You Have Me

Beth knew something was bothering Louis.

She's known something has been upsetting him since the midnight dinner she and Niall shared. She didn't know why it was bothering him or why her heart grew heavy every time Louis would tense and frown, whenever she and Niall escaped into a corner to talk.

She didn't mean anything by it. She certainly wasn't trying to draw attention to them, or make Louis and Harry question it.

In her mind she thought it was normal. Healthy even.

She didn't want to be so dependent on Louis, not when she's already put him through so much. Louis deserved a better best friend. She knew he needed better than she could give.

But she was selfish.

Louis was Beth's best friend. She's never had one before. Never had a friend...that she remembers.

When they first met, Louis couldn't stand Beth and vice versa. Although Beth didn't like Louis because she knew Louis didn't like her. He thought she was sarcastic and he didn't like the way she could make everyone laugh when he barely managed to make them chuckle. She was only seventeen and she had already reached a level of maturity that if he were being honest--he never thought he'd get to.

Louis thought Beth would be a fling. Harry had never shown interest in keeping a relationship with any girl. Why start now. Especially if that someone was a carefree, snarky seventeen year old.

Who in his opinion wasn't funny.

Because she wasn't. Of course not.

But even he knew Beth was different. She didn't seem keen on starting something with Harry either. She didn't care that Harry, was famous or wanted by many. She didn't even blink when the hate started to come in. She'd laugh and save the funny pictures they'd send. And Louis couldn't say he was surprised when Harry had confined in him about his growing affection towards the unfunny girl.

"It's different," Harry would argue every time Louis would say if he's moved on. Louis would roll his eyes, even though deep down he knew he meant it. He knew it was different' "I need her, Lou and it's different because I know she doesn't need me."

Even Louis knew that was true. He also knew that Harry hadn't ever met someone like Beth. He's never met someone like Beth.

He remembers telling Eleanor all about how he thought she wasn't that great, that she wasn't even funny.
He didn't see the big deal. Eleanor would laugh and kiss his frustration away. She'd hold him tight and she'd say, "It's okay to like her baby, and it's okay to admit she's funny."

Louis would scoff, "but she's not funny!" He'd whine, with a stomp. "I don't like her." He knew he was acting like a spoiled two year old. And Eleanor's giggle wasn't helping his crisis.

"I think you do," Eleanor would admit quietly. She knew why he was aprehensive. Why he didn't want to give in. It's the only reason she hasn't slapped him upside the head, while berating him to get his shit together. "Not everyone is like Matt. S'okay to like Beth, baby. Nothing's going to happen. Beth isn't going to hurt you like that again."

Louis knew she was right. He also knew Beth was nowhere near anything like Matt. He was hoping...praying, that he'd never meet anyone like Matt ever again. Because he had barely survived that the first time.

He didn't think he could do it again.

He doesn't want to do it again.

****

"Heard you're coming on tour with us," Louis doesn't meant to make it sound so mean, but it does, even to his ears.

There's something different about tonight though. He can tell by the way Beth's usual amused smirk isn't visible yet.

She looked at him and then looked away. Like she didn't care that he had been rude.

"It's rude to ignore someone, when they're talking to you." He had mumbles absentmindedly. At this point he'd do anything to pick a fight. He didn't know why. He just did.

That was when Beth got up and left. She didn't mutter a word. Didn't even say, that Louis was always rude first.

Louis heart dropped with every step.

****

It's been two months. Beth actively avoiding Louis and Louis trying figure out why. Sure, he's never been friendly with her per say...but he's never been bad enough, where Beth has a reason to walk out every time he enters the room. Everyone knew and everyone seemed to only blame Louis. He didn't know why. He was always like this with everyone. Didn't know why Beth was taking it so personally.

He tried to joke with Niall, who uncharacteristically decided to keep quiet. "What, you think it's my fault too?" He asked, waiting for Niall to disagree and make him feel better.

"It is." Niall muttered with no sympathy. "You didn't want Beth around you, and now she's not. You win."

