Never Alone (Harry Styles Fiction)

Silence.

Silence.

And more silence.

I finally opened my eyes with the feeling of my body shivering and trembling of coldness. I wrapped my arms around my chest and stomach area only to remember that I was half naked in Jake's car. I was with Jake, not Harry. And I was frightened. I sat silently not complaining but my mind protesting in attempts to find a way out of this situation. I knew wherever Jake was taking me it wouldn't be bad, but I'd rather have wished I never had came to this party if it means I wouldn't be in this position.

"You cold sweetheart?" Jake asked and I nodded my head not wanting to speak to him verbally. "Ignoring me? Don't worry, you'll be opening that pretty mouth of yours soon." He winked and I winced at his comment in disgust. In these past few years I've gotten to know Jake, I've never seen or experienced this side of him. The example of cockiness and stupidity all in one personality you would have never guessed.

"Where are we going?" I spoke irritated and he smiled. Why is he smiling? The more the minutes went by, the bigger the desire to wanting to put an end to either one of our lives grew. He was annoying me. Whether it was his intention or not, I wouldn't be able to put up with it any longer, especially not in this situation.

"Stop fucking smiling and tell me where we're going Jake." I said once more and his smile dropped in an instant. I knew that it had worded out a little harsher then I imagined but it didn't bother me. My mind was still intoxicated from the shots of alcohol and I was yet not close enough to being sober. There's always a point in your body that tells you whether you'll be able to go on free toxicated or stick around acting like an idiot for a little longer. I wasn't nauseous or dizzy, yet, therefore I knew I wasn't close to sobering up which was the first thing I needed and wanted. The worst thing that can happen is Jake taking me back to his house and my tempting state of vulnerability causes us to sleep with together. Inebriation wasn't the best situation anyone would like to be in when you're half naked in a car with your ex-boyfriend. Scenarios after scenarios, I finally felt the car come to a stop and I looked out the window, harshly through the dark, to find what seemed like an abandoned shack. It wasn't old, dirty or dead but it was sure abandoned. I got out of the car with Jake's sweater wrapped around me and took it my surroundings. But that was it; I didn't recognize my surroundings because there wasn't any. We were in the absolute middle of nowhere so my attempts in trying to escape were nothing anymore.

"Follow me." He said and I followed behind him around thick trees, as we entered the small shack. We finally entered and I sat on a small brown leather couch trying to process everything but not much was gained. While I watched Jake try to make the fireplace work, my eyes began to wander around. I squinted my eyes in confusion. This place was familiar. It seemed accustomed to his eyes, but not mine. It was difficult to remember where I had seen this place, especially when I wasn't in complete shape. I closed my eyes for a bit to help me relax and fell into a deep sleep.

"Yes I have a key, and it's for camp, I've been here before"

"Why would you carry a key around for this house?"

"Long story I'll explain once we're inside" He said as he opened the house and let me in.

"How many rooms does it have?"

"About.... three or four."

"Oh, ok.... So tell me, why" I closed the door, and walked over to turn a night light on and turned off the porch light, incase that guy comes around here. I closed the curtains and locked the door.

"Well, this isn't my first time coming here to America" He started as I made my way over to the couch and grabbed his hand.

"I came here with my mum about three years ago, to meet a relative I never knew I had. He had a son the same age as our-"

"Harry," I muttered as I opened my eyes almost instantly and began to pant. This shack had been a remembrance of my dream that lead me to this situation in the first place. And that's when it hit me.
Harry.
It was Harry all along. The one in my dream, the boy who had saved me, it was him. Though I didn't know what the dream had meant I knew it had a significant meaning to it. And Jake.
Him.
It had been him who killed the existence of me.
My head began to hurt as I thought about all this but I knew I couldn't get out of this mess by myself.

"Are you ok?" I looked straight ahead of me to find Jake looking at me worriedly and then slowly made his way to the empty seat next to me. I jumped slightly as I felt his hand touch my shoulder and I didn't even bother looking at him.

"Ok, I know were both drunk here but I honestly don't want to do whatever you have in mind, please." I spoke quietly not making any eye contact with him.

"You think I'm drunk?" He chuckled and stood up. "I was never drunk Lynn. I brought you here so we can talk. Not to have sex." He continued to speak and I looked at him confused. Talk? About what? The last thing I want to hear is about his apologetic excuse of him cheating on me twice. He did it and I saw it. There was no excuse on why someone would cheat on you twice and I had moved past that.

"Jake, I don't want to hear it. I get it you cheated on me and it's fine-"

"It's fine?" He interrupted and stared down at me blankly.

