anytime soon. I don't know if it's because I know it's what's best for me, or if it's because I know it's what's best for Harry. And that's how it's always been.

Doing something because it's what's best for Harry.

"So you're not going to your high school graduation? Not even going to think it through?"

I shake my head and shrug, "no, Harry said he needed me at his show."

"Presley this is your high school graduation," Caleb's blue eyes have essentially never looked so wide before. "Harry will have other shows."

"I know," I did know. I knew this show wouldn't be different from next weeks show. But it was the way Harry had smiled when I promised I'd go. A smile that I know is just for me, that is making my decision easier. "But I've already promised Harry. It's just high school."

I don't see the big deal. My mom and dad had already agreed as long as Caleb was coming. Caleb had been excited to travel. It was all planned and finalized until Caleb found out my graduation and the show were on the same night.

"Presley you've worked hard for this. Weren't you selected to make a speech or something?"

"Already said no," just picturing all the eyes I'd have on me, is enough to make me want to throw up my breakfast. "Do you not want to go anymore? Is that it? You've changed your mind?"

"It's a free trip to New York Jude," Caleb says with his most devious look. Caleb is the only person on the planet who calls me Jude. He insists it makes me cool. I think he likes to get under my skin. "I'd be stupid to turn it down. I'm just surprised you're skipping your graduation for a concert."

"It's not just a concert if it means so much to Harry."

"I don't want to fight kid," Caleb's only six years older. I doubt that's a large enough gap for him to call me kid. "You're a pain, but if this is what you want I'm behind you until the sun dies."

I smirk, "you're the pain." But I think it's okay. He's my pain.

"You can change your mind at any time," Caleb says serious. His hands shoot up when I make a face.

"Until the sun dies kid." He sighs, slinging an arm over my shoulders.

Caleb was my brother.

Caleb was twenty six when he died. I had just turned nineteen and I was unprepared. Turns out he died before the sun.

"You've been moping for days now," I've suddenly decided I need to start locking my door. Especially if Ben is going to barge in and berate me this way. "Get up and shower. You're going to have lunch with me before I have work. Jesse's at a shoot in town and he made me promise I'd get you out of bed. So come on. I'll even let you hold my hand all the way there."

"Lucky me," I mutter groaning at the light that has invaded my dark room. Last week was a wreck. The last thing I want to do is eat lunch. "This is your fault."

"I know," Ben sighs, sitting on the edge of my bed. "I'll buy you cookies, okay? All the cookies you want and I'll even let you put cinnamon in my coffee."

"Cookies and cinnamon won't fix this Ben. I've fucked up and I think Caleb's ashamed from up there."

"Never," Ben gasps. "Caleb would never be ashamed of you. Fuck, Presley you've done nothing. It was all Harry. Fucking twitt, playing with your head like that."

"I didn't exactly push him away," it's a mistake that is slowly drowning me, "let me get dressed and we'll go have sandwiches and you're going to buy me a milkshake and then we'll go to that bakery and we'll buy one of everything." I don't want to talk about this. I don't want to remember it.

"You're an expensive date." Ben chuckles.

****

"You look adorable," Ben laughs. "But I don't think you needed to fill the bag to the top."

"They were warm and smelled like Christmas! We didn't get enough." I really don't think we did. Even if the brown paper bag is full to the brim. Even if I look like I'm carrying groceries rather than cookies.

"My wallet says otherwise."

"Thank you for my cookies," Ben bought me cookies and coffee. He let my dust a spoonful of cinnamon in his because it reminds me of happier times, even though I know he doesn't like it. Ben is sweet. Ben is helping me fix myself, piece by piece.

"Anything for you." Ben replies, wrapping his arm around my waist. "But not all the time. We do have various bills to pay." Ben stops outside of the café. He unlocks the door and let's us in. It's cold and dim.

"Go home and watch a funny movie. Watch your True Life marathon. But don't go back to bed. You've done so well, don't let Harry and his fucked ways ruin it. Your liver is still recovering and you're in so much debt my mom is hurting for you."

