Permanent
Chapter 18
Ellie Hoover
The snow continued to fall down, lightly landing on the white iced surroundings outside. Nan, pops, and I were sitting in the living room, my favorite in the house at the time due to its warmth and character guided by the unfamiliar Christmas scents of evergreen tree and warm cider. It was the only time I was comforted by something so foreign to me other than my early encounters with Harry. Back in Seattle, I was never able to have a real tree living in an apartment numerous floors above the city streets, but it would be worth buying a house just to experience that smooth December smell and authentic shade of green that centered the room. I stared at the artwork in the corner of the small room. We had put up the decorations on the tree a couple nights prior and every time I entered the room, I was transfixed on the piece of art. As simple as a Christmas tree was, it truly was art. I focused in on the way the small lights hung against the forest hairs and the way the skillfully crafted ornaments were equally to blame for the beauty displayed in the corner. Most importantly, there were a few homemade pieces scattered across the green canvas; they were pieces of family my past, my young life.
“Is Ben sleeping all day?” Nan asked, looking at the inside of her wrist which held the time on a tiny gold watch.
“Beth,” pops breathed out. “The kid just got in last night. Let him sleep all he wants.”
“I know, I know. It’s Christmas and it’s already midday.”
“Nana, I don’t think he will wake up till I mention dinner,” I reasoned. Ben had a habit to be lazy and knowing him, he wouldn’t care to get up even if it was Christmas and my family was there. Well, what I had left and who I had known of my family: Nan and Pops.
She mumbled something incoherent before reviving into a whole new character.
“Let’s open some presents then shall we?” She smiled and jumped up from her chair far too quickly for someone normal her age. She knelt down to the tree and handed me a couple of gifts out of the pile of boxes, all neatly wrapped in shiny pastel purple paper. My grandmother was a real life grandmother pulled out of the stories we were all told when we were younger. It made me wonder how the only crafty thing I could do was sketch and design.
“Nan-” I started.
“Don’t you dare tell me you’re too old or don’t deserve all these presents. I’m spoiling you and you have no say in it.”
I rolled my eyes and started to delicately unwrap the first present as if I were taking apart a bomb. The wrapping was too artistically sculpted to tear up.
I joined nana in the kitchen after I checked on Ben, who was still in a deep sleep in the guest room.
“Do you need any help?”
“I think I am set for now, sweetheart. Thank you though.” She said, covering the potatoes in the pot.
“I do need help understanding what is going on with you and Harry and why you insisted Ben come all the way over with such short notice,” she rose a brow and rested her elbows on the kitchen island.
“Nothing happened with Harry. We just stopped talking. I don’t know he was acting weird and then he left. I thought Ben would like to see England with me and Harry gave me the idea to fly him over for Christmas,” I answered truthfully.
“And what about you and Ben?”
“We are like what we’ve always been, nan. I don’t think I’m able to have a true relationship with him after what he did, but I still like being with him.”
“Listen to yourself Ellie. You can’t be with a silly boy who cheated on you but you still keep him around? I have watched you two for the past four or however many years and not once has he done anything good for you. I’ve never liked him,” Nan confessed with a serious demeanor. I suddenly became angry.
“So now you tell me? After all this time, today is the day you let me know? Great, nan. That is great.” I started pacing around the room with all the thoughts resurfacing in my mind. That day wasn’t the day to start up my emotions and thoughts because only God knows what goes on in my mind. “I don’t want to talk about this right now. I brought Ben to keep me company and I would appreciate it if you continue to be courteous to our guest,” I professed. I knew she was right about it all. Our relationship made no sense but it was just so comfortable and I was used to him; I didn’t care how impractical our relationship has spanned out to be these past years.
“I just don’t want to see you keep getting hurt. I barely see you as it is and I just want you happy,” she smiled with a bit of sadness clouded in her eyes.
I went in to hug her, who, despite her age, still beat me in height by a couple of inches.
“Nan, I love you. Thank you but I can take care of myself. I’m going to try and make it out here more often. I guess it’s not so bad,” I murmured, feeling her cold tears against my cheek.
“I know, I know. I am just being a silly old woman. I just don’t want to lose you again. I don’t want to lose anymore of you.”
“Don’t worry about that,” I said, sliding the pad of my thumb against her cheek to wipe away her evidence of minor distress.
Just then, the front door shook with four knocks before opening up, letting chilly air and footsteps through. A woman with brown hair, over excitement, and familiar features of beauty stood at the doorway of the kitchen. My grandmother stepped away quickly and practically ran to hug the woman with an added kiss on the cheek. She repeated the same process for the other man and woman, presumably my age, who just walked through the door. I saw a set of dark waves, which had become accustomed to, creep behind the three in their shadows. I caught a glimpse of a straight blond shine peeking behind as well. I looked back to the direction of the curls in the back and met eyes with the owner. The green eyes held so much emotion, remaining unnamed to me as always.
