The Love Countdown
chapter thirty;
this chapter was so long i had to split it in two
:)
Have you ever gotten that feeling, when there’s a hole in your chest so big that nothing can be done to fix it?
Yeah.
Harry and I sat in the car waiting at a set of lights. It was only five hours before my flight left and I had to be through security and ready to board in four. It was an hour drive to the airport from London, so we had a little time to say goodbye. Harry hadn’t said a word to me this morning, only taking my things and carrying them to the car and getting in. His hands were shaking and his face was pale, I could tell he was on edge about everything. The amount of stress that has hung over our heads this past year has been for nothing, I still have to leave.
“Will your Mother be there?” He asked quietly.
I shook my head. “We said our goodbyes and that she will see me when I land.” When I land in a different part of the country. Away from Harry.
He nodded and I rested my head against the head rest. The radio was turned down low, so the only sound I could hear was the soft sound of the tires moving against the road. I hadn’t checked any of my social networking, hell, I’d deleted almost every one of them, Harry said It would be best for me, say that it would be the “easier way to pull myself out of the spotlight and become “normal” once again.” I frowned momentarily at the memory. He was acting so cold lately. I can understand that he’s upset about this entire situation; but it isn’t my fault, my Mother was the culprit, making me leave when I didn’t want to. Like for example; last night, he wouldn’t even look at me. Went it came for us to go to sleep, he didn’t hold me like he would, he was so distant and…it was angering me.
He would sigh every so often and then clench his hands on the steering wheel, or he’d scratch the back of his neck or tap his finger impatiently.
“Harry?” I questioned and he hummed. “What’s wrong?”
His knuckles tightened on the steering wheel and his eyebrows frowned. “Nothing.” He replied.
I scoffed, “Please, there’s definitely something wrong.”
“There is nothing wrong, Liberty. Drop it.” He growled and frowned his eyebrows, his nostrils flared.
“No.” I spat. “You’re being so distant and quiet, I don’t know what I’ve done to make you do this, but all I know is that you need to stop acting like a brat and talk to m-“
“Alright!” He shouted. “I’m afraid!”
“Afraid of what!?” I screamed back. “How could you be afraid? I should be the one that’s afraid; I’m leaving my fucking soul mate to never return.” He clawed at his locks of hair and whimpered, his chest was rising quickly, and I was worried he would have an anxiety attack.
“I can’t lose you again.” His voice cracked, and so did my heart. I hadn’t even noticed in the midst of my wrath that he had pulled over on the side of the empty high way; he leant his head against the steering wheel and sighed heavily. He was on the verge of crying.
“I-I watched you try to ruin yourself, I watched you try to end you fucking life, Liberty. Don’t you think God should give me some sort of reward for doing that? Hell, I can’t even fucking sleep properly without waking up in a sweat thinking of you just lying there, in your room.” He swallowed and my lip quivered. “I know you think I’m overreacting or whatever, but you’re my life, everything I’ve done over the past year was for you. I held your hand the entire time you were in that hospital, I watched you for days on end just lying there. Sleeping. And I don’t know if I can ever forget about that ordeal. Y’know,” he sighed. “I still remember the first night I found your scars, on your thighs. You were asleep and I carried you into your room and changed you into you pyjama’s. I held you for what felt like forever and fuck, it was better than anything I ever imagined.”
He finished speaking and I looked at the time, we still little over two hours to get there, we had enough time.
“When I first found out we were soul mates and you were fourteen, the amount of shock and responsibility that fell onto my shoulders was unimaginable, at first I was angry, y’know, because I had spent my entire life with this stupid band on my wrist only to find out some fourteen year old girl was my soul mate. At first, I hated you. To be honest, I didn’t know why I was letting some fourteen year old into my house, for all I knew you could’ve some crazy fan who’d tried to pretend to be my soul mate. But then I got to know you, and you were beautiful. I used to stare at you when you sat there and ate your breakfast just admiring you. You thought you were worthless, and that you had no meaning, but I didn’t. I thought you were beautiful, I still do, honestly I think I love you more and more each day, and I’m leaving you. Once you get on that plane I have to go home and sit in my apartment by myself for the rest of my life. I go back to work, and you go back to school. Our entire lives will be broken in two.” His hands flung up to his arms and started to rake down his arms, I brought my hands to his cheeks and turned his head to look at me.
