THE DEATH OF ME

Sam leaves shortly after and I go looking for Harry.
I pass Gemma’s room to hear his voice. He is in there. They are arguing.
I am just about to tiptoe pass the room when I hear my name. I stop. I can’t help but listen, taken over by the urge to know what Harry has to say.
“I thought you liked her! That you wanted her and me to be together,” Harry accused.
What is this?
“I do! You are missing my point Harry! I told you the other day- you cannot stop your life to make sure other people are alright- you need to live too,” Gemma answers back.
“This isn’t stopping my life! I can race wherever I am- I don’t have to travel far for it- I can race here or I can race in Watford- I can still stay in the UK and do it!”
“But this is a chance in a life time- you have to do it!” Gemma exclaims
“You hate the whole racing thing! You kept trying to get me to stop and now you are pushing me?! What is up with that?!” Harry demands to know.
I am glued to my spot listening in to this conversation. I’m trying to understand what is going on, confused by their shouting.
“I did- I do- but this has nothing to do with me! It is all you- I’m putting my dislike of it aside to give you the best advice I can give you! Harry- racing is your life- it’s the love of your life- your passion- I see what it does to you- and you got the offer of a life time- you can’t just give it up for a girl- no matter how much you love her- Cassie will understand- you won’t be gone forever- and she will be here once the season is over and you come back,” Gemma tries to reason.
“Cassie is my life- my love- my passion! Racing I can do anywhere- Cassie won’t be in the US she will be here- far away from me!” Harry raises his voice in frustration.
US? As in America? He didn’t tell me about any offer to race over there.
“Yeah? So you will continue with the small league here, continuing to take part in the illegal drifting until you get thrown back in jail? Harry you aren’t thinking straight- Mum would totally agree with me and tell you to go!” Gemma states.
“You have no right to tell me what to do! You just heard parts of a conversation and decided to poke you head in where it doesn’t belong!”
“I’m not telling you what to do- I’m advising you- I’m your sister- I only want the best for you how can’t you see that!?” You can’t miss the shock and hurt in Gemma’s voice.
“I can’t- I just got her back,” Harry mumbles.
“If it was meant to be then it will go on also while you’re away,” She answers.
I suddenly realize I’m having trouble breathing, my breath coming in and out much faster than it should. This cannot be happening to me, it is one thing after the other- this is so unfair.
“I’m not going- I just got her back! Things are just starting to go back to normal I can’t leave.” The door opens and I’m stood face to face with an angry Harry and a frustrated Gemma.
“Cass,” Harry breaths when he sees me.
“I- I- why didn’t you tell me you got an offer in America?” I stutter, my hands trembling at my sides.
I turn and walk away to Harry’s old room slamming the door after me.
“Fuck!!” I hear Harry scream as I throw myself on the bed and pull the pillow over my head to shut out the noise.
“This is all you!” Harry accuses Gemma.
“NO it’s not! You should have told her from the start!” She raises her voice.
“She wasn’t talking to me when I got the offer- and I’m not taking it.”
“Well it’s not my fault! I didn’t know she was stood outside the door- if you feel like blaming someone blame yourself- maybe she wouldn’t of heard you if you wouldn’t be screaming so loud!” I hear a door slam and reckon Gemma shut her bedroom door in Harry’s face. I wonder if Harry would come in here now or take the time to cool off before coming and trying to set things right with me.
There is soon a knock on the door and it opens, without waiting for an answer from me. I feel the weight of him on the bed next to me and then his touch on the low of my back.
“Cassie… I can explain,” He says softly.
“Didn’t I hear that before,” I mumble.
“Please- hear me out,” He asks of me. I exhale and sit up, bringing my knees to my chest and resting my chin on top of them.
“We weren’t speaking- well you weren’t talking to me, and I got the call, and at first I was thinking of taking it, but then we worked through our problems so I decided not to go,” He says shortly.
“Where you even planning on telling me?” I demand to know. He stays quiet while staring down into my eyes. After a long moment he shakes his head slowly. He wasn’t even going to tell me about it.
“Why are you crying?” He whispers, laying his palm on the side of my leg, his fingers touching my knee and my chin.
“I don’t know,” I whisper back, wiping the tears.
“Cassie talk to me.. please,” He begs softly.
I sniff and look up at him.
“Gemma’s right Harry.. You need to go,” I remark.
“What?! How can you say that? DO you even know where you want me to go?” He questions sharply.
“America..” I sigh.
“Right- America- California- that is thousands of miles away from here- away from you,” He says angrily.
“I know,” My voice shakes. I hate that it betrays me this way, my voice and my tears. Why can I just have a proper conversation without them turning on me?
“Don’t you want me? I thought things between us were getting better- that we were back on track! Are you telling me I was imagining this?”
“NO! not at all- please Harry,” I reach out for him, but he gets up from the bed and turns his back on me.
“I want you Harry- more than you would ever know,” I say quietly.
“You have a damn good way of showing it,” He stammers.
“Answer this one question- if you had never met me- would you go?”
His eyes pierce me, though he does provide me with an answer.
“Yes, I would.”
“So you should go,” I say simply.
“Will you come with me?” He suddenly asks, his brows rose in question. That’s when I know- he wants to go he wants it, but he is torn since he wants me as well.
“I can’t,” My voice cracks.
Harry lets out a chain of curse words.
“Harry- I promised your mum and Sam I will finish and graduate and I want to keep my promise- If I go with you I won’t be able to,” I explain, tears falling down my cheeks silently.
“I’m not going,” He states stubbornly.
“In that case- I don’t want you- I don’t want you here- I’ll go back home to Sam,” I whisper, not able to look up at him, knowing the hurt that I just caused him with my words will be placed in his eyes.
“You don’t mean that- take it back!” He demands, taking two paces over to me, leaning down on his knees in front of me, his hands grabbing my own. “Take it back!”
“If you won’t go- that is what will happen- if not at first then later… Harry this is your dream- I can see it in your eyes- I don’t want to be the reason of you not going- you will resent me for not going- and I will never forgive myself or you,” I explain softly.
“But I just got you back.” I am startled to hear his voice break. I look up at him and tears are rolling down his cheeks and off to the bed.
I have never seen Harry cry before and seeing it know just shatters me in every way possible.
“Oh Harry- and you will still have me- always,” I reach out and touch my palms to his cheeks.
“Do you promise me? Do you promise to never push me away again Do you promise to wait for me?” He asks.
“Yes! I promise- I swear on my life- I am yours forever,” I wipe his tears away, and lean over to kiss his lips.
“And I will talk to you every day- and skype and text,” I go on, wanting to calm him down.
“You promise me?”
“Do you feel that?” I ask, placing his hand on my heart, “That is my heart promising you.”
I know that I have convinced him to go. And I know I also need to win over his trust, after breaking it by pushing him so far away.
“When do you leave?” I ask after a while of brushing his cheek and curls, watching his eyes dry, and his breathing go back to normal.
“Tomorrow morning,” He says.
I didn’t realize how soon it is, how soon I would need to say goodbye to him again. However this time is different, this time we are strong, we are together, no distance can break us.

