Thursday 10.2.15 Back to Normal

The following week had so much room for failure, but all in all, the outcome was fine. Take Monday for starters, Roger didn’t come in so I decided to stay in for lunch and allow Liv to leave instead. The office was empty and in waltz Kade. The unpredictable tension brewed and I did what I had to do; I played the ‘I can’t remember what happened that night’ card. And it worked.

By Wednesday, things were almost back to normal. Roger didn’t act weird around me which led me to believe he didn’t know; Kade kept his mouth shut and so did I. Yet as much as I love Linda and tell her most of my confidentials, lately, I’ve felt the need to hide them in my own vault.

Talk between Kade and I remained work related which resulted in more assignments. I say things were almost back to normal, however, something was still off. That late night, when I text Harry, the next day I realized what I had written. What I had done. Smothering my face against the pillow to a harmless act of momentary suffocation, I cringed at the sight of my message.

I miss you every day –J

What a moron! I should’ve known better than to drink and text the Ex. There’s laws against this sort of thing. To make matters worse, it’s Thursday and I still haven’t heard a word from Harry. Serves me right! Isn’t this what I wanted, silence? Out of sight and out of mind. This is my ticket to ride . . . far far away from him. Now to work.


“Here’s your ID,” Kade chimes in, holding a lanyard with my official Orectic badge.

I stare glossy eyed at my name in bold print. I’m back in the game. Then I’m handed a small camera case and the excitement is too much. Tonight is my first solo job. Every week, I’ll be attending local venues and spotlighting the new talents. It’s a small column for the magazine, but an important piece for music-lovers. I’ll be reviewing the band’s sound and which songs to watch out for. Luck hasn’t run out on me yet.

---

By my 7th show, a full month later, Roger and Kade hand me one heck of a surprise. I’m given a copy of the first proof for the November issue and a full page is mine. There’s a short introduction, welcoming me to the staff, followed by 6 of my band reviews. And there it was, my name in the corner of a magazine, a year later of when it should’ve actually happened.

As they say there’s always one section in your life that’s off, and while my career was booming, I felt lonely as heck. Linda and Roger had date nights and I tagged along only because we’d end up back at our apartment. The three of us in two bedrooms. So two weeks ago I started dating myself. Yes, I went to the movies on Fridays after work. The first time was to avoid being the third wheel and last week, I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Today I plan on continuing this new tradition and once I get back from lunch, I search the movie listings. Undecided between a romantic comedy, thriller or action, I’m interrupted by a phone call from mom. Since no one is back yet, I take the call right there and stare out the window.

Catching up with her makes me realize I’m a little homesick and should probably make a weekend visit soon. She encourages me to make more friends but I’m still on the shy side when it comes to doing that alone. Mom even asks if I’ve thought about dating and I have. But when Linda tried to set me up with her coworker, I said I wasn’t interested. When my mom asks why, the reason walks past me and into his office.

After hanging up, I busy myself back at the computer, minimizing the showtimes to view later. I think about when this began and sadly, it began with that drunken kiss.

Watching Kade come in every day in his nice clothes, trimmed beard and signature cologne, has me secretly smiling like a student over her teacher. It could never be more than that, but there’s nothing wrong with a little eye candy.


“So Jude, got any plans tonight?” Kade makes conversation as he places a mug in the Keurig. Turning around he crosses his arms, leans on the table and fixes straight at me. He smiles with no clue on how hard it is to look back into those blues.

“I was thinking about catching a movie, maybe,” I answer, tucking hair behind my ears. Clear indicator of 'I’m available’.

“Well yuh should join me, I’m meeting some friends down in the East Village.”

“At what time?”

“Like 7 or so.”

“I might swing by. It’s not too far from me.”

“I can . . . okay. Let me know and I’ll text yuh the address.”


Kade turns to grab his coffee and takes to his office. I think about my mother’s conversation and reopen the window on my screen. There’s a few good movies but tonight I get to live my own. And with that I close the screen and open my inbox.


From: Jude Pierce
To: Kade Allister
10/23/2015 1:29PM

Thank you for the invite. I’ll see you tonight.

J.P.


I hit send with the utmost confidence. What if I meet someone at this bar? Even if I don’t, Kade will be there and that still beats a movie by myself. My phone beeps and I see Kade’s name with a text. There’s the address and a ‘hope to see you there’ with a smiley face. Someone else would think this was an ordinary night out but for me this is the third step to moving on.

