Dreaming Of You // If I'm Still Dreaming

That night I stayed awake until four in the morning. I couldn’t shake Jeanne from my mind and I didn’t even want to. I finally surrendered to sleepiness, hoping to dream about her, but I didn’t. I woke up in anxiousness, wondering where I was, and my forty-eight hours with her returned to me as a stroke. How could she get so under my skin?

I tried to be my best self but I was practically a ghost. After the final show in Paris I checked my messages on the website just to corroborate what I already knew: She hadn’t written to me. Absolute blank, as if what we had never existed. Yeah. I was feeling quite decadent. It was the right place to feel that way and I was as an accursed poet after all, so I started to drink by myself in the hotel bar but the boys soon joined me.

“Please, mate, tell us something about Jeanne–––Niall slurred. We’re dying here.”

“Yes, mate–––Zayn asserted. We came this far with you we deserve it. Come on.”

“Expectations were quite high, Harry…” Liam snickered, wiggling his eyebrows. I looked at him and straightened up. I glimpsed at Louis, who winked at me, and lightly lifted my index, vacillating.

“Do you want me to tell you something about Jeanne?” I slowly spoke and they all anxiously nodded. I breathed in. “She is like a strong, sweet liquor–––I said as if I was savouring her all over again. You first taste her and she overtakes your senses. Then she gets into your blood, rushing everywhere. So she makes it to your brain and there’s no place for anything else–––I gestured with my hand. Finally you intoxicate with her and she makes you crawl, sinking you down to your knees–––I claimed, resolutely poking the table. That’s who she is. That is Jeanne Mars…” I pointed at them, resting my back on the chair.

“Man…” Zayn tapped the table.

“That’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard…” Liam mumbled.

“You fell hard, Harry…” But Louis already knew that.

“Very romantic but at least tell me if she did that trick with her chin to the sides when she went down on you…” Niall smirked leaning in a bit.

“Fuck you, Niall!” I flicked my hand at him.

“She did!–––he snapped, standing up. I’m sure she did all those things she writes!” He practically shouted and the boys burst into laughs. I glared at him but then it all came back to me one more time and a shiver ran through my spine. “I’m not asking how good it was because it’s written all over your face, you, lucky bastard…”

“Now you’ll never meet her!” I retorted, crossing my arms and turning away. He sat down again.

“I’m sure we’ll meet her someday…–––Louis snickered. Eventually… Or even maybe sooner… What do you think, Zayn?” He said towards him grinning mischievously.

“I think you’re right because we have to do something…” Zayn rubbed his palms together.

“Hmm, any idea?” Liam asked. I glanced at him puzzled. What was going on with him lately? He wasn’t being his normal, prudent self.

“I know!–––Niall blurted. Why don’t we serenade her?” They all leapt on their chairs, glancing at each other with that look I know so well and I’ve learnt to fear.

“That’s genius, Niall! Let’s go!” Louis jumped to his neck.

“No, we can’t,” I mumbled, although I wanted to see her so badly I was almost up to anything.

“Yes, we can–––Louis exclaimed grabbing me by my neck and bending me to rest my forehead with Niall’s. We are drunk!”

We ordered another round of drinks so we could decide our strategy to slip out from the hotel. The minders were sitting nearby almost not paying attention to us anymore.

“Leave it to me.” I have to admit Louis had the most brilliant idea even though he was pretty hammered. Bartenders are always the key person. He stood up and walked casually to the bar, as we tried not to draw to much attention towards him by not staring at them while talking. He came back a few minutes later. Five hundred Euros and he got us a van with a local driver and absolute reserve.

The route of escape, avoiding both crew and fans, was provided by Zayn, who had made some friends at the kitchen on his stay there the day Paul was looking for me. One by one we greeted the minders goodnight and sneaked to the kitchen. Less than ten minutes later we were on the back of the van heading 11, Rue Cujas. Jeanne would hate me but as we were I had absolutely nothing to lose.

“It’s late,” I mumbled glancing up to her building as we stood on the middle of the street. To be there, again… It was something I could manage only because I was quite drunk.

“It’s not that late,” Louis retorted, grimacing.

“They’ll call the police–––I stated with my hands on my waist. This is France. The police force is quite brutal here…” I was about to tell them about the tear gas and the rubber bullets but no one was listening to me.

“Which are her windows?” Zayn asked.

“Those–––I said pointing up at the attic. Lights are off.” They all looked up, everyone with an arm around another one’s neck.

“Maybe she’s sleeping–––Zayn meditated. Maybe she’s even not at home!”

“I came here to serenade her and I won’t leave until I serenade her or anything else–––Louis snapped. If we don’t serenade her I’ll serenade this lamp-post over here,” he gestured as if he was walking on its direction. I guess he hadn't said the word so many times together in his whole life.

“OK, OK, but what do we sing?” I gave in. We were there already and he was being serious.

“It’s obvious–––Niall observed. ‘I Wish’!”

“Brilliant, Niall–––Liam said holding us together tightly. OK, everyone sings his part and the rest do the harmony each time because her windows are quite tall. We can make this, lads.”

“I love you, guys!” I blurted.

“Liam, stop us or we are going to end up in prison!” Louis snapped, chuckling.

“I’m so into this right now I’m not stopping anything–––he retorted. Come on, Zayn. One, two, three, four… Na, na, na, na, na. Na, na, na, na, na.”

What was the last time we had sung that song? Maybe years ago. Many memories of Up All Night Tour flooded my mind. Everyone was engrossed in and singing at the top of our voices, and for the time it lasted I didn’t even think about what we were doing there. It was almost as if we were singing to ourselves as we used to do. Why did we feel almost ashamed about our beginnings when we truly loved every single minute back then?