Harry’s POV

Having Ed on the same flight with me makes it almost easier to say goodbye to Cassie.
My mum, sister and Cassie came to the airport, I said my goodbyes to Louis and the others over the phone. Ed and Eleanor knew I would end up going, packing up my things and bringing it with them to the airport.
“Cassie! How are you?” El hugs Cass, and I was happy to see that all that happen is water under the bridge, Eleanor forgiving Cassie too.
“Good and yourself?” Cass smiles.
“I’m great, we haven’t hung out in such a long time,” She notes.
“I know let’s make plans,” Cassie agrees.
“Styles- you do what Ed tells you so you won’t get into any trouble over there, since I’m not coming all the way to save your bum,” El warns me.
I chuckle as I pull her into a hug.
“Tell Lou, Niall and Zayn I’ll miss them,” I sigh.
“I will,” She replies.
“I will be reading the papers,” Gem winks at me, opening her arms for a hug.
“Let me know if there are any good stories about me yeah?”
“You bet’chya,” She kisses my cheek.
“Mum,” I turn to my mum who had a tissue pressed to her eyes. “Don’t cry mum,” I beg as I kiss her cheek.
“Ed take care of my baby,” She tells him.
“I promise.”
“Mum I’ll be back so fast you won’t even have time to miss me,” I try to make her feel better.
I save Cassie’s goodbye for last, wanting to make sure I remember it precisely as it occurred.
I walk up to her slowly and tilt my head down at her.
“Call me as soon as you get off the plain,” She whispers. She is crying. This is all she did for the past couple of hours, laughed and cried.
“Hey- hey- don’t cry- look at me Cass- don’t cry, remember our promise- this goodbye is not for forever- I will see you really soon,” I kiss the top of her head.
“I know,” She smiles up at me. I pull her in for a hug holding her tight. Cherishing it- the way she feels, the way she fits perfectly.
I kiss her lips and before I know it, it’s time to go. They all wave goodbye but Cassie, she is stood, hands by her side, staring after us. But I’m not walking away with a heavy heart. We promised forever to each other, and I will do anything- anything at all to keep it.

