Three months earlier.

I reluctantly opened my eyes in the morning. I’d been running on less sleep than normal, since Harry had left town. There seemed to be a list of things that kept me up late each night; organizing fashion shows, sending emails to all sort of model agencies, my mother wanting me to fly out to Seattle to visit her, and Harry tucking me in with his voice…

As the sleep stinging my eyes making them water a little, I wondered if Harry was feeling the effects of his own late nights, on stage or on the road. Then I wondered if he ever regretted staying up late just to talk to me – to remind me that he was indeed thinking of me even though we were miles apart. We had gone through some arguments here and there but we were all right. Harry and I knew those things wouldn’t tear us apart.

Sighing, I reached over the vacant half of the bed next to me. Oddly, it wasn’t vacant. I jerked my head around immediately. Resting on his stomach, his head facing me, Harry was lying right there. A huge grin took over my face as I propped myself up on an elbow to stare down at him – to make sure he was real and that this wasn’t a dream. The blanket only covered half of his body, exposing his bare chest that my eyes loved oh so much.

I had completely forgotten that he had a week break before they moved on to the America leg of the tour. He must have gotten back here last night and went straight to my flat instead.

Leaning down, I ran the back of my knuckle over his cheek. He moved his head a little, but his eyes remained closed in slumber. Sighing contently, I let my fingertips trail down his neck and over his shoulder blade. He exhaled in a way that kind of sounded like a sigh, but peeking up at him, he still seemed out of it. The tour must have been exhausting. Then, I outlined his tattoos that I adored so much. I knew how much it meant to him though some of it might seem ridiculous to everyone but not to me – I loved each of it.

After a while, Harry cracked his eyes open lazily, smiling and pulling me closer. He kissed the top of my head, wrapping one of his arms around my waist. “Morning, beautiful.” I smiled at his raspy, hoarse voice – it was always my favorite sound to hear every morning. Holding me tight, he nuzzled his face in my neck and planted really lazy kisses there.

After all those pictures he had sent to me, those video calls, those voice notes; he was finally here – lying next to me. I was feeling content once again as he planted his lips on mine. The kiss was the sweetest, the softest, most passionate kiss we’ve ever shared. The warmth of his love flooded over me and it made my heart swell. I instantly looped my arms around his neck, pulling him closer – wanting to feel his skin on mine.

“Mornin’.”

Nuzzling his nose behind my ear, the two of us made a soft content noise. “You smell so good,” Harry ran his nose up my neck and kissed under my ear.

“It’s the body wash you bought,” I giggled. He shook his head and hugged me tighter.

“No, it’s your skin. I-I can’t describe it, it smells like home.”

I closed my eyes and tangled my fingers in his curls. Tilting my head back, I let his soft lips pressed to my jaw then to my cheek and then finally to my lips. Kissing me slow and no rush, it was as if we had no care in the world. It was as if there were just us in this world. These are the moments where Harry opened me in a way that left me bleeding, vulnerable. And I knew, I opened him in a way no one had ever done before.

He was just as vulnerable as I was and that was one thing that we had in common.

Home. The word lingered in my mind for the rest of the day. I was his home and he was mine. Being around him always put me in a mood that I thought had never existed in myself. Harry had knocked the sadness from my hands and it shattered on the floor, broken pieces, swept up and tossed aside.

Standing on my tiptoes, I tried to reach for a box of cereal on the highest shelf. Coming up behind me with a hand on the top of my head, Harry pushed me down and pretended to use me for a boost to get the box of cereal. Then, he kissed my forehead and yelped before scuttling away because he was sure I was about to swat him – I would though if he didn’t run away. “Git.” I muttered under my breath as I smiled to myself, taking the milk out of my fridge.

Just as I was about to pour the milk into the bowl, Harry pulled the elastic down on my ponytail just enough so that the hair around my head was loose and laughed at his own dumb joke. “You look funny,” He smiled. When I didn’t smile nor did I laugh, he asked if he could fix it because please, he promised he’d do a good job and he had done it for Lux.

“Harry, she has like three hairs on her head.” I protested, giving him the look. The look that said ‘are you being serious because if you are I’m going to kick your ass, and I don’t care if you’re my boyfriend or not’.

“How dare you question my ponytail sculpting abilities.”

Harry and I spent the rest of the morning in the kitchen, him telling me about the places he had visited, showing me some of the videos he had recorded for me. His life fascinated me and to know that he experienced all of that in a young age, I was proud. Probably just as proud as Anne was. In return, I had to tell him what I did while he was away and when I refused he said, “Everything you do is interesting to me, Sky.”

So I told him how my job kept me busy all the time and how my mother kept bothering me and asking me when I wanted to visit her. He suggested me to visit my mother next week on the same day he was leaving for America, for he didn’t want her to miss me too much. And even if he didn’t say it, I knew it was because he didn’t want me to dwell in my sadness over him leaving again. Before we could go any further with the topic, his phone started ringing. It was Louis, telling him that he had to be in the recording studio since they were supposed to be recording one or two songs during this one week break.