“Baby,” I spoke and placed my hand on his thigh. “It’s not your fault.”
“I know, but…” He sighed.
And that was all I had to say for a tear to slip down his cheek. I unclipped my seat belt and swung my leg over the console to land in his lap. “You won’t lose me again,” I whispered. “I’m always going to be around.” He choked on a sob and I brought him closer by the nape of his neck, his whole body quivering and wracking with sobs that I’d never heard from him before. So I sat there. For the next half an hour I sat there every so often pressing a gentle kiss to his cheek, brushing my fingers through the hair at the bottom of his neck, and at first I thought I’d made him fall asleep, but he spoke.
“We should get going.” He murmured and unwrapped his hands from around my waist, leaning his forehead against mine and pressing a long kiss to my lips. He helped me back over the console and into my seat before turning the engine back on again, and setting back off onto the high way. The sun had only just risen, so there was a straight line of light blue running across the horizon, there was no one on the highway, only a few trucks and the occasional minivan full of travellers. We pulled out into an exit to fill up on petrol, I sat in the car and stared at Harry while he filled up the car, watching the way the veins in his hands moved and his back muscles rolled in the thin t-shirt he wore, -God, I was never going to see that again. I followed him as he walked into the small building to pay for the gas, he picked out a packet of lollies and two waters, he paid for them and proceeded to walk back to the car.
“You still tired?” He asked once he got arrived back at the car, I yawned and nodded, resting my head back onto my pillow I had gotten out of the back seat before. “You can sleep,” He replied. “We only have half an hour till we’re there.”
I slumped in my seat and buried my head into my pillow, it smelt of Harry, hopefully it’ll smell like that forever. I felt the car lurch forward and suddenly we were pulling back out onto the main highway, the sun had finally decided to fully rise and there was this golden glow to the world around us. It got busier as we headed in Heathrow, the planes were closer now, we were able to see them from where we were driving every single one saddened me; I was going to be on one of those soon.
I know what you’re all thinking, “You’re only leaving London, why can’t you just stay in touch but Skype and things?” Well, Harry and I had thought of that, but even if you’re with someone, but you’re not actually with them, like in their presence, you seem to lose track of your relationship and things start to fade. We learnt all about it when we were younger; Sometimes, there are soul mates who aren’t destined to be together, some are, but other decisions and situations force them to part ways, Harry and I were meant to be together, of course. But the timing wasn’t right. I was totally aware of when I left, Harry would surely have flings with other girls. There was always this “myth” that if you and your soul mate don’t stay together, you’re given a new soul mate. So I was totally aware that Harry would probably see other girls, maybe have another relationship with them…but me? No, I’ll stay like this forever. I’ll die alone.
Harry had said that it would be better for me to go in some ways, of course he’d ranted about how much I should stay, and that he loved me, but he said that for my emotional and mental state it would be better, after a while, people would forget about me, and let me blend back in with everyone else. Go back to school, get another job, and move back home. Where I should have been in the first place. But I had always insisted that he was all I needed to be happy. He could make me better again.
It was strange, though. Who ever thought that a fifteen year old girl and a twenty year old man (child) could be together? Could be soul mates?
I had been so endured in my thoughts that I hadn’t even realised we’d arrived at the airport.
Oh.
:)
Have you ever gotten that feeling, when there’s a hole in your chest so big that nothing can be done to fix it?
Yeah.
