THE DEATH OF ME

"I'm Cassie by the way," I tell Michael once we are outside pacing around to the back of the school.
"Whatever Bambi, my friends are waiting for us," He winks.
"Your friends?" I swallow. I was happy to spend some time with him since he gave me a break from my life, but how can I be sure his friends will do too?
"Relax Bambi, they're cool," He slumps an arm over my shoulders.
My hands start shaking again, and Michael notices, but instead of pointing it out he reaches into his pocket and hands me a clear bag with pills in it.
"These are probably stronger then what you had, so be sure to take one at a time yeah?" He says.
"What do you want in return?" I ask suspiciously, though my hand was already in the bag, fishing out a pill.
"Ha Bambi.. this is free, you're not like us, you're different, you'll get over this and go back to your perfect life, I'm just giving you a break," he glances down at me.
"What do you know about my life?" I feel the anger rising inside me, but I contain it popping the free pill into my mouth.
"A lot actually, and I am smart enough to know that the bullshit in the paper is probably just bull," He chuckles.
I keep quiet. So Michael knows who I am and chose out of the goodness of his heart to give me a break? This sounds unlikely. I make a mental note not to trust him, and to keep my guard up.
"About time mate- what is she doing here?"
Unbelievable, his friends are no other then Ashton and Luke. Before I have the chance to say this was a bad idea and turn to leave Michael speaks up.
"Come on Luke, give her a break, she's been through enough." His hands are on my shoulders, pushing me down slightly so I will take a seat.
There are two others with them. A girl with purple hair and a boy with brown hair and a plaid shirt- he was the only one without school uniform, if you don't count Michael who was wearing skinny black ripped jeans instead of the khaki ones we are supposed to wear.
"Bambi meet Zoe and Nick, Nick doesn't go here, but he comes to hang," Michael chuckles. Nick blows out a puff of smoke before speaking.
"Where did you steal her from?" He questions, making Ashton and Zoe laugh.
"She's in my class," Luke hurries to answer.
"Do you have it?" Zoe asks Michael making everyone turn to stare at him.
"Sure do love, here you go," He hands over another bag of pills, but these were different than the ones he gave me.
"Want some Styles' chick?" Nick offers me the bag. So he also knows who I am.
"NO- don't get her hooked on those," Michael snaps.
"Are you like Luke then? Only watching but never tasting? Good! More for us then!" Zoe smirks, passing the bag over to Ashton.
"I, not like you have to stay clean if I want to play for the team," Luke says in a lazy voice. It seems they have been through this a couple of times.
"So Cassie tough times ha?" Ashton smiles at me.
"What would you know about that?" I narrow my eyes at him.
"Well obviously not much since we aren't friends, but having your name run through the dirt and in the paper everyday just because you’re dating Styles must be hard."
"You two helped with that though, didn't you?" I scoff.
"We were just having a laugh love, no reason to have your panties in a twist," Luke shrugs.
"Yeah well it's not funny anymore, so why don't you apologize to Bambi?" Michael asks of him.
"I am sorry actually, if I would have known your life would have taken such a spin I would have never done any of it," he replies in a serious tone.
"Whatever.." I mumble, looking at the floor.
"So, where is that boy of yours? Could have shared a smoke together," Nick huffs.
"That boy is not mine anymore," I shrug.
"Dumped you did he?" Zoe takes the cig from Nick.
"Zoe!" Michael snaps at her.
"What? Just asking," She shrugs.
"Does it matter? You two will be back together before this month ends," Ashton rolls his eyes.
"What makes you say that?! You don't even know me," I snort.
"I don't need to know you, I just need to see the way he looks at you, and the way you two move when you're together, like you shadow each other, it's freaky," He shivers.
"What's freaky is you noticing that," Luke chuckles.
"You boys are losers," Nick sighs, putting out his cig and swallowing another pill.
"Shouldn't you be watching the amount of pills you're taking?" I inquire.
"Don't play as if you're not a junkie like the rest of us, you take your pills and I take mine, keep out of my business," Nick snarls.
"Leave her alone, she's not like us," Zoe stands up for me.
"Thanks," I mutter to her.
"I wasn't standing up for you 'Bambi', you aren't like us, we are white trash, you on the other hand are a little girl that had a bend in her life, nothing like ours," She says in a mean tone. I am about to ignore her, but her shoes and my anger take hold.
"Yeah? My life is so perfect compared to yours? Where do you live? Who bought you your fancy shoes? Mum? or does your dad just give you his card and lets you do whatever you want with it? You think you know me but you don't! I had my first ever family reunion yesterday- mum dad Nan and granddad- all in a line at the cemetery, first time I see my family together, and yet minutes later I say goodbye and leave on my own, wondering when I will be joining them- I have a woman from children services on my back checking to make sure my uncle who is by the way a dick is taking care of me and to make matters even better my boyfriend is a control freak so yeah, tell me again how my life is so much better than yours?" With that I get up and walk away leaving them all gobsmacked.
"Yo Bambi!" Michael catches up to me.
"That was the best speech I have ever heard, I don't think I have ever seen someone out speak Zoe without any curse words," He smiles.
"I have my moments," I mumble.
"I'm sorry for your lose, things will get better though, just give it a chance," He says softly.
"Everyone keeps saying that, but I just don't see it happening," I choke.
"I lost my dad last year, things get better," He promises.
"Life is messed up," I sigh.
"It is, hey- how did you know Zoe comes from money?" He changes the subject.
"Her shoes gave her away, I know because my friend Perrie saved up for months to be able to buy those shoes," I smile.
"She could have stolen them though," Michael says after a moment.
"I don't think she did," I reply biting the inside of my cheek.