Not wanting to spend even a second away from Harry, I came to the studio with him. As we walked down the street, the cameras were shoved to our faces; Harry’s every move and mine was being captured by the paparazzi. Harry held onto my hand tightly, constantly asking me if I was okay – like he usually did. His smile was so reassuring, I clung to his side, and smiled at the paparazzi that asked us how we were doing. I was used to this, wasn’t I?

Inside the studio, Louis who had been waiting for our arrival greeted us. He looked fresh despite the fact that he hadn’t gotten much sleep last night since they arrived here at 3 in the morning. Niall on the other hand was taking a nap on the couch at the corner of the room while waiting for his turn to get into the recording booth. Zayn was nowhere to be found and Liam was in the booth, recording his vocals. He sounded so good, so mature.

After two hours of lounging around, I found myself sneaking up behind Harry while he sat in the studio, listening to the track that they had just recorded moments ago. I studied his face as he was so into the song and when I got closer, I ripped the beanie off of his head and slipped away playfully, running as fast as I could through the halls.

Harry was chasing after me, yelling out my name threatening as he did so. Not being physically active, I soon slowed down to catch a breath and Harry took this as a chance for him to catch me. Placing his hands on my chest, he slammed me against the wall, and then he placed his hands on either side of my head. Both of us panting, he looked into my eyes with a smirk playing heavily on his lips as he shook his head. Looking down at the beanie in my hand, he leaned down to my ear, speaking softly, “You’re going to pay for that one.”

Shaking my head, I chewed on the bottom of my lip – I knew how it drove him crazy and I liked the control I had over him. His gaze instantly darted down to my lips and he tugged it with his fingers. “Don’t.”

“Or?”

Harry looked down and shook his head. “You wouldn’t want to know what I had in my mind when you did that.” Almost immediately I felt my cheeks heated up and I shoved him away from me – playfully, that was. “30 more minutes and you can have me all to yourself.” Kissing my forehead, he then retreated back to the studio room and left me smiling on how he had just told me that I could have him all to myself. I had always loved that - only the two of us in our own bubble.

When you were with someone that you love, time seemed to pass by a whole lot faster that it usually would. It felt like only yesterday I woke up with Harry next to me, it felt like only yesterday I was having him all to myself and now we were laying on my bed, counting hours until he had to leave again. We had spent the entire night and morning cuddling and talking. Just as the sun peeked through the blinds, Harry and I sighed. Neither one of us liked this, neither one of us wanted to be reminded that we soon would be miles away from each other.

Sighing heavily, I whispered. “I wish we could stay like this forever.”

“Come with me.”

“What? Go with you.. Where?”

Smiling to himself, he laced our fingers and examined how his fingers were longer and bigger than mine. “So cute..” He whispered, kissing each of my fingers. “I meant come with me.. On tour. We could travel the world together.”

It sounded so tempting. Harry knew how much I had always wanted to travel the world; he knew I loved travelling so he was taking the opportunity to trick me into saying yes. He had asked me to come with him on tour before but I had rejected his offer. I didn’t want to burden him, I didn’t want to be an anchor that often pulled him down whenever he wanted to do something, whenever he wanted to go out and have fun with his band mates.

I knew for a fact that if I were to be there with him, he would always ditch his friends and chose to be with me instead so I wouldn’t be lonely, for there probably wouldn’t be anyone that could accompany me whenever he wasn’t around. As good as it sounded like – having him by myself all the time – I did not want to be his only center of attention although that was what I had been wishing for.

I’ve just had to share him.. with the world. And be okay with it, because I had always been okay with it, was not I?

Besides, my parents would not be proud of me if they found out I turned out to be one of those girls who follow their boyfriends around because to them, I certainly wasn’t that girl. To them, I was a strong, independent, brave girl. To them, I was their only daughter who they often showed off to their friends. My father, he was always proud of me until I got involved with Harry.

“Where is he going with that sort of career?” Dad asked with a subtle frown. He crossed his arms with disapproval written all over his face. I didn’t know how to wipe it away, for he had always been the kind of father who had a typical mind – he wanted someone who study, go to college, graduate and get good job with great salary to be with me. He had set those kinds of standards since I was young. Never in his life he would ever thought I ended up dating one of the members of a very famous boy band.

“Dad-“ Before I could say anything, mum walked into the room and placed her hand on dad’s shoulder.

“Let them be, if Sky is happy with him then you have to learn to accept him.” I couldn’t stop thanking my mother since then. Looking over her, I smiled appreciatively. “Mark, she’s not our baby girl anymore.” Her voice suddenly changed, it was as if she was holding herself back from breaking. “We have to let her go.”