Harry and I sat in the car waiting at a set of lights. It was only five hours before my flight left and I had to be through security and ready to board in four. It was an hour drive to the airport from London, so we had a little time to say goodbye. Harry hadn’t said a word to me this morning, only taking my things and carrying them to the car and getting in. His hands were shaking and his face was pale, I could tell he was on edge about everything. The amount of stress that has hung over our heads this past year has been for nothing, I still have to leave.
“Will your Mother be there?” He asked quietly.
I shook my head. “We said our goodbyes and that she will see me when I land.” When I land in a different part of the country. Away from Harry.
He nodded and I rested my head against the head rest. The radio was turned down low, so the only sound I could hear was the soft sound of the tires moving against the road. I hadn’t checked any of my social networking, hell, I’d deleted almost every one of them, Harry said It would be best for me, say that it would be the “easier way to pull myself out of the spotlight and become “normal” once again.” I frowned momentarily at the memory. He was acting so cold lately. I can understand that he’s upset about this entire situation; but it isn’t my fault, my Mother was the culprit, making me leave when I didn’t want to. Like for example; last night, he wouldn’t even look at me. Went it came for us to go to sleep, he didn’t hold me like he would, he was so distant and…it was angering me.
He would sigh every so often and then clench his hands on the steering wheel, or he’d scratch the back of his neck or tap his finger impatiently.
“Harry?” I questioned and he hummed. “What’s wrong?”
His knuckles tightened on the steering wheel and his eyebrows frowned. “Nothing.” He replied.
I scoffed, “Please, there’s definitely something wrong.”
“There is nothing wrong, Liberty. Drop it.” He growled and frowned his eyebrows, his nostrils flared.
“No.” I spat. “You’re being so distant and quiet, I don’t know what I’ve done to make you do this, but all I know is that you need to stop acting like a brat and talk to m-“
“Alright!” He shouted. “I’m afraid!”
“Afraid of what!?” I screamed back. “How could you be afraid? I should be the one that’s afraid; I’m leaving my fucking soul mate to never return.” He clawed at his locks of hair and whimpered, his chest was rising quickly, and I was worried he would have an anxiety attack.
“I can’t lose you again.” His voice cracked, and so did my heart. I hadn’t even noticed in the midst of my wrath that he had pulled over on the side of the empty high way; he leant his head against the steering wheel and sighed heavily. He was on the verge of crying.
“I-I watched you try to ruin yourself, I watched you try to end you fucking life, Liberty. Don’t you think God should give me some sort of reward for doing that? Hell, I can’t even fucking sleep properly without waking up in a sweat thinking of you just lying there, in your room.” He swallowed and my lip quivered. “I know you think I’m overreacting or whatever, but you’re my life, everything I’ve done over the past year was for you. I held your hand the entire time you were in that hospital, I watched you for days on end just lying there. Sleeping. And I don’t know if I can ever forget about that ordeal. Y’know,” he sighed. “I still remember the first night I found your scars, on your thighs. You were asleep and I carried you into your room and changed you into you pyjama’s. I held you for what felt like forever and fuck, it was better than anything I ever imagined.”
He finished speaking and I looked at the time, we still little over two hours to get there, we had enough time.
“When I first found out we were soul mates and you were fourteen, the amount of shock and responsibility that fell onto my shoulders was unimaginable, at first I was angry, y’know, because I had spent my entire life with this stupid band on my wrist only to find out some fourteen year old girl was my soul mate. At first, I hated you. To be honest, I didn’t know why I was letting some fourteen year old into my house, for all I knew you could’ve some crazy fan who’d tried to pretend to be my soul mate. But then I got to know you, and you were beautiful. I used to stare at you when you sat there and ate your breakfast just admiring you. You thought you were worthless, and that you had no meaning, but I didn’t. I thought you were beautiful, I still do, honestly I think I love you more and more each day, and I’m leaving you. Once you get on that plane I have to go home and sit in my apartment by myself for the rest of my life. I go back to work, and you go back to school. Our entire lives will be broken in two.” His hands flung up to his arms and started to rake down his arms, I brought my hands to his cheeks and turned his head to look at me.
