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Dreaming Of You // If I'm Still Dreaming

'I don’t want to smash into a wall'

After the recording studio Louis and I returned to his home. Eleanor was not there yet, and I noticed Louis was a bit nervous about it. He was missing her, even though he was too tough to confess it to me. We laid down on the lounge with two bottles of beer and when he finished to check on her we stared at each other uncomfortably. I really don’t know why I wanted to avoid our latest topic, perhaps because I was replaying Liam’s words constantly in my mind or because I was exhausted on thinking about her after the messages she had sent me. Why couldn’t I remember that encounter near King Street? It was so long ago, almost in another lifetime. I knew I was making a mistake when I unconsciously grabbed my MacBook, closed over the centre table.

“Let me read this stuff,” Louis said abruptly taking my laptop from my hands. He opened the screen and started to type. I leant in and sank my face on the cushions by my side. After a relatively long silence, Louis gasped. “She met you near King Street on her year abroad!–––he exclaimed, placing a hand over his mouth. She was abroad. But where from…?” He murmured, turning towards me. I glanced at him and began to straighten up.

“From the USA to London,” I said, tucking some locks of hair behind my ear.

“That just cover one of the cities she definitely needs to know–––he observed, confident. From Paris to London covers both of them and makes total sense,” he chuckled. I raised my eyebrow to him. He was reading still. “She has been craving for you since then!” He practically shouted as I threw my head back. “We need to get you this girl right away!” He carried on. I turned to look at him. He was radiant with enthusiasm. “You stared at her. You totally fancied her!” He squealed.

“Perhaps it’s not even a true story,” I muttered, turning my head away from him.

“Why not?” He asked, dejected.

“Maybe she has a delusional personality…” I pointed out, trying not to seem too much into the conversation.

“Are you with Liam now?–––he snapped, offended. Why do you want to kill my dream?”

“Why does everything have to be about you?–––I blurted, accompanied with a jump. It’s my Fan Fiction. And my Fan Fiction’s girl.”

“Sorry, I didn’t know I was annoying you–––he ironised. I was trying to help, but I’ll back off,” he said, placing my laptop by his side.

“I didn’t mean that–––I claimed. You have Eleanor. Why do you care so much?”

“How could you ask me that?–––He said in a concerned tone, leaning in. Because you are my brother, Harry. I’m tired of you losing your time with girls who hook up with you just because of who you are–––he blurted. I’m sorry if what I tell you is hurting, but you know it’s also the truth,” he said searching for my eyes. I glimpsed at him and nodded. My love life is such a fiasco indeed. “You need something new, and if my instincts don’t fool me, this will probably be the experience of a lifetime,” he said grinning and reaching for my knee.

“You are always exaggerating–––I smiled. There’s no need to be. She’s just a girl as I am a boy. Why do you need to make it more important than it is?” I simply asked, shrugging.

“Don’t you have it…–––he mumbled, approaching the edge of the sofa–––the feeling of what could happen if you actually meet her?”

“I don’t know,” I stammered under my breath, looking away.

“I tell you what will happen. Two stars colliding…” He gestured an explosion and I laughed. He seemed so sure about everything. “Have you seen what she writes?–––he said grabbing my knee tightly as if he wanted to make me react. This is not an ordinary girl, Harry. She is strong words…”

“Maybe she’s just plagiarising everything…” I said.

“Why, Harry?” I blurted and glared at him. His expression had turned harsh. “Why are you flinching? What are you afraid of?–––he asked. Don’t, Harry. You deserve it. You deserve a great story. You’ve been so screwed all these years.”

“What if I don’t like her?” I retorted. I needed to face the facts. “What if she doesn’t like me anymore after we meet? I don’t want to get hurt…”

“Have you been talking to Liam?” He questioned me. I slightly nodded, twisting my fingers. “Well, he doesn’t know shit–––he emphatically said pointing at the side. Listen to me–––he carried on. No, even better, listen to yourself, because this is your heart speaking through me. She makes you feel special, deeply special–––he explained. Everybody flatters you all the time but she gave you something unique. And you know it–––he pointed at me. You’ve been craving for that feeling since I first met you.”

“But this is just so weird. She’s not even real,” I mumbled, confused.

