Harry's POV

Another day of classes. Another shift at the restaurant. Another stupid fucking party with my friends and other random people that I don't care about at all. Going through the motions and playing my part is getting old, and it's not getting any easier. It won't take much longer before I snap or break down or something.

I don't know where everything went wrong. Whatever I did and whenever I didi it, I still have no idea. It's been twenty-three days. Feels like a lot longer, but apparently that number is right. The boys have pointed out my moping, so I'm trying not to do that anymore, but it's just a matter of not making it obvious. I'm disappointed, frustrated, and honestly just sad. I don't know what went wrong.

Flashback

"Can't we just stay home?" I ask, swinging mine and Carmen's hands between us. She laughs.

"No, we never do anything," she says. "We have to be fun college students."

"I can think of a great way to do that."

"And what would that be?"

"Staying home and watching The Last Song. We haven't seen that one yet," I remind her. She laughs again and shakes her head.

"Suck it up Harry. It's just a few hours, then we can go watch all the sad movies you want."

When we get to the house with the group of us I feel something drop in the pit of my stomach. It just seems like a bad idea to be here. Even though Carmen isn't drinking and I don't plan to either, I have a terrible feeling about tonight. When do frat parties ever end well? They don't. Not in my experience, at least. My last girlfriend fucked another guy at the last frat party I went to. After that I pretty much avoided them.

"Last chance," I tease, though I'm not really joking. Walking up to the front door makes my feet feel like lead.

"We'll have fun," she promises, pulling me through the door.

End of Flashback

Fun. Let's just say, we didn't really have that much fun.

The amount of times I've replayed that night in my head...I can't even keep track. If there was something I could pinpoint...something I did or something she saw that would have made her so upset with me. But I can't. There's nothing I can recall that would have made her act that way.

Or to explain why I haven't seen her since.

---

Twenty-four days.

School sucks now. I've never hated school that much, though I really don't like the extra work. Class? Fine. Homework? No thank you. But now it's like I'm constantly looking for her, trying to see if I can spot her and just make eye contact. I feel like then maybe I'll be able to see if I really have no chances left. She's not the kind to give many, so it doesn't look good for me.

Three classes. Seven hours on campus, all of my spare time spent in the library to see if she'll come at some point. But she doesn't. Liam said she's not avoiding it because of me, but that's probably a lie. Plus, that topic has officially been banned for him and I. He doesn't want to feel put in the middle. So the better solution is to allow me to lose my mind. Apparently. Wouldn't want Liam to feel uncomfortable.

There's an obvious solution, right? Guess where I'm going right now.

Tuesdays mean six o'clock. Not that I know her whole schedule or anything...I mean, some things I guess but it's stuff anyone would know. Their schedule is online. Not that I checked.

Anyway. Practice. I can't actually go inside, but it's the only chance to actually see her. Sometimes I feel like if I close my eyes her face is blurry. I know there's a small sunspot on her jaw, but there's times when I can't remember which side it's on and that freaks me out. I search for any kind of picture, but we never took any together. Not one. Well, I remember her Dad taking one of us when he was here, but I don't have that one.

The gym doors have windows on them. I feel like a fucking psychopath looking through them for who knows how long, but it's all I get and there's no shame in that. Well, maybe a little bit. But the point is that I just want to see her and if this is the only way for me to do that, then that's what I'll do. Games would be better, but Liam told me she doesn't want me there. That doesn't exactly stop me, though. I know one of the guys that works the ticket stands and stuff and he lets me chill beside the bleachers on the far side so I can watch without her seeing me.

I'm not a creep, okay? It's just...when I spoke to her father while he was still here I promised him that I would take care of her. I said I'd look after her for him, and I can't really do that if I don't ever see her, so this is me doing my best by both of their wishes. She doesn't want to see me and he wants me to take care of her. It's hard to do both.

Her straight hair seems a little knotted up, but the sight of her still makes my knees feel weak. Black spandex with multi-coloured polka-dots, a work out top and the rest of her gear on and she looks amazing. She's not even trying to impress me and here I am, probably drooling.

"Harry."

I jump and spin around at Niall's voice, my hand on my chest. "Shit, Niall. Don't do that!"

"What are you looking at?"

"Nothing," I say quickly. I walk towards him and try to get him to go, but instead he steps around me and peers through the windows of the gym doors. All he has to see is a volleyball to know what I was looking at.

"Wow," he says. He laughs a little. "You've got a problem, I think."

"I don't."

"You do."

"Niall, don't worry about it, all right?" I start walking down the hall away from the gym and he jogs to fall into step beside me.

"It's been a few weeks," he reminds me. I shove my hands in my pockets. "I think it's pretty obvious that she doesn't want to see you."

Instead of responding I just keep walking. I know what's obvious, I'm not stupid. After not even hearing one single word from her I think I can figure it out for myself without Liam passing the message on. Which was very mature, by the way. I felt like I was twelve again, waiting for my crush's best friend to deliver a message from her because she was too scared to talk to me herself. And that message was leave me alone. I got that loud and clear, and I got this one too. The difference is that this time I don't really want to listen.

With most girls you could probably just force them to see you. Show up at their house, go to their classes, text them, do whatever the fuck you want until they finally agree to talk to you and then forgive you and everything is fine. But Carmen is not most girls and she most certainly would not react well to me trying to force myself on her. She would probably hit me. Not a slap, she'd actually punch me in the face. It would be a really bad idea.