“Ellie, let me introduce you. This is Anne, Robin, and Gemma. And I you’ve met Harry and I believe Hallie too,” nan interrupted me before I could deepen my thoughts resting on the confusing man in the back. My feet motioned with tentative steps forward and I arm slowly drifted up to catch the blond whom was called Gemma with a simple shake of the hand. Within seconds of my attempt to shake Gemma’s hand, she rushed me into a hug, one I could never forget. It was full of friendship and longing; I was a hug only people with a great and long past connection would have.
“Sorry, I couldn’t help it. I am so just excited to see you. I was afraid my dumbass of a brother would mess this up for all of us,” she said, letting a smile similar to Harry’s shine though.
“Oh brother? So I am going to make a guess I knew you all well as I did Harry?” I asked without a care of the stupidity my questions entailed. “And you must be Harry’s mom and Harry’s dad?” I turned to the couple to my right.
“Stepdad,” a deep voice entered the conversation.
“Well, hi. Sorry for my nonexistent memory. Hopefully it is only temporary,” I smiled. I stopped believing my last statement after two years of being left with a blank slate in mind. I was faced with five forced smiles; all saw the lies and lost hope that my statement held.
“Oh, hun. No need to apologize. You can call me Anne and my husband here, Robin. I’m just so happy to see you. You’ve grown since we last saw you,” she smiled and I was greeted with another hug.
“Alright, alright. It’s not like we won’t all be here for the rest of the night. Are we done with the introductions so I can put this stuff down?” We all turned to Harry.
“Uh oh, we don’t want precious Mr. Styles to work too hard. He has people to woo across the world,” I faked a pout. Gemma snorted.
Although it was a meaningless poke at the ribs, tension stood in the room, sticking like thick humid air I aimed to stay away from in the summer. It was uncomfortable, but there was really no way of escaping it. I tried to stay away from tension, drama, and awkward situations as well, but I caught myself in more and more instances since I had met Harry. Luckily Gemma started walking into the kitchen to set some bags down in her hand. Harry and the blond followed, while Robin turned into the living room with Pops. Anne and my grandmother looked at each other as if they were suggesting something by their facial expressions. I moved to the kettle on the stove and poured myself my first cup of green tea since I had been in England. It was something I really needed.
The snow continued to fall down, lightly landing on the white iced surroundings outside. Nan, pops, and I were sitting in the living room, my favorite in the house at the time due to its warmth and character guided by the unfamiliar Christmas scents of evergreen tree and warm cider. It was the only time I was comforted by something so foreign to me other than my early encounters with Harry. Back in Seattle, I was never able to have a real tree living in an apartment numerous floors above the city streets, but it would be worth buying a house just to experience that smooth December smell and authentic shade of green that centered the room. I stared at the artwork in the corner of the small room. We had put up the decorations on the tree a couple nights prior and every time I entered the room, I was transfixed on the piece of art. As simple as a Christmas tree was, it truly was art. I focused in on the way the small lights hung against the forest hairs and the way the skillfully crafted ornaments were equally to blame for the beauty displayed in the corner. Most importantly, there were a few homemade pieces scattered across the green canvas; they were pieces of family my past, my young life.
“Is Ben sleeping all day?” Nan asked, looking at the inside of her wrist which held the time on a tiny gold watch.
“Beth,” pops breathed out. “The kid just got in last night. Let him sleep all he wants.”
“I know, I know. It’s Christmas and it’s already midday.”
“Nana, I don’t think he will wake up till I mention dinner,” I reasoned. Ben had a habit to be lazy and knowing him, he wouldn’t care to get up even if it was Christmas and my family was there. Well, what I had left and who I had known of my family: Nan and Pops.
She mumbled something incoherent before reviving into a whole new character.
“Let’s open some presents then shall we?” She smiled and jumped up from her chair far too quickly for someone normal her age. She knelt down to the tree and handed me a couple of gifts out of the pile of boxes, all neatly wrapped in shiny pastel purple paper. My grandmother was a real life grandmother pulled out of the stories we were all told when we were younger. It made me wonder how the only crafty thing I could do was sketch and design.
“Nan-” I started.
“Don’t you dare tell me you’re too old or don’t deserve all these presents. I’m spoiling you and you have no say in it.”
I rolled my eyes and started to delicately unwrap the first present as if I were taking apart a bomb. The wrapping was too artistically sculpted to tear up.
I joined nana in the kitchen after I checked on Ben, who was still in a deep sleep in the guest room.
“Do you need any help?”
“I think I am set for now, sweetheart. Thank you though.” She said, covering the potatoes in the pot.