When I walk into the walkway up to my house, I find Harry sitting on the steps.
"Why are you still here?" I question. I know I'm being mean, and taking out all my frustration on him, but I just can't seem to stop, my soul needing to get all of this out of my system, and who better to thrush it upon then Harry?
"Are we at it again then?" He rises to his feet and takes a long stride towards me.
I step back, scared that if he touches me I will melt away and do as he says. I couldn't let that happen, since on the walk back home I finally understood something. I understood that I am just the same as Zoe and Nick and all those kids at the back of the school. I am broken, and I can't rely on Harry to fix me, because if Michael is right and things will get better along the line, it won't be because of anyone but myself. I need to find my way back on my own, when I am ready, not when Harry decides I am ready. However, Harry does manage to get his palm on my cheeks pulling my face closer to his, so I can see the gray in his green eyes.
"What is happening to us?" He whispers to me. His breath hits my nose and the smell of mint fills my nostrils. How he keeps his mouth smelling so good is beyond me and I hold my sigh so Harry won't hear it.
"We are perfect together Cassie, don't shut me out," He says softly. I stare into his eyes, note his long lashes and keep quiet.
"Please Cassie, talk to me.. You didn't mean what you said before, we love each other- you love me- why would you break up with me? Why would you throw away what we have?" He goes on.
"I can't do this," I shake my head and recoil.
"What?" Harry seems hurt more than ever by my movement.
"I'm broken Harry," I crack, not able to keep my emotions in check.
"I can help you pull through this, together! Cassie, this is not the time to break up- you're emotional and confused, but we can get over this together," He begs.
"No we can't Harry! This is me- who I have become- I am broken not you- and I can't fix it with you here.. I can't.. I know you will do all in your power to fix me, but I don't want to be fixed now- I want to wallow in my pain and hurt, and pull myself together when I am ready, on my own in my own pace, I can't do it with you," I cry.
Harry's lips our in a pout, but I think he is finally understanding me.
"So this is a break then right? You'll call me once you are ready?" He questions finally.
"I love you.. you know that right?" I take a step closer to him.
Harry nods slowly, and I take another pace over to him.
"Then that’s all that matters," I whisper. I stand on my tip toes to reach his cheek and place my lips where his dimple would have shown if he was smiling. I place my hands on his chest to keep me steady as I do and Harry places his hands on mine.
"Please Cassie," He whispers in such a low voice that I am not sure he really spoke.
"Remember that I love you," I whisper back and then step back. I don't look at him again as I walk around him to my front door and step inside. I don't check to see for how long Harry stays outside my door. I pass Sam and Sarah who gaze up at me silently as I walk slowly up the stairs and shut myself in my room.

Notes

Hello loves!
This update is for the lovely @dying2bthin because of her comment- it made me smile x

So Cassie and Harry kind of broke up ha? Sad isn't it?
What do you think will happen next? Will she join Michael and his gang of potheads or will Harry make her see reason and they will get back together?! Comment guys- I would love to see what you think xx