Just as Much

Niall's POV

“So this is your house?” I let Gillian in first as I follow behind her. “It's beautiful. And so clean!” She points out as I slip my shoes off and drop my keys and wallet into the bowl. “Oh, I love that bowl.” She's facing me. An odd thing to point out out of everything in the room. Of course she points out something that Erica picked out. I bite my lips, and nod my head.

“So do you want anything to drink?” I'm nervous. I'm usually not nervous when it comes to these things, but my hands are shaking as I shove them in my pockets trying to hide.

“Do you have any wine?” I purse my lips and nod my head.

“I think so.” I rush off to the kitchen, leaving her in the dinning room. I'm not a wine drinker, I don't know anything about it other than red or white, sweet or dry, Erica doesn't like wine. She prefers beer. I'd rather have a beer. I rummage through the cupboards and find a bottle of red and open it with ease, pouring it into two glasses. Coffee mugs to be exact. “Here you are.” I pass it to her as she looks confused. “Sorry about the mug, my housekeeper doesn't do the dishes and I haven't had the time to get them done.” I guess washing dishes was another something Erica didn't have to do but did it anyway.

“It's okay. I like this owl mug.” She laughs, trying to make everything okay. I was suppose to have the owl mug, in my haste I gave it to her. It was the one thing Erica left here. She would always drink tea in the morning with it, and one cup of tea before bed, a lavender tea to help her sleep.

“You want to sit?” I point to the couch as the alcohol that was in my system earlier is drained from my body. It gave me courage and now I'm just a mess. My mind is only one one person and she is not in front of me.

“So you play all these guitars? I love how they're displayed.” She starts a conversation. I have to give her credit, she's really nice. Seems like a really sweet person. But of course, it was Erica's idea to display my guitars on the wall. When she first arrived they were set around the floor or against the wall and kept falling. She suggested putting them on the wall so they're out of the way but still accessible whenever I feel the itch to play.

“Yeah, one of my friends suggested they be displayed like that and it works out really well.” Their is an awkward pause, I know its awkward because I'm making it like that. I keep fumbling with my thoughts and words. I'm trying to move on, I'm trying.

We sit in silence, drinking our wine. She sets it down on the coffee table and suddenly stands up, she's probably leaving, I wouldn't blame her. I've been odd. She surprises me when she sits down next to me, so close, shes practically on top of me.

“So I know you have other things on your mind, I can tell, let me help you forget.” Maybe she's not as sweet and innocent as I thought she was. I'm at a loss for words, all I can do is simply nod as she takes over.

“Should we go to the bedroom?” She asks pulling my hand so I stand up as well.

“Yeah.” I loosely hold her hand, rejecting her fingers when she tries to lace them with mine. I don't want to take her to my room. The last person who stayed the night with me there was Erica. And I sure as hell am not taking her to Erica's room so I lead her to the other guest room.

She lingers in the doorway for a minute, I know she knows this isn't my bedroom, but I don't care. I don't want her there. I walk further into the bedroom, not quite knowing what to do. I know what to do but more and more shes starting to remind me of Erica. She has dark hair and she's shorter than Erica but she pointed out everything that Erica did in the house, everything that Erica likes.

I feel her arms around my waist as I turn she presses her body against mine, planting soft kisses along my neck as I run my fingers along her back. I pull away slightly and pull my shirt over my head, I can see her grinning even in the dark. I start to walk backwards as shes coming towards me, unbuttoning her shirt and exposing her flesh to me, clad in a lacy black bra. Her skin is flawless, Erica's skin is flawless. I try to shake the thought out of my head and return my focus to her.

She reaches out and unbuttons my pants, pulling them down to my knees, leaving me in my boxers. I fiddle with the button on her pants and slide them down easily as she steps out of them. My pants are harder to remove as she pushes me on the bed, my legs draped over the side as she drops to her knees and pulls my trousers off slowly, her fingers inching closer and closer to me.

I know I'm not fully hard yet, I know I'm not, my thoughts are elsewhere.

“Mm, Niall.” She moans as she abruptly stands in front of me reaching around behind her back and unclasping her bra and letting it fall to her elbows, taking it off slowly. I stand up, naked, as I wrap a hand behind her back and the other through her hair, finally kissing her. It was a hungry kiss, her hands were greedy as she massaged my back and pushed me back on the bed, climbing on top of me, only her underwear between us.

