The Test Subject

As i took my first breath she took her last. As her pain ended mine begun. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they’re afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they’re wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It’s all in how you carry it. That’s what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you’re letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain. There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.

Lily suddenly woke up from the same dream, or nightmare shes been having for weeks now. Well to her it felt like weeks. The images still raw in her mind, replaying at a achingly slow pace .The days all blend together, no calender nor reminder of the days passing her by. Her forehead was dripping with sweat making her long brown hair stick to it. Her chest rose up and then finally down at a rapid speed until slowly got back to normal. The dreams always haunt Lily like a ghost with unfinished business . How can she escape the painful reality if its worse in her dream world she thought. The sheet on her bed felt clammy as did her grey clothes. Instantly trying to get the horrendous images out her head she walked about, hoping to clear her mind. It was strangely silent, no piercing screams, no sound of the doctors heels hitting the cold floor. It would be peaceful if Lily didn't know it was a bad sign. She imagined Miss Butts planning something evil, worse than her crazy terrifying experiments. Until she composed herself, Lily never realized today was her birthday. Her heart burned furiously when she thought her birthday was pointless.

Lily got on her knees as she drew a birthday cake with her fore finger in the brown dirt on the floor. She drew it big enough to fit 17 candles on. "happy birthday Lily" she mumbled to herself. She stared specifically at the first candle. Lily often begrudges her existence. She feels guilty for the death of her mother. She tried to escape the harsh thoughts. Lily inhaled than blew making a private wish in her mind. She wished to find something that made her smile, not one of those fake smiles that fools everyone, a real smile a smile that made her forget about the pain she experienced. Her eyes narrowed against the dirt as a single splash of water hit the ground, making the spot a darker shade of brown. It was then when she wiped the cold water from her eyes with the hem of her shirt. The feeling of being completely isolated never really leaves the pit of her stomach. It got worse when Lily forced herself to stay awake.

Notes