“She is real–––he claimed. Somewhere.” He was still moving his finger and I laughed. “And we’ll deliver her to you. We will. And all you’ll need to do is meet her and let the magic do the work,” he said and began to laugh as well.

“How can you be so sure about it?” I mumbled, amazed by his firm will.

“I just do…” He answered, pouting his lower lip.

“I don’t want to smash into a wall…” I said, letting my arms fall at my sides.

“That’s average risk when you ask for something great in life,” he smirked.

“You’d been paraphrasing us quite often lately,” I pointed out to him.

“We are a fountain of knowledge…”

The conversation didn’t continue further because soon later Eleanor arrived from the airport. Louis had promised he wouldn’t tell her anything about DreamingOfYou until we got a better key on her identity. I knew she’ll be supportive, but I just didn’t want for everyone to know yet. We were counting on her being out by the time of our meeting the next day after the recording session.

–.–.–

“Dear friends, we are gathered here together to reach the final stage of our research,” Stan solemnly speaks in front of the five of us. Sure we’ve missed him yesterday. Louis and him just have finished to tape all the paper sheets on the window. “What am I saying?–––he taps his head. I think I’m having a seizure from the emotion. Harry, thank you so much for letting me be a part of this, lad. It has been such a rush!”

“Thanks to you, mate–––I mumble, raising my beer to him. We would never have gotten this far without you,” I say, smiling. Louis slaps my shoulder.

“Hey, that’s so utterly unfair–––he says. Look at this genius right here. And those lads aren’t that bad either!” Everyone chuckles.

“I’m sorry, but Stan brought the method–––I assert, leaning against the sofa. Without him, Zayn and you would continue looping on ‘Bizarre Love Triangle’ tune, for sure,” I carry on pointing at them. Louis glances at me as if he’s offended.

“Can we play it?–––Zayn snaps. Such a great track, mate!”

“Do you see what I was saying?” I remark to Stan in a casual tone. We giggle.

“OK, OK, I don’t want lovers fighting over me–––he retorts, smirking, so I discreetly accept Harry’s words. We are doing this for him but, admit it, people–––he now talks to everyone, also for her, because we love her!” They all acclaim and I chuckle.

“Oh, yes, we love her–––Niall states looking towards me. You should marry this one, definitely.”

“A girl that has described in detail a blowjob to you, amongst other stuff...” I mumble, snickering.

“Yeah, yeah. She’s the one,” Niall asserts without acrimony, and I flick my hand at him.

“Well, things were pretty biased around here until I brought the voice of reason to this party–––Liam interrupts, beaming. So I think I should get a little bit of the credit.

“Liam Payne, I love you–––Louis says acting serious. But you joining this research was the worst thing that has ever happened…” Liam throws him a cushion.

“You say it because I’m here to defend the ‘not that French’ thesis…” Liam grins, trying Louis’ patience which, as we well know, is very limited.

“You better have a good alternative to that, pal–––Louis says severely, pointing at Liam. We aren’t here to blow bombs at each other. This is science,” he observes, very confident, and everyone giggles. I’m truly amazed about how seriously he had taken the enterprise. “You need a theory of your own.”

“You just say that because you’re scared of me beating your ass at this…” Liam retorts playfully.

“Oh, come on, guys––– Zayn blurts, interrupting them. Let’s just start already.” I can tell he’s rocking back and forth in anxiousness. Why everyone seems so engrossed in this?

“OK, we only have just one good theory; sorry, Liam–––Stan points out. DreamingOfYou is French and older and we’ll try to demonstrate it because that’s how things work with science, apparently,” he says, mocking Louis. We all burst into laughs. “Well, in the previous stages of this research we arrived to the same preliminary conclusions: She’s a British or European girl; she has a firm knowledge of modern languages as French or German; she’s between twenty and thirty years old; she’s in college; she’s an acculturated person, and, finally, she’s not an average Directioner–––he says reading the papers. If she’s American, she camouflages it very well. OK, we start from here. Specifications, please, gentlemen.”

“Well, she’s not British–––I state and their eyes widen. She said it herself on a message she wrote me two days ago. But she mentions to have been abroad in London by 2010-2011…”

“She mentions abroad in London. Yeah!” Liam exclaims, lifting his arms in sign of victory.

