Carmen's POV

Harry is amazing with kids. I've never really seen him around them before, but he's incredible with Jayden. Jayden has been constantly following him around and trying to do whatever he does, including when Harry was shaving this morning. It was so adorable I almost died. He's even gotten on Evan's good side, which I didn't know was possible. The only reason Evan is even around me lately is because I can see he looks up to Harry as much as his little brother.

"Evan, are you sure you don't want to play?" I ask him. We're sitting on the floor with a game of snakes and ladders and Evan is on the couch behind Harry with his arms crossed, refusing to join in.

"No."

"Come on!" Jayden takes out another playing piece and holds it up. "You can be this girl."

"I'm a boy!"

"I'll be the girl," Harry says. Jayden hands him the piece and Harry turns to look at Evan. "Come on, you don't want to just sit there watching us have all the fun, do you?"

"You can be the girl because you have long hair," Jayden says as Evan makes his way over. He sits between me and Harry on the fourth side of the board and gives me a shy glance.

"Boys can have long hair." Harry pushes his fingers through it. "Nothing wrong with it."

"My friend Sarah has shorter hair than you do," Evan says.

"It's probably not as awesome as mine."

"It reminds me of a fairy." Jayden sits up on his knees so he can touch Harry's curls and Harry looks at me with an amused smile. "I think it's pretty."

"Do you like being pretty, Harry?" I ask. He shakes his head and laughs as Jayden sits back down in his spot. "Okay, who wants to go first?"

"Evan can go because I want him to smile."

Literally the sweetest kid ever. I wonder what the two boys are like together when I'm not around because Evan clearly has a problem with me. Gale says he's just more closed off than Jayden is, but it goes beyond being shy. With Harry he's shy but he's not hostile the way he is with me. I've tried everything I can think of.

Gale had some things to do today and requested that Harry and I stay home with the boys. She asked if I wanted to go with her, but the idea of spending hours alone with her made me feel like having an anxiety attack. Harry gently encouraged me to do it, saying it was a good idea to have some alone time with her. I've been here almost five days and the most alone I've been with her is the few minutes before or after meals that I'm helping her out in the kitchen.

"Not cool." Harry shakes his head and slides down a snake. "I was winning."

"You're gonna lose," Evan sings. He laughs and takes his turn. "I'm going to win."

"Carmen might win," Jayden says. He scoots a little closer to me and spins the arrow. This kid is probably my favourite person in the whole world. He might even have Harry beat.

Two hours and six games later the boys are laughing so hard that they're rolling around on the ground. Harry's got them so riled up that Evan climbs onto his back, Jayden doing his best to do the same with his little legs. Harry rolls to the side and pins Evan down while Jayden sits on his stomach and they're all laughing so hard that it makes me laugh too. Then he whispers something to them and before I know it they're all pinning me down and tickling me. I'm talking holding down all my limbs and sitting on me so I can't move even a little.

"I'm back!" Gale walks through the door with a grocery bag in her hand. "Who wants to help carry the groceries?"

They finally release me and all four of us get up to help bring in the food, which must be half the grocery store. Harry gets three bags in each hand, Jayden carries a box of crackers and Evan struggles for a good five minutes to try and take more than he can handle. More specifically, he tries to take thee in each hand like Harry has.

"We can come back," Harry suggests. Evan just ignores him and keeps trying to get all the rest on his own. With a small smile Harry sets some of his down, taking one in each hand. "My fingers hurt a little. I'm going to come back for those."

He turns and heads for the house with one bag in either hand. Evan quickly does the same and smiles broadly as I've ever seen as he heads to the front door. There's something endearing about this that makes it impossible not to smile. Evan may not like me, but he completely adores Harry and thats enough for now at least. Harry and I are kind of a package deal at this point.

"Look at you, two bags in each hand." Harry takes them and gives me a quick kiss. "Evan and I can handle the rest."

"Yeah!" Evan bolts for the door and Harry follows.

