Harry's POV

"Placental what?"

"Abruption." The doctor jots a few things onto the clipboard in front of him and then looks up at Savannah and me. "It's a condition where the placenta begins to detach from the uterine wall. It's minor at this point, but it's very unpredictable."

"So what does that mean?" Savannah asks. She grasps my hand and takes a deep breath. "What does it mean for the baby?"

"If the placenta detaches any further it will be very dangerous. Oxygen would be cut off to the baby and it creates a life-threatening situation for both of you."

"She could die?" I ask quietly. "She...they can both die?"

"They could," he says somberly. Savannah takes another deep breath and my eyes fall closed as I pinch the bridge of my nose. This cannot be happening. "There is a chance that you could finish out the last few months of your pregnancy without any more issues, but if they placenta detaches further or separates we'll have to have a premature delivery. Most likely a c-section."

"What are the chances of that happening?" Savannah sounds much more calm than I am.

"It's hard to say. There was no bleeding so I'd like to believe your condition is minor, but it's hard to say."

"Can't you tell with an ultrasound or something?" I ask frustratedly. I want some fucking answers if Savannah and the baby are both in danger.

"Unfortunately we can't. At this point it's a waiting game. The only other option is to terminate the pregnancy to eliminate the risk to Savannah."

"No," she says immediately. "That's not an option."

"Love, you could die," I remind her quietly. She shakes her head and I tuck her hair behind her ear so I can see her face. "Savannah-"

"No," she says again. She looks up at me with tears in her eyes. "Harry, it's not an option."

"Then my advice is to take it easy until you're at full term," he continues. "That means no work, resting most of the day and definitely no lifting or standing for extended periods of time. I'd like you to stay another hour or so for a few more tests, but after that you're free to go home."

After he's exited the room it's silent. Savannah keeps staring straight ahead as I fall onto the chair next to her bed, keeping her hand in mine and leaning on the other one with my face down and my eyes closed. This can't be happening. What is supposed to be one of the best things that ever happened to us is now the most terrifying thing in my entire fucking life. Losing our baby is unimaginable. I can't even imagine how that would...how do you get over that? I've heard his heartbeat, I've seen his little fingers and toes and the tiniest little nose that's so adorable. I love him. Or her. Whatever the case, I love that baby already and we both would never get over something like that.

But then, I might have to get over that on my own. Savannah is my entire life. If there is one person made on this planet for me it's her. There's no way I would be able to get through losing her, I love her more than anything in the entire world. It's likely that I wouldn't survive losing both of them. And then there's the possibility of losing only Savannah and not the baby. What am I supposed to do without her? And how am I supposed to feel about the child that took her away from me?

Not a single word is uttered between the two of us while they conduct a few more test and send us on our way. Savannah holds tight to my hand on the cab ride home and it seems to take ages. The last few hours feel like days at this point and all I want to do is curl up in a dark room and disappear. This...this is too much.

When we get upstairs Savannah walks straight into our room. I stand in the living room staring down the hall at the closed door. I'm well aware that Sophie and my father are sitting on the couch but right now I have no idea what to do. How am I supposed to do this?

"Harry?" I slowly turn towards them and cringe slightly at Sophie laying her head on his lap. Not okay. "Is everything okay?"

"No." I walk over and kneel in front of Sophie, pushing her curly hair away from her face. Her thumb is in her mouth and she looks tired as hell. "Hi, baby."

"She vomited once after you left, but she's been alright since for the last two hours," Des says. "She wanted to watch Frozen."

"Yeah, that's fine." Sophie sighs. "Are you okay, Soph?"

"Hi Daddy." She rubs her eye and yawns. "Mummy?"

"Mummy went back to bed. Do you need anything?"

"Watch Owaf wif me," she says. She puts her hand against my cheek like she always does, but this time it's covered in slobber from her thumb being in her mouth.

"I have to go see if Mum is okay," I tell her quietly. She sighs and nods her head. "Okay."

When I open the door to our room Savannah is standing at the window, her hands slowly roaming the skin over her stomach. It was never supposed to be this way. When you find out that you're having a baby no one tells you that things could go so terribly wrong. She doesn't move when I shut the door and after a moment I sit on the edge of the bed that's closest to her, leaning forward on my elbows.

"I want to move back to California," she says quietly. She sniffles quietly and lets out a breath. "I'm tired of being in the city."

"You love the city."

"It's not a good place to raise a family, though."

"Why now?" I look up at her and notice her eyes close, her head turning further away from me. "You're almost seven months pregnant, we can't move."

"We could drive."

Her body leans into the wall, her forehead against the window while snow falls outside. A pure white backdrop to the stained and messy situation that has become our life. It wasn't supposed to be like this. This has got to be even harder for her than it is for me and I can't imagine the burden of that much heartache. Soon enough my face is buried in my hands and I feel like I can't breathe and all I want to do is sleep. For a long fucking time.

"Harry." Her hand slides over my back and I feel the bed dip next to me. "It's going to be okay."

"How? This isn't close to okay."

"I know," she says gently. "But it's going to be fine."

"How can you say that?"

"Because." She takes my hands from my face and places her palm against my cheek. Her skin is too soft to be real and my eyes are almost to watery to look at her. "Because it just has to be."

"I can't lose you."

"You won't."