“Yes, but that doesn’t explain how she knows Paris so well…” Stan retorts, pointing at the paper where we stated ‘definitely knows Paris’ a few days ago.

“I strongly suggest Parisian; twenty-five years old; fluent in British English; firm knowledge in another modern language such as German, Spanish or Italian; studying something related to Literature at La Sorbonne–––Louis speaks in a relaxed tone. For the ‘average Directioner’ aspect, I should say she surrendered to the charms of my mate here when she bumped into us near King Street at some point of her stay in the city, as she mentions on her message...” Everyone glances at him in disbelief.

“Did we bump into her? That’s unreal!” Niall snaps, straightening up.

“Sort of–––I mutter. But I don’t remember a thing about it.” Why do I have such a bad memory?

“She has been craving for him ever since, she said it herself…” Louis chuckles, amused, rubbing his palms together.

“Near King Street? Perhaps it’s not even the same incident, but I remember one time…” Zayn speaks slowly, reminiscing, as we all hold our breath. I jump in front of him, grabbing him by the shirt. How could I have not told him this before, when she specifically mentions him on the anecdote? I’m such a fool.

“Please, tell me you remember her…” I snap, grabbing him tightly.

“Give me more details to help me, mate!” Zayn exclaims, lifting his hands.

“No, no, he’ll create a false memory–––Louis states, stepping nearer. Close your eyes and speak!” He commands firmly.

“Well, I remember one day we went to grab a cup of coffee to the usual Starbucks–––Zayn speaks out. It was probably March and we were making a lot of fuss. We scared a girl who was coming out from some store…” He says opening his eyes. I nod at him, anxious. “Well, she had one of those linen recycled bags. I remember it because it was sort of thoughtful of her… Well, she dropped the bag and instinctively you and I, the better gentlemen around here and the ones who were nearer to her, we kneeled to pick it up for her. You were faster and quickly handed her the bag, but as I stood up I saw you won’t let it go and you were staring at her. So I glanced towards her and she was…”

“Fuck my life!–––Louis snaps tapping his forehead. Zayn had the clue all this time!”

“Shut up!” Everyone shouts in unison, turning towards him.

“Yes, shut up, mate–––Zayn chuckles. Well, I noticed she had light brown hair and that she was…” He carries on, creating some sort of expectation.

“Oh, please, speak,” I beg him.

“Cute as a button!” He shouts and everyone except me cheers up loudly. I let go on Zayn’s shirt and sit down, smiling as a complete idiot.

“You made it into History with that sentence, mate…” Niall pats my shoulder.

“I don’t recall her exactly beyond her hair colour–––Zayn remarks, grinning. But I know she was really pretty and you stared at her until this fool over here called us out and made us leave–––he says pointing towards Louis, who has a squint at him. Do you see, Louis? If you weren’t that bossy maybe they’d be having babies by this time,” Zayn chuckles, grabbing my arm.

“This is absolutely meant to be!–––Niall snaps. Man, I’m so jealous. Why don’t I have one like that…” He mumbles, glancing down.

“I suggest you to start reading your own Fan Fiction instead of Harry’s…” Liam retorts, smirking.

“Stop, all of you!–––I blurt, standing up, trying to bring some order. But was she cute as ‘I’m cute as any girl is on her own particular way’ or cute as…?” I stammer towards Zayn.

“Cute as ‘I’ll be kissing you right now if it wasn’t for that stupid Tommo bear,’” he states, smiling profusely. I beam and he laughs, knowingly. Everybody acclaims loudly one more time.

“You don’t even speak to me for at least fifteen minutes,” I say turning towards Louis.

“Thank you, Zayn,” he says, crossing his arms. Stan holds him by the neck in solidarity.

“Well, after the digression of a lifetime, are we ready to discuss the remaining aspects?–––Stan speaks. At this point I think we all agree we need to find this girl as we need air.” We all nod in acceptance. I collapse on the sofa, knackered by so many emotions.

“Except for her origin and age, I’m pretty much with Fate wrecker over there,” Liam says pointing at Louis, who clenches his teeth to him.

“I’m fixing it, OK?” Louis retorts, annoyed.

“Yeah, I don’t think she’s that old either–––Niall says. Well, she sounds mature, but she’s surely undergraduate.”

“And her major degree…–––Liam observes. Literature is too obvious. I’d say Psychology or Modern Languages, even Social Studies or Journalism.”