"I know," it's embarrassing and I wish I could take it back. I wish I could take so many things back. "You'll be home early? We can cook dinner together?"

"Anything for you." Ben grins. Ben is perfect, I just wish I had the right bits and pieces for us to work. For Ben to be attracted to me.

It's a quick goodbye. A hug and a kiss on the cheek. One last promise that I won't go to bed until the appropriate time. It's another twenty minutes until I'm home and kicking off my shoes.

I've got all my recorded episodes of True Life playing, (it's the episode where they're internet celebrities but are too shy to be the same way in the outside world) I'm fifteen minuets into the show and before I can see Amanda (a very famous blogger who is about to reveal her page to her mother) the door is being abused by someone's fist.

It's not Jesse or Ben. They both have keys and they know where the spare key is hidden. Eleanor and Louis don't know where we live (and I'm only considering them because besides Harry they're the only people I know here) half of me is secretly hoping it's Ben with more cookies.

Except it's not Ben. It's not Jesse, or Eleanor.

No.

It's Harry.

Harry doesn't smell like Harry. He reeks of bourbon with a pinch of vomit.

He's got hazy red eyes and puffed cheeks.

"Y-you didn't c-call," he slurs, swaying. As he rocks I can see the figure standing behind him. Louis has his arms crossed over his chest as he stares at me worried and upset.

"He wouldn't leave unless I brought him here. I'm sorry." Louis rushes, reaching for Harry and steadying him before he falls. "Is Jesse here?"

Luckily he's not. "No he's at a shoot."

"The pub was going to throw him out on the street, and you know how the paps are," Harry's still rocking, but he's got his arms stretched out in front of his body, reaching for me. He's struggling and groaning eyes confused and wet. "Just five minuets and then I'll make him go home."

"It's fine Louis," it's actually not. But I've been the way Harry is too often to force Louis to take him away. Louis fumbles and Harry manages to escape. He's got a hold on me seconds later, hands hugging me to his chest as he shakes and sniffles.

"Harry!" Louis cries, already moving to retrieve a messy Harry. Louis goes to pull him back, and it only causes Harry to tighten his arms around me, as he mumbles no, over and over.

"Help me get him inside," I say instead. Louis nods and pushes against his back until he begins to move. It's tricky, moving backward, and being trapped by someone who is not thinking clearly.

It's tricky and it's going to end very badly.

Once we're inside Harry stops and continues to hug me, a few meters from my couch. "You can leave Louis." Harry mutters, mouth muffled by my shoulder.

"We're both leaving Harry."

"No! M'not leaving! I want to stay! I want to stay with Presley!" Louis shoots me an apologetic look.

"You can't Harry. Jasmine will wonder where you are." I'm wondering where she is. Why she wasn't out with Harry.

"I don't care," Harry whines. "Go away Louis."

"You should care," Louis replys. He tries to move Harry, but Harry won't budge and he won't stop whining 'no'. So before the cops are called and Louis kicks Harry's head off I sigh.

"It's okay Louis. I'll make sure he gets home," I've essentially just dug my own grave. I'm an idiot like that. "Tell Jasmine he's with you?"

"Are you sure?"

No. "He's not going to go, Louis. This is Harry."

"M'right h-here," Harry hiccups. "Go home Louis!"

Louis looks unsure and conflicted. "It's fine. Ben will be home soon and he can help me." Ben's seen this before. I was very good practice for him.

"I can help you too," Louis says sad and hurt.

"It's okay. You still have to let Jasmine know and I'm sure El is worried." Truth is, I'm not ready for the talk Louis is searching for.

"I-- yeah, okay." Louis sighs and walks out shaking his head. The door closes and I know I've upset Louis. But Louis and I are a completely different matter.

Louis and I will have to wait, because I currently have an intoxicated pop-star clinging to me.

"Y-you didn't c-call." Harry accuses.

"I know."

"You said you would." He also said he'd never leave.

"I know."

"But you didn't! I missed you and you d-didn't call!"

"I know." But in reality I don't know anything.

Notes

#teamharry xx