THE DEATH OF ME

Sam and Sarah are out and I am home alone. I am sat on my bed with Ed's guitar, my laptop open in front of me, trying to teach myself new chords, though I am finding it hard since my hands won't stop shaking. I am tempted to take another pill, but at the same time trying to keep my promise to Ed.
I can't believe Harry took my other battle. At least I think he did, understanding that from our screaming match at the race.
I know for a fact it will be all over the papers tomorrow, but I try to push it out of my head, telling myself I don't care.
It has been 7 hours without any pills. I usually can't go 3 hours without, which I see as a great improvement.
"Fuck!" I let out my frustration putting down the guitar and taking the bottle of pills in my hand. I did well, I can take one now.
The doorbell is sounded downstairs but I ignore it, thinking they will go away.
I swallow a pill and growl in annoyance when the pest at the door keeps ringing. I get off my bed and take my time getting to the door.
"What?" I say when opening it. When I see who is standing behind it I gasp.
"Nick? What happened to you?" I question, taking a step closer to have a better look at his face. His eye was swollen shut and he had a big bruise on his cheek and chin.
"Your boyfriend didn't like the fact I was providing you with pills and cigs," He frowns at me.
"Why would he care?" I ask even though I know damn well Harry cares.
"I don't really give a shit if he cares or not- I don't appreciate him trying to make me out to be a drug dealer to the police!" Nick snaps, though his words are slurred.
"Sorry?" I am so confused, not having a clue to what he is on about.
"Don't fucking sorry me!" He takes a step closer, taking hold of my arm.
"Nick you are hurting me," I gasp trying to pull myself free of his hold.
"Not as much as I was hurting while he used me as a punching bag," He spits, and I try to wipe my face. "It is payback time Bambi," He pushes me against the front door, trying to get me into the house. He smells of beer and I feel like gagging.
"I haven't done anything to you but be your friend!" I raise my voice.
"I don't have friends poppet! And if I want to hurt Styles I need to hurt you!" He is leaning against me, pinning me to the wall.
"Please Nick- Let me go! I can give you money instead- pay for the pills," I beg trying to push him off me.
"No Bambi- I want you- you are enough for me," He whispers into my hair. I shiver disgust by his touch.
"Please Nick- Stop- Harry will hurt you even more once he hears about this," I try to reason with him.
"Harry can't hurt me anymore," He chuckles against my cheek.
"Please Nick, this isn't you- you’re drunk," I try again, though I don't know him well enough to know if he is like this or not.
"Come on Bambi- don't you want to show me a good time? Why does Styles get all the fun ha? I think you owe me some, I did give you pills after all," He blows on my neck.
"Get off me! Help!" I scream, this being the last thing I can think of. No one is home to help me and I don't think Darcy is home either, leaving me alone without any help. My brain is blank with fear, not knowing what to do, Nick being too strong to fight off. I should have never answered that door.
"Shut the fuck up!" He slaps my cheek, pushing me to the floor, slamming the front door shut, the force of the slam making the door jump back leaving it slightly open.
"Please help!" I scream again, tears running done my cheeks now. I am shaking, fear clenching to every inch of my body.
"Come on baby- it can go fast if you stop fighting me," Nick tries to pull up my shirt. I am kicking and screaming trying to make it harder for him wishing someone will come to my rescue.
"Don't! Let me go!" I scream. I am cut off by his lips closing over my own. I freeze in place, his hands running up and down my body. I let out a scream trying to kick at him.
"Shut up!" He slaps me once more.
"Get the fuck off her!" I hear someone growl, and the weight of Nick is off of me. I try to catch my breath in between sobs, while watching Zayn pick Nick up by his collar and slam him against the same wall he slammed me into a moment ago.
"Listen to me carefully fuckup! If I EVER see you anywhere near this girl again I will kill you! Got it?" Zayn slams him again the wall, Nicks head making a nasty colliding sound.
"Now get the hell out of here!" He shouts in his face and pushes him out the door. Nick falls over and down the front steps, getting to his feet and rushing away.
Zayn looks at me as I sit crunched up on the floor, trying to make myself as small as I can. All I want is to hide myself and cry, while hot water and soap scrub the filth of Nick’s touch off of me.
"Fuck!" Zayn curses, kneeling in front of me.
"Are you alright?" He questions. I shake my head to no, letting out a sob.
