and back again.
X. BETTER THAN WORDS
X. BETTER THAN WORDS, BUT MORE THAN A FEELING. CRAZY IN LOVE, DANCING ON THE CEILING.
Ella opened her eyes slowly, blinking into the morning sun streaming through the window of Harry's hotel room, and let herself adjust to her surroundings. She remembered the night before in stark clarity - the cruise, the rain, the raspy tone of Harry's voice as he'd whispered stay with me tonight. It had been all that she could do not to kiss him at that moment. Spending the night in his room crossed a line, even if all they had done was sleep - there were some things that you just weren't supposed to do with another man and share a bed was one of them. But if there was one thing Harry had taught her about herself, it was that she was willing to cross lines for him.
Ella stared at a sleeping Harry Styles laying in the bed beside her. His wild hair was strewn about his face and, if she wasn't mistaken, his thin lips were curved slightly upward at the corners. Their hands were still intertwined, locked together between them, reminding her of exactly how much her life had changed in the past month. Ella wriggled her hand free and lifted herself from the bed as gently as possible so as to not wake Harry. She splashed cold water over her face and gargled away her morning breath, then made her way to the window. Watching the sun rise over the Chicago skyline with Harry Styles asleep in the background, she thought to herself, this isn't real life.
Ella glanced around the room at Harry's belongings. An open suitcase on the floor with an iPad perched on top, a collection of fan-made gifts beside the suitcase, and an open guitar case with an acoustic guitar laid in it. Ella lifted an envelope from the top of the pile and fingered its torn edge, wondering if Harry had read it himself or if there was a staff member who did those things. Ella slid the letter from the envelope and read it over.
I just want you to know that you saved my life. Your music is what gets me through the day. You guys are my idols and I love you sooo much. THANK YOU!!
Eloise (@Mrs_Eloise_Styles)
Ella smiled at the words written in blue marker with hearts dotting the i's. She placed the envelope back atop the pile and glanced at Harry, still sleeping soundly, before pulling the guitar from its case. She turned the chaise lounge toward the window, sat down with her legs folded in front of her, and rested the guitar across her knees. She gently ran her fingers along the strings to the tune of one of her favorite songs to play and hummed softly as the sun rose higher in the sky.
"Take me into your loving arms / kiss me under the light of a thousand stars," Ella heard Harry's raspy voice singing along a moment later. She turned quickly and saw him sitting upright in the bed, his beautiful eyes squinting into the morning sun.
"I'm sorry, I was trying to be quiet." Ella apologized.
"Keep playing."
Ella shook her head and laid the guitar back in its case, "I'll go back to my room so you can sleep."
Harry leapt from the bed quickly, placed his hands on her shoulders, and eased her back into the chair. He leaned close to her ear, "First of all, don't ever apologize for making music," he whispered. He reached for the guitar and sat it on his knee, picking up where she left off, "Second, never stop. Sing with me."
"Place your head on my beating heart / I'm thinking out loud / Maybe we found love right where we are."
Ella bit her lower lip and shook her head.
"Elllaaaaaa." Harry whined as he continued plucking the strings.
Ella blushed.
"When my hair's all but gone and my memory fades," Harry continued, "And the crowds don't remember my name / When my hands don't play the strings the same way, / I know you will still love me the same."
Ella smiled at his effortless talent and mustered up what courage she had.
"'Cause honey your soul could never grow old, it's evergreen," they sang in unison, "And baby your smile's forever in my mind and memory,"
Ella did her best to avoid eye contact as they carried out the remainder of the song, but she could feel Harry's eyes locked on her as they sang. Harry strummed the last chords of the song and leaned across the guitar toward her, "How did you sleep?"
"Great. You?"
"What's better than great?" Harry smirked, "Thunder didn't wake you?"
Ella felt her cheeks grow warm, "Oh, God, how embarrasing."
Harry laughed as he laid the guitar on the bed beside him, "Absolutely adorable." he corrected her.
"I read one of your fan letters." Ella admitted. She stood from the chaise and sat on the edge of the bed beside him.
"That's against the law." Harry teased.
"I'm sorry."
"I don't mind." Harry laughed.
"Do you read them yourself?"
"Most of them," Harry nodded, "As many as I can, whenever I can."
"It's really cool that you do that."
"We owe it to our fans to do that." Harry said simply, "It's the least I can do, to read their letters, when I get home from a stadium show that they sold out."
"Eloise said that you saved her life. That's a lot of pressure."