Niall walked away, the door slamming behind him. Louis was left shocked and honestly, he was hurt. He didn't feel like he had won anything. Because It's not that he didn't want Beth around him, it's that he didn't want to get hurt again, because even when 'friends' say they'll always be there and won't ever hurt you, they do, and he's already been burned once. He refuses to catch fire again. Even if he knew deep, deep, deep down that Beth wouldn't ever burn him.

He refused to listen to his rational side, because that side was boring, and Louis was anything but.

It wasn't until Eleanor sat him down, with an angry expression and hard eyes, that he knew he had fucked up. "I didn't mean to fuck up so bad," he promised with a sorrow expression. Eleanor sighed with crossed arms. "I just didn't want to get hurt." Eleanor assured him that she understood, but she made sure to clarify that she didn't agree.

That Beth didn't deserve all the poking and mumbled comments, that Louis should support their relationship, because unlike Louis she had become good friends with Beth and she knew that it was as new for Beth as it was for Harry.

Louis promised to try and fix things, though he didn't know if that was possible.

He hope it was, but he wouldn't hold his breath.

****

Louis tried. He really did.

But it felt like it was all in vain. Because Beth didn't seem to care, and she didn't seem to want to fix things.

On various occasions Harry had pulled Louis aside and told him if he was planning to hurt her, that he'd do everything in his power to fuck him over. That was how Louis knew Harry was in love, and while he couldn't be happy for his mate (and he really was) he couldn't say he blamed Harry for his concern. He thought Harry could've been a bit nicer, but he didn't blame him. Not when he saw how happy and stupidly in love Harry was. Or how fun it looked being Beth's friend.

Louis only felt worse when Beth (even though she didn't talk to him) would still go out of her way and do really--fucking nice--things for him. Like coincidentally getting Louis favorite Starbucks drink and only drinking two sips, and silently offering it to him with a small smile and kind eyes. Or continuously leaving her favorite candy in the same place, even though she (everyone) knew Louis would eat it.

The tip of the iceberg was when Louis' voice cracked on stage. Eleanor wasn't around to kiss his embarrassment away (she was visiting home and wasn't coming back for two weeks) the lads were showering or too pumped to stay in one place to notice Louis distress.

Beth however, did notice. She approached him slowly and cautiously.

"Go ahead. Laugh." Louis muttered, voice hard and sad. Beth shot him a confused look and sat down next to him, placing her hand over his, like it was normal and they were actually friends. Even if they weren't.

"M'not gonna make fun of you," she promised firm and confident. Her shoulder bumped his and when Louis made eye contact she smiled, Louis heart feeling lighter. "S'okay. You were my favorite out there. Just don't tell Harry." Louis felt warm and like a total ass. A million pounds of guilt resting heavily on his shoulders.

He didn't like it and he only had himself to blame.

All of this brought bad memories. Like all the times when Matt would laugh and only make him ten times more embarrassed. He was the type of person who would remind everyone what lame thing he said, or what he had done. And this was nice, because Beth had every right to make fun and laugh in his face. And he was baffled as to why she hadn't. So he asked and waited with bouncing nerves. He asked why she hadn't laughed, why she all of a sudden cared that he was upset when he had done nothing but annoy and put her down.

Beth shuddered a breath and sighed.

"M'not Matt. That's why."

She got up and walked inside their tour bus. Louis following shocked and confused. She explained that Eleanor had confided in her why Louis was always so hard on her. And when Louis said he was going to kill Eleanor, Beth laughed and made him promise not to, because Eleanor was ridiculously hot and she shipped them harder than Zac and Vanessa.

They talked and talked and talked, ignoring the strange looks form everyone and Harry's concerned eyes.

Louis explained everything, with a few tears (he denied they were tears) and Louis learned about Beth's family, or lack off. Louis hated himself a bit after finding out what Beth had been going through and why she was actually on tour with them (even though her not wanting to leave Harry was a big part of that) he felt....different. Different because he's not used to having Beth as a friend. He's not used Beth actually talking to him. It was nice though. It was fucking nice, confiding his secrets and hatred for people with someone and vise versa.