My father seemed to ponder for a moment before his feature softened. I knew he was slowly letting this whole Harry and I thing go but I also knew it would take him some time to fully accept Harry as my boyfriend. “Alright.” Then, he looked up. That was when I noticed that it wasn’t because he hated Harry – it was because he was scared that he might hurt me. He just wanted me to be with someone that wouldn’t leave a scratch to my heart, he wanted me to be happy. And I was, with Harry.

“As long as he doesn’t hurt my baby girl.”

“Everything’s on me. They can blame me.” Harry sounded so serious. I tilted my head to look at him and he was already looking at me, his eyes were glossy. “I don’t care what you do, I just want you with me, Sky.” Harry gave me a soft kiss, then sighed. Swallowing, I slowly shook my head. “Why?”

“I can’t, Harry.”

“Yes, you can, Sky. You just don’t want to do it.” He released my hand and shifted away from me. “You don’t want to be with me as much as I want to be with you.”

“It’s not that, Harry. You know that.” My voice almost cracked as he sat up, his back was facing me. I didn’t want him to be mad at me. “I would love to-“

“Then be with me. Isn’t that easy? I’ll support you.”

“I don’t want you to spend your money on me,” I sighed. Sitting up, I ran my fingers through my black hair, wishing Harry would turn around and look at me.

As if he had just read my mind, he turned around and faced me. “Tell me, who am I supposed to spend it on if it’s not you? Sky, you’re my girlfriend. I can spend how much I want on you, it’s my money. I worked for it.”

Running out of words, I bowed my head down. He was right, but knowing that I could give him nothing in return tore me apart. He was always giving me his best and I, the only thing I could offer him was my heart. I was afraid that one day, it would not be enough, that he might want something more out of me.

“I love you, but..” I let my voice trailed down as I stared at my fingers, which suddenly felt so cold. I wanted him to hold me again, to cuddle up with me. I wanted his warm skin to be close to mine.

“But it’s not enough, is not it?”

He didn’t give me a chance to say that he was downright wrong and that it was not that it was not enough, it was because the love I had for him was actually far more than enough – it was too much. But as he left the room, almost immediately the room dropped down ten degrees and I was shaking so hard. He had just walked away from me. When I heard the front door opened and closed the next second, all my hope went down the drain.

What’s worse was that, I had no one but myself to blame.

All Harry ever wanted was someone that he could share his adventure with. Someone that he could beam at when he’s excited about something, someone that he could travel the world with and someone that he could share his world with. And in this case, I was that person.

But I failed in being that person.

He didn’t want someone that he could only share his adventure with through cellphone, through video calls, through voice notes or through pictures. He wanted someone that could be there with him, by his side almost all the time.

*

“Hey, are you alright?” Landon asked as he noticed my glum expression. A week had passed since Harry left my flat and time could not drag any slower than it was. “You seem.. Off.”

Shaking my head, I forced the brightest smile I could ever show. “I’m alright.” Handing him a piece of paper that he had been asking for, I stood up and straighten my skirt. “Do you think I can leave early today?”

Landon eyed me for a moment before he slowly nodded his head, “Are you ill? If you are, I could give you a day off. You’ve been working hard for the last few days. “ I had, because I wanted to get Harry off of my mind. I wanted to be able to work without having him constantly lurking around in my mind.

“I’m just tired is all.” I said, smiling softly.

Stepping into my flat, I noticed my duffel bag was placed next to the door. Frowning, I leaned down to open the zip and I was surprised to see that some of clothes were in there. “We’re going to visit Harry,” Daisy said, coming out of my room with another duffel bag slung on her shoulder.

“No, that’s not a g-“

Daisy shut me off with her index finger placed on my lips. “You’re fucking miserable and I’m sure Harry’s too. So, I bought tickets for the two of us to Miami and we’re going there tonight.” I was about to come up with another reason as to why we couldn’t leave but Daisy was not taking no as an answer. Besides, Landon had given me a day off tomorrow so I could not come up with an excuse either. “You miss him, admit it Sky.”

It was true. I missed him, so much. We weren’t really on a good term when he left and it killed me. I hated knowing things weren’t right between us and it also killed me that he hadn’t done anything to contact me. “What if he’s busy..” I let the thoughts trailed off while my mind started making up scenarios like it usually would each time I was alone. Who knew he had found someone better?

“No, no and no. He hasn’t found someone better than you because you are the best thing that has ever happened to him.” Daisy recited the mantra as if she wanted me to remember all of the reasons on why I had been holding on to this relationship – it was almost as if she was trying to save us from fading away. “Remember what he said to you when you were sitting on this very couch after I caught you making out with him?” She twisted her lips then tilted her head.

I scrunched up my nose and bunched my brows, trying to remember it but I came up with nothing. Seeing that I didn’t remember it, Daisy smiled. And as Daisy said it, the words became clear in my mind.