Harry stared down at his hands, "Yeah, it is," Harry agreed, "It's crazy what some of these girls are going through. Niall got a letter from a girl once that had a razor blade taped to it. She told Niall that he made her realize that she didn't need that blade anymore. Niall went crazy trying to find her - to make sure she was okay - and found out that she was eleven."
"Jesus." Ella breathed. When she was eleven she still had a closet full of Barbie dolls.
"People are quick to pass judgement on us - saying that we're more of a brand then a band, or posting altered paparazzi photos in the tabloids, or spreading nasty rumors about us, and all of that sucks," Harry explained, "But then I get a letter from an Eloise, or a Jessica, or an Andrew, and none of that shit matters at all. All that matters is that I get on that stage, and give it everything that I have for them."
Ella blinked back a tear. God, Ella, get your shit together.
"And then I meet an Ella, and things just get even better." Harry smiled widely at her, "And the Ella thinks, 'God, I wish Harry would brush his teeth before putting his face near mine'."
Ella laughed as Harry clambered from the bed and disappeared into the washroom. She stood from the bed and gazed out the window again. She snapped a photo of the red, orange, and blue sky - even if she could never tell anyone about this weekend, she wanted something to remind of her of the way she was feeling at that very moment.
"Do you realize that it's after eleven?" Harry asked as he returned from the washroom, still clad only in his black Calvin Kleins. "I have sound check at noon."
"Oh, my God," Ella laughed, "I never sleep past nine!"
"I'm a horrible influence on you." Harry laughed.
"Seems that way," Ella smirked, "And you'd think the local pimp would be the bad influence. You have to get ready for sound check - I'll get out of your way."
"You're not in my way." Harry assured her. He felt last night's jeans and frowned at the wet fabric, then reached into his suitcase and pulled out an identical pair, hole-in-knee included. He pulled the jeans over his thin, muscular legs. Ella admired his muscles as he pulled a t-shirt over his head. She wondered what each of his tattoos meant. She wanted to know the story behind each of them. She'd always wanted a tattoo of her own but had never been brave enough to actually do it.
"Sound check can be rather boring," Harry said as he pushed his arms through the sleeves, "I thought you might prefer to see more of the city today instead? Unless you do want to come watch soundcheck - you're welcome to."
Ella smiled. Sightseeing around Chicago sounded great. Plus, she didn't want to attach herself to Harry. She didn't want to crowd him or overstay her welcome.
"Sightseeing sounds perfect," she told him.
"Ron will drive you." Harry informed her, "He, and the SUV, are yours for the day. I'm also going to give you money but I don't know how to do that without it being weird."
"There is absolutely no way to do that without it being weird," Ella laughed as she made her way toward the door, "I can walk, or catch a cab, or ride the subway - I will be just fine."
"Absolutely not." Harry shook his head. He adjusted his solid white t-shirt, then reached for her hands and held them in his, "You'll take Ron. He's rather nice, honest, but absolutely refuses to listen to Top 40 radio stations. He insists on classic rock, so I hope that's not a problem. And I don't want this weekend to cost you anything - you came to visit me."
"I'll take Ron," she agreed, "Classic rock and all, but I'm not taking your money."
"I'll leave a card with Ron in case you change your mind." Harry smiled, defeated. He leaned forward and kissed her forehead softly, "Come by the stadium whenever you're done and we'll eat dinner before the show."
***
As Ella strolled along The Magnificent Mile, window-shopping in the most luxurious of stores and actually shopping in the ones she could afford, she couldn't help but feel an extra bounce in her step. Despite her looming guilt, she couldn't help but walk with the mindset that she was with Harry Styles. She wanted to keep it to herself but at the same time she wanted to shout it from the rooftops. With every person she passed, she felt like she was in on a giant secret that they knew nothing about.
INCOMING TEXT MESSAGE: MR. HANNIGAN
Having fun?
REPLY: Absolutely. You?
INCOMING TEXT MESSAGE: MR. HANNIGAN
Of course. Is Ron still with you?
Ella glanced behind her and saw the black SUV parked on the curb half a block back.
REPLY: Yes. I really didn't need a chauffer...
INCOMING TEXT MESSAGE: MR. HANNIGAN
You deserve royal treatment. And protection. What if there's thunder?
REPLY: This conversation is over.
***
"There she is!" Harry called as Ella walked toward him backstage at Soldier Field, where a few dozen people gathered around a craft services table, laughing and chatting as they loaded paper plates with hors d'ouevres.
"Here she is." Ella smiled as Harry embraced her in a tight hug. For as long as she lived she would never forget the feeling of being held by him.
"How was your day?" Harry pointed at two shopping bags in her hand, "What did you buy?"
