THE DEATH OF ME

"What are you doing?" I ask Gemma as I walk into the workout room. It has been a few weeks of me staying with Anne and Gemma. It is Friday morning and I could hear punching sounds, so I took my coffee and paced over to the open door.
"I took up boxing a while back- it helps with stress and with keeping fit- want to try?" She smiles at me. Gemma looks just like her brother. She has green eyes and dimples and dark hair which is up on the top of her head right now.
This past week was different and amazing. I am still shaking sometimes, and I still have a bad dream occasionally but it has only been a few days, and that rescue drops Anne gives me is a miracle worker.
Spending time with Anne and Gemma has been amazing. I have never known how it felt to have a mum or a sister, I mean yes, I grew up with Nan but it's different, it's not the same. Nan loved me with her whole heart, and made sure I knew it and felt it, tried her best to fill that part in my life. But since Anne is so much younger and knows more about what is going on now in the lives of teens makes it just different. And Gemma is just so lovely and funny, and she took me out shopping like I did that time with El, and we went to a coffee shop, and she got me to sit and watch with her this show called 'Keeping up with the Kardashians' about this family of sisters, and the way Anne rolls her eyes at the show but joins to watch anyway.. For the first time in a long time I didn't feel different, or the odd one out. They have made me feel a part of their family and loved and cherished.
"Come you have to try this- you'll love it," Gemma takes of the gloves and hands them over. I put my coffee down and take the gloves from her, sliding my hands inside.
"So you need to stand like this- your legs slightly apart," Gemma guides me to stand correctly.
"Hold your hands up- like that- yes," Gemma moves to hold the punching bag.
"Now when you throw a punch make sure your hand is leveled- and it comes out straight, ready? On the count of three- One, two, three."
I throw the punch and then a few more, Gemma guiding me to perfection.
I can feel the energy when punching and the tension leaving my shoulders.
"Is that amazing or what?" She smiles, when I put the gloves down.
"It is.. Did Harry teach you to punch?" I ask, this being the first time since I am here asking anything about him. I was scared bringing Harry up, afraid more questions will follow. I wonder if they knew he spent that night in jail and if they like Zayn, blamed me too.
"No actually, believe it or not, I came up with this myself," She winks.
"How does one come up with such a sport?" I hold my cup but don't drink from it since the coffee is already cold.
"I went through a tough time a while back and my mum thought it would be a good idea to find something to help with my anger and aggravation."
"Did it help?"
"It did, and I just kept up with it ever since," She smiles. "Come, let’s get some more coffee."
We walk back to the kitchen to find Anne getting breakfast ready.
"Good morning my beauties, how are we all doing today?" She beams at us.
"I need to leave for work soon, Cassie was boxing with me this morning," Gemma says, while filling up two cups with coffee.
"You did? Did you like it?" She questions me.
"I did, it's quite a cool sport actually," I smile.
"I need to rush- I still need to shower," Gemma puts down her cup and hurries up the steps to her room.
"What are your plans for today?" I ask Anne, as she sets a plate of food in front of me.
"I'm going to get some wash done, and clean the house," She replies.
"Can I help?" I question, wanting to pick up some of the load especially if I will be staying with them.
"Sure sweetie, I'll be happy for your company, what do you say about having a session of Cranio before though?" She inquires.
I nod in reply and Anne seems pleased.
I had two sessions with Anne already, and I must say it was extremely helpful and I was looking forward to another one.
I remember that time I spent with Harry at the first race I have ever gone with him. He did the same treatment, and I now understand why he does them.
It makes you let go of everything, and brings your emotions forward, which made me cry the first time Anne treated me, but I am getting better, and she says she feels me getting better too.