I treat it as no big deal to not psyche myself up, but after having Chinese takeout with Linds and blasting the radio to dance tunes, it’s inevitable. I make her swear on her grave not to tell Roger about Kade and his friends tonight, but she flips out anyway. Linda insists on chanting ‘I told you so’ while helping me pick an outfit. Leaving right around the time of Roger’s arrival, I run downstairs and grab the cab I had called for earlier.

The taxi pulls up to the address and I see the bar is packed. The Fall night is cool but the inside of my jacket is humid from my unease. I pay the driver and breathe like a pregnant woman in labor before stepping out and saving face. Dialing Kade’s number, I wonder if he’ll even hear his phone from how noisy it is inside.


“Hey! I’ll be right out!” He yells the second he picks up.


I thought I’d have to hunt Kade down to find him, thankfully he was already a step ahead. I meet him at the door and he surprisingly grabs my hand to lead me to his table. He introduces his old friends Paula and Robbie but I can’t tell if they’re a couple or just really close.

My first martini arrives and I sip it slowly as I people watch; there’s nowhere else I’d rather be. Robbie’s sharing stories of the pranks he used to pull with Kade while Paula dishes on his dating history. Kade blushes and tries to deny some of the facts but laughs and gulps down his beer knowing he’s fighting a losing battle. Later on they excuse themselves to smoke outside, leaving Kade and I to order another round.


“I like your friends,” I add.

“Yep, they’re great and seem to be pretty comfortable around yuh. That’s a good sign!”

“Finally, some new friends!”

Kade places his empty beer bottle to the side and shoots me a curious glance. “Have yuh seen more of New York since we last hung out? Not that yuh remember much from that night anyway.”

“I’m embarrassed to admit not as much as I’d like.”

“Jude, that’s outrageous! Tonight we’re circling Manhattan, even if it costs me the lottery.”

“You don’t have to do that, at least not tonight.” I’m amazed by how little my mouth holds back when I’m relaxed with two martinis, or any alcohol.

“Alright, I’m gonna hold yuh to that.” He grins and its absolutely striking.

“Is this where you usually go on Fridays?”

“It depends if I’m meeting these knuckleheads or not. We pick, actually Paula picks the spots. But now yuh more than welcome to come too. God knows how tired I am of being the odd numbah!”

“Tell me about it! I feel that way when I’m out with Roger and Linda, no matter how much I love’em.”

“No shit, right?! Then it’s settled, WE can hang out.”

I smile and hope the drinks haven’t made me hallucinate the conversation.

“When do we start?”

“We already have and yuh taking a shot with me to celebrate.” Kade bee-lines towards the bartender and comes back with two shots. He places the tiny glass in front of me and hands me a lime.

“My first tequila shot.”

“Yuh fucking kidding me?! Yuh been missing out!” He grabs the salt shaker and holds it in the air. “Okay, lick yuh left land.”

I wet the topside of my hand and he sprinkles both our skins. Kade lays out the steps and on the count of three I lick over the salt, shoot down the tequila and suck on the lime. There’s so many sharp flavors punching left and right, I exhale a gush of wind to cool off.

“Wow, that’s strong!” I fan my burning face. “And fun.”

“Right?!”

“Another!”

“I dunno, yuh had quite a bit already. Wouldn’t want yuh blanking out again.”

“Okay okay . . . I lied.”

“Pahdon?”

“I lied about that night. I remember everything.”

Kade sits up straight and leans in to make sure he’s understanding. “Everything? Even . . .”

“Yes, even that.” We both know.

“Why’d yuh lie?”

“I was trying to skip through the awkwardness and didn’t know what better way to do it.”

“Well I wasn’t gonna make it uncomfortable. I was actually gonna apologize to skip through it.”

“So what did we just toast to?”

“To hanging out.”

“Are we still going to now?”

“Sure we are. I say we lay some ground rules.” He laughs.

“Good idea!” The concept of rules and arrangements flashbacks to Harry, making me blurt out the first one. “No kissing!”

“Ummm. Not my first suggestion, but okay. . . I’m intrigued, are yuh having like issues with the opposite sex?” He smirks.

“No, it’s just getting physical complicates everything.”

“Yuh speaking from so much experience, I’m confused as to who’s the older one here.”

