Coming Home

"We're at a hotel because?" I ask quizzically. Harry shrugs with a lazy smile and flops down next to me.

It's been a full day of nothing. I've slept for most of it. Apparently so has Harry. My body's in that stage where it's awake and still half asleep. I can't out run anyone but I can walk to the bathroom if necessary. I was expecting Harry to bring me back home. Maybe force us to spend an hour together before he left. But once we were done packing all of mine and Caleb's belongings and after I decided what I would keep (I only kept a few things. His lucky shirt. His watch and an old jacket he wore almost every other day) we walked out and left the keys on the counter.

There are plenty of boxes resting in storage. Various other things were left to be donated and some were so old they were thrown away. Harry then dropped off my things I chose to keep with Ben and drove us somewhere far but close in a way. We didn't go far enough to take a full day. Just a few hours.
Now we're in a nice hotel room (suite that is much to expensive looking) trying to fight off reality as best we can.

"I have you for six more days," Harry reminds me carefully. His head turns on the pillow and faces me, an arm coming to rest over my side. "I plan on taking full advantage before we have to deal with our commitments."

"This is not a good idea," it's a terrible one. It screams stupid and comes with a label of idiot. "At least call Jasmine back. Your phones been vibrating for over an hour and it's giving me a head ache."

"Will that help you relax?" Harry sighs.

"Weed wouldn't even help," I muster slightly amused. "It'll give me some form of peace, as twisted as that sounds."

"Alright," Harry sits up and pulls his phone from his pocket while I do the same. I press the home button and frown. Ben's called three times but I personally believe he deserves to sweat it out for a bit. Louis' texted but I don't know where we stand right now so I'll just pretend I didn't see the messages and Jesse has left a voice mail that I should probably listen to. I owe him that much. "Hell-- Jasmine-- I know I should...no. No it's...please stop scream-- I didn't....how am...okay. Okay, I'll see you in..I'm not-- why are you still--" I hadn't noticed Harry answer his phone until I heard what sounded like screaming coming from it.

Harry held the phone away from him until the buzzing stopped, throwing me an apologetic look. I shrugged as my heart sunk. I should be the one apologizing to Jasmine. I'm fucking up their plans and even though she hasn't been very welcoming towards me...or anyone, no one deserves to be betrayed.

"Jasmin-- babe... Yes. I'll stop...okay. Fine. Yeah. I'm so-- okay. I will. B-- me too. Bye." Harry breathes out with wide eyes, "I forgot how loud she was."

"Harry, maybe you should go see her," I start slowly.

Harry's eyes harden. He drops his phone on the floor, "no, I want to be here with you. Jasmine can wait--"

"Jasmine's your fiancée," I remind him. I feel horrible for this. I'm in a hotel room, laying on the same bed with her fiancée. I'm terrible, "Harry this isn't okay to do."

Harry stays quiet and looks down. I'll be the first to admit that I don't hate Harry being here with me and if he hadn't of had a fiancé and was still acting this way maybe things would be different. But that's not reality and I'm not the one he's made a promise to. I'm a messed up nineteen year old with the stomach of an eighty year old and the capability of a five year old.

"I have to make a call," I mumble, scooting away before Harry can stop me. I walk towards the bathroom and shut the door. I close the toilet's lid and sit pathetically on top. I press a few buttons and smile as Jesse's voice fills my ear.

"Um, hey Pj," he chuckles nervously, "I've called a few times but you seem to be busy or not have your phone with you. I wanted to talk about our, um. Kiss, and I know I seem like a coward doing it over the phone but it's the only way I can bring myself to talk to you about it. Call me back when you get the chance. I miss you pretty girl. Hope to talk to you soon. Bye." The message stops and my stomach twists.

I had completely forgotten about that kiss. And what's worse is that I didn't tell Harry about it either. I press the redial button and sit patiently, hoping I won't be disturbing or waking Jesse up.

"Hello?" Jesse groggily picks up. And of course I'd get him while he's asleep.

"Did I wake you? I'm sorry, I can call back--"

"No, hey Pj," Jesse rushes out, cutting me off. I can hear him moving and I think he's sitting up, "I've been hoping you'd call. I rang you a few times but it went straight to voice mail."

"Yeah. I'm sorry," and I am. I'm sorry about a lot of things and forgetting about our kiss is one of them. "I know you said you wanted to talk about... What happened but wouldn't you rather do it in person?" I'm only suggesting that because it'll buy me more time to think. Sure it'll drive me insane wondering what he has to say but still. I'll get more time.

"I'm not brave enough to do it in person, Pj," even from a far Jesse's voice sounds nervous.

"It's just me, Jess--"

"Baby?" Harry knocks.

"What was that?" Jesse asks.

"Are you almost finished?" Harry knocks again and I try desperately to press the phone closer to my ear in some last attempt of not getting caught.

"Presley? Who are you with?"

"No one," I stammer. I'm a horrible and filthy liar. I deserve the death penalty.

"It's him isn't it?" Jesse's question is almost rhetorical. Like he already knows the answer before I can come up with a lie.

So I don't. I don't try and lie anymore. "Yes."

Harry finally stops knocking and opens the door because I was too stupid to remember to lock it. He comes in a with grin and sits on the floor by my legs.

"Okay," Jesse says sadly, "I'll let you go. It's late."

"Jesse--"

"You're right. We should have this conversation in person." The line clicks before I can say anything else. I've made my bed and now I'm forced to lie in it, even if the covers are suffocating me.

I sigh placing my phone on the sink.

"What's wrong?" Harry asked tentatively. And right now, there are a lot of things that are worng. So many, there are five lists.