"You don't know that." She tilts her head with sympathy in her eyes and slides her other hand over her stomach. "Aren't you scared?"

"Harry," she whispers. She moves closer and folds one leg on the bed so she's facing me.

"I'm fucking terrified," I admit quietly. My voice breaks and I shut my eyes when a few tears slip. "Baby, I can't lose you."

"I'm telling you that you won't."

"But you don't know that." I stand up and tug at the roots of my hair. "You have no idea what's going to happen and if you...I just can't. We need to talk about our options."

"Options?" She gets a horrified look on her face.

"Yeah." She recoils slightly when I sit down next to her again. "We...we can try again."

"Try again."

"Yeah. We can find out if this will happen again and go from there."

"Harry, you aren't seriously suggesting...you want to have an abortion?" she asks in a disgusted voice. The word makes me cringe and she immediately shakes her head.

"You make it sound like a crime, Savannah. This would be to save your life."

"By ending the life of our child!" She lifts herself further away from me and places her hand protectively over her stomach.

"Do you think I like this option? I don't, it kills me. This whole thing is killing me but it's the only thing I can think of!" She shakes her head and I reach out for her but she doesn't let me. "Savannah-"

"No!" she yells. "Never in a million years. This isn't even close to being an option. I'm not having an abortion, we aren't going to murder our baby."

That sentence makes me feel like throwing up. After a moment of Savannah staring at me like I'm a complete monster I have to get up so I can look away. This is the last thing I would ever do and I don't like it one bit but the thought of losing Savannah makes me want to die. If I could take this burden from her I would because the last thing I want is for her life to be in danger.

"What if this had happened last time?" she finally says as I'm staring out the window. I lean forward with my forehead against the cold glass. "What if we had taken this way out three years ago?"

"Don't," I beg quietly. My throat tightens again.

"We wouldn't have Sophie." And that's when my heart breaks. "Harry, this is our child; you and me all mixed into one and there's no way I'm going to give that up just because I'm scared."

She's right. I know that she's right. Anyone could tell I love that little girl more than anything and I know that I would feel the same about this child. Hell, I already do. But this is an impossible situation and I'm just...I don't know what to do.

Long, thin arms wrap around my waist and I feel Savannah lean her head against my back. This isn't fair, not even in the slightest. We're finally okay and now suddenly we're not. The universe has something against us.

"I'm scared, too," she says quietly.

"What am I supposed to do? I'm supposed to protect you and I can't."

"I'm having our baby. That's amazing, it's not something I need to be protected from." I turn around and place my hands on either side of her face. A small smile graces her slips and she closes her eyes as she takes a deep breath. "I'm having this baby, Harry."

"I can't believe this is happening."

"When you think about everything we've been through in the last five years, this is nothing." A tear rolls down her cheek and I know this is her trying to put on a brave face. Everything we've been through combined doesn't even come close to this. When I don't smile at her joke hers fades as well and I'm left when a very sad-looking Savannah. That's my least favourite.

"What am I supposed to do if I lose you?" I ask quietly. She places her hands over mine and my thumbs swipe across her skin to catch the tears.

"You're going to raise our children." Her voice wavers and she lets out a small sob while tears cloud my vision once again. "And you're going to do an amazing job."

"I can't do this without you." Her grip on my wrists tightens and I press my forehead to hers.

"You're not going to. I'm going to get through this."

"I love you," I whisper. She closes her eyes again and I pull her close, kissing the top of her head. I'm going to tell her so much over the next few weeks that she's going to get annoyed.

"I love you so much," she mumbles against my chest. Her grip on me tightens and for some reason now it feels like touching her is something I need to memorize. Suddenly that ring on her finger doesn't mean I get her forever. That's what I wanted and now it's being taken from me before I even get it. Before we can even start our life together it might be over.

"I'm going to check on Soph," she says quietly.

"No, no." I take her hand to stop her from leaving and she frowns at me. "You're on bedrest, remember?"

"Not 24/7, Harry."

"Yes, that's exactly what the doctor said. You can get up to use the bathroom and to stretch once in a while, but that's it. So get in bed and I will bring Sophie here to you." She folds her arms and is about to argue, but I don't give her the chance. "Come on, go."

Savannah rolls her eyes but does it anyway, half laying down in the bed with her arms crossed above her belly. I toss the television remote on the bed and head out of the room to get Sophie. When I get there, though, she's sound asleep and so is my father. After deciding to leave them there I go to the kitchen to make some tea for us and my phone starts ringing.

"Yeah."

"That's how you greet your mother?"

"Mum?" My throat tightens and I stumble back a bit, sliding down the cabinetry until I'm sitting on the cold floor with my head in my free hand. Without warning I'm crying and I can't stop.

"Harry? Darling, what's wrong?" But I can't answer. Everything's wrong. No one told me that life was going to kick the absolute shit out of me and that's not fair. How much more am I supposed to handle? "Harry, you're scaring me."

"It's...I need you to tell me something," I finally choke out. I don't think it's a good idea to tell everyone, not yet anyway. They'll all just worry.

"What?"

"Tell me everything's going to be okay." I lean my head back and take a deep breath. "Because you've never lied to me before."

"Harry..."

"Please, Mum. Just lie if you have to."

She sighs. "Everything's going to be okay, my love. It always is."

Maybe not this time.

Notes

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