Eleanor laughed and continuously blurted out "told you, told you , told you!" The lads--especially Harry--called him in idiot, but it was nice to see them get along.

It was nice.

Finally having a friend was nice.

****

Harry and Beth were shit. And Louis doesn't mean to be blunt. He's honest. And right now everyone agrees with him. Harry and Beth are shit. Their relationship isn't healthy and it's shit.

Harry hurts Beth. Beth says nothing and Harry drinks. Beth won't sleep and she cuts her wrist every night she stays awake. So far it's four. So far Louis hates Harry. Loathes him and his ability to hurt his best friend.

He remembers Beth showing up one night, with a puffy face and bloodshot eyes. She began blubbering about Harry and how he had started screaming and throwing things. She said she couldn't hold back anymore, that she screamed back and shoved him. That she ran right past him and now she's here. So Louis did what he always does, what he's been doing recently.

He pulled her to his chest and held tightly as Eleanor would run out and buy tea and snacks.

They couldn't stay in his room forever, although Louis would prefer too. They couldn't, especially since they were currently touring. Luckily their next show would also be their last for a few weeks. Management and crew agreeing with him, Niall, Liam, and Zayn.

They were outside, Louis practically begging Beth to leave, and by some miracle and maybe a tiny bit of luck she agreed. He doesn't remember the rest. He remembers the sudden panicked look on Beth's face and the way he was shoved, a bruise on his ribs the next morning. He remembers looking down, heart pounding painfully hard again his chest, as his ears began ringing.

Beth was on the floor, a pool of disgusting red under her head. Harry was trapped between Liam and Niall as Zayn was crouched down on one side.

He remembers fighting with the technician, both fist being held down by Eleanor.

He finally got his way, as he climbed in and sat by Beth's head. Her eyes closed, a big bandage holding her hair down.

All Louis can remember--what he is completely sure of--is that at this moment he has never hated anyone as much as he hates Harry.

****

Louis exhausted, his fist ache and the redness is thankfully almost gone. He doesn't hate Harry anymore. He doesn't like him very much right now, but he doesn't hate him. Which is improvement.

Very impressive improvement.

Louis feels okay, but he feels like shit. It gets worse when Beth doesn't remember who he is. It gets worse-worse (and he didn't think that was possible) when Beth looks almost afraid every time he goes near her.

It heartbreakingly bad and it reminds him of before.

They talked today, and he tried not to cry, he's not a little bitch, but little bitch or not he cried and well it's not his proudest moment. The only thing he really remembers over his joy is Beth mumbling something about a friendship bracelet.

They were good, they weren't back to normal and Beth still can't remember but they're good.

Despite everything. Him not telling her about her dad, fighting Lilly together, going to see Ben (the lawyer) becoming a god father, losing his God child, and Beth breaking down. They're okay. Because Beth and
Louis are best friends.

And best friends are good.

****

It's Beth's birthday and Louis would be lying if he said he didn't hate Niall right now.

Because he does. A tiny bit. Because Beth is his best friend and Louis should be able to hog her. But Niall--because he's so annoying and he doesn't realize that Beth's his best friend--demands he let her go, so he can hug her.

He doesn't want to meet Beth's eyes. So instead he drops her gently and moves away with his head down. He goes and finds Eleanor, because he's still Eleanor's favorite. And Eleanor who's always mumbling something about women's intuition already knows what's going on.

She holds on to his shoulders and reminds him that Beth is still his best friend and that Niall is just excited.

Harry comes over and Louis should really just explain it to him. But he can't, because he knows Harry won't understand. The only one who will is Beth and Beth isn't paying attention to him right now.

He tries though. And when he sees he's not getting anywhere he walks away with a sigh. Mumbling an excuse about getting the cake ready when the staff has already taken care of everything. Instead he goes off into a corner and hugs himself.

That's how Beth finds him.

Louis didn't even hear her approach him. And it reminds him of the night his voice gave out and their friend ship began.

