Half a Heart

I pulled out of Paul’s hug reluctantly and we both walked into Gloria’s Coffee Shop. We stood there silently waiting to order our coffee, not that we didn’t want to talk, but Paul knew me so well that he knew I need a minute to recap and calm down. He and I both knew that he’d ask as soon as we sat down though.
I ordered my usual, and Paul ordered a Pumpkin Spice latte even though it was the middle of summer, and a hot one at that. We sat at our usual table outside, and I knew it was coming then as a sad smile appeared on his face. “So as much as I love coming into work an hour before my shift Nor, what was that all about?” He nudged his head over by the entrance where I saw the boy before.
I could feel my face flush again and I felt sort of sick, “I really don’t know what’s going on with me lately, Paul,” I said as I let my head fall onto the table with a *thud*.
He rubbed my shoulder and gave me a knowing look, “more dreams babe?” I nodded into the table, “about what sweet pea?” I peered at him above my arms and he was staring at me trying not to laugh at probably how dramatic I was being, but he knew this was serious so he was really trying.
“It was about the first time he said he loved me,” I murmured feeling ridiculous still tripping over a boy who probably wanted nothing to do with me.
“Oh babe….” He trailed off not knowing what to say at the moment.
“It’s not even just that, Paul. I feel like he’s haunting me lately. I keep having dreams, seeing him on TV, and before I thought I saw him. I just feel like I’m going crazy.” I said sadly, “Did I make a mistake by leaving him in that hotel room?” The night was so vivid to me till this day.
*FLASHBACK*
Harry and I had been keeping our relationship a secret so he could keep up his image as the single, bad boy of One Direction. Even though this was not exactly what Harry or I wanted, it had its ups and downs. Aka we had to hide our relationship, but at least we had our privacy. But that night I was called in to talk to One Direction’s “people” as I liked to call them otherwise known as managers, caretakers, whatever you want to call them, about our relationship status. They had told me that they had already talked to Harry which I could tell because he had been acting strange the last couple days, but he kept putting it off saying “we’d talk about it later” or “it’s nothing love”. As I walked into the meeting I was warmly welcomed by at least 10 people sitting around a table in a private lounge of the hotels’. I awkwardly said hello and sat down at a chair opposite of them.
A very pretty woman started to speak, “Well Nora as you know we have been allowing you and Harry to date as long as you two kept it on the down low to maintain his image.” I didn’t like that they were allowing me to, but I nodded politely and crossed my arms sitting slightly back in my chair, trying as hard as I could not to get an attitude. “Now don’t get us wrong Nora, we love you and Harry. We can tell you two really love each other, but something has come up and we must go forth with it to get more publicity since we haven’t had as much hype lately. It is a sacrifice Harry has taken time to consider and would rather go through this than make a mess of things.”
“What do you guys mean ‘a mess of things’? Because I am not really following what is going on here.”
“Oh quit beating around the bush Genine!” One man said looking annoyed she hadn’t got to the point yet, “just tell the girl! She is going to be upset anyway you put it.” I was starting to get worried at this point, but mostly pissed that this meeting was starting to be a guessing game of what the fuck is going on.
“Yes, Genine, do continue to get on with the point,” I said angrily.
“Harry needs to be out in public with a girl,” she said lightly as if not telling me the entire situation.
I ignored it though, “alright so Harry and I go public. What’s so bad about that?”
“No, no. He must date someone well known. Someone who is also in the public eye, not a normal girl. That would stir up something, but not enough.” It felt as if my jaw had dropped to the floor, I did not see that one coming, and Harry had known? What did this mean? I felt myself flush and pain rise in my throat as I tried to keep myself from falling apart in front of these assholes trying to run my relationship. “Nora, he is set up to start dating Taylor Swift. Not actually date though. They just have to be seen together doing coupley things. You two may still continue in secret.” She smiled at me like it was no big deal, “We just need to make sure you’re not going to tell anyone about this and remind you to keep it on the down low about you and Harry especially now.” She said as she leaned forward passing me a pile of papers. A contract?! Who the fuck did these people think they were?! I stared at them for a moment trying to process it all, trying to calm down, but it was too late.
I chuckled slightly, narrowing my eyes at all of them, “excuse me? Let me get this straight. Harry and I have had to keep our relationship a secret and play by your shitty ass rules for months, and now you’re telling me that he has to fake date some chick he doesn’t know just to get publicity. And I have to keep quiet about all of it even MY relationship all held up by a couple carefully worded pieces of paper. Is that correct?”
“Well when you put it that way yes, but-,” Genine tried to continue, but I didn’t let her even try.
“No, you know what, fuck you.” I said standing up throwing the papers back at her.