"Slow down, little man. I'm tired."

"You're slow."

"Oh yeah?"

Harry bolts for the door and Evan laughs as he runs through it first. While Gale and I put away some groceries Jayden sits at the breakfast bar staring hard at the back of a cereal box.

"Evan loves him," Gale says to me. "Harry, I mean."

"He does."

"So, I was thinking about getting my nails done tonight," I freeze halfway through putting a carton of milk in the fridge. "If you wanted to join me..."

"Jayden and Evan wanted to watch a movie tonight," I blurt quickly. The fridge closes and I try not to look at the disappointment on her face.

"Okay. Just thought I'd ask."

It's uncomfortably silent until Harry and Evan come back in. The desperate look on my face is not missed by Harry, and he comes to help too. This could be a lot easier. Gale is perfectly nice and I know how to be polite and I know what she wants from me. For some reason I can't do it. And okay, maybe a tiny part of me wants to go with her tonight but I'm here and I feel like that should be enough.

"Take a walk with me," Harry says. He takes my hand and slides his fingers between mine. "It's nice outside."

"Dinner's in an hour," Gale says.

"I go too!" Jayden jumps down from his seat and scurries over to us. "Please?"

"Jayden, honey, why don't you help me with dinner?" Gale comes over and takes his hand as he pouts. "Let Carmen and Harry go."

Once the door is closed behind us part of my anxiety lifts from my chest. It gets stuffy in that giant house whenever Gale and I are in the same room. I've wondered for the last while if she feels the same way I do or if she's perfectly at ease. No one else seems to notice, except Harry but that's only because he reads me like a bloody magazine.

"I saw a park just down this way." Harry squeezes my hand and lets me stay silent while he leads me through these ridiculous streets. It's still impossible to believe that people live this way.

The reason Harry and I actually work is because he understands what I need without me having to explain it to him. I could never be with someone that forced me to talk or got mad when I didn't explain my feelings. I could never be with someone that refused to let me be myself and that's what Harry does. He doesn't give me a hard time and he doesn't try to make me easier to deal with, which I know I'm not. There's no way it's easy to be with me. He's so gracious when it comes to my problems and I love that about him. Plus, he's adorable.

Swings seem to be our thing. Harry and I have spent countless hours in parks and on swingsets. Without asking me he pulls me towards them and sits down, waiting for me to join him on the next one. When I sit down he still doesn't say anything and it's kind of annoying because he knows that this is going to make me talk eventually.

"How much money do you have to have to live in a neighbourhood like this?"

"What?"

He looks around. "I can't imagine having this much money."

Another strategy. Talking about random shit so I'll start talking. "You think I should go?"

"Go where?" he asks. He smiles a little and wraps his fingers around the chains on either side of him. He missed that conversation.

"Oh. Gale asked me to get my nails done with her tonight."

He nods. "That sounds nice."

"Does it." He laughs. "Harry, That would mean at least an hour alone with her."

"You came here to spend time with her. The whole point of going through all this is to try and fix your relationship with your mother," he reminds me. Damn it. "Jayden is definitely more fun, but she's the one you came here for."

"I'm terrified to be alone with her," I admit quietly.

"Come here." Harry holds his arm out and I slowly stand up, letting him pull me closer. "We're going to do that spider thing."

"What spider thing?"

"Put your legs on either side of me." He hooks his hands around my thighs.

"What? No." I laugh and he tries to pull me closer again. "Harry."

"Just do it."

I roll my eyes and lift one leg over him where he said to put it. He helps me not to fall when I lift the other one to the other side, my arms wrapping tight around his neck so I don't fall over.

"Baby," he laughs, "You're going to choke me."

"This was a stupid idea."

"Was it? Because I got you on top of me, so I think that means it was a pretty great idea."

"Pervert."

He laughs and holds onto the chains while he tries to get us to move. It takes a while and we probably look ridiculous, but eventually we're swinging through the air. I'm still suffocating Harry and my ankles are locked together so I don't fall and every time Harry swings his legs I feel like I'm going to go flying.