"Before Jesse left," I need to get this off my chest. I at least have to be honest with Harry. I don't know why it's him I choose to be truthful with, it's just who I feel the most for in many ways. "Jesse was saying goodbye," Harry nods. He's now facing me completely resting on his knees as his hands are on mine. "And he leaned in and for some reason I did to and we kissed."

Harry's face hardens and he digs his nails into my jean covered thighs. "Kissed? Like a friendly goodbye, I'll see you soon grandma kiss. Or the I want you in bed kiss?"

"I don't know?"

"You were the one who kissed him. You must know," by now Harry looks mad. Proper mad, with furrowed eyebrows and lips in a tight line. "Does that mean you're together?"

"He said we'd talk when he gets back," I shrug helplessly and confused. Does Harry have a right to be mad? And if he does, do I have to care?

I don't know.

"Do you want to be?" Harry's voice is dangerously quiet and his fingers are running up and down my thigh. That was the million dollar question. Do I want to be with Jesse?

I don't know.

Jesse has always been good to me. When we were together he was always patient and he tried his best to understand, though he never did. Jesse likes me, my fucked up mind and all. Jesse is here and free of commitment. He doesn't have a Jasmine and he's never left. Except for work, but that's understandable.

"Maybe," I answer honestly.

"I see," Harry licks his bottom lip and stands. "Okay."

"Okay?"

"No," Harry sighs. He retreats back into the room as I follow him with bouncing nerves. I stop at the foot of the bed as I examine Harry's behavior. His head is low and his shoulders are hunched. He looks deep in thought and it's very unnerving. "Tell me, Presley. Does Jesse make you happy? Does he satisfy you and all of your needs?"

"I don't...how is that any of your business?" I flush. Is this a pissing contest? Who's gotten the furthest?

"Anything that concerns you is my business."

"Not my intimate life," my body feels warm despite the weather outside.

"Especially the intimate parts of your life."

"I'm not doing this with you," I'm severely embarrassed right now. How Harry can ask these types of questions with no shame is impressive. I can't even order food correctly. "Don't ask me about my sex life and I won't ask you about yours."

"It's quaint," Harry shrugs dismissively, "not as good as it was with you." Harry strides towards me at a dangerously slow pace. My legs back up on their own accord and I want to cry when my back connects with the wall. "Jasmine doesn't know my body the way you do. She can't make my knees weak. Her lips aren't yours. She's not you." Harry barricades me with his arms, our chest connecting.

This isn't fair.

"I don't think-- Har... What are you doing?" I have a million feelings in the pit of my stomach. Most of them aren't good and the ones that are, are strong enough to shadow the others.

"I want to go down on you," Harry whispers, hands gripping my waist. "I have wanted to since I saw you at Louis. I almost did when I saw you in that tiny skirt and I fucking lost it when I caught a glimpse of your piercing. You're driving me crazy."

"This isn't going to happen," I've been a horrible person. I've been blind to anything that didn't involve Harry, because when it came to Harry, I was useless and insanely blind. "Do you hear yourself? Do you fucking realizing what you're asking me to do?"

Harry's eyes flash with a sudden fear and sadness, "I need you, brown eyes. I don't-- Presley." Harry's essentially not making any sense. None whatsoever.

"Not like this," I can't do that knowing Jasmine exists. "Harry I can't go that far."

"But I need you," Harry's voice comes out half a whimper.

"You're going to get married!"

"I know," it's the way Harry's voice breaks that has my eyes blurring and my hands pushing against his chest. It's suddenly too hot and any reference I've ever had about that sad twilight girl is now pointing it's finger at me and laughing.

"Harry please," I beg with no shame. "Please don't make me do that. Please don't ask me to. You now I can't say no to you."

"Baby--"

"Please Harry. You know this won't be right. It'll be a quick fuck, Harry. We've never done that and if we do it now it'll fucking kill me."

"I don't-- I didn't mean that--"

"Yes you did," I know he did because every time Jesse is mentioned it's like his head becomes fuzzy and he goes on pure instinct. It makes it hard for him and impossible for me. "That's all you want from me. And I think I need to realize that."

"What are you saying," Harry says with a small voice.

"I don't know Harry. I don't know what's happening or why we're having this conversation. All I know is that I can't have sex with you because you're needy." I'm rambling now and the stupid twilight girl is still laughing and I wish she would have gotten eaten by the red head.

"Maybe I should be with Jesse, Harry. And you should focus on your pending nuptials."

"And if I don't agree?" That's the thing. Harry will never agree unless it's in his favor. He's selfish that way.

"Can we talk about this in six days?"

"What?"

"I have you for six more days, Presley. That's how long I've booked this room. We can talk about all of this again in six days and for now it can be you and me. No one else exists our phones aren't with us and we don't know anyone. It's just you and me. Can we do that?"

"Six days?"

"Six days," he nods and grabs my hands, tangling our fingers together. "We don't bring up Jasmine or Jesse for six days and we focus on us. Can we do that?"

"Okay," I shouldn't be agreeing to this. It's going to be torture when those six days are up. "No sex. No outside interaction."

"Fine," Harry sighs, "let's kiss on it." Harry puckers his lips as mine part to speak. "No," Harry says before I can talk, "I agreed on no sex. We have to kiss. We deserve something."

"You are too much," I roll my eyes and shake my head. Maybe this is what's too much. Maybe we're too much together.

Notes

I'm putting myself up for adoption. Please claim me I'm mad at my mom. I like cookies and cuddles. Also I can read, feed and go to the bathroom by myself. Please take me home...and this is not meant to be creepy in any way!