It is a while after my treatment that I'm moving the wet wash to the drier since it was raining so it couldn't be hung outside. There is a knock on the half opened door.
"Yeah I'm almost done," I tell Anne.
"Ace, so it means you have time to hangout?"
I turn shocked at the sound of the voice.
"What are you doing here?" I ask Liam.
"I figured it's been long enough that you might miss me," He winks.
"Gosh! I have!" I get up and give him a strong hug.
"I would have called but I left my phone on my bed at home," I explain.
"Well, it's not there anymore," He smiles handing it over.
"You've been to my house?" I beam up at him.
"God look at you- you look amazing," Liam touches my shoulder.
"You mean I'm not crying and shaking as I was before I left," I smirk.
"Yes, and you look amazing," He laughs.
"I feel amazing, how have you been?"
"I miss my best mate, but I'm good now, I brought some school work and shit you might want," He points to a bag on the floor by his shoes.
"How did you know? Sam brings it over when he comes- does he get it from you then? Anne said I should get back to my school work- have you met her? She is wonderful really, how did you know I was here? How did you get here?" I shoot question after question excited to see him here.
We walk out of the laundry room when I hear Harry down the hall.
"I'm fine really mum... I am eating god,” He grumbles.
“I’m just making sure, no reason to get so grumpy, are you going to go say hello to her?” Anne asks.
“I think.. I don’t know if she wants me too.. I think I will give her some time with Liam, and when she is up for it I will be right down here,” He answers.
“Ok then, your sister is doing a yoga class at the studio down the road if you feel like surprising her,” Anne offers him. I hold my breath hoping he will which will give me time to process the fact that he is here.
“I think that is a fantastic idea, I’ll be back soon.”
We wait a moment and then hear the door shut. I stop Liam who was about to stride out into the lounge, letting him know we need another moment to make it seem we weren’t standing listening to their conversation.
I count till ten in my head and then we walk out.
“You just missed Harry- he went to meet Gem at the studio,” Anne looks up from her pile of folded laundry.
“Oh- well he’s coming back right? You’ll catch him later,” Liam shrugs at me. I nod mouthing him a thank you when Anne isn’t looking.
We climb up the stairs to my room. When we enter I am immediately reminded this room belonged to Harry. This fact doesn’t skip Liam who lets out a whistle while looking around.
“How weird is it sleeping here?” He questions.
“I got used to it… It’s kind of calming though to tell you the truth.. I mean, this is his room, and I still love him, and knowing this is a part of him- it comforts me,” I say.
“So how’ve you been- like really?” Liam throws himself on the bed. I giggle and join him.
“I have my ups and downs.. Sam called me last night, wanted to make sure all is good and so, he wanted to come and visit but I told him not to since he was here last week, no point driving all this way every week for just a few hours but he said he’ll come tomorrow.”
“Is he bringing Sarah with?”
“Gosh- I hope not, I can’t deal with her,” I remark, making Liam laugh.
“She is … something else,” He smirks.
“Yeah, that is another way of putting it,” I roll my eyes.
“Calum and Danielle say hi, they are hoping to see you at school again soon.”
“It’s kind of scary to go back.. don’t you think?” I glance up at him.
“Na.. You’ll be fine, you have us.. And the craziest thing happened the other day.. First Luke came up and asked about you- he wanted to know if you’re alright,” Liam furrows his brows.
“He did?”
“I was about to punch him- but him and Ashton said they were serious and really hoped you’re doing well, I was left with my mouth hanging wide open- Danielle had to pick my jaw off the floor for me,” Liam chuckled.
I just nod looking at my knees.
“And then this guy Michael asked me if you and I are in touch.. I didn’t even know you knew each other- since he’s the one you go to around school if you need something- he’s the one to get it to you- he also wanted to know if you’re alright- but he looked really worried it seemed as if he really cared.. Danielle said she’d seen you once sitting with them…” Even though he wasn’t looking at me, and he didn’t make it sound like he is asking me something I knew he did. Liam wanted to know how come those blokes came up to him, how I came to know them. I take a deep breath and then go into a long explanation of what has happened those past days when I have kept to myself. I told him how Michael looked out for me and just wanted me to have my grieving break before I needed to get back to reality, and how Zoe said I was just a girl from a nice house acting out because her Nan died, and about Nick, though I didn’t go into details of what he did to me- or tried to do. Liam holds my hand through the whole story, the part of Zayn saving me and then yelling at me, blaming me for what has happen to Harry.
After that it was Liam’s turn to tell me how Harry has come and found him in school asked him to get him all the work I have missed and the guidance counselor's number. How he then after a few weeks of providing Harry with all that he demanded to know what is going on and where I was and why I am not in school or picking up my phone. Harry explained I am staying somewhere else to get better and before turning away told Liam that if he got everything together and will do all that Harry asks from him, he will take him with to see me on Friday, and here he was, on my bed in Harry’s old bedroom.
“He loves you.. you know that right?” He questions. I nod my head a faint smile on my lips.
“You love him too.. you know that.. right?” He says then. I nod again and finally look up at him.
“Don’t you think it’s time to face him then?” Liam inquires. I exhale and push myself off the bed, knowing he is right. I need to see Harry, I must talk to him, and I must set things straight.
When I reach the door to the room and pull it open I recoil, startled by a tall young man with brown curls and deep green eyes.
“Cassie,” Is all he says.

Notes

Harry's back xxxxx