When Mason and I were young we shared a room, probably for convenience for my parents, and I remember having this giant rocking chair. It was probably designer and ridiculously expensive, but my mother loved that thing. Some of my earliest memories revolve around that chair. That's where my mother would sit with me when I had nightmares and she was trying to soothe me. It's where she would read to my brother and I. Mason and I used to play on that thing like it was a jungle gym and for some reason when I think about my childhood I can't help but think about that chair.

I want my kids to have memories like that. And I want to be there when they want to know if I remember it, too. I want to have that with Sophie and make those memories with the new baby. The last thing I want is for those things to be painful reminders of someone they lost, especially Harry. His kids are his life and I don't want them to just bring up the hurt of losing me. He's been so incredibly strong; I don't envy his position.

"What are you doing in here?"

I look up at the doorway where Harry is standing, just watching me. He steps into the room with a small sigh, looking around as he makes his way over to me in the corner where I'm sitting on the rocking chair he put in the nursery.

"Just thinking," I mutter. He sits on the foot rest in front of me, elbows leant on his knees as he watches me. These last few weeks I've tried to imagine what it would be like to be in his position and I can't. I don't want to imagine what it'd be like waiting for something or for nothing. I'd go mad.

"About what?"

"Just...everything."

He sighs again in understanding, rubbing his hand over his face. We're both tired. Tired of waiting, tired of not being able to do anything. Tired of wondering what's going to happen to our family. When he looks up at me again his eyebrows pull together.

"What's wrong?" He kneels in front of me and reaches up for my cheek.

"Nothing, I'm fine."

"Baby, you're crying."

Harry wipes tears from my cheeks and I let my fingers wander across his jawline. I just want to memorize every inch of him; I know I'm the one that may die, but still. He spreads his palm over my belly and I watch the mixed emotions flash over his eyes.

"How's he doing?"

"Why are you so sure he's a he?"

Harry smiles. "Just hoping."

"That's not good. What if we have a girl and-"

"I'm disappointed?" He raises his eyebrows at me. "Trust me, that's not going to happen. I'd be happy with either."

"As long as he looks like his Daddy, I don't really care," I mumble. Harry sighs and I wince as the baby starts kicking, which always happens when Harry's close. "I can't believe it's only two weeks away."

"Which is why I came in here in the first place." He stands and holds out his hands. "Time to get back to bed."

"Harry, I'm going to go insane if I have to be in that bed any longer," I whine. He just smiles and wiggles his fingers, waiting for me to slide my hands into his. Which I do, inevitably, so he can pull me up.

"As a birthday present to me, just do what the doctor says for once," he teases. When we get to the edge of the bed I turn around to face him. "Savannah-"

"I just want to kiss you, relax."

"I'm not twenty-five anymore. I'm not swayed so easily with your tempting."

He makes a twirling motion with his finger and I fold my arms in defiance, waiting for my kiss. It's his birthday, sure, but this might be more for me than for him. He shakes his head at me after a minute, smiling as he leans down to peck my lips.

"That was probably the worst kiss ever," I grumble, sitting on the edge of the bed. He laughs and helps me situate myself against the headboard. Without warning his lips are on mine again and it makes me gasp, because he doesn't kiss me like this anymore. My hands rest on either side of his face and Harry sucks gently on my bottom lip before pulling away and walking out without a word.

He doesn't play fair.

"You know, one of these days you're going to be the one on bed rest and then I'm going to be the one running away!" I shout. I hear him laugh from the living room where Sophie was playing before. Harry's birthday is a little bit under-celebrated this year; I wasn't able to get him a present because I can't shop and we can't go out for dinner because Harry has taken he doctor's instructions to his own extremes by not letting me leave the apartment. At all.

Thirteen days and all of this will be over. To be honest, I'll be surprised if I last that long because I'm huge and I just feel like the baby's going to come early. Instinct, you could call it. Plus I really want to get this baby out of me. I'm tired of waiting...for all of it.

"Where are those old shirts you kept of mine?" Harry asks, reappearing in our room.

"They're in the dresser, why?"

"Sophie wants to paint and we don't have any paper left."

"They're in-" Shit. No no no no no, he can't go in that drawer. "Let me get them."

"Nice try." He laughs. "There's not that many drawers, sweetheart. I'll find them eventually."

"No, don't!" He looks up with a startled expression. "I umm...there's private things in there."

"Private things?" He leans back against the dresser, crossing his arms over his chest. "You're keeping secrets from me?"

"It's not a joke, Harry. Please just help me up so I can do it myself."

But of course he goes searching anyway, despite my constant pleas and several threats on his life. Eventually he gets to the bottom right drawer and the every box I didn't want him to find ends up in his hands. Tears well up in my eyes and I shake my head at him. He's going to get angry, I know it. That wasn't the point of the box, it's supposed to be a good thing.

"What..." He takes the lid off. "Savannah, what is this?"

"It...it's nothing." He sets it on the dresser and starts pulling out the envelopes, photos and other things I put in there. "Harry, stop."

"What is this?" he asks again. He holds up the envelopes and I notice his eyes are glossy.

"It's just...it's nothing."

"This isn't nothing, Savannah. What did you do?"

"Please don't get upset," I plead quietly. He quickly sifts through the remainder of the items and then places them all back down with a huff. "Harry-"

"I told you not to do anything just in case!" he says suddenly. "This is...what? A parting gift? A way to remember you? What?"

"Harry, it's not a big deal."

"You wrote us letters?" He asks. He looks through each one and goes through the titles. "Sophie's graduation, her wedding, her first boyfriend, for the new baby....there's like twelve in here addressed to me."

