A couple of days had passed since I had warmed up to the idea of dating Niall. I had a hard time believing it and so did my mother. I hadn't mentioned anything to Lilah or Louis yet. Maybe because I thought this 'trial' wouldn't last when they'd return. But what if it did? What if this turned into a serious relationship and Harry wanted to finally get together when he got back? These were all risks that had to be taken. And let's not forget Niall's sister turned frenemy...the irony!

How to embrace difficulty in a blossoming relationship? Even though I knew the Horan's house inside out, we couldn't hang out there because of Izzy. We couldn't hang out at my house unless my mother was there, and that would be too weird. Niall and I had agreed to take things super slow. And tonight would be our official second date.

---

I sat across from the mysterious blue eyed cutie, who decided to comb his hair back for the first time ever. We satin a fancy place with our fancy clothes and fancy music in the back ground. This is what any girl would want to be spoiled with. And although I'm not this kind of girl, trying it at least once was nice.

Our second date and the only contact we've had was the linking of our pinky fingers that day. I'll admit I was nervous too, perhaps that the fantasy bubble would pop and we'd realize that this wouldn't work after all. That thought always lingered in the back of my mind. I recalled the time when I had said that I wondered what it would be like to kiss Niall sober, claiming that it would never happen; well never say never.

We both ate Mediterranean dishes and shared a Crème Brule for dessert. The night was lovely but we didn't talk much. I began to worry. Were we trying too hard to play the roles of the people that belonged in such a lush restaurant as this? Acting too proper was pretty boring.

"It was too much wasn't it?" Niall asked discouraged.

"Well if you wanted to impress me, I am impressed. But…this isn't me."

"It's just that I remembered you talking about your fairy tale date with Izzy and I thought this would come close."

"Yes well, you're not the only one who's done some changing around here. I think that fairy tale idea was blown a long time ago."

"That's kind of sad. I rather liked that hopeless romantic side of you."

"I kind of miss it too, I guess. But please share something with me, anything," I insisted to keep the conversation rolling.

"I have good news. Last Saturday one of the older instructors offered me a job to give surf lessons and work at his shop. He said he had seen me a couple of times out in the water and wanted to take the next steps to getting me sponsored."

"Are you kidding, that's great! You'll finally get to do what you love for a living. Why didn't you say thatearlier?!"

"Because I'm a mess! I don't know why I'm so nervous. When I get nervous I get quiet."

"Are you nervous because you're here with me? What happened to all that arrogance you had stored up in there?"

"It slowly leaked out. I'm afraid I'll disappoint you at some point and I'm just trying to watch what I say and do."

"Then you are not being yourself. I know you've changed a lot and aside from your big ego from before, you'd say some pretty interesting things. And there were moments you showed your caring side; even if you tried to seduce me more times than you were actually nice," I shrugged.

I guess I could have left out the last part as Niall dropped his head on the table from the embarrassment. Way to go, Brynn! You idiot! I hesitantly reached over and grabbed his hand that cushioned his forehead.

"I'm sorry. I said too much and that wasn't nice at all," I felt like the black cloud over his head.

"It's ok. I probably deserve a lot more," he said in a gloomy tone.

"To tell you the truth, and don't let this get to your head now, I kind of miss that sexy confidence you sprayed around everywhere."

"But you told me you hated it," he looked confused.

"I do and I don't. I don't know it's hard to explain. Just forget it."

"Would you like to go for a walk?" Niall suggested.

"Where's the nearest beach?" I offered as a better alternative.

"Only 10 minutes away. And I also have a blanket in my car."

"Let's go then."


We walked barefoot on the sand, side by side. Still shy, still hands to ourselves. Niall carried the blanket over his shoulder as we strolled aimlessly on the beach. Apparently we weren't the only ones with the bright idea; we spotted another couple a few yards away. We could hear their radio playing love songs and decided to bump off their tunes by staying at a reasonable distance.

Niall laid the blanket down but I chose to remain standing. It was weird being at the beach at night. Images of Harry even popped in my head, of the first time we met. I couldn't decide if the whole kissing game was his cowardly way of getting me to kiss him without the commitment or something casual that I thought I wanted as well. I did like Louis at the time after all. I always have my heart somewhere else.

