Incomplete {L.H}
Teenage Memories
~Ava~
I ran into my bedroom, crying, and collapsed onto my bed. Jay wasn’t here right now, and I was grateful, because I needed time to think and I needed Luke. I always needed Luke.
Before I knew it, I was sitting on my bed, my legs crossed, slightly restricted by the jeans I was wearing. I wiped my eyes self-consciously, aware that dark mascara was probably running down my cheeks, creating dark slash marks as if I’d been burned with a damn whip.
My laptop was suddenly in front of me, the Skype call being too tempting to resist.
My hands were keying in words, and a moment later, I was calling the boy I loved. The screen—black—suddenly froze up, only to be replaced by a dark room a moment later. Luke appeared in the camera, balancing himself on his right elbow, his left hand coming up to rub at his eyes.
“Aves,” he said, his voice raspy, “Hi. Did you know that it’s night time here? I usually sleep at this hour.”
I kept quiet, and he finally opened his eyes, squinting at the bright light that was coming in from the computer screen. He processed my state, the wet cheeks, the puffy eyes, the quivering bottom lip, “Aves? What’s wrong?”
“Everything, Blondie,” I whispered, my voice cracking. In the camera, Luke reached over at something, and a moment later, there was a soft light on his side of the call. He’d switched on the lamp on his bedside table—the Ninja Turtles one that I’d grown to love.
“Aves,” Luke murmured, shifting so that the laptop was now in his lap. I took a moment to notice how beautiful he was, his hair all dishevelled, his skin smooth, his eyes still foggy and clouded with sleep. His speech was slow and careful, partially because he had just been woken up, but also because of the state I was in.
“I just—,” I took a deep, shaky breath, “I miss you Luke. And Elise is such a bitch, and I just—”
“Elise?” Luke cut me off sharply, “Your editor?”
“Yeah,” I sobbed, my hands coming up to frantically wipe at my eyes. I wasn’t hysterical anymore, finally realising that I should’ve at least cleaned myself up before calling him.
I chuckled dryly to myself, the small laugh mixing in with another sob, “Great. Now I look like a raccoon too.”
“You’re gorgeous Aves,” Luke told me quietly, and I shook my head, putting my face in my hands and trying to take deep breaths, hoping to calm myself. For some reason, I was blowing everything out of proportion—I was emotional and sad, and all I wanted was Luke.
But not via a computer screen.
“I want to be able to touch you,” I whispered to him, exhaling profoundly and lifting my head from my palms, “I miss you so much, Blondie. I just—I want to hug you, and I want to actually kiss you. Fuck Luke—,” I shook my head, “It’s been four months. And I can’t stand it.”
“Aves. Please stop,” Luke pleaded silently with me, “Stop this. Stop crying. I hate seeing you cry.”
I continued to shake my head, my bottom lip poised out in a pout and trembling religiously. My left hand came up to rake through my hair, my painted nails raking along my scalp anxiously. This had been happening often—I would get overwhelmed, unable to control the grief and the stress that was eating me up inside. I didn’t know what was happening.
“Let’s talk about something else,” the boy I loved suggested gently, “How’s Jay?”
I looked at him intently for a moment before wiping at my eyes again and taking a deep breath, willing myself to start over and pretend as though I hadn’t Skyped him in a distraught mess.
“She’s doing well,” I whispered to him, my voice cracking on the last word. I cleared my throat, suddenly feeling thirsty, “How’re the boys?”
“They’re good,” Luke smiled tenderly at me, “Ashton broke his fourth pair of drumsticks this month. Michael’s thinking of dying his hair. And Cal’s chasing a girl—again.” He and I both chuckled weakly at how we knew our friends so well.
“If you want,” Luke offered, “I could get them in on this call—so you could talk to them for yourself.”
“No,” I said quickly, and his brow furrowed. I continued, “I just want to stay here, with you. Just with you.”
Luke smiled amorously at me, and I marvelled yet again at how striking he was, his bright ocean eyes finally alert, his dimples appearing when he smiled that smile that made me want to melt. He ran a hand through his messy blonde hair, “I love you so much, Ava.”
“You used my name,” I joked pathetically, “That means you must be serious.”