“Baby,” I spoke and placed my hand on his thigh. “It’s not your fault.”
“I know, but…” He sighed.
And that was all I had to say for a tear to slip down his cheek. I unclipped my seat belt and swung my leg over the console to land in his lap. “You won’t lose me again,” I whispered. “I’m always going to be around.” He choked on a sob and I brought him closer by the nape of his neck, his whole body quivering and wracking with sobs that I’d never heard from him before. So I sat there. For the next half an hour I sat there every so often pressing a gentle kiss to his cheek, brushing my fingers through the hair at the bottom of his neck, and at first I thought I’d made him fall asleep, but he spoke.
“We should get going.” He murmured and unwrapped his hands from around my waist, leaning his forehead against mine and pressing a long kiss to my lips. He helped me back over the console and into my seat before turning the engine back on again, and setting back off onto the high way. The sun had only just risen, so there was a straight line of light blue running across the horizon, there was no one on the highway, only a few trucks and the occasional minivan full of travellers. We pulled out into an exit to fill up on petrol, I sat in the car and stared at Harry while he filled up the car, watching the way the veins in his hands moved and his back muscles rolled in the thin t-shirt he wore, -God, I was never going to see that again. I followed him as he walked into the small building to pay for the gas, he picked out a packet of lollies and two waters, he paid for them and proceeded to walk back to the car.
“You still tired?” He asked once he got arrived back at the car, I yawned and nodded, resting my head back onto my pillow I had gotten out of the back seat before. “You can sleep,” He replied. “We only have half an hour till we’re there.”
I slumped in my seat and buried my head into my pillow, it smelt of Harry, hopefully it’ll smell like that forever. I felt the car lurch forward and suddenly we were pulling back out onto the main highway, the sun had finally decided to fully rise and there was this golden glow to the world around us. It got busier as we headed in Heathrow, the planes were closer now, we were able to see them from where we were driving every single one saddened me; I was going to be on one of those soon.
I know what you’re all thinking, “You’re only leaving London, why can’t you just stay in touch but Skype and things?” Well, Harry and I had thought of that, but even if you’re with someone, but you’re not actually with them, like in their presence, you seem to lose track of your relationship and things start to fade. We learnt all about it when we were younger; Sometimes, there are soul mates who aren’t destined to be together, some are, but other decisions and situations force them to part ways, Harry and I were meant to be together, of course. But the timing wasn’t right. I was totally aware of when I left, Harry would surely have flings with other girls. There was always this “myth” that if you and your soul mate don’t stay together, you’re given a new soul mate. So I was totally aware that Harry would probably see other girls, maybe have another relationship with them…but me? No, I’ll stay like this forever. I’ll die alone.
Harry had said that it would be better for me to go in some ways, of course he’d ranted about how much I should stay, and that he loved me, but he said that for my emotional and mental state it would be better, after a while, people would forget about me, and let me blend back in with everyone else. Go back to school, get another job, and move back home. Where I should have been in the first place. But I had always insisted that he was all I needed to be happy. He could make me better again.
It was strange, though. Who ever thought that a fifteen year old girl and a twenty year old man (child) could be together? Could be soul mates?
I had been so endured in my thoughts that I hadn’t even realised we’d arrived at the airport.
Oh.
Notes
!!!!! omg!!!!!so, one more chapter left *cries*
sorry i haven't updated in ages, family difficulties and school u feel
PLEASE COMMENT AND VOTE!!!
BTW I'LL PROBS POST THE LAST CHAPTER IN THE NEXT WEEK BC I HAVE HOLIDAYS
THE SEQUEL WILL BE POSTED THE SAME TIME AS THE LAST CHAPTER!
LOVE YOU ALL,
- Hanna x
Yaaaass! I can't wait for the sequel! Congrats on the seats! Have fun at the concert!
2/10/15