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Dreaming Of You // If I'm Still Dreaming

'I just discovered I love Chanel Nº5'

Harry’s POV

Chilling on the sofa, I was going over the events of last week, feeling calmer now that Jeanne’s reappearance seemed to have settled down in my mind. I still couldn’t believe the storm had passed, and without any disastrous consequences. Her toughness wasn’t new to me, but I was relieved that she didn't drop the project. The behaviour of the studio hadn’t surprised me at all. They’d do anything for a handful of dollars, no matter whom they have to screw in the process. Things had turned out pretty well, but I knew I shouldn’t relax. I took a sip of my water. This business is a bitch, and this is probably just the eye of the storm. I glanced towards Niall, who was pacing back and forth underneath Jeanne’s father painting while talking on the phone. Contrary to what I did with her photographs, I never took that one down.

“Hey, baby, are you there yet? He was mumbling. Erica. I should have known he was checking up on her. “What plans do you have for the night?” He can’t spend more than a few hours without doing so. I glanced away, trying to distract my attention from their conversation. “Lasagna and a movie?–––he snapped, startling me. Why would you tell me this?” His hand lightly clenched in gesture of frustration, but he took it to his waist. It wasn’t easy to ignore him when he was almost putting up a show for me. “You know I’ve been craving lasagna all week…–––he complained, to immediately fall into silence. I’m hanging out at Harry’s…” He seemed to answer a moment later, and stopped on his tracks, glimpsing at me. I narrowed my eyes. “I don’t know if it’s a good idea…–––he muttered after a brief pause, turning away suspiciously. I don’t know if he’d say yes…” He tried to muffle his voice with a hand. Why were they talking about me? “OK, let me ask him… Hey, brother–––he called me, coming to face me. Do you want to go to Jeanne’s to have lasagna and a movie?” His words struck me to my very bones. He hadn’t told me Erica was at Jeanne’s house… “He doesn’t say anything…–––I heard him speaking. I told you it wasn’t a good idea…” I had absolutely zoned out.

“I do!–––I claimed when I reacted. I mean… Yeah, if that’s OK…” I continued, trying to sound cool about it. Niall scrunched his face a bit. Before starting to talk to Erica again he nodded his head at me once, as wanting to be sure. I nodded back, leaving my water on the table. Why do they always doubt me?

“He’s OK–––Niall shrugged, finally answering to Erica’s question. What movie are you going to watch?” I began to squirm. I didn’t expect to see her so soon, as I had my hopes set on Saturday, but she had just invited me over. “‘The Wings Of Desire’?–––he blurted. It doesn’t ring a bell…” He glimpsed at me as looking for some backup. I just raised my eyebrows. Not the slightest idea. “German? 1987? What kind of movie night are you having? Harvard Film Archive?–––he retorted. I’m not sure if I want to watch that…”

“We’re going!” I stated, instinctively straightening up. I wasn’t letting a weird choice of movie ruin my chance.

“OK, I’ve awoken the beast here, so we’re going–––he giggled, glancing at me. Please, tell me the lasagna isn’t vegetarian or something…” He spoke to Erica.

“No, it’s full meat and cheese lasagna,” I quickly intervened. I needed to be sure he wouldn’t change his mind. “She’s part Italian. You’ll love it.”

“Can I have extra cheese?” Niall asked on the phone.

“Ask her if we have to bring something…”

“Do we have to bring something?–––he repeated without hesitation. Your finest wine and some beer,” he talked to me again after a second. Erica should have asked Jeanne. I raised my eyebrows and pouted my lower lip, gladly surprised. She really hadn’t changed. Luckily I have a pretty decent wine cellar. “We’ll be there in no time.”

So there went my calm. I was going to see her, and at her own house, way before I expected. I grabbed some Rioja wine and the beer, and we jumped to my car. When I parked outside Jeanne’s house I was literally shaking. Niall acted his normal self and made fun of me, but I just couldn’t help myself. I had forgotten how to be around her, especially amongst other people. Back then we were basically by ourselves all the time, and naked. How do you manage to be around someone with whom you performed all kind of sexual acts as if nothing had happened? Well, you drink, for instance…