"You need a distraction," Niall says as we walk into the main dining hall. He clamps a hand on my shoulder. "You realize you could just take your pick, right?"

I lazily glance around the room at the tables and line ups for various entrees, but I'm only looking for one blonde-haired girl I know isn't even in here. There's plenty of girls and I'm sure lots of them are great, but they're not who I want. I know who I want, she just doesn't want me. Trying to use one of these random girls to take my mind off of that would be a really low thing to do, and as much as I would love a distraction, none of them would be able to take my mind off of her. She's too incredible.

"I'm good," I assure him. He rolls his eyes. "What? What do you want from me?"

"You need to get over her," he says, picking up a tray.

"What if I don't want to?"

"So...you're going to spend the rest of your life pining after a girl you can only see through a tiny window in the gym doors?"

"Okay." I run my fingers through my hair. "Can you stop? I get it, you guys all think it's pathetic and ridiculous and maybe a little bit weird, but can you just give me some fucking room to figure it out?"

"Harry, she's not even your ex," he says. He's not worked up like I am, because when is Niall anything but easy-going. "I don't get what the big deal is."

"You met her," I mutter, taked a sandwich from one of the tables. "She's incredible."

"I know, but it's over. We all hate it as much as you because when do you ever meet a girl that doesn't piss us all off? Never. It sucks, but you have to find a better way to deal."

I know that he's right. She's not my ex, not even close to serious on the scale of relationships and I need to find a way to get past this. Maybe.

---

Maybe not.

A door has never looked so terrifying to me. This is the fourth time since the party that I've been here, but she's been gone every time. She's been 'gone' every time. She probably never answers the door anymore just to avoid me.

Flashback

"Where the fuck did she go?" I yell to Louis. He shrugs and looks around a little.

"She's been with you all night, shouldn't you know that?"

I roll my eyes and start pushing through people in the crowded house to try and spot her. I went to the bathroom and came back and she's gone. I told her not to move. Granted, I was kidding, but I didn't expect her to disappear completely. Now I have no idea where she went. It shouldn't freak me out this much, but it's scaring me.

"She's not here," I report about twenty minutes later. "Where is she?"

"I haven't seen her, why don't you try calling her?" Louis says simply.

"I'm going to start walking back. If you see her, call me or tell her to call me."

His smart ass reaction isn't noted as I walk away with my phone pressed to my ear. It only takes one ring for it to go to voicemail, and immediately I know something is wrong. Either someone has her phone or she's ignoring my call and neither of those options are very comforting for me.

When I finally get to the house I'm pounding on the door without pause until it swings open. My whole body relaxes when I see her.

"Carmen," I breathe. I put my hand on the wall beside the door and take a deep breath. "I thought-"

She abruptly swings the door shut again and I'm sure the surprised look on my face is priceless. What the fuck?

"Carmen!" I knock on the door again. "What's going on?"

After another moment the door opens. Her eyes are red-rimmed and she's already wearing different clothes, a giant sweatshirt and tiny shorts.

"You need to leave," she says quietly. I notice that she has yet to make eye contact with me.

"What? Why?"

"Just go, Harry." She closes the door a little more but I put my hand on it to keep it open.

"Not until you tell me what's going on. We were having fun and suddenly you were gone. What the hell happened?"

She shrugs, her one arm now hanging limp at her side with the other hand on the door knob. "It doesn't matter."

"Uh, yeah it really does. Carmen-"

"Go home, Harry." She steps to the side again. "I don't want to see you anymore."

My heart almost stops beating in my chest and the most desperate of emotions claw at my soul. This isn't how this ends, not before it even starts and now without a reason.

"Carmen," I plead. I see a tear roll down her cheek and I want to barge in, but I know her too well. It wouldn't work; she'd shut down more.

"Don't come back, Harry," she says weakly.

End of Flashback

I finally lift my fist to knock on the door. My heart is pounding harder than that knock and it takes for fucking ever for someone to actually answer the door. It can't go worse than that night. I have to keep trying.

"Harry," Kayla says when she sees me. I slide my hands into my pockets and try not to be embarrassed by the patronizing smile on her face. "How's it going?"

"I'm okay." That smile doesn't leave her face and it makes me feel pathetic. "Is uh....is she-"

"She stayed after practice today. She's not back yet."

"Oh." I nod.

"Sorry," she says. "I know it sucks."

I laugh dryly. "Yeah. Can you tell her I stopped by?"

"Yeah, I'll do that. Bye, Harry."

She closes the door and I have to stare at it for a moment before finally turning around. Every fuckin' time. She's never home. She's probably sitting in her room reading a seven hundred page book or cramming for something else she left until the last minute. The thought makes me smile a little, and on the walk back to my place her smile is all I can think about.

Notes

oh boy.
you all thought the part was going to be next eh?

SO WHAT HAPPENED??!?!!?

shits getting mysterious.

sooo some of you have commented on how i said this is probably my last story. basically when school starts again i probably wont have any time for writing consistently to be able to update a website like this. ill never stop writing and if i publish something or anything you guys will know for sure! but yeah its just time for something else i guess. i feel like this is a good way to end because i really love this story.

so i hope you guys enjoy the story :)

what do you think happened? whats the deal with carmen??

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