“When we’re old and gray, we’ll look back at this moment and laugh. We’ll tell our grandkids about it.. And completely gross them out.” Harry said, burying his nose into the crook of my shoulder. As his lips brushed my neck, I shoved him away from me, afraid that Daisy might walk in on us again. “Jesus, Sky, don’t worry. It’s just Daisy.”

I looked down, finally remembering him saying that. Daisy grabbed my chin, making me look back at her and when I did I felt my eyes became misty. “I brought it up to remind you that Harry is thinking long term with you. You’re not just another girl. You’re the girl – you’re it. And I know he is for you. God, you have no idea how much I love the two of you. So please, stop stressing.”

Exhaling slowly, I felt a weight lifting from me. She was right. I was just being fearful but everything was okay.

“Alright now, go get showered or do whatever you want to do before you meet Harry.” Daisy said with a slight smirk as she pushed me into my room.

I needed to stop stressing – that was it.

I was nervous – so nervous, even. Tapping my feet, I looked over the window to see the reflection of me after spending hours on the plane. I looked.. Okay. Daisy on the other hand looked amazing. Harry could have chosen her instead of me but he didn’t. He chose me.

“So, here’s the backstage pass,” Daisy handed me a pass that I immediately held on to tightly. It was a pass that would give me the access to see the man that I loved. “Are you ready?”

Daisy didn’t give me a chance to nod or even shake my head. Yanking my arm, she dragged me down the hallway until we reached the very last door. Assuming it was the boys’ room, I took a deep breath, raising my knuckles to knock the door. When I turned around to consult Daisy and said that I couldn’t do it, she had already disappeared. Sighing, I knew I had to do it. I had travelled all the way from London to Miami, anyways.

Taking yet another long and deep breathe, I brought my knuckles over the door and knocked the blue grey door twice. I’ll be fine; I’ll be fine, those words were on replay as I waited for the door to be opened. It was far worse than waiting for my examination results. The nerves were going to wreck me if Harry didn’t open the door instantly.

Just as I was about to turn around and tell Daisy that this was actually a bad idea and Harry didn’t want to see me, the door opened, revealing a tired, weary looking Harry. He was wearing the red and black plaid shirt that he had been wearing since he was seventeen, except that he had torn the sleeves off. His black fedora hat sat on his head perfectly; his lips were pursed into a tight line.

“Harry,” I breathed out after I had regained my composure. His name had never felt foreign.

Looking up, his eyes went wide. It was as if he hadn’t expected seeing me here, and I was pretty sure he would have never thought I would fly out just to see him. “Sky?”

I bit my bottom lip to stop it from quivering. My heart started swelling on how much love I had for him – just him. I wanted so badly to ask him why wouldn’t he call me like he usually did, why wouldn’t he remind me that he loved me. But as his face softened, I knew all of those things were nothing compared to how I was feeling towards him right now.

“You’re here, Sky.” He whispered like he didn’t want anyone else to know I was there, with him. It was like he was scared someone might take me away from him if they knew about my presence. And also, it was as if he was afraid that I might vanish into the thin air if he said my name loudly.

But I wouldn’t. I was there for him.

“I am.” I wrapped my arms around his torso and closed the gap there ever was between us.

Pulling away, Harry leaned down so he was on the same level as I was and planted his lips on mine. Almost immediately the fire inside of me was lightened up and soon we were engaged in a passionate kiss. Harry swiped his tongue over my lips and I was more than willing to give him the permission to explore my mouth. I love him, I love him, I love him, I love him. With each kiss we shared, I found myself screaming those words in my mind. He might not hear it but I knew he could feel it.

“I’m sorry,” he breathed out, resting his forehead against mine. “I didn’t mean to walk away just like that. I fucked up.”

“Why didn’t you call?”

“I couldn’t bring myself to call you. Each time I tried, I pictured you crying over me and I just couldn’t. I hated myself for that. Sky, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s alright,” I brushed my hands against his cheek as he closed his eyes. His lips thinning, his grip against my wrist tightened. “I get it, Harry.”

“Do you still want to be with me?”

His absurd question often took me off guard. I had almost forgotten that Harry, too, was just as vulnerable as I was. “Of course, Harry. There’s no one I’d rather be with than you.”

Kissing my lips softly, he whispered. “I love you.” Kissing my nose, he whispered again, “So much.” Kissing both of my cheeks, he then said, “Thank you.”

“If for some reason we’re not closer when I was away, if something has gotten between us, please, I’m begging you..don’t give up on me. Stay, stay with me. Work it out with me. Just don’t leave me, please.”

I felt it in every limb. Every fiber of my being, I’d changed. He’d saved me from the horrible angry hurt girl I’d been before. He was the prettiest Band-Aid a girl could have.

I knew that no matter what I did, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t do better.

Notes

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