“Maybe she has two majors…” Louis ponders.

“And in that case what would she have seen in Harry?” Niall ironises.

“Oh, shut up!” I slap his shoulder.

“Her Harries are quite scholars…” Zayn asserts, chuckling.

“She’s filling the blanks on Harry’s reality…” Liam carries on.

“Back off!” I shout. Making fun of me, the national pastime around here.

“Well, I think we can limit her age to twenty-twenty-five years old first, are we OK?–––Stan says, glancing at Louis, who nods. Then, we debate about origins…”

“Paris,” his mate hurries to say.

“The picture of Harry she put on ‘Bizarre Love Triangle’ list of characters was taken in Paris last year–––Niall observes. Maybe it means something.”

“It’s too simple,” Liam interrupts, looking into space.

“Sometimes the simple answer is the good one–––Louis asserts. Things don’t always need to be more complicated than they seem.”

“A true philosopher…” Stan pokes his chest and Louis chuckles.

“She must have to be from America…” Liam mumbles, shaking his head ‘no.’

“But why?” Louis and Stan snap.

“Well, I’ve been investigating and mostly girls into this are actually American–––Liam points out. See the percentages; and then there’s that girl who’s now famous thanks to her Fan Fiction about Harry.” Everyone shakes his head as meditating.

“Yes, but look at the structure of her stories–––Louis blurts suddenly. Fan Fiction is fantasy challenging reality–––he explains. They need to think of a plot that allows to her real selves to meet Harry. They usually move to England or meet him at work but without losing their origins.”

“But she was abroad!” Liam exclaims, frustrated.

“Yes, but that fact is not part of her stories–––Louis carries on. On her stories she’s British or French and she meets Harry in her own country.”

“Well, maybe her fantasies are more elaborated–––Liam retorts. Maybe she just doesn’t want to meet Harry, but a complete experience of being somebody else.” Louis glares at him. I have to admit that Liam is making a lot of sense.

“Perhaps because she’s older–––Zayn says. Average fantasy from a sixteen year’ old doesn’t fulfil her.”

“I don’t know, mate–––Louis mutters throwing his head forward. If we stick to the facts she’s clearly French…”

“It can’t be,” Liam insists.

“Why?” Louis defies him another time.

“Any twenty-something French girl on her right mind and in college would fall for Harry...” Liam answers.

“Thank you, mate,” I snap, but he ignores me.

“French girls are a serious matter, lads–––Liam explains. Do you remember about that girl I met on exchange?”

“You have a prejudice!–––Louis shouts, pointing at him. That’s why you won’t admit she’s French, because you liked a French girl in school and she gave you the brush off! You, envious little twat!” He cackles as everybody else.

“And what do you mean by ‘her right mind’?–––Niall asks Liam, slightly annoyed. I thought it was clear that every fan is ‘dedicated’ on her own particular way…”

“This is dangerously resembling ‘Criminal Minds,’” Stan states, concerned. I chuckle.

“Well, what alternative do you propose, mate?–––Louis asks. If she’s American she has to be from somewhere…”

“As Niall said the other day: East Cost. She’s clearly Eurocentric. She was abroad in London and must know Paris pretty well–––Liam says. Her Paris is not Google or travel book’s Paris.”

“Maybe she’d been abroad there too for some time, and she went to La Sorbonne,” Niall carries on his idea.

“It’s sound more stilted than just French…” Louis grumbles, turning away.

“Well, it seems we reached a dead end, mates–––Stan asserts. I think we have two possibilities. One, we summon all our patience and we wait until she clarifies it herself on her correspondence with Harry or, two, we move forward…” He suggests, mischievously putting his fingertips together.

“We grow bolder!” Louis carries on, enthusiastic. I frown at him, scared of what he means. “We take this to reality’s field,” he says raising his finger.

“Yes!–––Niall snaps. Let’s make this research exceed its literary boundaries.”

“Field work!” Louis exclaims, lifting his fists. I cover my face with my hands. “We investigate every detail in the field. Every name, every mention, every place…”

“We’ll need the best intelligence we can have then,” Liam claims, joining the boat.

“Who is the best intelligence we know?” Zayn asks.

“Me,” Louis states.