“I am,” he told me earnestly, his voice low, “I’m so in love with you. I’ll never stop.” He repeated the words he’d told me at the airport, the day that I’d left. I sniffled, willing my nose to quit being so pink and return back to its normal shade.
“I love you too, Luke. Forever.”
My eyes snapped open. For a moment, all I saw was the dark ceiling looming above me. But then I was sitting up, raking my fingers through my dark hair frantically and feeling the crusty tears that had begun to dry on my face, making my skin feel parched.
I sobbed into my hands, burying my face into my palms. Without hesitating, I was reaching over to my nightstand and dialing Jay’s number. The phone rang four times—I was almost afraid that she’d sleep through the ringing—but then she finally picked it up.
“Ava?” her voice was groggy with sleep—just as his had been in my dream. The thought—the comparison—encouraged another sob to fall from my lips before I smacked my hand against my mouth.
“Ava,” Jay said, suddenly awake, “Did it happen again?”
I merely mumbled in response, but that was enough. She began whispering soothing things into my ear as my breathing got heavy and my eyes closed. I felt my brain begin to go into overdrive—everything was suddenly just too much. All of the little things suddenly grew into huge problems, piling on top of one another to create a giant hill—a giant wall—that I could not overcome.
“Ava,” Jay said sternly, “Stop. Listen to me, okay? Just take a deep breath. Breathe. Remember what the therapist said? Breathe.”
“Jay,” I whimpered, “It hurts.”
“I know it does, honey,” she whispered to me, “But we’re going to do this together. Inhale—,”we both did, “—and now exhale,” there was a pause as I heard her breathe out at the same time that I did.
We continued that ritual for the next ten minutes. Eventually, I had stopped sobbing, stopped the shivers from wracking through my body, and stopped my endless whimpering. My eyes were closed, and I was enjoying the comfort that the darkness provided, Jay whispering kindly and promising words in my ear.
“See?” she said softly, “We did it. You did it.”
“I did it,” I repeated, my eyes opening as I realised that I’d overcome a soon-to-be attack in such a short time. I had a feeling that my friend was on the other end of the line, smiling gently at how amazed I sounded.
“I’m proud of you, Ava,” she told me sincerely, and I finally cracked a small smile, liking that I’d been recognized.
“Thank you,” I breathed, “For everything.”
“No problem,” she replied, and then she made what sounded like a yawn, “You going to be okay?” she asked me.
“I’ll be fine,” I assured her, feeling much more calm now.
“Okay,” she said, “Goodnight, Ava.”
“Goodnight.”
~*~
The next day, I pushed through the revolving doors, feeling confident. I wore a pair of dark wash skinny jeans and a black blazer with a white tank top underneath, black pumps adorning my feet. My purse was hanging on my arm, I my right hand was fiddling with the silver necklace around my throat.
“Morning,” I chirped to Rebecca, the secretary at the front. She shot me a smile and politely acknowledged me. I walked passed the desk she was seated at and down a hallway, stopping and facing the right side of the hall, leaning forward and pressing a button on the wall. A moment later, the elevator in front of me dinged and opened its doors.
Standing inside was Jay.
When she saw me, her eyes lit up, her freckled face immediately breaking into a smile. She flipped some of her blonde hair over her shoulder as I stepped into the elevator and the doors closed.
“Underground parking?” I teased, “Badass.”
She laughed breathily, “You know it.”
Then things were quiet for a moment. I knew that we were both thinking about what had happened last night. A small part of me was grateful that Jay had been here ever since the panic attacks had begun, but I couldn’t help but to feel unable and pathetic. I was scared that one day she’d just drop me, realising that I wasn’t worth her time and that she wasn’t here to babysit me.
“You okay?” Jay snapped me out of my thoughts, her voice having a cautious edge to it, “I mean—about last night?”
“Hm?” I looked over at her, meeting gray eyes that looked at me tenderly, “Oh. Yeah, of course. Thanks to you.”
She smiled bashfully, her face becoming tainted with pink, and I couldn’t help but to chuckle lightly at how embarrassed she always was, like if somebody praised her even for a second, she would melt into her shoes.
“Don’t laugh at me!” she protested, laughing lightly herself, “Just because you’re a robot that never gets embarrassed doesn’t mean that everyone is like that.”