“I forgot my part!” Liam shouted at some point, making Louis cackle and Niall take his place. That surely was unprecedented.

“Oh, how I wish that was me-e-e…” I sang my last line and glanced up for the first time since we started, noticing people were in their windows looking at us.

“Oh, how I wish that was me,” Zayn finished. He’s voice has become so much greater. I smirked at him as the neighbours clapped their hands and whistled.

“She should have listened…” Liam said holding us back together as Niall waved at the people.

“Maybe she’s at home but crossed–––Louis spoke. If she is, she has to turn on the lights. I’ve been told there’s this code…”

“Harry?” We heard a voice calling me from a window and looked up.

“Mme. Poulbot?” I shouted, turning around relieved. Luck sort of seemed to be on my side. “I’m sorry, Mme. Poulbot, is Jeanne home?” But there was the language barrier.

“Jeanne ? Home?–––she repeated as meditating. À la maison ? Non, mon p’tit fils. Elle est partie hier l’après-midi…” I saw Liam grabbing his mobile. “Mais vous chantez très joli, mon fillot…” She carried on in a loving tone, waving to her next door neighbour on the other balcony.

“Hier l’après-midi…” Liam mumbled, all caught up on the task, typing quickly. Louis bounced by his side, reading on the screen from above his shoulder.

“She left yesterday afternoon,” he said, glancing at me with a grin.

“After I left…” I mumbled. Could it have something to do with me or was I being too optimistic?

“Merci, Mme. Poulbot !” Liam shouted, raising his hand towards my lovely saviour. She waved goodbye to us and got inside, as well as some of the other people. “She’s not at home so we better leave before somebody calls the Police,” he murmured.

“But everybody is still clapping–––Niall pointed out, delighted. We should sing another one…”

“I don’t know how you have this energy after a two hours’ show…” Louis grumbled at him.

“Yeah, and there’s always a grumpy neighbour–––Liam carried on. Come on, lads. Tomorrow we leave to Amsterdam quite early.”

“I fear somebody could have recognised us,” Zayn said glancing towards Jeanne’s building mistrustfully.

“Well, we’ll take care of that tomorrow,” Liam observed as we all ran towards the van still parked a few steps away. When I was about to jump in I turned and glimpsed to her windows one last time.

–.–.–

“I want a croissant, and Jeanne…” I mumbled as somebody opened the curtains on my room. Rubbing my hands on my eyes I discovered Liam’s figure standing by the end of the bed.

“Good morning, Romeo. We are in quite some trouble!” He beamed devilishly. I let my head fall back to my big pillow.

“So soon?” I asked grabbing my forehead, which was aching from hangover.

“Paul wants to kill us and this time it’s official…” I glanced at Liam and bet he didn’t almost sleep, but he was as cool as a cucumber.

“And the serenade?”

“The US is not up yet, so we got a few more hours of peace, but it’s there, growing already,” he sighed, resigned.

“What are you doing here anyway?” I mumbled, puzzled, as I sat down in bed.

“Paul will never look for me here and I’m always the first to answer…”

“Fair enough–––I said. Well, I’m jumping into the shower.”

When I came back ten minutes later Liam was lying in my bed checking Twitter on his iPhone. He gave me a lop-sided glance and twisted his mouth. At least Paul hadn’t found him yet. He threw his mobile to his side and faced me as I got dressed a few steps away.

“Harry, I was thinking… Isn’t it strange Louis just guessed every single detail about Jeanne?” There was good old Liam back, resenting Louis.

“What do you mean?” I had a squint at him.

“Haven’t you thought it was sort of as if he knew her?” He could try to make it light with words but what he was implying made me stop dead.

“Are you saying he set the whole thing out?” I snapped and quickly finished to put on a shirt. No, it couldn’t be…

“No, not the whole thing because this is ancient history–––he observed. But perhaps he found her before he told us, I don’t know. Maybe I’m rambling, but he could ask her who she was…”

“But what for?–––I asked. I’m killing that Tommo!”

“No, wait, Harry…”

“If you don’t want me to kill him why do you tell me these things?–––I blurted. I’m going to speak to him.” I threw all my stuff into my handbag, checked at my mobile and walked towards the door.

“Harry, wait–––Liam stopped me, looking a bit repentant. I’m not saying they’re confabulated. If Louis knew I’m sure she’s out of this…”

“Of course she’s out–––I stated. You should have seen her face when she recognised me at the bookstore…” Jeanne’s features had never truly abandoned me but as I pictured her in that very moment I felt weak all of a sudden. I led my hand to my chest.

“It was that special, right?” Liam grinned.

“As anything I knew before…” I managed to mumble, reminiscing every detail but mainly the green in her eyes.

“Well, I hope she changes her mind because I don’t want to bear you broken-hearted…–––he laughed. Even if Louis knew I’m sure there’s a good explanation.”

As I last glanced at him before leaving the room I tried to understand what was going on his mind. He seemed fine with Jeanne but he was always far too preoccupied. Liam is the strongest around but I’m sure the day this boat sinks it will be because he could not stand any more worries.

–.–.–

Notes

Drunken Harry: another of my favourite Harries! I literally cried writing this chapter. The boys getting into trouble. It is allmost as if I could see them. Oh, and what happened there!? What did you do, Tommo bear?

I keep shouting out my favourite reading:

Big Hot Mess
Permanent
Study Of Life And Love
Hey Jude III
Love At First Type
Mainstream
In A Heartbeat
Unnoticed
Over Again
Snake Eyes
Involved
And Back Again
Feeling Fire

I love you and all my clever friends around here. I'd love to hear your what you have to say about this story. I know it's a bit mad. I hope you like this chapter too. Many, many questions unanswered...

Thank you, everybody, for sharing your time with this story.

Love you all, adorable readers! <3