THE DEATH OF ME

"I'm outside.. come open up," Ed says when he reaches my home. I run to the front door and unlock it. Seeing Ed on the other side with the phone still to his ear made my tears reappear, and the sobs to start up again. Ed rushes over and wraps his arms around my shoulders, pulling me closer to him, as he rests his cheek on the top of my head. Ed isn't as tall as Harry or Zayn, but his hug is comforting, his sweet nature and his understanding soothing in a brotherly way I have never known until I met him.
On his way over I told him all that happened, able to keep my voice from breaking, however once seeing Ed in front of me, I couldn't keep it in any longer.
Ed moves us into the house, locking the door after him in the process.
He leads us to the kitchen and sits me down on a chair.
"I'm going to make you some tea and you will drink it.. alright?" He questions.
I nod and wipe my eyes.
Ed puts on the kettle to warm up water.
Once it's boiled he pours some into a cup, adding a tea bag and some sugar- more then what I would have used and then hands it over.
"Thanks for coming," I mumble, holding the cup between both my palm to warm them up.
"I told you I would," He says simply, making himself some tea too.
"What am I doing? My life is falling apart piece by piece and I can't stop it or put the pieces back together," I tell him truthfully.
"Do you want to put them back together again?" He inquires making me frown at him.
"Of course.. I think I do," I say.
"Well.. what are you going to do about it?" He questions.
"I don't know.. I.. I want to but I can't find the strength to do so."
Ed sips from his cup. “You need to find the reasons that will drive you to make a change.”
"I wish I could just go away.. get out of here, a fresh start you know? Go to a place where people don't know me, they don't know about my parents or about me and Harry or caring that I'm a high school girl dating this huge racer or what happen to Nan," I sigh. I know this is wishful thinking- you can't run away from your problems, they catch up to you.
"Do you really?" Ed asks.
"I wish I could.. But I know I can't.. running away is a cowardice thing to do," I reply.
"What if... What if I told you I can help you with that? I can provide you a break from all this? It's not for always, at least I don't think it should be.. But a break," Ed offers.
"What do you mean? Like leave Watford for a while?" I question him. He nods, his eyes never leaving mine, assessing me, seeing if I'm really up for this.
"Can you?" My eyes well up again, but I catch the tears before they spill over. "Would you do that for me?"
"If you really want it," He says simply.
"When can we leave?" I ask.
"Whenever you feel like it," He replies.
"Can we leave now?" I know this is me being a coward, wanting to leave before morning, before Harry is out, before needing to face him, because I know he will come looking for me, Zayn telling him what had happen. I know it. I know Harry and the way he works, he'll be over before I can blink, and I just can't see his face right now, the look in his eyes when he looks at me, knowing what Nick has done- tried to do.
"Go pack," Ed says simply. I glance up at him to make sure he is serious. Once I know he is, I push my chair back and get up, turning to walk to the stairs and climb them up to my room.
I take a small bag and throw it on the bed. I move fast afraid he might change his mind, rethinking the plan and deciding it's no good.
I throw into the bag some jeans and sweat pants. I add to the pile some jumpers and knit wear, braes and knickers. I remember to take my toothbrush and hair brash. I am about to put my battle of pills in as well but at the last minute I leave them out. If this is going to be my fresh start they will not be coming with- they remind me of Nick and I want to push him as far as I can from my mind.
When I get back down to Ed with my bag he just gets off the phone.
"Who was that?" I ask in suspicion, suddenly afraid this might be a setup, taking me to rehab or to Harry's or child care.
"That was my friend I will be taking you too, she can't wait to meet you," He smiles.
"Does she know why I'm coming?" I question.
"No.. she only knows you need a break, she doesn't know why or from what, I figured it's up to you to tell her.. If you feel like it," He shrugs.
I nod and look at the floor.
"Are you ready?" He asks.
"Yes- Err.. I just need to get your guitar, since you probably want it back now," I whisper.
"Na.. Take it with you," He says, passing me and climbing the stairs to get it himself.
When Ed joins me back downstairs he takes my bag from me, leading the way out.
He puts everything in the boot and I slid into the passenger side.
Ed get's in next to me and starts the car.
"I was supposed to start driving lessons this summer," I say as he pulls out.
"What do you mean supposed? You can still learn," He glances over to me.
"I'm not sure I want to drive anymore," I confide in him, never talking about it before with anyone.
"Why is that?"
"After what happen.. I don't think I will be able to without lights from that night flashing into my mind," I mumble.
"Cass, it's up to you, if you don't feel ready then don't.. but sometimes it's best facing fears head on," He replies.
"You know.. I think.. I think it all finally caught up with me," I look out the window.
"What do you mean?"
"The kids from school- Luke and that crowd- I am the loner kid in school.. And I thought for a while maybe I'm not different maybe it's them making me different, and then Harry came into the picture and he is like the cool kids in school, and suddenly I had a cool boyfriend, and friends- and I was one of the cool kids. Everyone wanted to be my friend and know who I was, but the truth is that I'm not a cool kid I am the loner girl that will always be better on her own, and people didn't want to know me- they wanted to know Harry because he is the real thing, and I was swimming in the big kids pool, and I drowned.. But I know better now."
"Cassie- you are different," Ed say, sharp pain runs through me when I hear those words.
"That is what makes you special- that is what made Harry fall for you- that was what made me and Eleanor and Demi and Niall want to be your friends and spend time with you! You don't get caught up with all the stupid things that people in this world get caught up with, you are your own person which is refreshing.. and whatever you went through now and still going through- it's alright, you've been through enough pain and hurt- and you still pull through which makes you so much stronger than anyone we know," He states.
I squeeze his arm as thank you and turn back to the window. It is dark outside and I don't know where we are headed, I just know it is out of Watford. I don't ask where we are going because I don't care.
The soft hum of the engine makes my eyes heavy and I let them close, finally feeling safe.

