I want to come home to you.

I wasn't okay and it wasn't hard to tell. I wouldn't cry in front of anyone, and perhaps, that was the biggest sign.

I was mad. God I was furious.

All I had ever wanted was Harry and now all I have is a big house full of our things, with two cars in the garage and pictures of memories that meant way more to me than they ever did to Harry.

I had gotten married for the rest of my life and Harry forgot to tell me that, that wasn't his deal.

The tragic truth is that I loved Harry and now-- now he doesn't feel the same. Now he's happier without me and I'm miserable without him. I can handle the questions being shouted at me every time I walk out of the house. The names I'm being called for 'hurting' Harry and the mock glares and rumors about Harry and his blonde.

I can deal with those.

But having to lay awake at night knowing Harry's asleep next to someone else, probably in an afterglow-- well, that hurts. It's hurts so bad. It's cruel almost.

"I thought going in today I would leave feeling better. But, I don't. I feel worse," I explain to Louis', (Ben avoids me most of the time now. I don't blame him. He warned me. He saw it coming.)

Louis sighs brushing the hair from my forehead. "Did he at least agree to let you have the apartment?"

That's the only good thing that has come out of this. I nod, "Yes, but I think it was because I caught him off guard when I told him I knew about--you know."

"What did he say when he found out?"

"That it was never serious," my voice cracks and the walls are slowing cracking like they're made of dust. "That it wasn't like what we had--Fuck, Louis, he gave up on me over something that was never serious." I crumble in his hug trying my best to make myself small.

He pets my hair and lets his cheek rest on my head. "Harry fucked up sweetheart. He doesn't know what he's done and when he realizes it's going to be everything he deserves." He holds my head as I cry for the first time in front of Louis. Could be why he's got his arms so tight around me. This whole ordeal has hurt him, it makes him angry. "I'm so sorry this is happening to you." He mutters kissing my hair.

I shake my head and sit up wiping under my lashes. "I worked so hard to keep us together and-- it just makes me sad to think it was all for nothing. I thought if I stuck through it, forgave him for every mean thing he said, and tried to understand him he'd stay, but. He didn't. He doesn't want to."

That's what stings the most. Knowing Harry didn't want me . He didn't want this life anymore. He wanted whatever Natalie had. And whatever she gave him must have been everything I never was.

"It took us so long to finally get it right and it all went straight to shit," hiccups leave my sobbing mouth. This is pathetic. "I think Ben is laughing," he must be. He's earned every right to. "You had to choose sides and that's not what I wanted Louis. I'm sorry you've lost Harry too."

"Harry's trash," He says softly. He wipes the stray tear rolling from my cheek and sighs. "Ben never wanted to be right, you know? He was always secretly rooting for you and Harry. We still are ." He says seriously and connects his eyes with my sad ones. "Harry doesn't deserve you, Presley. He doesn't deserve to be the reason you ruin your life anymore. I know you've been itching to be the old drunk you used to be but listen to me. He is not worth it."

I nod not really knowing if I meant it. "It hurts. I worked so hard Louis. I tried."

"I know you did, darling. Believe me everyone knows you did. No one blames you. After the accident... Harry-- he's fucked up. We know you've been trying, it's okay."

I wipe my face with my shaking hands and push the evil thoughts away. "Maybe you can help me feel better, yeah? Help me forget I'm divorced at twenty-two."

"I'd take it all away if I could, babe. You know I would."

I nod and my eyes fill up again my resolve weakening. I drop my head into my hands as my body shakes and my emotions pour out. Louis is the first person to see me like this over this situation and I know he's secretly scared. Deep down everyone is afraid I'll become the old me... It's a terrible possibility, really.

Louis' scoops me up in his lap and coos against my head, "Oh, sweetheart, it's okay. I mean, it will be. I just know it." I'm glad someone knows it because I sure as hell don't. "One day you'll meet someone else--" A sob rips through my throat and there is a stinging in my chest.

The thought of being with someone besides Harry is unbearable and impossible. "Okay, okay, too soon," He says rubbing my back. "Ben will come around soon. He asks me about you everyday and I'll make sure the little shit comes to you with a heavy apology. No one is mad at you. No one blames you. We are going to be alright, you are going to be okay. I'm here and I won't let you go. They'll have to pry me away."

I rest my head against Louis' chest and continue my crying. "You got me," I mumble mostly for me to hear but Louis' catches it anyway.

He kisses my head, "I got you."

Notes

My life is anxiety.