Fate

I lay with my face in my hands, hunched over, sobbing. I could tell neither Harry nor Niall had any idea what to do.

I heard an intake of breath before, “Anya…?” Harry hesitantly said. Niall stayed silent.

I shook my head before answering, “I…. I can’t.” I drew in a shuttering breath before sitting up and continuing, “Please just… just go. Both of you.”

I stared at my knees, tears blurring my vision before rolling down my cheeks and hitting my knees. I hate breaking down like this. I hate crying, it makes me feel so weak and vulnerable.
But that’s exactly what I am, weak and vulnerable.

Niall finally spoke, “We can’t leave you like this.”

“Yes you can.” I whispered. My tears had finally stopped and the remnants of the nightmare were gone. But what was shattering was the shock that people, other than Piper, finally knew about Sam. I couldn’t even look at Harry. Whenever I looked at him, I was reminded of Sam.

But Harry didn’t know that. How could he? He reached over and lifted my chin. I glanced at his emerald green eyes, filled with worry and confusion, but looked away quickly.

“Anastasia. Look at me.”

I shook my head.

Harry’s voice grew softer, but somehow stern. “Anya.”

I clenched my jaw and turned back to him.

His eyes bore into mine, daring me to look away, “Tell me.” He drug his finger lightly against my cheekbone, wiping away a tear. I tried not to, but I flinched away from his touch. I saw the pain in his eyes but I couldn’t meet them with my own.

I sighed before starting. “Sam was my ex.”

Niall interrupted, “Ex- boyfriend?”

“Husband.” I responded swallowing.

Harry made a noise of disbelief, something between a gasp and a moan.

I avoided looking at him. “We were married for three years and it wasn’t exactly the best marriage.”

“What do you mean?” Harry’s voice sounded rough and strained. “Every couple has their…issues. But they don’t normally end a marriage.”

“He was really sweet at the start, but that changed quickly. It started with him getting really angry over silly little things. Then one night I came home late and…” I stopped and sighed. It
felt like my throat was closing. “…that was the first night it all started. He left for a business trip that weekend and got back a day early, so I wasn’t expecting him. He was drunk, he’d just been fired for harassing his boss. Then he found out where I’d been.”

“Where were you that night?” Niall asked.

Still refusing to look at either of them, I answered, “It was August 30th and I’d just gotten back from a concert.”

I stopped for a moment, but Harry asked “What concert?” as soon as I had finished.
“Yours.”

I finally looked up at them and they both had eerily similar expression of shock on their faces. In any other situation, it would have been funny.

“You went to our concerts?” Harry asked, his voice gruff.

I shook my head, “That was the only one. That was the first night he hit me.”

Niall’s face was very serious when I looked at him, “He abused you?”

I nodded.

“What did he do?” Harry asked.

Niall shook his head, “Harry, don’t make her-”

“-What. Did. He. Do. To. You?” Harry cut him off, speaking slowly, and his voice scarily calm.

My voice, on the other hand, began to shake, “He was drinking when I got home and he grabbed me and knocked my stuff out of my hands. The ticket fell out and he saw it. I tried to run away through the kitchen but he caught up to me. He slammed me against the counter and I set my hand on the stove for balance. I didn’t realize that it was on.”

I flipped over my left hand to show them my fingertips and the heel of my hand, where the finger and hand prints had been burned away, leaving behind shiny pink skin.

“That’s not all he did is it?” Niall asked, somewhat shakily.

“No,” I continued, “He had set down a knife on the stovetop when he was yelling at me. He yelled at me for trying to leave him, for never having loved him, and for not appreciating him.”

I stopped, trying to summon what little courage I had left to finish the story.

“Then he took the white-hot knife and cut me until I stopped screaming and passed out.”

I lifted my chin and showed them the puckered pink scar that ran the length of my jaw bone.
Niall paled but Harry remained stoic.

“Did you ever love him?” he asked, his blank expression giving nothing away.

As much as it pained me to say it, I nodded, “At one point, yes I did.”

He nodded and got up and left the room.

Niall and I both stared after him in shock.

I can never win.

Notes

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