So by the time we finished our dinner I was having my third glass of wine. I’m not drunk, just a bit tipsy, as I needed to loosen up a little. To get drunk at her house would be unforgivable. Niall has been doing most of the talk, and she just laughed at every single one of his jokes. They all seem to really get along, and I’m glad they do, but for some reason my heart breaks. Being with other people has turned out to be quite helpful though, as somehow they distract her from me, because it’s difficult not to stare at her the entire time… I have been missing so much just to be able to watch her ­inside it feels like I’m naturally catching up. I just want to watch her. Sometimes I struggle to avoid certain images in my head. They keep flashing by, probably because this is the longest time I’ve spent around her since the summer we shared almost five years ago, or maybe it’s just because of her body. Her body… I rub my face briskly with my hands. Her body is sealed to my senses. I can’t fight it. I’m sure it doesn’t happen all the way around, and she’s not there picturing me naked, but it’s OK. I was the one who was butt-crazy in love.

Jeanne is such an attentive host. Lately she reminds me so much of her mother, all posh in her black skinny trousers and her soft, grey jumper. Things probably aren’t great between them. I can’t understand how Jeanne isn’t super attached to her mum when I almost depend on mine for emotional balance, but I guess we are just different. We’ve always been so different. Jeanne has this natural elegance and her way of moving. I’m just a guy with a bad back who got lucky. She’s so delicate… Like, look at all these bottles of perfume and lotions. I softly brush my fingers over their tops. She never puts on too much. Just a touch. I can’t refrain a grin. I wonder which one she wears the most. Maybe if I smell them… I grab a bottle of Chanel Nº5 and uncap it, bringing it to my nose, but as I sniff at it I feel a noise and a mist splashing my face, my nostrils flooded by a piercing scent. What’s wrong with my brain? How could I spray it all over me? Maybe I should have waited for Niall to come out of the bathroom downstairs instead of accepting Jeanne’s offer to use her own. Now I smell like her, because this one is definitely the one, and I love it. I just discovered I love Chanel Nº5, even if I have to rinse it from myself.

I dry my face on her hand towel. I know it smells like her smooth skin even if I’m not able to feel it thanks to Chanel and my poor fine motor skills. God, this is so hard. I have to get out of here. Where does that second door lead? Most definitely to her bedroom… It wouldn’t be creepy if I just take a look. I turn the handle, the other hand resting on the door, as I slide my body inside. In the half-light I realise it’s just a dressing room. Her clothes… And her bedroom must be behind that other door. What the hell am I doing? This is not the attitude I have to keep if I want to be her friend, and proper. I stumble back into the bathroom and walk towards the opposite door. I get out and slowly close it behind me, trying not to make any sound, as Lara must be sleeping nearby. Too bad she was already in bed when we arrived. I would have loved to see her. I make my way to the stairs, glancing around in the moonlight coming through the glass walls. I love this house… Jeanne has been living here for only two weeks, but it amazed me how much it fits her with this minimalist, retro style. Maybe I just love the fact that she lives here… Suddenly I stop on my tracks, as a door open at my left catches me by surprise. As I reluctantly peep inside I find Jeanne leaning against the door, looking towards a baby cot. Something stirs inside of me, almost hurting. It’s absurd and I should go by, but I can’t leave… I stand behind her, slowly leaning against the doorframe myself.

“Mouth,” she mutters, acknowledging me, and it feels like a stab in the stomach, though after a second I’m melting. I just…

“Is everything OK?” I speak softly to her ear. She doesn’t seem altered, as she hasn’t even twitched. She’s like a palm away but I can feel the warmth of her body. All I want is for her to lean back against my chest. All I want is to be tipsier than I am to be able to pretend for a single moment that I didn’t lose her, and this is my family…

“Yes…” She says, lifting her chin up and glimpsing at me with the corner of her eye. But her gaze lingers, and I feel her closer. “I thought Lara had woken up, but she’s a heavy sleeper…”

“Like you,” I murmur and she grins, turning to face me. She leans her head against the door, arms folded across her chest. Her features look so soft in this light. “May I watch her?” I ask, as I’m too weak to stand so close, whispering things at each other.