But this was a date. I was creating a new memory with Niall under the stars. Unfortunately, it was getting a bit chilly as goose bumps surfaced my skin. It took only a moment of rubbing my arms to have Niall place his dress shirt over my shoulders as he remained in his under tank.

"It's funny the history we have. You saw me naked, I saw you in your boxers… and here we are, staring at the water too nervous to even touch each other," I stated.

Niall slowly reached for my hand; it was warm around my cold one. I looked up at him and gave him a smile that it was okay. I began walking backwards towards our blanket where we both sat slightly facing each other, still holding hands.

"If we kissed tonight, would that make things worse or better between us?" he asked in a worried tone.

"I don't know…but don't you want to find out?"

"I fear what would happen if it made things worse. Now that I have you, I don't want to lose you."

Hearing those words again "Lose you." One man threw them at me and then left, wanting us to remain friends instead of fighting for us. Versus here a man who wants to be with me and clearly isn't going anywhere. Hmmm. . . you make the call.

I held Niall's hand on my lap and watched his thoughtful eyes grow worrisome. With his other hand he brushed a strand of hair to the side of my cheek. Little by little we both began to lean closer, no one made the impulsive plunge just yet. But steadily our faces came together; eyes still opened waiting for the other to back away. I gave the extra push to finally meet his lips and just closed my eyes to feel the spark.

The technique was there, the hormones too,but the spark was missing. Even I was disappointed in myself. Why couldn't I force it and turn it on like a switch? Everything was perfect, the view, the music; we had done things right. All I had to rely on was my arousal of the kiss, but it still couldn't measure up to that very first time Harry had kissed me. Whether it was a game or not, whether it was two strangers having fun; the chemistry with Harry was irreplaceable.

After our kiss, Niall leaned back and looked lovingly into my eyes. I think he could tell that something was off.

"You didn't feel anything did you?" he asked fearfully.

"I…I wanted to. I don't understand; I'm attracted to you…"

"Sometimes that's not enough. I feel like I'm kissing someone else's girl. Believe me, before I wouldn't have cared. But now…I can respect that you don't feel the same way I do about you."

"I'm sorry," I squeezed his hand.

"Well at least I made it to the second date," he smiled woefully. Man I really wished this had turned out better.


What should I have done? Should I have lied, lead him on, acted a little longer. I was done with the mind games. What's the point of kissing someone if you're not madly in love with them? Otherwise it's just an empty kiss. I then realized…I was madly in love with Harry. Was I the one who had to do the fighting? Well, I could give it one more shot.

When I got home from my friendly date with Niall, after my epiphany, I rushed to my room and held my cellphone as if it were my last hope. Under Harry's name I quickly typed:

I love you. It's always been you.

It took me a moment to press the send button. Might as well have pressed the 'get naked' button because that's how I felt afterwards. It usually took Harry a couple of days before responding to my text so I wasn't holding my breath on him answering tonight or anytime soon.

---

I heard a faint ringing sound. I must have fallen asleep while holding my phone; my hand muffling the chime. My clock read 1:30 am, and my eyes shot wide open as I recognized the unique area code.

"Hello?" I tried clearing my voice.

"Hi, did I wake you?" Harry said softly. I turned to mush just hearing his voice. No other guy could have that effect on me.

"No, not really."

"I forget that it's later over there…so I got your text," he said paralyzing my vocal chords.

"Wh-what text?" Play dumb Brynn! Good job!

"This amazing text that you sent me a little while ago," he was evidently smiling, I could tell by his tone.

"What did you think about it?" Naked feeling coming back now.

"I thought…how much I've been thinking about you and haven't been able to stop since."

My heart was beating so hard I could hear the echo in my head. Why did he have to be so far away?

"Really?"

"Guess what I'm doing right now," he continued.

"Ummm, I don't know…what?"

"Are you busy next weekend?"

"Hah no…why?"

"Would you like to go out with me?" he chuckled huskily.

"Would I? Of course! Are you flying in?" I grew more excited by the minute.

"No…You are!"

"Huh? What?" I gasped.

"I'm booking your flight as we speak. What I have to tell you means too much to say over the phone."

OMG!

Notes

EEEEEEeeeeee!

Short update but I still think its worth it :)