“I’m not a robot!” I scoffed, and we both giggled lightly.
The elevator dinged again and the door opened, and we both stepped onto our floor, turning right and walking down a hallway.
“Morning Ava, morning Jay,” the mail boy—Adrian—greeted us. He was a short boy, only about seventeen years old with Filipino features, his skin darkly tanned. He shot us a bright smile.
“Hey,” I said, “Mail rush today?”
“Nope,” he shook his head, looking relieved. Then he looked around and leaned in, as if wanting to tell us a big secret. The main office was crowded with people bustling around, but nobody stopped to pay any attention the two interns and the mail boy huddled at the entrance.
“But,” Adrian cringed, “Elise was looking for you two. She’s in a pissy mood today too.”
“So basically like every other day,” Jay summed up. Adrian and I laughed, and I thanked him before he wheeled away his cart to deliver letters to our advice columnists.
Beeline Industries was your typical bubble-gum tween magazine, but nowadays, that was what sold. Plus, I was okay with it, as long as I got to write.
“Ever wish you could just say ‘Screw Elise, I’m staying right where I am’?” I asked Jay as we walked into our adjoined cubicles. She let out a laugh, “So many times.”
I grinned at her, setting my purse down and tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. Elise ran the magazine company with an iron fist, but you’d be lying if you said that she wasn’t good at her job. Each issue came out pristine and proper, and it was all thanks to her ability to handle fifty questions being thrown at her from fifty different people.
“Guess we should go,” Jay sighed, sitting up from her chair. I groaned dramatically, making her roll her eyes playfully at me.
“Fine,” I grumbled, and she laughed at the pouting face I made. Together we stood and wove our way through the crowded mass of people hastening to get to someone else’s desk or deliver papers.
And as we did that, I tucked the little memory that had resurfaced last night into a mental box and shoved it into a corner of my mind, where it belonged.
I ran into my bedroom, crying, and collapsed onto my bed. Jay wasn’t here right now, and I was grateful, because I needed time to think and I needed Luke. I always needed Luke.
Before I knew it, I was sitting on my bed, my legs crossed, slightly restricted by the jeans I was wearing. I wiped my eyes self-consciously, aware that dark mascara was probably running down my cheeks, creating dark slash marks as if I’d been burned with a damn whip.
My laptop was suddenly in front of me, the Skype call being too tempting to resist.
My hands were keying in words, and a moment later, I was calling the boy I loved. The screen—black—suddenly froze up, only to be replaced by a dark room a moment later. Luke appeared in the camera, balancing himself on his right elbow, his left hand coming up to rub at his eyes.
“Aves,” he said, his voice raspy, “Hi. Did you know that it’s night time here? I usually sleep at this hour.”
I kept quiet, and he finally opened his eyes, squinting at the bright light that was coming in from the computer screen. He processed my state, the wet cheeks, the puffy eyes, the quivering bottom lip, “Aves? What’s wrong?”
“Everything, Blondie,” I whispered, my voice cracking. In the camera, Luke reached over at something, and a moment later, there was a soft light on his side of the call. He’d switched on the lamp on his bedside table—the Ninja Turtles one that I’d grown to love.
“Aves,” Luke murmured, shifting so that the laptop was now in his lap. I took a moment to notice how beautiful he was, his hair all dishevelled, his skin smooth, his eyes still foggy and clouded with sleep. His speech was slow and careful, partially because he had just been woken up, but also because of the state I was in.
“I just—,” I took a deep, shaky breath, “I miss you Luke. And Elise is such a bitch, and I just—”
“Elise?” Luke cut me off sharply, “Your editor?”
“Yeah,” I sobbed, my hands coming up to frantically wipe at my eyes. I wasn’t hysterical anymore, finally realising that I should’ve at least cleaned myself up before calling him.
I chuckled dryly to myself, the small laugh mixing in with another sob, “Great. Now I look like a raccoon too.”
“You’re gorgeous Aves,” Luke told me quietly, and I shook my head, putting my face in my hands and trying to take deep breaths, hoping to calm myself. For some reason, I was blowing everything out of proportion—I was emotional and sad, and all I wanted was Luke.