"Yes, I've forgiven you. But I meant what I said when our relationship wasn't working out. I've moved on and I think you should too." I retorted and he stood back at my words like I didn't say anything.

"Move on? Haha. You can't possibly tell me you've "moved on" from me."

"Jake-"

"No Lynn. Tell me! It’s him isn't it? Has it been him all this time?" He shouted and began to pace back and forth the living room. "For fuck's sake it is him. Ignorant bastard!"

"Do you want the truth?" I muttered out and before I knew it, I was crying.

"Please!" He said and stopped walking.

"It is him, Jake. And I love him!"

"Pfft, the same way you once "loved me?" he scoffed and sarcastically laughed.

"No. I love him more than you'll ever understand. Don't get me wrong I've loved you as well but that has unfortunately faded away and there's nothing you can do about it to bring it back," I sobbed.

"Why not?" He spoke angrily and looked at me.

"Because you're not Harry." And with that Jake lost it and walked over to the wall and punched it. All these mixed and confused feelings had driven life to a misfortunate way but that's what life was, a misfortune. No matter how hard you try to be happy, life makes it impossible because that's the fact. We are imperfect souls looking for something to keep us living. The common sense you can conclude of a regular human being was as easy as a metaphor;

'We wait all week for friday. We wait all year for summer. But we wait a lifetime for happiness.'

That was it. The misfortune truth of the real world. And even though you are happy, you actually never are. Because the negative things scarring your thoughts are digging their way deeper into your life and eating out the possible happiness you have left until you are dead. That's what had been left of us. Dead souls looking for happiness and affectionate love that can't be provided anymore. Jake was spiritually and mentally dead. A lost being searching for the love and happiness his family had never given him. When his family had passed away that night in the terrible car accident, he didn't talk about it to anyone, not even me. It was this scarce memory of guilt beginning to dig its way into his life and soon enough eaten all of him. I don't know why he never spoke about it to me that first week of the incident, maybe because I refused to go with him? Or maybe because I wasn't suppose to go. I knew since then, Jake had lost all his faith and belief that he would ever be happy again. Realization. The lack of love I provided Jake was small, but I don't regret it. I loved Harry and he loved me. He was desperate and his desperation was just another small factor that led us here. He cheated because he was desperate for love and no one was to blame for but me.

Me?

Because I myself, led him to thinking I loved him all this time. I didn't. I loved Harry and only him.

"Can I ask you something?" I spoke softly wiping my eyes.

"Shoot."

"What was your childhood like?" I shifted my position and put my feet up on the couch getting comfortable.

"Why does it concern you? It's not like you care anymore." He spat in annoyance and took a seat on a chair in front of me.

"That's not true. There's a difference between loving and caring about someone."

Jake sigh, "Well, it all started when I was young. I was raised by just my mother-" and it all just continued to make sense. The sadden story of his life was one big lie just how life had purposely made it. He wasn't a douche or as self conceded as his character tried to make it seem but a troubled child who loved his family. Maybe I was suppose to runaway, try to get a hold of someone for help but I didn't. My dream of Harry and Jake had been a classified sign no one would know about it, but me. So I stayed silent and listened to him the whole night.



--------------------------



"Hello?" I answered my phone and rubbed my eyes a few times feeling nauseous.

"He left back to London with Johnny, something about moving on." I recognized Adri on the phone and I shook my head in place trying to process all this information.

"What do you mean "moving on?" I furrowed my eyebrows and looked over at Jake who was sleeping in bed peacefully. We had slept the night away in this shack, making me forget about everything else. I slowly opened the bedroom door and walked out and shut it silently behind me as I walked over to the kitchen to heat up water and continued to talk with Adri.

"Well last night you had dropped your dress while leaving with Jake-“ 'Oh, that's where it went' I thought to myself. "-And after the fight was over, everyone had gone home and Harry searched for you. He walked a few miles along the beach and back in search of you but nothing. And when we reminded him that Jake had taken you, he was convinced you'd return. So we stayed with him for a while-"

"How long?" I questioned.

"Till 6am, this morning." I opened my mouth in shock and looked at the clock above the stove. 11am. I turned off the stove and poured the heated water into a cup and took out coffee mixtures.

"What do you mean since 6am? What time was his flight?" I asked sitting down on a small round table and sipped on my coffee impatient.

"Like two and half hours ago. After waiting for a while, Johnny suggested you wouldn't be coming back and we all thought you had done stuff with Jake, so Harry simply gave up and left." She said in one breath and I felt empty. And here came reality again, my misfortune. Harry's search on happiness had come to end only because I had made the search easier for someone else. My journey had just begun only to end like this. My search was Harry. I had found him and with every inconvenient road block life brings, I lost it again. I sat silent staring hopelessly at the table not wanting to repeat his words.