“Nora this could be a great experience for Harry and gaining more popularity and publicity for the band! Not to mention putting your relationship to the test to see if it will really last.”
I froze in mid step out the door. I turned on my heels marching up to her and getting in her face, “See if our relationship will last? You obviously haven’t seen Harry and I. We are the happiest when we are with each other. Not being able to go anywhere in public together and trying not to get caught together is what tears us apart. YOU tear us apart. So obviously you don’t know a god damn thing about us, so don’t you dare tell me how to see if MY relationship will last, lady. And secondly you are asking him to do some ridiculous scheme so the number ONE boy band in the world gets more publicity…by LYING to everyone in the world.”
She didn’t even flinch, “he’s already lying by being with you, Nora.”
I crossed my arms, “it’s not a choice that you’ve given him! If we could we would tell the whole world! He’ll never agree to this. No, no. I’m not doing this.”
She chuckled lightly, “you didn’t look hard enough. He already has.” She said as she handed me the last page with his beautiful signature at the bottom. He had signed it. Without even talking to me about it. Was I supposed to be okay with this? This was far beyond okay! I took the paper with me as I fled the lounge. I had to find Harry. I was starting to panic.
I often had panic attacks when I was really upset. It takes at least an hour before I can actually try to calm down, and this was the worst it had been in a long time. Since I met Harry. I found his room and stormed in to find all the boys sitting on the floor laughing. They started to call me names and tell me to come see what was so funny, but I had a death glare set on Harry, and as soon as they realized they fled the room giving me knowing looks.
Niall was the last one to exit, and stopped to whisper in my ear, “he doesn’t like it either, love.” He rubbed my arm as he left the room. Harry wouldn’t look at me.
“Harry.” I said trying to make him look at me. He didn’t.
“Harry.” Nothing. “HARRY!” I screamed which caught his attention and he looked up at me in alarm. I held up the piece of paper, “what in the fuck is this?” I waved it around.
He slowly got up off of the bed coming towards me with his hands in the air, “Nora…it’s not as bad as it seems. We are still going to be together! We’ll just have to be more secretive about it love.” He was now right in front of me, and tears were forming in my eyes as a million images of HER with my Harry. Going on dates, holding hands, not having to hide. I couldn’t do this. What was I thinking when I had gotten into this? He tried putting his arms around me and pulling me towards him.
I took a step back, and a look of hurt washed over his face, “Harry what we were thinking?” I said shaking my head sadly, now actually crying. “Thinking we could actually do this. We live in totally opposite worlds, and we aren’t even allowed out in public. Were allowed to stay in and that’s it. We have to sneak around and now you have to go out with HER. I have to watch you have fake fun with some other girl. Hear what everyone says. I can’t Harry. And the worst part is that you kept it from me. We didn’t even talk about it. You did this without me.”
“Nora, I-“
“Harry, you’ve done enough.” I said walking around him and grabbing my belongings and packing the things I had out already. He grabbed my hands and I threw him off, “Stop, Harry, stop.” I said walking around him. He followed closely behind as I walked into the bathroom, I turned to go back out and he wouldn’t let me through.
“Nora, I don’t like this either. But we can make it. I know we can. I love-.”
“DON’T. DON’T YOU DARE TELL ME THAT. It’s a load of shit Harry.” I said through sobs pushing him out of my way.
“Love-“
“FUCK OFF HARRY CAN YOU NOT SEE I AM LEAVING YOU?! IT’S OVER. OVER! I am not sitting back and watching this play out.” I said grabbing my bags and heading for the door. As I opened it I heard him whisper my name begging me to stay. “Good luck to you, Harry. I hope your fame doesn’t destroy you completely.”
And I left. Leaving part of me with him. I stayed locked in my bedroom for days, Jaycee and Tori tried to cheer me up, but when they realized it was no use they became my babysitters for the next month making sure I was fed, bathed, and taken care of for the most part. Luckily enough it was summer and my boss adored me, so she let me have off until I was ready to come back. I never heard from him after that, even when the Haylor rumors started. Nothing. Niall would text and call to see how I was, sending his love trying to convince me to call him saying he was a mess. But I couldn’t. I promised myself on the plane ride back that I would never let someone like him touch my life ever again. I needed to stay away at all costs. It all just lead to heartbreak.
*END OF FLASHBACK*
Paul looked at me sadly, “only you truly know the answer to that hun.” I gave a heavy sigh that did not help what so ever. He seemed to realize this, “but if it was me, I would’ve done the same.”
I looked off into the distant streets of London trying to imagine for the millionth time how it would’ve been if I had stayed. And I knew the answer then and there. I still loved him, but I did what I thought was best for me. But is that what I really wanted?

Notes

I'm going to start posting more often! Sorry it's been so long!