Secrets / Black & White / Playing for Keeps

They had been “dating” for a couple of months when Julian came up with the idea that Lara spend the night at Harry’s home. Paparazzi would be tipped off, and her “walk of shame” would actually be documented as she left Harry’s house the next morning. Lara’s eyes widened when he actually said the words ‘walk of shame’ in the same casual tone he used to order his coffee moments earlier.

Indeed their coffees were served at that very moment, and Lara waited patiently for the waitress to leave before she spoke up.

“Do I actually need to stay the night?”

“Well yes, it won’t work otherwise.” Julian said.

Harry looked at her with raised eyebrows and she couldn’t tell if he was as shocked as she was or whether he was mocking her.

*********************

That night she caught a taxi to Harry’s apartment, and after being admitted into the building, made her way to his front door. Harry promptly let her in, and she quietly entered clutching a small duffel bag. She glanced around the apartment, not bothering to hide her curiosity. The first thought that popped in her head was that it was surprisingly neat.

“I just finished cleaning up a bit.” Harry said somewhat nervously, as though in answer to her thoughts.

It was smaller than she expected, but beautifully furnished with modern furniture that was not too sleek or impersonal.

“This is lovely…” Lara exclaimed looking around. She eyed a turquoise vase on a side table, a stack of books piled up next to it. Her eyes fell upon a sculpture of a bird.

“I didn’t expect it to be like this.”

“Why, did you think I lived in a cave or something?” He grumbled.

“Did you decorate it yourself?” She asked.

Harry gave her a funny look.

“No, it was kind of done for me.” He said. “But I’ve added a lot of stuff. Like the artwork…”

Lara looked up at the paintings and nodded, appreciating the pop of colour they gave to the white walls.

“There’s a couple that probably shouldn’t be hung up here. Investment pieces… but I like them too much to hide them away.” Harry shrugged.

“I don’t like hiding things away either. Beautiful things should be shared.” She said, still staring at one particular artwork depicting a ship at sea. When she turned to look at Harry, he gestured for her to put her bag down. She placed it on the floor and looked at him expectantly.

“Well I’ve got a big night in planned for you.” He said grandly clapping his hands. “Pizza, wine and a movie. I might even have some microwave popcorn stashed in the kitchen.”

She smiled, relieved by his upbeat approach. There were times when she didn’t know what to expect from Harry. Alcohol seemed to make him aggressive, and while a part of her ached for those moments, there were times when she felt unsure about what she should be feeling.

They weren’t meant to be kissing on their own time. Romance was meant to be strictly for the camera. But she could not help but remember the New York hotel kiss, a faraway look on her face. She was soon jolted out of that memory by Harry talking and she realised she had missed half of what he said.

“But before I forget, Julian delivered some books for you today.”

“Books?”

“Your text books,” He said. “For school.”

“Yeah I know what they’re for.” She said, and knelt on the floor by the coffee table where they were neatly stacked. “I wonder why he got them for me?”

“Maybe because he’s picking up the tab.” Harry shrugged. He joined her on the floor and flicked through the pages.

“I was planning on going to uni once.” He said somewhat wistfully. “But then I went to X Factor and it kind of never happened.”

“What were you planning on studying?”

“I wasn’t sure to be honest… I had a few ideas. But the truth is music was something I always loved. Never thought I was going to make a living from it though.”

“But look at you now.” Lara smiled.

“Yeah it’s funny where life takes you.”

Lara pushed the textbooks away.

“You okay?” He asked.

“Yeah, but I just don’t want to look at them right now.” She said disinterested.

Harry nodded thoughtfully as he rose to his feet.

“Okay, then it’s time for a drink.”

They entered the kitchen and Lara sat on a stool and watched as he pottered around the kitchen in his bare feet. He handed her a glass of red wine and then leaned up against the counter.

“So the walk of shame, huh?” He said with a wink. “Are you prepared for it?”

Lara lowered her eyes and took another sip of her wine.

“Not really.”

“God knows I’ve done a few of them. Just remember to keep your head high, and act like you don’t give a shit about what anyone thinks.”

Lara nodded somewhat nervously.

“Hey,” Harry said suddenly. “What do you think your parents are going to say about it? I can just see them reading the paper over breakfast…‘Oh shit, my daughter’s banging Harry Styles!”

“Hardly.” Lara said. “They’ll probably never find out, unless I tell them.”

“Why’s that?”

“They live in Cambodia.” Noticing Harry’s curious expression she explained further. “They work for a charity there.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, they were on the plane as soon as I hit eighteen.” She said bitterly, “They’d been dying to save the world for so long… well at least they waited until I finished school.”

“You didn’t go?”