"Ah, new Chucks and a sweater." Ella shrugged.
"Chucks? You're wearing Chucks!"
"You can never have too many pairs of Chucks!" Ella reminded him, "Besides, this is coming from the guy who has six pairs of the exact same jeans." Ella rolled her eyes.
"Ace!" a tall, pretty woman with purple-blonde hair, called across the room, pointing at Ella.
"Shut up, Lou," Harry called, "I should have known the women would unite. That's Lou. She makes us look pretty."
"Hi, love," Lou greeted her warmly.
"This is Niall and Louis, Liam and Zayn are around here somewhere." Harry pointed to the faces around the room as he said their names, "That's Paul, and of course you've met Jamie and Ron, and then there's Josh who makes a lot of noise." Harry continued naming names until he'd covered everyone in sight, "Everyone, pay attention to me please," he called loudly, "This is Ella."
"Hi, Ella," the crowd called in unison before breaking into laughter.
"Hi." Ella waved awkwardly.
"Come, I'll show you the stadium. Then I want to see what you bought."
Harry took Ella's hand and led her to a nosebleed seating area facing the massive stage set up in Soldier Field. Ella had never seen anything quite so large or intimidating. And that was with the seventy-odd-thousand seats empty.
"Holy fuck." Ella breathed, "That's terrifying."
"It sure is." Harry agreed, "It's always really scary when we first walk out, and you see all of these people just waiting for you to do something, but as soon as the music starts it feels like I'm running around my room with Gemma screaming at me from downstairs."
Ella pulled her iPhone from her purse and snapped a picture.
"Let's see your new items, then," Harry decided, pulling the bags from her hand. He fingered the fabric of her new red hoodie, then moved onto the sneaker bag.
"Oh, pretty," he gushed dramatically, "blue!"
"Beach glass." Ella corrected him, enjoying the view of her clean new sneakers, "It was between beach glass and coral. I figured since I already have orange, I should venture to a different color pallette."
"Why didn't you get both? Apparently you can never have too many pairs."
Ella shrugged, "These are like sixty bucks a pair."
"I told you to let me give you moneeeeeey!" Harry whined, "You should have all the Chucks that you want. I'll have Ron go get you the other pair, too."
"And I told you I didn't want your money!" Ella reminded him, instinctively taking his hand, "I don't need you to buy me things, Harry. This is the greatest weekend of my life, Chucks or not."
Ella opened her eyes slowly, blinking into the morning sun streaming through the window of Harry's hotel room, and let herself adjust to her surroundings. She remembered the night before in stark clarity - the cruise, the rain, the raspy tone of Harry's voice as he'd whispered stay with me tonight. It had been all that she could do not to kiss him at that moment. Spending the night in his room crossed a line, even if all they had done was sleep - there were some things that you just weren't supposed to do with another man and share a bed was one of them. But if there was one thing Harry had taught her about herself, it was that she was willing to cross lines for him.
Ella stared at a sleeping Harry Styles laying in the bed beside her. His wild hair was strewn about his face and, if she wasn't mistaken, his thin lips were curved slightly upward at the corners. Their hands were still intertwined, locked together between them, reminding her of exactly how much her life had changed in the past month. Ella wriggled her hand free and lifted herself from the bed as gently as possible so as to not wake Harry. She splashed cold water over her face and gargled away her morning breath, then made her way to the window. Watching the sun rise over the Chicago skyline with Harry Styles asleep in the background, she thought to herself, this isn't real life.
Ella glanced around the room at Harry's belongings. An open suitcase on the floor with an iPad perched on top, a collection of fan-made gifts beside the suitcase, and an open guitar case with an acoustic guitar laid in it. Ella lifted an envelope from the top of the pile and fingered its torn edge, wondering if Harry had read it himself or if there was a staff member who did those things. Ella slid the letter from the envelope and read it over.
I just want you to know that you saved my life. Your music is what gets me through the day. You guys are my idols and I love you sooo much. THANK YOU!!
Eloise (@Mrs_Eloise_Styles)
Ella smiled at the words written in blue marker with hearts dotting the i's. She placed the envelope back atop the pile and glanced at Harry, still sleeping soundly, before pulling the guitar from its case. She turned the chaise lounge toward the window, sat down with her legs folded in front of her, and rested the guitar across her knees. She gently ran her fingers along the strings to the tune of one of her favorite songs to play and hummed softly as the sun rose higher in the sky.
"Take me into your loving arms / kiss me under the light of a thousand stars," Ella heard Harry's raspy voice singing along a moment later. She turned quickly and saw him sitting upright in the bed, his beautiful eyes squinting into the morning sun.