Zayn opens his arms offering me a hug. I crawl over to him, and let him wrap me in his arms as I cry. His hug is nothing like Harry's but I feel safe, and he lets me cry in his arms on the floor until my tears are no longer falling.
I pull away once I calm down, and look at the floor escaping Zayn's stare.
"What was he doing here?" He asks in a low voice. I don't know what I rather, his low quiet one or Harry's shouting one.
"He came to punish me," I mumble.
"You? Why?"
"To get back at Harry- I didn't even know they knew each other," I look up at him now.
"Fuck it!" Zayn curses again.
"What are you doing here?" I inquire confused.
"I came to yell the shit out of you.. I don't think I can do it now.. you've had your share of punishment for one day," He sighs.
"Yell at me? Why?" I pull a face.
"Harry's in jail," Zayn informs me.
"What?!" I did not see this coming.
"He will have to spend the night there, be out on bail tomorrow, and it's all because of you!" Zayn replies.
"Me? Why?" Could it be because I'm still under age? I am turning 18 in a 3 months though so it can't be that.. can it?
"Because! He went after that fucker- because of you! Busted him up because of you! And got locked up!" Zayn exclaims now, getting up on his feet.
"I never asked him to! How do you reckon it being my fault?!" I demand to know- anger filling me.
“I’m not going to get into this with you right now, not after what you just went through,” Zayn rubs his face turning away from me.
“You tell me now! I have a right to know!” I hurry after him.
“I know you’ve been through shit Cassie! I know you hate your life right now, and none of us can understand what you’re going through alright? But god! You made Harry miserable trying to help you-“
“I never asked for his help! I never asked for any of it!” I cut in.
“No you didn’t! But still it was given to you- that is how friendship works- people who love you do things for you without you needing to ask them- he was there for you every step of the way! But you are to blind or to selfish to even see beyond your hurt and grief! It’s all about you being the girl with no friends- who lost her parents when she was a baby, the loner and then the girl picked on in school for dating Harry Styles, and then the girl who lost her Nan- but you know what?! Harry got shit thrown in his face too! You know how much he gave up because of you? Because he wanted to stay close to you?! He was offered a job up in Liverpool but turned it down, wanting to stay as close to you as he could- he even gave up the car because of you- the car he spends his life with- he gave to Ben in a blink of an eye when it came time to choose! And you still push him away! And look where his at now- Jail,” Zayn finishes his long speech, and I am just staring up at him quietly, tears streaming down my eyes, hurt by the truth he has just spoken.
“Damn it.. I didn’t mean to make you cry again.. I’m a dick..” Zayn sighs once he looks at me.
“No- go on please- let it all out.. I want to hear it,” I whisper.
“It’s not all bad Cassie.. You are a good girlfriend to him, you made him a better person- just like he made you.. You breaking up with him.. you shuttered him, he was like a lost puppy without you, wasting his days on ways to get you back, getting in fights at the Shack.. Everyone is trying real hard here, but you won’t give any of us a chance.”
“You hated me from day one,” I wipe my eyes.
“No- No I didn’t! I hated the idea of Harry ruining another girl’s life- but I was wrong and you two worked- you were perfect,” Zayn smiles a slight smile.
“I’m sorry about Harry,” I finally say.
“Me too, he’ll be out tomorrow,” Zayn states.
“Good..” My voice trails off.
“Where is your uncle?”
“Out.”
“Do you want me to stay with you until he gets back? Or call Eleanor or Perrie?” He asks
“No.. I’ll be fine,” I shrug.
“You sure?”
Once I assure Zayn I’m alright, and he makes me lock the door after him before leaving, I go up and fill the bath with hot water and soap.
Once I step in and let the water cover me, I finally am able to fall apart. I cry for what Nick did to me, and for Zayn’s hurtful but true words. I cry for the way I have treated Harry and everyone else, but mostly I just cry to clean myself from the inside, the poison that has collected and made me into this thing I don’t recognize anymore.
When I am finally ready to get out of my bath, my mind is set. I know what I must do. After I dress I call Ed.
“Cassie? Are you all right?” He questions.
“Yes.. No.. I’m not.. “ I take a deep breath. I thought I was all cried out, but apparently I’m not, trying to keep my voice form cracking.
“I’ll be right over sweetie,” He promises.
“Ed?” I whisper.
“I’m still here,” He assures me.
“Can you stay on the phone until you get here?”
“Sure love, I’m not going anywhere.”

Notes

What is Cassie's idea? Who can guess what will happen next? x