“I do need help understanding what is going on with you and Harry and why you insisted Ben come all the way over with such short notice,” she rose a brow and rested her elbows on the kitchen island.
“Nothing happened with Harry. We just stopped talking. I don’t know he was acting weird and then he left. I thought Ben would like to see England with me and Harry gave me the idea to fly him over for Christmas,” I answered truthfully.
“And what about you and Ben?”
“We are like what we’ve always been, nan. I don’t think I’m able to have a true relationship with him after what he did, but I still like being with him.”
“Listen to yourself Ellie. You can’t be with a silly boy who cheated on you but you still keep him around? I have watched you two for the past four or however many years and not once has he done anything good for you. I’ve never liked him,” Nan confessed with a serious demeanor. I suddenly became angry.
“So now you tell me? After all this time, today is the day you let me know? Great, nan. That is great.” I started pacing around the room with all the thoughts resurfacing in my mind. That day wasn’t the day to start up my emotions and thoughts because only God knows what goes on in my mind. “I don’t want to talk about this right now. I brought Ben to keep me company and I would appreciate it if you continue to be courteous to our guest,” I professed. I knew she was right about it all. Our relationship made no sense but it was just so comfortable and I was used to him; I didn’t care how impractical our relationship has spanned out to be these past years.
“I just don’t want to see you keep getting hurt. I barely see you as it is and I just want you happy,” she smiled with a bit of sadness clouded in her eyes.
I went in to hug her, who, despite her age, still beat me in height by a couple of inches.
“Nan, I love you. Thank you but I can take care of myself. I’m going to try and make it out here more often. I guess it’s not so bad,” I murmured, feeling her cold tears against my cheek.
“I know, I know. I am just being a silly old woman. I just don’t want to lose you again. I don’t want to lose anymore of you.”
“Don’t worry about that,” I said, sliding the pad of my thumb against her cheek to wipe away her evidence of minor distress.
Just then, the front door shook with four knocks before opening up, letting chilly air and footsteps through. A woman with brown hair, over excitement, and familiar features of beauty stood at the doorway of the kitchen. My grandmother stepped away quickly and practically ran to hug the woman with an added kiss on the cheek. She repeated the same process for the other man and woman, presumably my age, who just walked through the door. I saw a set of dark waves, which had become accustomed to, creep behind the three in their shadows. I caught a glimpse of a straight blond shine peeking behind as well. I looked back to the direction of the curls in the back and met eyes with the owner. The green eyes held so much emotion, remaining unnamed to me as always.
“Ellie, let me introduce you. This is Anne, Robin, and Gemma. And I you’ve met Harry and I believe Hallie too,” nan interrupted me before I could deepen my thoughts resting on the confusing man in the back. My feet motioned with tentative steps forward and I arm slowly drifted up to catch the blond whom was called Gemma with a simple shake of the hand. Within seconds of my attempt to shake Gemma’s hand, she rushed me into a hug, one I could never forget. It was full of friendship and longing; I was a hug only people with a great and long past connection would have.
“Sorry, I couldn’t help it. I am so just excited to see you. I was afraid my dumbass of a brother would mess this up for all of us,” she said, letting a smile similar to Harry’s shine though.
“Oh brother? So I am going to make a guess I knew you all well as I did Harry?” I asked without a care of the stupidity my questions entailed. “And you must be Harry’s mom and Harry’s dad?” I turned to the couple to my right.
“Stepdad,” a deep voice entered the conversation.
“Well, hi. Sorry for my nonexistent memory. Hopefully it is only temporary,” I smiled. I stopped believing my last statement after two years of being left with a blank slate in mind. I was faced with five forced smiles; all saw the lies and lost hope that my statement held.
“Oh, hun. No need to apologize. You can call me Anne and my husband here, Robin. I’m just so happy to see you. You’ve grown since we last saw you,” she smiled and I was greeted with another hug.
“Alright, alright. It’s not like we won’t all be here for the rest of the night. Are we done with the introductions so I can put this stuff down?” We all turned to Harry.
“Uh oh, we don’t want precious Mr. Styles to work too hard. He has people to woo across the world,” I faked a pout. Gemma snorted.
Although it was a meaningless poke at the ribs, tension stood in the room, sticking like thick humid air I aimed to stay away from in the summer. It was uncomfortable, but there was really no way of escaping it. I tried to stay away from tension, drama, and awkward situations as well, but I caught myself in more and more instances since I had met Harry. Luckily Gemma started walking into the kitchen to set some bags down in her hand. Harry and the blond followed, while Robin turned into the living room with Pops. Anne and my grandmother looked at each other as if they were suggesting something by their facial expressions. I moved to the kettle on the stove and poured myself my first cup of green tea since I had been in England. It was something I really needed.
Notes
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2/25/17