I don't know what time it is once Ed wakes me. I feel disoriented and it takes me awhile to remember what is going on.
"Alright there?" Ed asks.
"Sure," I mumble and stretch.
I open the car door, stumbling after Ed. He gets my thing out of the boot, and we walk up to the house we are parked in front of. It is the only House that has a light on, everyone else already sleeping.
Ed slings his arm across my shoulders as he knocks on the front door. It takes a moment and then I hear footsteps. The door opens and a woman with dark hair stands in front of us. She doesn't look like a friend- she looks like a mother, though she doesn't look anything like Ed.
"Hi sweetie," She smiles and pulls Ed into a hug kissing his cheek. Ed lets me go, so he can hug the woman properly.
"You must be Cassie, I'm Anne," She looks at me a warm smile on her face. She is scanning my face before pulling me into a hug. Something about this woman is familiar, but I can't pinpoint what it is.
"You are gorgeous! I have heard so much about you," She says after letting me go. "Let’s have one more look at you," She holds me at arms length and gives me a once over.
"I'm so glad you are here- come in you two, are you hungry? Would you like something to eat? Ed you must be famished," She tells him, her arm linked with mine as she shows us the way into the house and through to the kitchen.
I glance at him, feeling slightly overwhelmed.
"Anne, I think Cassie needs to call it a day.."
I secretly thank Ed for the save.
"Oh of course! Let me show you to your room love- Ed I have made up the spare room since you should not be driving so late," She says.
She takes me to a room, there are folded towels on the desk.
"The bathroom is right over there- my daughter is asleep in the next room, and Ed is in the room to your right.. If you need anything I will be in the far end room right over there," She points.
"Thank you," I smile.
"Ed you know your way around love," She smiles. "Good night," She heads into her room and shuts the door.
"Thank you for staying the night," I tell him.
"If you need anything I'm right here, you should get some sleep," He hugs me.
I turn but then stop. "I feel as if I know Anne.. As if I met her before," I whisper to him.
Ed shrugs and closes the door after him.
I take a look at the room I am provided with.
It belongs to someone. a Boy. A boy that does not live in the room anymore, since it seems as if it has been redone for him, made into a grownup’s room, though leaving some marks of his youth in it. The walls are a light shade of Gray, a white carpet covering the floor and black furniture. The covers on the bed are black and white, but there is a teddy sat on the pillow. There are little racing cars on the shelf- a collection, and a race car poster on the wall. There is a billboard with photos and I step closer to look at them.
It’s full of photos of a smiling boy and his friends. He has a wide white smile and dimples you can't miss. I find a photo of him and Ed, a girl in with them. The girl looks just like the smiling boy, with matching green eyes.
I know the boy in the photos.
I know whose room this is.
This is Harry's room.

Notes

Did I surprise any of you?
So what are you guys going to do for New Years? I wanna know xx