"Lynn?"

"I'm here."

"What are you doing?"

"Drinking coffee and mentally crying." I spoke emotional-less.

"No, I mean what are you doing with your life. Are you just going to sit there and rot yourself in guilt and give up?" She began to chant in irritation.

"Well, he did. So why shouldn't I?" I retorted back. Even though my mind itched with remorse, I knew 1/4 of it wasn't my fault. I was angry that they had jumped to conclusions and he had the confidence to conclude such thing and just give up and leave.

"Tell her that her flight leaves in less than an hour!" I heard on the end of the line that seemed to be sissy. "-Shhh." Adri shushed and I furrowed my brows.

"My flight?"



---------------------------



After being a week in London, I convinced myself I had to face Harry. I would go up to him and confess my feelings out. As I got ready, I looked at myself in the mirror and left the hotel. Adri texted me telling me he would be at his parents house so I shouldn't bother visiting him at his boarding school. Finally, I stood outside his house, taking in deep breaths to calm myself. Today is the day, I tell myself. I have to tell him today, or it may just be too late. Now or never, right?
I rang the doorbell, and waited nervously for Harry to open the door. I twiddled my thumbs together and tapped my foot, chewing on my lip.
Finally, the door opened to reveal Harry. Just the sight of him took my breath away. His soft, green eyes twinkled when he saw me, his perfect lips stretching to form a smile.

"Hi, there." he said.

"Hey," I said. "Harry, I um, I wanted to talk to you. Is it…like, is now okay?"

"Sure." he said. "Come on—"

"Harry?" a girl’s voice called out from inside, and I froze. A girl with extremely messy hair stepped out behind him, and my eyes widened when I saw she was wearing shorts along with one of his t-shirts. With a jolt, I realized it was the t-shirt I’d worn to many times to forget. I’d never seen the girl before.

"Who is it?"

"Oh," Harry said. "Lynn, this is Wendy. Wendy, this is Lynn, my friend."

"Hey!" Wendy greeted me happily.

My heart sunk to the pit of my stomach and I managed a small greeting to escape my suddenly dry lips. Maybe I was just jumping to conclusions, but the only thing I could think of at that moment was that she and Harry had slept together.
Harry turned to me. “Are you going to remain standing there? Come on in.”

"Um, actually," I said hurriedly, stepping back, "I just, uh, remembered…I had this…I have to go finish something off." I lied. "I’ll just…I’ll see you later, okay?"

“What? No. Lynn, wait.” Harry started. “Look—”

"I’ll see you later." I repeated, and hurried off, leaving Harry calling after me.


*****

I sat on the edge of brick wall barrier of the roof, my feet dangling in the open. I looked down below at the street, lost deep in thought. I didn’t register the opening of the door that led to the roof, and the footsteps that approached me. Only when I felt someone come to sit beside me, I looked up.

"You’re going to fall," Harry said, as he sat down. "Seriously, you’re going to fall and die."

"No I won’t." I mumbled. "I’m a careful person."

"Really?" Harry chuckled. "Do you remember the night on the tree house?"

"One time." I rolled my eyes, embarrassed.

"One time, really?" he asked. "Two seconds later, you were climbing more trees and fell on the third climb."

"Are you here to make fun of me?" I asked.

"No." he laughed. "I’m here because you’ve been avoiding me."

"No, I haven’t." I lied.

"Wendy," he said, "you and I have gone from talking three times a day to talking zero times in four days. Ever since you came to my house that day…"

"Harry," I said, avoiding his gaze and looking straight ahead, "I haven’t been avoiding you. I’ve just been really busy, that’s all."

"Doing what?" he asked me.

I tried to come up with a quick excuse, but I knew I wasn’t fooling him.

"Wendy," Harry said, "I’m not an idiot, you know? I know why you came over that day. I know what you wanted to tell me."

My heartbeat picked up and my palms felt sweaty suddenly.

“What? How?”

Harry shrugged. “You’re easy to read.,” he said. “Look, I didn’t know you were coming, and I didn’t want to give you any—”

"Harry," I cut across him. "It’s okay, it doesn’t matter. You can…I mean, we’re not together, and you’re not chained to me or anything like that. You can sleep with anyone, that’s up to you."

I was hoping with all my heart that he’d deny sleeping with Wendy. I hoped that like in every movie or book, this was just a misunderstanding, and Wendy was of no real importance, and that he loved me like I loved him.

"I’m sorry,” he said.

"What for?" I asked, frowning.

"I’m sorry I slept with Wendy,” he said.