Jeanne nods her head, lightly biting her lower lip. I look towards the cot, passing her side. I try to keep my footsteps as light as I possibly can. Standing like a meter away I peer between the wooden bars. At the vision my chest expands with a quiet joy I can’t explain. Lara is facing up, sleeping pleasantly, as she holds a cuddly toy at her side. I take one step closer, trying to listen to her breathing. She looks like an angel, so peaceful and rosy beneath her grey duvet. My eyes are used to the dim light, so I notice the room is gender neutral, mainly in grey and cream, nothing fluffy, just neat and cosy. It doesn’t surprise me one bit. I slightly turn to glimpse at Jeanne. She’s glancing at me with an unreadable face, her arms still folded over her chest, the head leaning against the door. My heart narrows so much I can hardly breathe. What is she thinking? I’d give everything I own to know what she’s thinking as she watches her former lover looking at her baby. She has to feel something. She just called me Mouth, for God’s sake… I breathe in deeply to collect myself and flash Lara a quick last glance, turning around to rejoin Jeanne. She straightens up and leaves the room. I reach her at the corridor and we start to make our way back to the others in silence. Maybe I should say something, but I might not even be able to speak. How does she make me so weak? Before we enter the TV area next to the dining room I catch a sight of Jeanne blowing the back of her right hand.

“Who put on perfume?” Niall inquires, startling me. Fuck you, mate. I can’t help but glare at him. He always calls me out. Jeanne lightly giggles, moving away. She must have noticed it before, but she doesn’t care. She’s used to my creepy self. As none of us answers Niall cackles, probably figuring everything out. Erica glimpses at him with a confused gaze, holding the remote control in her hand. They are cuddling on a sofa, so I guess Jeanne and I will have to share the other. I discreetly sit down at one corner and she does the same, grabbing a light blanket and throwing it over herself. Someone dims the brightness of the room and Erica presses the button for the film to begin. I glance at the telly, trying to get distracted from my feelings. Sepia colours… Niall will love it. “Jeanne, why can’t you be as any other Fan Fiction writer and simply choose ‘Toy Story’? He claims, making us all snort in unison. I look at him and Erica is talking to his ear, a hand resting on his chest. I shift in my seat. What has just happened? How can her nearness send my heart to frenzy but, at the same time, be the only way to calm me down? Because upstairs it overwhelmed me, but I’m just craving more. I glimpse at Jeanne, and she looks back at me, still laughing silently. She slides down on the sofa until her legs come to rest near my thigh. I instinctively grab the edge of her blanket and pull it over my lap. Jeanne straightens up and moves towards me a bit so we can share it, and I mimic her motions. I suddenly realise our eyes have been locked throughout the whole process. It wasn’t supposed to be sexy, but it is…

I’m sure the film is great, but I’m definitely not paying too much attention. I mean, the concept of the angels roaming around Berlin and listening to the lonely people’s thoughts is beautiful, as the cinematography, but I can’t focus having Jeanne so near. Erica and Niall keep cuddling and murmuring things at each other, and I just want them to stop. Why would they do this to me? Don’t they realise how difficult it is for me, sitting next to Jeanne with them in that attitude? I glance back at her, desperately trying to find a way or a hint to get closer. She keeps blowing the back of her hand. Is something wrong with it? Stop thinking, Harry… I bend over and resolutely grab it. Jeanne seems startled by my actions, but now she’s forced to approach me even more.

“What happens?” I whisper, watching her hand closely but unable to determine the issue. I just wonder if she’s still able to feel the peaches when I touch her.

“The steam of the oven…” She murmurs confusedly as I look straight into her eyes. I glance back at her hand, examining it, so soft between my fingers. I run my fingertips thought her palm as I bring it closer, and glimpsing back at Jeanne, in a moment of boldness, I kiss a reddish area I found. Her skin is hot beneath my lips, making me burn. God, how much I’ve missed it… Jeanne batters her lashes, her eyes in mine, not taking her hand away. Instead, in one of her long, feline movements she brings her body closer until our shoulders touch. She adjusts herself to her new position on the sofa and returns to watch the film. I’m in awe, and I can’t take my eyes off of her, my heart racing inside my chest. We’ve been here before. She’s cuddling up with me… Suddenly a sloppy sound distracts me from her for a second. Yeah, this is exactly what we were missing… Niall has taken action and those are the noises he and his future wife make while snogging. As if we need to know… I squirm, distraught. Jeanne glimpses at me, as she already realised I’ve grown uncomfortable. She knows how to read through me as if I were an open book.

“He makes out when he’s bored,” I mutter just to say something, though I avoid her gaze, as for some reason I don’t find the strength to look at her right now.