"M'not going to make fun of you." She says. Louis' head snaps and his heart stops for a moment. He knows Beth doesn't remember, but he can't help himself from hoping she somehow, by some miracle she does remember.

"You're annoying," Louis says. He just wanted to be left alone so he can melt in his own self pity. "Shouldn't you and Niall be frolicking and being idiots somewhere?" Louis doesn't mean to be difficult. He just is naturally.

"Rather be an idiot with you," Beth says, taking Louis' hand inside hers. "What's wrong Lou? Why are you mad at me and Niall?"

"M'not," Louis denies, "just find you both annoying right now."

"I'm your best friend. You're not allowed to find me annoying. Ever." And Louis doesn't. He finds Niall trying to replace him annoying. "Why do you have your constipated look?"

"My what?"

"Your constipated look," Beth repeats easily, "the look you make when you're upset and you need a cuddle."

Louis snorts and shrugs.

"Don't be difficult Lou. Tell me what's been bothering you for so long?"

"Nothing," he tries again. But even he knows he's not doing a very good job. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Too bad. What is it?" He also forgot Beth can be just as stubborn if not more than him.

It's been bubbling up for so long, that when Beth begins rubbing small circles on the back of his hand he loses all control. "You like Niall more than me," he admits childishly. "It fucking hurts to see you and him whispering and huddled close! It feels the same as when we fought and you trusted Niall. You left me alone to go with Niall! It hurts okay! That's what is bothering me!"

Beth is gaping at him when he's finished. It takes her a few seconds to comprehend. "Louis I had to give you space. That night I felt like shit, knowing how I had fucked you over! Niall was there and he helped me, but it doesn't mean I like him more than you! You're my best friend!"

"It doesn't feel like it okay? It feels like I'm still that stupid kid, that Matt could manipulate and make fun of!" And he hasn't felt that way in a while. But he does remember how bad it hurt.

"Who's Matt?" And right. Beth doesn't remember.

"No one," he says breathless. "Just tell me if you don't want to be my best friend anymore! Tell me so I can get over it!"

And when Beth doesn't say anything he turns ready to walk out, when a small hand wraps around his wrist and he's stopped. "Louis," Beth sniffles. And he hates knowing he's made her cry. Especially on her birthday. "Louis please. You're my best friend. You're the first best friend I've ever had. Please don't."

Louis turns; his eyes already filled with water. He sniffles and pulls her close like he had when Harry would hurt her. He rubbed her back and swiped under his eyes with his free hand.

"Lou, I can't lose you. I don't--I can't lose you too." Beth's words are muffled by Louis' shoulder and Louis wishes he had just talked to her instead of being the idiot he usually is.

"I'm scared of loosing you," he admits sadly. Beth tightens her arms around him.

"I'm not Matt," she promises like she had all those years before. And he knew she wasn't, he just couldn't help feeling so lost when he's not in control. "You're never going lose to me Louis. Never--in a million, billion, trillion years."

"But Nia-"

"Is my friend too," she says, cutting off his worries. "But you, Louis, you're my best friend. You're the person I want to share everything with, you're the only one I'll ever share my Starbucks with. The only one I'd eat blueberries for." And the fact that he knew she meant it when she said she'd eat blueberries for him, it just made him want to cry--well he is crying, but ...yeah.

"You mean it?" He's still not sure and he needs to hear her promise. He won't settle for anything less. Beth pulls away, their eyes connecting.

"Always Lou. Always going to mean it."

And that was good enough for him. It was. Ten minuets later Harry found them, his face confused, and concerned. He wasn't ready to share their moment, so instead he dismissed him and walked away dragging Beth behind him.

He feels okay. Even if he's got a puffy face and pink eyes. He's got his best friend back and his heart isn't so heavy anymore.

And they're okay. Because Louis and Beth are best friends and best friends are good. Louis and Beth are good. They're idiots.

But they're idiots together.

Notes

For everyone who wanted to find out what Beth and Louis had talked about!
If you have a Beth or Louis in your life you're like really lucky! Like winning the lottery lucky!!!!!

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