“No, actually; Directioners are the best intelligence on the planet, working 24/7, 365 days a year…” He explains and everybody’s faces lighten up.

“Well, we can’t go too open on this or we could scare DreamingOfYou away,” Zayn carries on.

“So this is a true mission of intelligence now–––Stan states, full of joy–––more than just a research…”

“We’re head on!” Niall shouts, high fiving Zayn at his side. How do we get to this? I shake my head trying not to grin, but I can’t contain it. I love it when we are this close to one another. It’s like old times all over again.

“So, guys, this is how it works now. We take notes of every suspicion of a real fact; we call places. I’m creating a profile myself on the website and I’ll ask around about her to the other girls. Does this sound right or what?” He cheers up. Louis jumps to his neck.

“What’s going on here?” We hear Eleanor’s voice and stop dead. No. Not again.

“I’ll explain it to you later, baby. Come here,” Louis says to her, winking at me.

–.–.–

Notes

You saw that coming. It was a true story. They met before and less than ten chapters left for them to meet again! In between some uncomfortable things are going to be said.

Thank you so much for reading. I'm glad you are around, and remember I'm willing to hear what you have to say about this. And, please, Mikkemille, update Big Hot Mess soon. Don't forget to read it.

I'll update very soon. xx

xo

Comments

miss you a lot friend,
message me sometime if you have the chance ❤️

You promised you would never make us wait for an update that long again... *cries*

Hello,

I hope your life is everything that you want it to be. It seems like the past couple of months have really changed my perspective of the world, and how much you need to appreciate the little things in life. You never know when life will snatch them away from you.

I have really appreciated all that you have done for me. I miss your constantly developing plot, and your infinitesimal points of detail. In other words, I miss this story so much.

I feel like so much has happened since the last time you updated. I hope you know that I am always eagerly awaiting your next chapter. Even if it's 5 years from now, and I am a fully licensed Speech Language Pathologist, I will try my best to keep up my support. Maybe next year while I am studying abroad in Italy you will find the motivation to continue. Who knows what's going to happen. Maybe I should take the quote from the t-shirt I am currently wearing. "Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know you're gonna get."

Thanks,
Morgan

Morgan__Who Morgan__Who
2/13/18

Oh no, and then the moment came there's no next chapter anymore! What do I have to do with my spare time now?!
On a serious note: I loved loved looooooved your story so far. I loved the way the sequel wasn't the same as 'Dreaming of you'. Another timeset, other places, other people getting involved, and the tension being build up from the beginning till now. Their 'relationship' didn't went back to the way things were in France 4 years ago, it needed time to get together again and in a different way (happy about their love right now, but after 111 chapters I know things can change...). I really loved the way you wrote about Mark Owen as being Jeanne's 'Boyband crush'. I've been such a big fan of Take That and Mark was my first true love when I was 11 or so. His picture was hanging above my bed, wich I kissed goodnight every night. (I guess I've just spilled my age, haven't I? ;-) )
When I read the last comments, I think your last update was from 2 months ago. I really hope you can find the time, the energy and the inspiration to finish this story, because I'm hooked! Give me a warning when you'll write a book, I will be in front of the bookstore, waiting!

Love, Leah



leah leah
7/17/17

Dear You,

I've started reading this story two days ago. From the very first chapter I'm hooked and I can't stop reading. I don't want to go out, I don't want to sleep, I just want to read. Not to know how it will end actually, because I don't want it to end! So I try to find a balance between reading fast en making it last a little bit longer. I'm a fan of Harry from the day Sign of the times has released, so I have a lot of catching up to do. When you mention a song or a situation with One Direction, I look for it on Google or YouTube. So you're helping me to get to know the world of Harry and 1D, thank you for that! I've been to Paris a couple of times, It's such a beautiful city. I have good, romantic, memories of the times I've been there. You're writing about the city is so accurate and lively, it feels I'm there again by reading. My heart nearly broke for Harry and Jeanne when I read the last chapter of Dreaming of you. Happy to know there's a sequel, I going to start reading that now. I just wanted to write you this, because in the notes below the chapters you seem like a very nice, caring person. Thank you for writing such a beautiful story! (I hope my writing makes sence, English isn't my native language so I know I make a lot of mistakes. I'm sorry!)
Love, Leah

leah leah
7/15/17