THE DEATH OF ME

When I wake in the morning Harry is not in bed, and for a moment I believe my encounter with him was just a dream. But when I push out of bed I spot his shoes on the floor and I can't help the smile that appears on my face.
I stumble to the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth getting my morning routine out the way. The air is slightly chilly so I go back to the room and find a jumper to pull over my pajamas.
I slowly make my way down the stairs and voices and laughter come to my ears. I follow them voices to the side room where Gemma works out.
Harry and Gemma had the ping pong table out smashing the little ball back and forth. Watching the two siblings play, laughing and yelling at each other was heartwarming and yet I couldn't help the jealousy creeping in, for never having this sort of thing myself, not with a sibling and truth be told not with a friend. Watching Harry giggle so easily, that smile I love so much shine up those green eyes of his, and his sister's smile mirroring his own. They look so alike- they almost seem like twins. I find myself mesmerized by their faces and their body movement.
"Cassie! Come join!" Gemma notices me standing there and calls me over. Harry's head turns swiftly to me, his smile dims for a moment but sparks up again when he sees my own grin.
"Finally you're up!" He states with a wink.
I shrug and pace over to the table.
"I reckon you didn't get much sleep last night ha?" Gemma wiggles her eyebrows at me.
"I had nightmares again," I shrug, not wanting to say anything about Harry being in the room, though I have a feeling he already told her by the look of things.
"Cass come play- though you should know Gemma is a cheat," He warns me.
"Am not! You're just a poor loser- he can't handle the fact I am better than him," Gemma's hands rest on her hips while accusing her brother.
"Why do I have a feeling your sister is speaking the truth?" I taunt Harry.
"So this is how this is going down? You two siding against me?" His brows jump up his forehead.
"Come on- you two can play against me, since I'm so much better," Gemma tosses me a bat.
"I don't really know how to play," I stutter, as Harry grabs my arms and pulls me to the spot I should be standing at.
"It's easy, you hold the bat this way, and you just hit the ball- you need to get it across the net," Harry explains, closing his fingers over mine, to guide them around the bat properly. We start playing and soon after I get the hang of it, and into the game just like the two siblings, joining in the laughter and shouts.
"I told you she cheats" Harry chuckles when Gemma dives onto the table.
"It takes one to know one!" She scoffs with a smile.
"Good morning- Harry! When did you get back?" Anne appears at the door- surprise on her face. Harry grins at his mum that cheeky smile of his, striding over and wrapping his arms around her neck, smacking a noisy kiss on her cheek.
"Last night- mum you need to tell Gem to stop cheating- it's not right to treat guests that way," Harry remarks.
"Don't get me in the middle of your bickering- and I don't see any guests here- it is only you, your sister and Cass- family," Anne winks. I fill with warmth hearing Anne refer to me as family, and I smile at her.
"Have you eaten yet?" She questions. I shake my head. "I was busy helping Harry tame Gemma," I explain.
"I can't believe it- he is only back for a few hours and you are already moved over to the dark side!" Gemma says dramatically.
"The darkness always wins in the end," Harry raises his hand in victory.
Anne shakes her head in a smile and walks out of the room. We follow her out and lean against the counter as she opens the fridge to get breakfast going.
"Cassie you remember Sam is coming today right?" Anne reminds me.
Truth be told with Liam and Harry being here I totally forgot about Sam coming to visit. Sam was here a few times before, him and Anne figuring out what to do with my studies and basically me.
"Is that daughter of his coming as well?" Harry sneers.
"Harry! Don't be rude- I don't know if she is.. it is up to them," Anne answers.
"Coffee is ready!” Gemma calls out, getting mugs out and setting them in front of Harry and me.
After breakfast I shower and get ready for when Sam comes. I sit on the bed and brush out my hair when there is a knock on the door.
“Can I come in?” Harry opens the door to a crack.
“Yeah, come on in,” I answer, and he steps in, closing the door after him.
“Hi,” He smiles.
“Hi,” I glance at him, slightly taken aback, not used to him asking for permission or anything.
“So Sam’s coming..” He starts.
“Sam’s coming,” I repeat.
“Does Sam come a lot?” He questions.
“He tries to come once a week..” I reply, trying to suppress a smile. Is he jealous Sam was here?
“You know I would have come sooner,” He sits next to me.
“I know,” I answer, though it wasn’t true. I kept asking myself what was keeping Harry away these couple of weeks. I was at his childhood home with his mum and sister, you would think he would be the first to come.
“I would have, but I was told to stay away.. My mum thought it was best.. She thought you would reach out if you wanted to- she wanted to leave it up to you, since you were already staying with my family..” He explains.
“Oh..” Is all I can say, that explains a lot, and puts my mind at ease.
“So what happened you showed?”