But not via a computer screen.
“I want to be able to touch you,” I whispered to him, exhaling profoundly and lifting my head from my palms, “I miss you so much, Blondie. I just—I want to hug you, and I want to actually kiss you. Fuck Luke—,” I shook my head, “It’s been four months. And I can’t stand it.”
“Aves. Please stop,” Luke pleaded silently with me, “Stop this. Stop crying. I hate seeing you cry.”
I continued to shake my head, my bottom lip poised out in a pout and trembling religiously. My left hand came up to rake through my hair, my painted nails raking along my scalp anxiously. This had been happening often—I would get overwhelmed, unable to control the grief and the stress that was eating me up inside. I didn’t know what was happening.
“Let’s talk about something else,” the boy I loved suggested gently, “How’s Jay?”
I looked at him intently for a moment before wiping at my eyes again and taking a deep breath, willing myself to start over and pretend as though I hadn’t Skyped him in a distraught mess.
“She’s doing well,” I whispered to him, my voice cracking on the last word. I cleared my throat, suddenly feeling thirsty, “How’re the boys?”
“They’re good,” Luke smiled tenderly at me, “Ashton broke his fourth pair of drumsticks this month. Michael’s thinking of dying his hair. And Cal’s chasing a girl—again.” He and I both chuckled weakly at how we knew our friends so well.
“If you want,” Luke offered, “I could get them in on this call—so you could talk to them for yourself.”
“No,” I said quickly, and his brow furrowed. I continued, “I just want to stay here, with you. Just with you.”
Luke smiled amorously at me, and I marvelled yet again at how striking he was, his bright ocean eyes finally alert, his dimples appearing when he smiled that smile that made me want to melt. He ran a hand through his messy blonde hair, “I love you so much, Ava.”
“You used my name,” I joked pathetically, “That means you must be serious.”
“I am,” he told me earnestly, his voice low, “I’m so in love with you. I’ll never stop.” He repeated the words he’d told me at the airport, the day that I’d left. I sniffled, willing my nose to quit being so pink and return back to its normal shade.
“I love you too, Luke. Forever.”
My eyes snapped open. For a moment, all I saw was the dark ceiling looming above me. But then I was sitting up, raking my fingers through my dark hair frantically and feeling the crusty tears that had begun to dry on my face, making my skin feel parched.
I sobbed into my hands, burying my face into my palms. Without hesitating, I was reaching over to my nightstand and dialing Jay’s number. The phone rang four times—I was almost afraid that she’d sleep through the ringing—but then she finally picked it up.
“Ava?” her voice was groggy with sleep—just as his had been in my dream. The thought—the comparison—encouraged another sob to fall from my lips before I smacked my hand against my mouth.
“Ava,” Jay said, suddenly awake, “Did it happen again?”
I merely mumbled in response, but that was enough. She began whispering soothing things into my ear as my breathing got heavy and my eyes closed. I felt my brain begin to go into overdrive—everything was suddenly just too much. All of the little things suddenly grew into huge problems, piling on top of one another to create a giant hill—a giant wall—that I could not overcome.
“Ava,” Jay said sternly, “Stop. Listen to me, okay? Just take a deep breath. Breathe. Remember what the therapist said? Breathe.”
“Jay,” I whimpered, “It hurts.”
“I know it does, honey,” she whispered to me, “But we’re going to do this together. Inhale—,”we both did, “—and now exhale,” there was a pause as I heard her breathe out at the same time that I did.
We continued that ritual for the next ten minutes. Eventually, I had stopped sobbing, stopped the shivers from wracking through my body, and stopped my endless whimpering. My eyes were closed, and I was enjoying the comfort that the darkness provided, Jay whispering kindly and promising words in my ear.
“See?” she said softly, “We did it. You did it.”
“I did it,” I repeated, my eyes opening as I realised that I’d overcome a soon-to-be attack in such a short time. I had a feeling that my friend was on the other end of the line, smiling gently at how amazed I sounded.
“I’m proud of you, Ava,” she told me sincerely, and I finally cracked a small smile, liking that I’d been recognized.
“Thank you,” I breathed, “For everything.”
“No problem,” she replied, and then she made what sounded like a yawn, “You going to be okay?” she asked me.