“Do you know it first hand?” She jokes quietly, and I can’t help but laugh. God, she’s everything… I grin profusely as a deep feeling of joy surges through me in every direction. I look at her, so smiling and warm, and I get this desperate need to throw my fingers at her to tuck her hair behind her ear. “It doesn’t matter,” she whispers, turning away. She sounds so hot when she whispers. God, she’s not supposed to be so alluring… “It’s not the first time she watches the film…”

“Do they have to be so awkward?” I murmur, lightly squeezing her hand, as I find it still wrapped in mine. I don’t know whom I’m talking about anymore.

“They’re not awkward…–––she claims, glancing down and I mirror her. It’s like being fifteen again. You know, when you went over to your friend’s house to watch a film and you ended up making out with the pillow or the cat…” She returns to look at me, as I sense her hair moving.

“Or your friend…” I quickly glimpse at her. Jeanne slowly parts her lips as to speak, breathing in. I see her pink, wet tongue quivering, and the pit of my stomach aches. I bend over towards her. I can’t stop myself.

–.–.–

Notes

I can’t stop myself.

How many votes for an early update to take us all from the cliffhanger? Until we reach 370 votes? Come on. You want to know what happens! Don't be shy and vote and/or comment what you believe it's going to happen. I'm having a hard time to write with all the drama surrounding the fandom, so I need your feedback more than ever!

So this is how this story is. You think I'm heading a way and suddenly things turn to the wildest! :) I don't like peace, I don't like settling down to an idea. This story is going to twist a lot. Thank you for sticking with me. I hope all the fandom were as amazing as you are. Let me know your thoughts on this chapter! Love you all <3

Comments

miss you a lot friend,
message me sometime if you have the chance ❤️

You promised you would never make us wait for an update that long again... *cries*

Hello,

I hope your life is everything that you want it to be. It seems like the past couple of months have really changed my perspective of the world, and how much you need to appreciate the little things in life. You never know when life will snatch them away from you.

I have really appreciated all that you have done for me. I miss your constantly developing plot, and your infinitesimal points of detail. In other words, I miss this story so much.

I feel like so much has happened since the last time you updated. I hope you know that I am always eagerly awaiting your next chapter. Even if it's 5 years from now, and I am a fully licensed Speech Language Pathologist, I will try my best to keep up my support. Maybe next year while I am studying abroad in Italy you will find the motivation to continue. Who knows what's going to happen. Maybe I should take the quote from the t-shirt I am currently wearing. "Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know you're gonna get."

Thanks,
Morgan

Morgan__Who Morgan__Who
2/13/18

Oh no, and then the moment came there's no next chapter anymore! What do I have to do with my spare time now?!
On a serious note: I loved loved looooooved your story so far. I loved the way the sequel wasn't the same as 'Dreaming of you'. Another timeset, other places, other people getting involved, and the tension being build up from the beginning till now. Their 'relationship' didn't went back to the way things were in France 4 years ago, it needed time to get together again and in a different way (happy about their love right now, but after 111 chapters I know things can change...). I really loved the way you wrote about Mark Owen as being Jeanne's 'Boyband crush'. I've been such a big fan of Take That and Mark was my first true love when I was 11 or so. His picture was hanging above my bed, wich I kissed goodnight every night. (I guess I've just spilled my age, haven't I? ;-) )
When I read the last comments, I think your last update was from 2 months ago. I really hope you can find the time, the energy and the inspiration to finish this story, because I'm hooked! Give me a warning when you'll write a book, I will be in front of the bookstore, waiting!

Love, Leah



leah leah
7/17/17

Dear You,

I've started reading this story two days ago. From the very first chapter I'm hooked and I can't stop reading. I don't want to go out, I don't want to sleep, I just want to read. Not to know how it will end actually, because I don't want it to end! So I try to find a balance between reading fast en making it last a little bit longer. I'm a fan of Harry from the day Sign of the times has released, so I have a lot of catching up to do. When you mention a song or a situation with One Direction, I look for it on Google or YouTube. So you're helping me to get to know the world of Harry and 1D, thank you for that! I've been to Paris a couple of times, It's such a beautiful city. I have good, romantic, memories of the times I've been there. You're writing about the city is so accurate and lively, it feels I'm there again by reading. My heart nearly broke for Harry and Jeanne when I read the last chapter of Dreaming of you. Happy to know there's a sequel, I going to start reading that now. I just wanted to write you this, because in the notes below the chapters you seem like a very nice, caring person. Thank you for writing such a beautiful story! (I hope my writing makes sence, English isn't my native language so I know I make a lot of mistakes. I'm sorry!)
Love, Leah

leah leah
7/15/17