I think you can absolutely love someone with every inch of your being and accept how wrong you are for each other. People believe what the mind dictates the heart argues, but it's a misconception for they are one. It's the person who's divided between choices, there's no need to place the blame elsewhere.

The night is now morning and I'm lying wide awake curled between the sheets. I have no intention of leaving for work today, so I wait for a decent hour to make the call. I can write and send emails from home at my own pace, which by the looks of it won't be till after lunch. Knowing Harry's still flying, remembering he was here only hours ago, has me in a wicked daze.

Minutes evaporate behind the hours as it grows brighter outside my window. Soon I hear the back and forth shuffle of Linda getting ready; I never realized how heavy her steps are. She knocks and I deliver the disappointing news that I'll be staying in today because of the late night. She pouts and shakes her head, expecting to hear the details when she returns in the evening. Just how much I'll share. . . unknown.

This morning is unlike the others and I knew it would be, there's no going back. After hearing the door lock behind Linda, I reach for my phone to play my ritual dismal playlist. Memories and thoughts gravitate towards Harry and our past. I recall how intensely we loved and my body reacts as though it weren't that distant of a time.

Eyelids close as my hands mimic Harry's touch, the way his fingertips chased down my face, across my chest and along my sides. I reenact how his large palms would aid the divine amount of pressure over each breast and hungry mound. Though I see Harry's clear profile in my head, it's still my hands not his. This isn't helping in the slightest.

Frustrated, I leap out of my tangled sheets wearing my clothes and makeup from last night. Stripping free, I search for a large t-shirt to pull over my head before dragging my feet to the kitchen. Coffee is a necessity even when the bags under my eyes are sagging lower than my boobs. Climbing atop the couch with my hot cup, I channel surf till I find something entertaining.

I come across the very first Superman movie with Christopher Reeve at the scene where he's taking Lois Lane on a personal late night flight above the city skyline. She's awestruck; the shock of what's happening is limitless. And it hits me. She is me. When Superman leaves her at her balcony and she watches as he takes off, as if she was the first one to experience such miracle, because she is. Some might not believe her, many will envy her, but she won't ever be the same again.

Harry is Superman and I'm left suspended between realities of your average person and one who's flown and tasted the clouds. Sure Lois will try and go about her day at the Daily Planet, busy herself in work and articles, but her heart and every organ is completely consumed by this caped man.

Smiling in amusement as I remember when Roger used to call me Lois Lane in college, because of my fake frames. There's a connection with this fictional character, aside from our writing professions. This also reminds me of Harry's music video, Strong. Compelled, I watch it once again. All this time wasted, burying a coffin only a few inches deep to then have it cranked open the instant Harry reappears.

In a break up, usually one or both parties are eager to date again, to replace the touch or feeling of loss. Harry did just that and I believe him when he says he loves me still, I on the other hand couldn't. Fearing having sex again was one thing, but I couldn't muster even a single date until I hung out with Kade. I didn't want to replace, compare or delete the history.

Just as Harry discovered my sensual side, with his absence, it went back into hiding. Dreams continued, strange as well as erotic. My mind struggles to forget but my body shuns the idea. Even when I suspected to have crossed the bridge by kissing Kade that night, it was a false victory, but I plan on giving him one more chance to feel out our chemistry. I might still be in love with my Ex, but Kade could be that guy to help me forget or push me in the opposite direction, straight towards Harry.

I call Liv to excuse my absence today and 10 minutes later I get a text from Kade. That was fast.


Hey I heard you were'n't coming in, everything alright? -Kade

I feel a bit under the weather this morning, but I should be fine by tomorrow. I'll email you last night's review as soon as I get nap in. -Jude

Don't worry about it! You can do it tomorrow. Can I bring you anything, lunch? -Kade

That's sweet but unnecessary. I might fall into a coma here in a few. Thank you though -Jude

Alright. We still on for Friday night? -Kade

It's funny to go from talk about work to our casual date. But what's even funnier is the fact that he writes better than he speaks and yet I can still hear his Boston accent when I read his texts.


Of course! Looking forward to that thriller. -Jude

Haha. Ok, get some rest! -Kade


He's undeniably sweet and I accept that I'm that person, divided right through the middle. Finally sleep kicks in and I need to take advantage of it. Setting my empty cup on the floor, I grab the throw blanket and curl up to the rest of the movie after lowering the volume. My eyes close for a few seconds and then there's a chirp.