She bends down so her bare skin is touching mine, her breasts touching my chest as my hands quickly find them, pressing against them, massaging them, earning a moan from her lips. She quiets herself as she connects her lips onto mine, her tongue greedy in my mouth as I start to buck ever so slightly. I'm delaying, she knows I am, this whole thought of doing this to get over Erica isn't working, I just want this girl to be her.

She pulls away from me, I'm still half way on the bed as I feel my stomach tighten, my heartbeat quicken. She rifles through the drawer next to the bed, pulling a condom out, I'm surprised anything is even in there. She rips the package open and unrolls it down my shaft as she wiggles out of her underwear and I push myself further on the bed she climbs on top of me. My thoughts are still wondering.

She fits herself around me, slowly gliding her body up and down I allow my self to relax as I feel her heat surround me. She runs her fingers through my hair, her lips finding mine again, hers more hungry than mine. Her moans get louder, as I position my legs to be able to push deeper into her. Every single stroke brings me closer, instead of fighting it and trying to last longer I let that pull in my stomach build as I close my eyes tight and release.

Gillian collapses on top of me, a thin layer of sweat between us as she rolls off of me, I stand quickly and walk naked to the bathroom, cleaning myself up. When I return to the bedroom I see her already dressing, pulling her trousers on. I know that was disappointing for her, I'm disappointed with myself in thinking that this would get my mind off Erica.

“She must be a lucky girl.” Gillian whispers as she fumbles with her shirt, tousling her hair.

“What do you mean?” I quickly feel vulnerable naked and fumble with my boxers, slipping them on easily.

“I may only be nineteen but I know when someone's mind is on someone else.” She rolls her eyes and walks out of the room. I'm feeling terrible now.

“I'm really sorry.” I speak after her, seeing her put her shoes on and grab her purse.

“Its fine Niall. I knew your mind was elsewhere from the beginning. Could you call me a taxi?” She asks as I nod my head. Feeling like a piece of crap, thinking that I could get over Erica by hooking up with someone else has made it almost worse. I'm feeling guilty for being with Gillian, my feelings for Erica are stronger than ever, but then messing around with a girl with my heart not in it is not how I am.

I wake up the next morning with the events of last night hazy. It's Sunday. It's actually early afternoon. I remember drinking last night, remember calling Erica but she was busy, and then I remember Gillian. I shake my head, I still can't believe that I allowed myself to do that, that I actually thought it would help. I wish I could call her and apologize but she didn't leave me her number and I don't even know her last name. Because that's cool.

I flip the tv on, eating some toast and pull a blanket around myself, the same blanket that was wrapped around Erica and I the night we spent outside. I find a football match on tv and mindlessly watch it as I fiddle with my phone.

Screw this. I tell myself as I find Erica's name and call her. It rings a few times before she picks up.

“Hey Niall.” Her voice sounds sleepy, I do a quick calculation and see it's about nine am there.

“Hey.” I smile when she says my name. My name on her lips always makes me smile. “What are you doing, did I wake you?” I ask.

“Oh no, I just got out of the shower, I'm off to church today.” Doesn't surprise me, she usually tries to attend every weekend. “Did you go today?” She asks, I used to attend all the time but I've lacked quite a bit in the last few years.

“I think you know the answer to that Erica.” We laugh. “How was the baseball game?” I ask.

“It was really fun, it's an easy sport to figure out.” I find myself wondering if she's naked, she did say that she just out of the shower. I squeeze my eyes shut, rubbing my head with my fingers, this is not what I should be thinking.

“Sounds like a good time.” I suddenly remember the concert and my plans. “Hey, are you still planning on coming to the concert in a few weeks?” I ask, suddenly sitting up, biting my thumb nail.

“Yeah, of course. I missed your London concerts, I have to make up for it.” She's in a good mood, in fact the most chipper she's ever been when she's spoken to me.

“Great, I can get you some VIP tickets and send them to you.”

“Awesome, but I've got to go Niall, don't want to be late!”

“Okay, I'll talk to you later.” I say hopeful, my big plan last night to try to move on is gone and my original plan to try to win her over is back in play.

Notes

I'm so sorry! I've been watching the site all day to update as soon as I got 50 votes, but of course as soon as I decided to go out to dinner with friends, I'm late with the update! I'm sure this one will cause a commotion.....ahhhhhhh.

Don't hate me too much. I'll update another chapter tomorrow morningish!

xoxoxo