3 months later.

It is graduation day, and I am uptight and nervous. I couldn’t get hold of Harry yesterday, and I’m really upset. Harry and I spoke every day the past few months, keeping our promise, but now- the time I need him most- I can’t get through to him.
Anne and Gemma are coming and so are all of my friends. Eleanor and Demi and Niall. Perrie and Zayn- even Louis will be there. Ed will only be arriving back next week, but he called to wish me luck this morning. He didn’t know where Harry was, which made me even more frustrated.
Sarah stayed out of my way for the most part, and I was grateful for that.
“Cassie you look beautiful,” Anne gushed as I came down the stairs in my cap and gown.
“You sure do- we will do our best to take as much pictures as possible to send Harry so he can see what he’s missing,” Gemma smiles the same cheeky smile her and her brother share.
It is time for me to go to the school, and Anne and Gemma hug me goodbye promising to cheer the loudest.
I get into the passenger side beside Sam, and we drive silently to school.
“You know Cassie.. I am so proud of you, and I am sure Nan and your mum and dad are too- they will all be there with you,” Sam smiles, his eyes teary.
“They will won’t they,” I sigh.
“Yes, I can feel them right now- you did so well Cassie- good for you,” He grins.
“Thanks Sam,” I smile back and lean in to hug him. I’m glad Sam is here. That there is some part of my real family here to see me finish this part in my life. I look at his face and I see my mum in it, and Nan making my heart swell up in happiness.
I walk through the school gates to find Eleanor rushing over to me with a rose in her hands.
“Cassie!!! There you are! Good luck love!” She hugs me and offers me the rose.
“Hold on to this,” She kisses my cheek.
“I will- I’ll look for you in the crowd,” I call after as she rushes away waving at me.
I smile and make my way into the building.
“Liam! Where is everyone?” I spot him hurrying down my way, him too holding a rose.
“In the gym- this is for you,” He hands me the rose.
“Thanks- I- where are you going?” I call after him.
“I’ll be back in a minute,” He assures me.
I make my way to the gym holding my two roses.
“Hey!”
I look up and a girl and boy I don’t know by name both offer me a rose each.
I frown at them confused.
“We were told to give this to you,” The boy explains.
I take the roses from them and they turn and walk back. Before I have time to think this through I start getting more and more classmates handing me a red rose each. This is really weird.
When I reach the gym I am holding 17 roses and confused by why I am holding them.
I take a step into the Gym and a hand reaches out with another rose for me.
“What is going on-“ I look up at the person, to have my jaw fall open, the hand holding the rose belongs to a green eyed boy, with dark curls and a wicked smile I dream of every night since he left to the US.
“Harry?!” I gaze up at him gobsmacked.
“Did you really think I would miss graduation AND your birthday?” He demanded to know.
With everything going on I forgot it is my birthday tomorrow. I throw my arms around his neck as he picks me up and swirls us around. I could even hear some people clapping.
“I’ve missed you,” I whisper once he puts me down.
“I’ve missed you more!” He beams.
“You can’t possibly know that.”
“I’ve missed you so much that I came back to take you with me,” He clams reaching for his pocket and taking out a piece of paper. A plane ticket.
“Your debt is paid, you’re graduating- now you are free to come with me- if you want to..” He trails off.
“Of course I do!” I exclaim, and Harry bends to kiss my lips.
“I promised you for always,” Harry whispers into my ear, pulling me into another hug.
“Always.”

Notes

gosh I can't BELIEVE THIS IS THE ENDDDD
I will miss Cassie and Harry.. will you?
HOWEVER- we don't have to miss them!
Remember what Iv'e asked of you last chapter? Well now is the time to tel me about the things you though up since I have started posting short stories I have wrote, and soon post a short sequel to the Mentally Brave- a story I have written a while back.
I have posted 2 short stories so far and I will continue posting my other ones, and sequels to stories I have finished.
SOOOO you are invited to press right here which will take you to the 'Notebook' and check the 2 new stories out please please please- if you like them make sure to subscribe and rate- oh and leave a comment over there so I'll know which ones of you took the time to check them out and so I could thank you personally xxx

Hope you liked the end of this story let me know what you think of it too!
THis was so much fun- I really did enjoy every single bit of it. Hope to hear from you on the short stories xxx