"I'm sorry, I was trying to be quiet." Ella apologized.
"Keep playing."
Ella shook her head and laid the guitar back in its case, "I'll go back to my room so you can sleep."
Harry leapt from the bed quickly, placed his hands on her shoulders, and eased her back into the chair. He leaned close to her ear, "First of all, don't ever apologize for making music," he whispered. He reached for the guitar and sat it on his knee, picking up where she left off, "Second, never stop. Sing with me."
"Place your head on my beating heart / I'm thinking out loud / Maybe we found love right where we are."
Ella bit her lower lip and shook her head.
"Elllaaaaaa." Harry whined as he continued plucking the strings.
Ella blushed.
"When my hair's all but gone and my memory fades," Harry continued, "And the crowds don't remember my name / When my hands don't play the strings the same way, / I know you will still love me the same."
Ella smiled at his effortless talent and mustered up what courage she had.
"'Cause honey your soul could never grow old, it's evergreen," they sang in unison, "And baby your smile's forever in my mind and memory,"
Ella did her best to avoid eye contact as they carried out the remainder of the song, but she could feel Harry's eyes locked on her as they sang. Harry strummed the last chords of the song and leaned across the guitar toward her, "How did you sleep?"
"Great. You?"
"What's better than great?" Harry smirked, "Thunder didn't wake you?"
Ella felt her cheeks grow warm, "Oh, God, how embarrasing."
Harry laughed as he laid the guitar on the bed beside him, "Absolutely adorable." he corrected her.
"I read one of your fan letters." Ella admitted. She stood from the chaise and sat on the edge of the bed beside him.
"That's against the law." Harry teased.
"I'm sorry."
"I don't mind." Harry laughed.
"Do you read them yourself?"
"Most of them," Harry nodded, "As many as I can, whenever I can."
"It's really cool that you do that."
"We owe it to our fans to do that." Harry said simply, "It's the least I can do, to read their letters, when I get home from a stadium show that they sold out."
"Eloise said that you saved her life. That's a lot of pressure."
Harry stared down at his hands, "Yeah, it is," Harry agreed, "It's crazy what some of these girls are going through. Niall got a letter from a girl once that had a razor blade taped to it. She told Niall that he made her realize that she didn't need that blade anymore. Niall went crazy trying to find her - to make sure she was okay - and found out that she was eleven."
"Jesus." Ella breathed. When she was eleven she still had a closet full of Barbie dolls.
"People are quick to pass judgement on us - saying that we're more of a brand then a band, or posting altered paparazzi photos in the tabloids, or spreading nasty rumors about us, and all of that sucks," Harry explained, "But then I get a letter from an Eloise, or a Jessica, or an Andrew, and none of that shit matters at all. All that matters is that I get on that stage, and give it everything that I have for them."
Ella blinked back a tear. God, Ella, get your shit together.
"And then I meet an Ella, and things just get even better." Harry smiled widely at her, "And the Ella thinks, 'God, I wish Harry would brush his teeth before putting his face near mine'."
Ella laughed as Harry clambered from the bed and disappeared into the washroom. She stood from the bed and gazed out the window again. She snapped a photo of the red, orange, and blue sky - even if she could never tell anyone about this weekend, she wanted something to remind of her of the way she was feeling at that very moment.
"Do you realize that it's after eleven?" Harry asked as he returned from the washroom, still clad only in his black Calvin Kleins. "I have sound check at noon."
"Oh, my God," Ella laughed, "I never sleep past nine!"
"I'm a horrible influence on you." Harry laughed.
"Seems that way," Ella smirked, "And you'd think the local pimp would be the bad influence. You have to get ready for sound check - I'll get out of your way."
"You're not in my way." Harry assured her. He felt last night's jeans and frowned at the wet fabric, then reached into his suitcase and pulled out an identical pair, hole-in-knee included. He pulled the jeans over his thin, muscular legs. Ella admired his muscles as he pulled a t-shirt over his head. She wondered what each of his tattoos meant. She wanted to know the story behind each of them. She'd always wanted a tattoo of her own but had never been brave enough to actually do it.
"Sound check can be rather boring," Harry said as he pushed his arms through the sleeves, "I thought you might prefer to see more of the city today instead? Unless you do want to come watch soundcheck - you're welcome to."
Ella smiled. Sightseeing around Chicago sounded great. Plus, she didn't want to attach herself to Harry. She didn't want to crowd him or overstay her welcome.
"Sightseeing sounds perfect," she told him.