“To do what?” She asked. “No I wanted to stay here. But there’s been a lot of pressure… they want me to study something worthwhile, like social work or even medicine. I guess they’re hoping I’ll then join them and help save the world with them.”

“So you’re doing teaching…”

“Only because it was the most acceptable course on their wish list. Teaching is a noble profession. They can accept teaching.”

“But you don’t do a course like teaching just because someone wants you to. You’ve got to have a passion for it. Actually, that goes for anything you want to do.”

“Yeah well…” Lara tried not to sound irritated. It wasn’t easy for her. She never seemed to measure up to what her parents wanted her to be. She had other dreams, and they didn’t involve being a teacher.

“So you’re pretty much alone…” Harry said and he looked at her as though he were seeing her in a new light.

“Uncle Ben has been helping me out a lot. But he’s been having problems of his own.”

“Yeah, you can say that again. I heard that Julian asked him not to come to New York.”

“I thought so. He kind of disappeared a couple of days before we left, and he didn’t say much when I came back. I just kind of keep out of his way most of the time.”

They were interrupted by a knock on the door.

“Pizza!” Harry said excitedly.

They were soon sprawled on each side of the couch, their feet meeting in the middle as they ate, with their plates balanced on their laps.

“We should be watching a movie.” He said and he pointed to a pile of DVDs next to her textbooks.

“Love Actually?” She teased.

“It’s a great movie.” He said defensively, “Have you ever seen it?”

The movie began but they were interrupted by the sound of a beep from Harry’s cell phone. Harry grabbed it and looked at the message. Lara watched as he swiftly tapped a message back. Moments later the phone beeped again. Ten minutes later the phone rang and Harry leapt to his feet.

“I’ll be right back.” He said, and disappeared in what Lara assumed was his bedroom. She focussed on the movie and almost didn’t notice when Harry returned twenty minutes later. The phone didn’t stop beeping though. He kept furiously texting and when it rang again he turned to apologise.

“Sorry… I’ll just be a sec.”

Lara waited for ten minutes before she silently padded toward the room, and quietly listened.

“We can’t keep doing this.” She could hear Harry saying. “Why? Because we just can’t. You can’t keep calling me all the time.”

There was a pause and Lara turned to walk away, when Harry spoke up again.

“What do you want me to do? Do you think it’s easy for me?” He started to sound frustrated.

“Look I have to go.”

Lara quickly turned when Harry suddenly appeared at the door.

“Where’s your bathroom?” She blurted. He showed her, looking too preoccupied to figure out if she had been eavesdropping or not.

By the time the last frame dissolved, they were both lying on the couch unable to keep their eyes open.

“We should go to bed.” Harry yawned.

“You go to bed, I’m already sleeping on mine.”

“You don’t have to sleep on the couch… just come with me.” He reached over to take her hand.

“You mean you have a spare room?” Lara asked hopefully.

“Nope, but I have a great bed that I’m willing to share with you.” He pulled her to her feet and led her towards his bedroom. She pulled back looking decidedly reluctant.

“I-I don’t know Harry. I don’t think we should…”

“Should what? I’ve already told you, I hate sleeping alone. There are some nights when I leave the house because I hate it so much.” He took her hands and looked at her earnestly.

“This isn’t about sex, I swear. I just don’t want to be alone.”

Lara studied him for a moment, and rolled her eyes. She grabbed her duffel bag and he gave a satisfied smile as he showed her through. The bedroom was larger than she thought it would be, once again decorated with lots of artwork. A large bed dominated the space along with a large overstuffed chair.

Lara stood in the ensuite and took a deep breath before changing into her pyjamas. She had spent a bit of time choosing what she was to bring over that night, but in truth she didn’t have much variety to choose from. It was a light cotton set of little pink and white trimmed shorts and a matching singlet top.

She emerged from the bathroom to find Harry already lying in bed. He was shirtless but she was relieved to see he was still wearing his boxers.

“Mmmm, nice.” He said approvingly.

She stood by the bed unable to move.

“Are you going to get in or not?” Harry asked. “I already told you I’m not going to try anything. I just need someone with me that’s all.”

She paused before climbing into bed next to him, and found herself lying on the very edge of the bed, leaving an enormous gap between herself and Harry.

“Are you being serious?” He grumbled. “I might as well sleep by myself.”

He rolled over to the middle of the bed and reached over to pull her by the waist toward him, as if she were a rag doll.

“You know what you need?” She grumbled. “A teddy bear.”

“Maybe." He said. “But you’ll do for now.”

His arms lightly rested around her waist and he closed his eyes. Lara, on the other hand, lay there wide awake. She breathed in Harry’s scent, a mixture of faint aftershave and shampoo and stared up at the ceiling.

“Good night Lara.” He said with a loud yawn.

“Good night Harry.”

Notes

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