“I’ll be fine,” I assured her, feeling much more calm now.
“Okay,” she said, “Goodnight, Ava.”
“Goodnight.”
~*~
The next day, I pushed through the revolving doors, feeling confident. I wore a pair of dark wash skinny jeans and a black blazer with a white tank top underneath, black pumps adorning my feet. My purse was hanging on my arm, I my right hand was fiddling with the silver necklace around my throat.
“Morning,” I chirped to Rebecca, the secretary at the front. She shot me a smile and politely acknowledged me. I walked passed the desk she was seated at and down a hallway, stopping and facing the right side of the hall, leaning forward and pressing a button on the wall. A moment later, the elevator in front of me dinged and opened its doors.
Standing inside was Jay.
When she saw me, her eyes lit up, her freckled face immediately breaking into a smile. She flipped some of her blonde hair over her shoulder as I stepped into the elevator and the doors closed.
“Underground parking?” I teased, “Badass.”
She laughed breathily, “You know it.”
Then things were quiet for a moment. I knew that we were both thinking about what had happened last night. A small part of me was grateful that Jay had been here ever since the panic attacks had begun, but I couldn’t help but to feel unable and pathetic. I was scared that one day she’d just drop me, realising that I wasn’t worth her time and that she wasn’t here to babysit me.
“You okay?” Jay snapped me out of my thoughts, her voice having a cautious edge to it, “I mean—about last night?”
“Hm?” I looked over at her, meeting gray eyes that looked at me tenderly, “Oh. Yeah, of course. Thanks to you.”
She smiled bashfully, her face becoming tainted with pink, and I couldn’t help but to chuckle lightly at how embarrassed she always was, like if somebody praised her even for a second, she would melt into her shoes.
“Don’t laugh at me!” she protested, laughing lightly herself, “Just because you’re a robot that never gets embarrassed doesn’t mean that everyone is like that.”
“I’m not a robot!” I scoffed, and we both giggled lightly.
The elevator dinged again and the door opened, and we both stepped onto our floor, turning right and walking down a hallway.
“Morning Ava, morning Jay,” the mail boy—Adrian—greeted us. He was a short boy, only about seventeen years old with Filipino features, his skin darkly tanned. He shot us a bright smile.
“Hey,” I said, “Mail rush today?”
“Nope,” he shook his head, looking relieved. Then he looked around and leaned in, as if wanting to tell us a big secret. The main office was crowded with people bustling around, but nobody stopped to pay any attention the two interns and the mail boy huddled at the entrance.
“But,” Adrian cringed, “Elise was looking for you two. She’s in a pissy mood today too.”
“So basically like every other day,” Jay summed up. Adrian and I laughed, and I thanked him before he wheeled away his cart to deliver letters to our advice columnists.
Beeline Industries was your typical bubble-gum tween magazine, but nowadays, that was what sold. Plus, I was okay with it, as long as I got to write.
“Ever wish you could just say ‘Screw Elise, I’m staying right where I am’?” I asked Jay as we walked into our adjoined cubicles. She let out a laugh, “So many times.”
I grinned at her, setting my purse down and tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. Elise ran the magazine company with an iron fist, but you’d be lying if you said that she wasn’t good at her job. Each issue came out pristine and proper, and it was all thanks to her ability to handle fifty questions being thrown at her from fifty different people.
“Guess we should go,” Jay sighed, sitting up from her chair. I groaned dramatically, making her roll her eyes playfully at me.
“Fine,” I grumbled, and she laughed at the pouting face I made. Together we stood and wove our way through the crowded mass of people hastening to get to someone else’s desk or deliver papers.
And as we did that, I tucked the little memory that had resurfaced last night into a mental box and shoved it into a corner of my mind, where it belonged.
Notes
I know I said I wouldn't be updating this until my other story's finished, but I couldn't resist giving you guys just a little something! This is usually just spur-of-the-moment stuff XDPLEASE VOTE, COMMENT, and SUBSCRIBE! Let me know if you liked the chapter! I really hope you did! Can all my subscribers please VOTE? It would mean the world!
~Stay beautiful~
Please update I love this story so much and I need to know what happens.
2/5/16