"Ron will drive you." Harry informed her, "He, and the SUV, are yours for the day. I'm also going to give you money but I don't know how to do that without it being weird."
"There is absolutely no way to do that without it being weird," Ella laughed as she made her way toward the door, "I can walk, or catch a cab, or ride the subway - I will be just fine."
"Absolutely not." Harry shook his head. He adjusted his solid white t-shirt, then reached for her hands and held them in his, "You'll take Ron. He's rather nice, honest, but absolutely refuses to listen to Top 40 radio stations. He insists on classic rock, so I hope that's not a problem. And I don't want this weekend to cost you anything - you came to visit me."
"I'll take Ron," she agreed, "Classic rock and all, but I'm not taking your money."
"I'll leave a card with Ron in case you change your mind." Harry smiled, defeated. He leaned forward and kissed her forehead softly, "Come by the stadium whenever you're done and we'll eat dinner before the show."
***
As Ella strolled along The Magnificent Mile, window-shopping in the most luxurious of stores and actually shopping in the ones she could afford, she couldn't help but feel an extra bounce in her step. Despite her looming guilt, she couldn't help but walk with the mindset that she was with Harry Styles. She wanted to keep it to herself but at the same time she wanted to shout it from the rooftops. With every person she passed, she felt like she was in on a giant secret that they knew nothing about.
INCOMING TEXT MESSAGE: MR. HANNIGAN
Having fun?
REPLY: Absolutely. You?
INCOMING TEXT MESSAGE: MR. HANNIGAN
Of course. Is Ron still with you?
Ella glanced behind her and saw the black SUV parked on the curb half a block back.
REPLY: Yes. I really didn't need a chauffer...
INCOMING TEXT MESSAGE: MR. HANNIGAN
You deserve royal treatment. And protection. What if there's thunder?
REPLY: This conversation is over.
***
"There she is!" Harry called as Ella walked toward him backstage at Soldier Field, where a few dozen people gathered around a craft services table, laughing and chatting as they loaded paper plates with hors d'ouevres.
"Here she is." Ella smiled as Harry embraced her in a tight hug. For as long as she lived she would never forget the feeling of being held by him.
"How was your day?" Harry pointed at two shopping bags in her hand, "What did you buy?"
"Ah, new Chucks and a sweater." Ella shrugged.
"Chucks? You're wearing Chucks!"
"You can never have too many pairs of Chucks!" Ella reminded him, "Besides, this is coming from the guy who has six pairs of the exact same jeans." Ella rolled her eyes.
"Ace!" a tall, pretty woman with purple-blonde hair, called across the room, pointing at Ella.
"Shut up, Lou," Harry called, "I should have known the women would unite. That's Lou. She makes us look pretty."
"Hi, love," Lou greeted her warmly.
"This is Niall and Louis, Liam and Zayn are around here somewhere." Harry pointed to the faces around the room as he said their names, "That's Paul, and of course you've met Jamie and Ron, and then there's Josh who makes a lot of noise." Harry continued naming names until he'd covered everyone in sight, "Everyone, pay attention to me please," he called loudly, "This is Ella."
"Hi, Ella," the crowd called in unison before breaking into laughter.
"Hi." Ella waved awkwardly.
"Come, I'll show you the stadium. Then I want to see what you bought."
Harry took Ella's hand and led her to a nosebleed seating area facing the massive stage set up in Soldier Field. Ella had never seen anything quite so large or intimidating. And that was with the seventy-odd-thousand seats empty.
"Holy fuck." Ella breathed, "That's terrifying."
"It sure is." Harry agreed, "It's always really scary when we first walk out, and you see all of these people just waiting for you to do something, but as soon as the music starts it feels like I'm running around my room with Gemma screaming at me from downstairs."
Ella pulled her iPhone from her purse and snapped a picture.
"Let's see your new items, then," Harry decided, pulling the bags from her hand. He fingered the fabric of her new red hoodie, then moved onto the sneaker bag.
"Oh, pretty," he gushed dramatically, "blue!"
"Beach glass." Ella corrected him, enjoying the view of her clean new sneakers, "It was between beach glass and coral. I figured since I already have orange, I should venture to a different color pallette."
"Why didn't you get both? Apparently you can never have too many pairs."
Ella shrugged, "These are like sixty bucks a pair."
"I told you to let me give you moneeeeeey!" Harry whined, "You should have all the Chucks that you want. I'll have Ron go get you the other pair, too."
"And I told you I didn't want your money!" Ella reminded him, instinctively taking his hand, "I don't need you to buy me things, Harry. This is the greatest weekend of my life, Chucks or not."
Welcome :)
8/7/14