“It’s just kissing opens all the wrong doors if you’re not ready. And there’s no such thing as friends with benefits, someone always gets hurt.”

“I gotcha. . .Listen, I honestly doan go out all that much. My evenings consist of dinnah for one and cahtoons. I love cahtoons! The older the betta. So if yuh ever feel up to sharing a pizza with me Tom and Jerry, then that’s what I got. . . But I’d also be down fuh any of yuh ideas.”

“Sounds like a plan to me. I’ll ask now before the effect wears off. . . Are we going to be cuddle buddies?”

“That’s strictly platonic, it’s a safe bet.”

“Fun. Now to continue Paula’s previous conversation, are you dating anyone now?”

“I wouldn’t be so excited for this if I was. I date but I’m not seeing anyone in particular. I actually broke things off with this girl about two months ago. Yuh turn.”

“Not so fast, why did you break up?”

“Oh we’re taking it there, are we? Let’s see, she was around my age but wanted to rush the relationship and threw out the ‘let’s move in together’. All I heard were alarms going off. Too clingy.”

“Do you have commitment phobia?”

“Absolutely not! I was engaged fuh 2 years but we fell out of love. Still friends till this day. . . now stop avoiding yuh turn. Go!”

“No, it’s been a looonnng time.”

“Since yuh popstah boyfriend?”

“Shhhhhh! I said enough about that hoping you would take the hint.”

“I know, I’m just being a jerk.” He smiles and checks his watch. “Where are these guys, they’ve been out
there for like an hour?!”

“Let’s watch cartoons!” I shout and regret it, thinking I may have come off too ditzy.

“Yeah? Let’s go!”

“Are there any pizza places open at this time?”

“We can make a pit stop.”


I’m thrilled that we’re going to be doing something as simple as watching cartoons, having already established the boundaries. We say goodbye to his friends and they guarantee that we’ll hangout again. I hope to keep that promise. Then we stop by a late pizza shop and I wait in the cab while Kade runs in and back. It takes about twenty minutes till we get to his building and humidity inside my jacket returns.

Walking into Kade’s apartment, unplanned, reminds me of fragments of London. It started with those pesky impulses to be daring and enjoy a stranger’s space. This time, there’s no stranger but a coworker now friend. The intentions have been made clear and now I can relax as opposed to being kept on edge.

There’s a large brown sectional in front of the proportionally large television. Tom the cat will be the same size as a 3 year old toddler thanks to the screen span. His place is cozy and not overkill in the masculinity department. The pizza disappears with the snap of a finger and though it takes care of my buzz it also induces a gradual coma.

“Yuh mind if I sit closer?” Kade asks pointing beside me as he brings more pillows.

We’re sitting on the end part that extends like a mini bed, it’s soft enough to fall asleep right here. The television is wide enough to view from any angle but sleep is luring me in. Without giving it much thought, I rest my head on Kade’s shoulder and feel him shift to bring his arm around me.

For once Harry isn’t popping in my head nor am I confusing this body for another. The differences between these two men are apparent, from their figures to their personalities and yet they’re both amazing. I’ve forgotten what Harry smells like, the first memory to fade. Now I’m absorbed in a new scent. An older one. New skin, hairy and thick. I liked Harry’s body but the shape of Kade’s torso was another unique sculpture to be admired.

With eyes closed, I can hear Kade breathing even as the animation plays in the background. There’s little bursts of cool air when he exhales and when he breathes in, his chest rises noticeably. I can also feel his beard brushing over my hair like velcro when he laughs. It makes me smile and I think this is okay. He’s okay and I’m okay.

His fingers feel a little rough but I like the way he’s circling over my elbow and sometimes spiraling up my arm. That makes me smile too.


“If yuh not gonna make it, yuh can take my bed. I’ll sleep on the couch.” He whispers and I feel the vibrations throughout his shoulder and arm.

“That’s not against our ‘ground rules’?” I mumble.

“I was actually kidding until yuh threw out the first one.”

“You were?” I lift my head and my eyes spring open. “Oh now I feel like an idiot.”

“Doan. I’m really a nice guy, I can follow rules.” He assures me and places his hand behind my head to guide me back to position.

“I actually hate rules . . .” I drift.

Notes

A/N : Chapter Playlist

The Girl -City and Colour

In Your Hands -Joshua Radin