I wanted to have a way to be in their lives. Even if I'm gone, I want to be able to be there for the big moments of their lives even if it's just through a measly letter. It gave me some peace of mind that I would get some well thought out last words to my family, especially to Harry. He needs to know how much he means to me and I don't know if I can put that into words before everything happens.

"Please just try to understand," I whisper. "All I've done fore the last few months in think about what's going to happen and it's devastating to think that I might not be there for all that stuff."

"So you wrote us letters? Do you realize how morbid that is?"

"I don't care!" I shout. "I don't! This was for me, Harry. Whether or not you read the damn things is your own business because if I'm dead I can't really do anything about it! It's so that I can go through these last few days knowing that I've...that there can be some closure."

"Closure," he repeats. He pushes his fingers through his hair and shakes his head. "I can't believe you did this."

"Why? Who am I hurting?"

"Me!" he turns and tugs at the roots of this hair. When he turns back to be there's tears on his cheeks. "You don't think you're...you think you're going to die, don't you?"

"I don't know," I whimper. He let's out a small sob and I reach my hand out. "Come here."

He crawls over the bed and puts his arm around my shoulders and cries quietly against my hair. I honestly have no idea what's going to happen, but I've had nothing but time to think about it and this was just a way for me to cope with that. I don't think Harry is ever going to understand that, but that's what it was.

"I needed to try and work through this for me," I explain quietly. "I know it's hard to understand, but I needed to do something besides lay in this bed and drive myself crazy."

"I know, I'm sorry." He sniffles and kisses the top of my head. "I don't want to think about my life without you, about our family's life without you. It's not an option."

"Okay," I agree, though I'm not really agreeing. Harry needs to be realistic; there's a fairly good chance something could happen and we need to be prepared for that. But seeing him cry is my breaking point. It's hard enough for me to face the reality of our situation and if Harry needs to pretend that everything is fine in order to be okay, then I need to let him do that.

---

Harry's POV

"Honey, I'll be fine," Savannah assures me, her hand against my cheek. But I'm not so sure.

"What if something happens and I'm not here?"

"Madison is here."

"Yeah, but what if-"

"Harry, it's your birthday. Niall came to take you out for a drink and that's exactly what you're going to do," she says firmly. Right, because leaving her is something that I can actually do. Especially when her due date is so close.

"I don't want to leave you," I mumble. I hear Madison walk out of the room, the door shutting behind her as I shift up on the bed so I'm closer to Savannah. "If I wasn't here and something happened...I'd never forgive myself."

"Just because I'm trapped here doesn't mean you have to be," she teases.

"It's not funny."

Savannah sighs and her little hand wraps around mine. "I know."

It's not that I'm obsessive and can't leave her. I'm not crazy, but the doctor said the last few weeks would be the most unpredictable and I can't even leave the room without wondering if that'll be the last time I talk to her. What if I leave tonight and I never see her again?

"Harry." She reaches up again and swipes her thumb across my cheek because I'm crying. Again. "You're getting yourself too worked up. Just go for, like, an hour or something. Get out of the house, spend some time with your friend. Then you can come back to me."

"Why can't we just have a beer here?"

"Because that's lame."

"Baby, I really don't think this is a good idea," I repeat, shaking my head. More often than not I feel like she's he one comforting me when it should be the other way around.

"Please do this for me." Not fair. "Have some fun."

"I'm just going to worry about you the whole time." She smiles and combs her fingers through my hair. I wish I could record that feeling and replay it over and over. I can't imagine not having her here to comfort me, to make me feel like things are going to be okay. If she's not here things aren't going to be okay. But she wants me to go, so I guess I'll go. "Alright, fine."

"Good." She puts her other hand against my face to pull it towards her. But I don't want a simple goodbye kiss, I want a real kiss. She sighs when I don't stop, her fingers curling into my hair.

"I love you," I whisper against her lips.

"Yeah, yeah. Get out of here." I peck her lips once more and then kiss her stomach.

"Call me if you need anything, okay?" She nods and I walk towards the door, pausing before I open it. "You're really going to make me do this?"

She laughs. "I love you."

Best sound in the world.

---

"The game isn't over!" Niall says loudly, jabbing his hand at the TV. "Harry, just a few more minutes!"

"No, Niall. I said I want to go and I want to go."

He rolls his eyes. "I hope I'm never dependent the way you are."

"Shut the fuck up," I spit at him. "You have no idea what you're talking about."

"She's not going anywhere," he says simply. "She'll be there when you get home."

"You don't know that!" I shout. People start watching and Niall looks around before he stands and comes closer so he doesn't have to yell. I just have this horrible feeling an d I wan t to get home to my family.

"What's going on?" he asks.

"Savannah's...she's got a condition." We never told him, it's not his fault he doesn't get it. "She could die."

His eyes go wide. "What? Are you kidding?"

"Why would I joke about that?"

"Sorry, I just....why didn't you tell me before?"

"Because-" I stop when my phone starts vibrating in my hand. Savannah's name and picture shows on the screen and I quickly hold it up to my ear. "Savannah? Are you okay?"

"No, it's Madison."

Everything goes black for a minute, and the quiet, cracky sound of her voice isn't a good sign to me. I feel frozen in my place, unable to move or speak or even breathe. Niall clearly notices and he urges me to say something.

"Harry?"

"Yeah, I'm here. What happened? Why are you calling me on her phone?"

"I..we're at the hosptial," she says quietly.

"You're what?" I quickly grab my jacket and run out the doors to get a cab. Niall follows behind me and watches me with wide eyes. "Where is Savannah?"

"I didn't know what to do, there was too much blood. She..."

"What?" I choke out. No, no, no. This isn't happening. "What happened?"

"You need to get here. Quickly."

Notes

i literally made myself cry.
and another reason im sad is that i didn't get any response after the last one :( no comments or votes or anything and it made me sad. i love hearing from you guys, especially my regular readers <3