“Well, Liam was collecting school work for you and giving it to Sam to bring, Sam mentioned to my mum that Liam wanted to come visit, and she had mentioned it to me.. So I called him up and told him if he wants to see you he should be ready Friday morning,” Harry shrugs.
“You called Liam? I was sure he pestered you.. Thank you Harry,” I touch his knee, making him finally look up at me.
“You don’t need to thank me Cass,” He gives me his half cheeky smile.
“Yes I do, no one has done something like that for me, Liam is one of my best friends and it meant a lot to me him being here, and it means even more knowing you brought him,” I beam.
“Cassie.. Don’t you know already? I would do anything for you.”
Harry leans his head down slightly glancing at me, checking to see if this is what I want- If I want him to kiss me. I tilt my head up to meet him half way. I catch the green of his eyes through his long lashes, a glimpse of a smile on those full lips of his before they touch mine, and If I would ever need to explain that feeling to anyone it would be like drinking the shine of a star, the glow filling me from within, making the cuts of my soul whole again.
“I missed you,” I whisper when we finally break free.
“You have no idea how much I’ve missed you Cass,” Harry touches my cheek lightly.
“Cassie! Sam’s here,” Gemma calls from down stairs. I let out a sigh before getting up. Harry follows me out the room and down to meet Sam.
“Harry! Fancy seeing you here,” Sam smiles as we walk into the lounge.
“This is my home Sam,” Harry points, reaching out a hand for Sam to shake.
This is the closest to getting on I have ever seen these two with each other.
“How’s it been Cass?” Sam asks me.
“Very well and yourself?” I question sitting across from him. I don’t reach out to hug Sam. Even though he is my uncle, I don’t feel close enough to him, not knowing him really.
“Did Liam give you your phone? You had a few people trying to reach out- some friends, you might want to get back to them- you know.. if you feel up for that,” He adds noting the look on my face.
“Maybe.. How’s ah.. How’s Sarah?” I inquire slowly.
“She’s.. being Sarah.. you know.. she found a job in town, at one of the shops.. I’m trying to get her to do more around the house, but that is still a work in progress,” Sam shrugs.
“She is quite the handful,” Harry snorts, making Anne shoot him a look, which wiped the smirk off his face immediately.
“How’s Darcy?” I question, changing the subject.
“She’s well, keeps asking about you.”
“I miss her, I should visit..” I sigh.
“Did you give it a thought- when you might want to come back home?”
“I.. I’ll come back when finals start I guess,” I mumble, not wanting to think about that right now.
Harry’s phone rings and he takes it out to see who is calling. I can’t see who it might be but I see the frown on his face.
“I need to take this,” He whispers to me, his fingers brushing my knee as he gets up and walks out the room, the phone to his ear.
Anne leave too, and I am left alone with Sam.
“You really like it here don’t you?” He states.
“I do,” I reply.
“It feels so homey here you know, and Anne seems lovely.”
“She is.. and it does feel like home.. it’s weird since, when Nan was alive, home also felt like home, but it never felt like a family.. I mean it was only Nan and I and even though we tried are best to do things together, and eat together, and spend time, and we talked about our day.. it was only the both of us.. quiet and peaceful.. and here- here I have Anne and Gemma- and she is like a sister to me, and there is shrieking and crazy laughter which I never had, since it was always quiet at home…” I trail off, not sure if what I was saying is making any sense to him.
“I get what you’re saying.. Your mum and I were always up to something growing up, and Dad and Mum used to always try and calm us down- we used to get quite wild.. I reckon growing up with a sibling is a different world then not having one,” He says quietly.
“I would never truly know would I?” I say.
“I’m sorry.”
I look up at Sam. He looked so sad, and I finally understand why. I could have grown up with a family, with my Mum and my Dad and probably siblings too, if it wasn’t for that car accident so many years ago. Sam blames himself, and me talking about it brought back all the guilt he tries to push away. I get up and move to sit by his side.
“Maybe once I’m back we can try it.. try being a family again?” I whisper.
Sam looks up at me, his blue eyes shining.
“I would like that very much,” He smiles.
That was the first time in my life that I hugged Sam.

Notes

Oh my.. one last chapter to the end!!!

Can I just note how wonderful all you guys are? your comments just fill me with such joy I get so excited when I see one of you commented!! thank you so much for your kind words- really!!

So remember I told you I have a slight surprised regarding this story? so I am not ready to tell you what it is yet, but I would like to give you a little hint to what it may be, which will also benefit you in the days to come:

I would like you to think back on this story, and if there is anything about any part of it you would like to know more about- like maybe Ed and Harry's friendship? Or the time where Harry just discovered racing and Ben? Things like that.. think about it, and next update I will let you know what I am going to do with it all x

Hope you all are well, and having the time of your life xx