I sluggishly reach for my phone, peeking through one eye and see the tweet notification. It's a post from Harry and I'm wondering how the heck it already has 15.8k retweets and 37.5k favorites. Either the other side of the world gets first dibs on his posts or my reception has some sort of glitch when it comes to people that matter . . . or person.


Harry Styles. @Harry_Styles
Congrats on the new single @troyesivan! #talkmedown I'm feelin' this track . . . just a #smudge.


I spring up. A smudge?! That's my word and only my word. Quickly my mind races to the moment when Harry jokingly said he would have that word trending across America one day. More importantly, I lay back down and search for this song. The lyrics hit me, hurting like a hundred pound brick to the face . . . again.

---

I'm back at work or so I think. Weight sits on my nose and I touch to find glasses assure my role. I glance around the wide office finding dozens of desks with busy hands typing. I transported into this film and the only person I'd like to see is no where in sight.

"Lois! Lois, come in here at once," my chief yells.

I remove my glasses before rushing over with my pad and pen. I can't erase the smirk for I'm the only one that knows this isn't real, however I play along, don't want to stumble anyone. I barge in to find goody two shoes himself sitting nervously at my presence.

"Yes, Sir?"

"This is Mr. Kent, Clark Kent, I need you to show him the ropes. Direct him to his desk, and congratulate him for being your new assistant."

"But I don't need another assis-"
"Hush! Now leave I have things to do!"
"But I thought Jimmy was my assistant? What am I supposed to tell him?"
"Tell him he needs to assist you with more things, I don't know Lois! It's not my problem, now the two of you out of my office!"
I mumble under my breath as I walk away from my rude boss. Forgetting something, or someone, I turn to find Clark-Harry standing an inch too close. He pushes his specs back with his index finger and smiles sheepishly, then takes a step back after reading my reaction.
"So-sorry Lois. I didn't mean to-"
"It's fine. I'm just clueless as to what to do with you exactly. Let's find your desk and I'll decide from there."
We zig zag through the office until I spot an empty space. Harry sets his briefcase on the desk and thanks me too many times. He looks absolutely adorable with his shorter hair combed back, black spectacles and dorky tie.
"Where's Jimmy? He should have had my article ready by now!" I huff, rushing back to my seat.
"I'm here, quit your yapping!"
That doesn't sound like Jimmy from the movie. I'm met with a blue stare and fumble for words to reply back to this Jimmy who is actually Kade. Jimmy's not meant to look this hot.
My dream shifts to the scene where I await on my balcony in a sheer lavender night gown. A red cape flags in midair and slowly the alien descends before me. His eyes are glowing, furthering his foreign citizenship. I rely on my movie knowledge to carry us through the script. Harry secures his arm around my waist and we float.
Soon we're hovering over the city lights and it feels more like we're dancing as we gradually spin. I know this flighty feeling, he always made me feel that way with his touch. Harry never utters a word, he only shakes and nods his head to my questions. I ask is he loves me and he smiles.
The air is getting thinner, the street lights are too tiny to appreciate and that alarms me, disrupting the romance between the clouds.
"Harry, we're too high!"
His body reclines so that I'm laying on him as we surf the sky at a lower distance.
"Do you love me?" I nod. "Then why did you let me go?"
His body straightens to a standing position but his arms aren't around me. I grip my hands around his neck, my heart pounding from the fear of falling. I throw him a dreadful look. Why isn't he holding me like before?
"Don't let go, Jude. If you want to keep me, don't let me go." He says calmly.
How can he be so still when my hands are sliding off.
"Harry, I'm slipping!" I scream.
His expression is the same and my fears follow through when I fail hang on. I'm yelling with all my might but not a sound is heard. Harry folds his arms and watches my body flail in the cold air. I can't see behind me but I know what awaits me. My heart's about to explode even before my body reaches impact. I didn't mean to let go. I didn't want to.
My body twitches from the shock and I grip the couch grateful for land. Daydreaming of a superhero would lead to a crazy nightmare knowing my subconscious.

Notes

A/N: Chapter Playlist

Here With Me -Susie Suh, Robot Koch

TALK ME DOWN -Troye Sivan