The tiny sliver of hope I had, left me, and my back slumped as I nodded, taking in his words. “Oh.” I said, my voice emotionless. “It’s... I mean, you have nothing to apologize for. You can…you know, I mean—”

"No, listen to me." he said, and he placed one hand on mine. "I went out last night, to the club. And I ran into Wendy—"

"No," I said, shaking my head. "Harry, you don’t have to explain anything to me." I didn't want to know what happened between the two of them.

"But that’s the thing," he said. "I feel like I should explain myself to you, because I don’t want you to be angry or upset with me. I don’t want you to feel bad, or to stop talking to you or make you want to avoid me like you’ve been doing these days."

"Why?" I asked him.

He opened his mouth as if to speak, but he seemed to be struggling for words. Finally, he sighed and he shook his head. “See, that’s the thing. I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?” I asked.

He nodded. “I know it sounds stupid.” He said. “Look, over the years, since I left that morning after you left with Jake, I told myself I would move on. But I couldn't. I didn't.”

I looked up at him, and he paused to look at me. Then he looked back in front and continued.

“When I first met you, I was attracted to you.” He said. “Like, a lot. But somehow, I knew you weren’t as easy as I thought.”

I blushed and chuckled slightly.

He smiled. “I knew you didn’t hate me and all of that, but you…I don’t know, I can’t explain it. You aren’t like other girls, you know? And before you say it, I know how cliché that sounds. But it’s true. And I’m not used to it, you know?”

“What is that supposed to mean?” I asked. “Are you saying you’ve never been attracted to girls for more than just their physical attributes?”

“Actually, that’s exactly what I’m saying,” Harry nodded. “I mean, well, it’s not like I’ve never fallen for someone, but I haven’t felt like this in a long, long time.”

Fallen. Those words made my heart stutter in my chest, and I gripped the edge of the wall.

“Wendy is an old friend of mine.” He said. “Just someone I used to know. Last night, I only slept with her to see if…if this feeling or…or whatever, is real. If it really means something. I figured that then I would feel really guilty and horrible about sleeping with Wendy.”

“And?” I asked him softly. “Did you feel…guilty?”

“Yes.” He said. "When I woke up the morning after, I felt like I’d done something so wrong…”

“I was so sure I wouldn’t feel bad about it though.” He continued. “I was sure it would mean nothing. And it didn’t. Sleeping with Wendy didn’t mean anything. When you came over, and when I saw your face, it made me hopeful. I could see how hurt you were, and I thought that maybe you’d fallen just as much as I had. But I knew I’d done something really wrong.”

“But we’re not together.” I said.

“I know,” he sighed. “And after seeing what I did, do you think that could change?”

He looked at me, his eyes full of hopefulness. His expression made my heart ache. I opened my mouth to say yes, of course it can, but no words came out. I simply sat staring at the beautiful boy in front of me, thinking about how much I loved him and how much he seemingly loved me. Speak idiot, speak. I couldn't say anything. And when I opened my mouth, my words came out as air. I began to scream and, nothing. I don't know why I had done it but all the silence made me jump off the roof and when I fell I heard Harry scream my name and, blackness overtook me.



----------------



"Lynn? Wake up its 2pm!" I stretched my body out and quickly sat up from the bed and panted gasping for air.

"What, who... Jake?" I gasped and clutched the blanket up to my chest.

"Haha of course silly, who else?"

"What, I just. How long have I been asleep?" I questioned processing everything that just happened.

"Well, when I woke up I found you fast asleep on the table with your phone on your ear, so I brought you back to bed and cooked us some breakfast...or lunch actually."

He smiled and held up a tray of a well cooked meal. Shit. I fell back to bed and stared up at the ceiling. The dream. It seemed oh so real, but I shook it off. I grabbed my phone on the nightstand and turned it on. It read, 2:38pm. I remember Adri had said something about my flight leaving in an hour but it was too late. I tossed my phone next to me and ran my fingers through my hair frustrated. Why does life have to be so complicated? When you try to satisfy others needs, someone is always unsatisfied and let down. My life was a sick love triangle. I was Bella, Harry was my Edward and Jake was Jacob. Besides the crazy vampire shit, Bella loved Edward and he loved her very much but Jacob loved her and that was it. As much as Bella loved Jacob at first, he had nothing against Edward. Something about him that took her breath away and that was relatable to me. The only way out of this was –

Nothing.

You can't make someone stop loving you when they're in deep. Though I am in love with Harry Styles, I am not the only one hurting. But psychology has said, "Chase after the thing you love most, and never let them go." Maybe it was my turn to never let go of Harry, or save him when he is about to fall.

Notes

enjoy ! double update!! yay

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