"You look scared," he says after a few minutes.

"That's because I am."

He laughs. "I don't even get a smile?"

"You get nothing." Except I kiss him instead. And that makes me smile. So really he doesn't get nothing. I don't really think that either of us get nothing in this situation. And also while I'm kissing him I feel pressure underneath me. It makes my stomach clench and Harry repeatedly tries to stop kissing me.

"Carmen." He sighs and shifts as much as he can manage in this position. "Baby-"

"No," I mumble. No way am I stopping. After another thirty seconds I hear his feet scrape against the ground. Then his hands are on my back and he's kissing me back just as fervently as I want him to. He doesn't even seem to care anymore that we're in a park that could potentially have children in it and I know that this isn't exactly appropriate for children. I know most couples can just make out for hours and be okay with that, but with Harry that just isn't possible for me. Things get too desperate too fast. Like right now.

"Harry!" He laughs as I pry my lips away from his, reaching up to remove his hand from my chest. "We're in public."

"You're the one attacking me. What do you expect?" He wraps his arms tight around my back and kisses my chin. "If I knew you were going to do this I wouldn't have come to the park."

"Where would we have gone?"

"I don't know, maybe a forest or something."

"We're not squirrels."

"Wow, thank you. I had no idea."

---

"Alright boys," Todd announces. "Time for you to have your showers."

"Great, let's go," Harry says. He stands up and the two boys start giggling. "What?"

"He was talking to us," Evan says.

"Oh. Okay then."

Harry helps Gale and I tidy up the table while Todd brings the boys upstairs. He nods towards Gale and I bite my lip nervously and why does it always have to be so quiet when I'm around her? It makes everything feel so much more intense and I don't like that.

"Gale?" She sets some plates down and looks up at me. "I umm...I was thinking that maybe it would be alright to go tonight. With you."

"Really?" She grins. "Okay, that'll be great. I'll just finish up here and then we can go."

"I can do it." Harry steps towards the sink with some dishes. "You girls can go."

"As long as you make Todd help you. He wouldn't be caught dead in the kitchen."

---

Uncomfortable. If I had to choose one work to describe this evening I would definitely have to choose uncomfortable. I've got dark blue nail polish on my fingers already and now I'm having the gross skin removed from my feet and Gale is next to me desperately trying to start some kind of conversation. I have no idea how to do this.

"Are you getting the same colour on your toes?"

"I think so."

She nods and inspects her fingers for the zillionth time. "I'm trying, you know. I'm really trying, Carmen."

I don't know how to respond to that. I know that she's trying and it's not that I'm not trying too, but I don't know how to do this. The expectations are too high and it's easier to play with her kids slash my brothers than to try to repair my relationship with my mother the abandoner.

"I don't know what you want from me," I finally say. "This isn't easy for me."

"It's not easy for either of us, but if you didn't want to make an effort then why bother coming in the first place?"

"Because I don't have a family. You made sure that I didn't."

"And there aren't enough words to make that better, but I can't go back and change what I did! If I could take that back you know that I would, Carmen. I made a stupid decision but that doesn't mean that I don't love you. You're my daughter. That never changed."

"I don't want to keep throwing it in your face and I'm trying to get past it, but while you went and got this better life with your new family I was alone with grandparents that could barely afford to keep food on the table!"

"Could you give us a minute," she tells the two ladies. They step away and I lean forward on my elbows with my hands over my face. "Carmen, I never wanted this. As soon as I left I regretted it but I was young and selfish. It's not an excuse, I know that I can't make up for what I did but...this is a chance for us to have a relationship. I want to know you and try and make up for everything that you didn't have when I left you. This isn't an easy thing at all and I know you can't forgive me overnight. Please just give me a chance."

"I'm trying," I mutter. "I want to try."

"That's all I want," she says. She smiles and places her hand on my arm. "We'll figure this out."

Notes

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