No, you just like to know you can
Still be the one who gets it breaking

“Why so touchy?” Ben asked.

Lara shot him a death glare before scraping her chair back.

“Because I don’t want to hear about Harry. Not from you, not from anyone!”

She didn’t understand why Ben had suddenly brought up the subject of Harry anyway. He had barely mentioned his name since the breakup, and that was the way Lara wanted it. She didn’t want to hear him utter Harry’s name, let alone taunt her with gossip.

“No need to bite my head off.” Ben replied testily, prompting Lara to storm out of the kitchen.
Lara immediately left the house, ignoring the missed call on her phone from Harry. She sat in her tutorial class impatiently tapping her pen against the desk. Why was Harry doing this? Why was he going along with it all? Did he want to go along with it? Was there something going on between him and Sky? Question after question rolled over in her mind and she couldn’t reconcile these questions with the person she had just spent the last few months getting to know again.

She wished she had refused Harry’s beanie. She wished she had just walked out of that restaurant with her head held high and shown the world that she was with Harry Styles. But something had stopped from her doing it. The thought of Ben discovering her secret loomed over her. Who knew how he would react to it? He seemed to veer from one mood to the other, from caring to violent. He knew his fair share of secrets about her… would he tell Harry?

In a strange way, Julian Brand scared her too. She knew he wielded a lot of influence over Harry, whether Harry liked to admit or not. Julian seemed to know how to get under his skin, using the word ‘career’ as leverage. After all that’s how Lara had met Harry in the first place.
But she soon realised that the main reason she kept quiet was Harry. He had never even expressed how he felt about her, let alone mentioned going public with their relationship.

How could she do anything if they hadn’t even spoken about it?

Everything seemed to revolve around Harry’s career. Even giving up Louis had been a careful move on his part. And now it seemed that giving up Lara would be the next step.
Lara’s pen clattered to the floor and she reached down to pick it up with shaking hands. She needed to speak to Louis. He would understand, wouldn’t he? And maybe he would have a little something for her to get through the day…

She abruptly stood and ignored the curious looks around her as she grabbed her notebook and bag and briskly walked out of the lecture room. Her head was so clouded she was unable to stop shaking let alone focus so it was easier to just walk away.

Lara looked down at her phone only to see another missed call from Harry. She ignored it, scrolling through her phone until she found Louis’ name.

“I need to see you.” She said when he answered.

“Uh okay.” She heard him chuckle to himself, and she found herself growing impatient. “I’m not home though.”

“When will you be home?”

“This afternoon… probably about 2pm.”

Lara checked her watch. It was only eleven and she couldn’t help but sigh.

“I’ll try and be there earlier… but I’ve gone shopping with Eleanor.” His voice went a little quiet as though he didn’t want to be overheard. “And that’s probably going to take fucking hours… I was already trying to come up with an excuse to go home, so maybe I now have one.”

“Good… call me.”

“I will.”

Lara hung up and shook her head to clear it. Her friendship with Louis made her spin
sometimes.

She ended up holed up in a coffee shop drinking coffee after coffee to steady her nerves. A text message came through an hour later from Harry.

Call me… I’ve been trying to reach you all morning

Lara ignored it. If he was calling her about the article then she didn’t want to hear the inevitable excuses.

Sky’s just a friend

Julian thought it would be a good idea

It’s just good PR for her career

It’s just good PR for my career

It didn’t mean a thing

She just didn’t want to hear it. Not yet anyway. Not until she had seen Louis.

X

Lara was walking down Louis’ street when she saw a dark car slow down near her. From the corner of her eye she then noticed it speed up and drive on. She considered turning around and leaving, but ignored her misgivings and made her way up to his door. Lara rang the buzzer and waited.

“Was that you in the black car?” Lara asked when Louis finally answered.

“Yep, but I couldn’t really stop and pick you up, could I?” Louis said.

“Of course not.” Lara mumbled. God forbid anybody see her. She was starting to feel like a
dark secret. Harry’s secret, Louis’ secret, even Ben’s secret.

“Now get in before anyone sees you.”

Louis’ hand gripped her arm and pulled her in. Once inside she looked down at his hand and he snatched it away before self-consciously looking at her.

“You saved me from getting bored to death.” He said seriously. Lara couldn’t help but smile.

“You don’t like shopping?” She asked.

“Yeah I do. But even I have my limits.” Louis said placing his keys on a side table. “Eleanor on the other hand can just go on and on and on.”

He pulled out a light blue button up shirt from a glossy shopping bag.

“You like?” He asked.

“It’s nice.” Lara said, starting to feel self-conscious herself. She still wasn’t used to having normal conversations with Louis. Their previous communications had always revolved around Harry and not much else.

“Have a seat.” He said. “You want a drink?”

“Yes please.” Lara replied and was surprised when he returned with a glass of wine. “I was thinking more along the lines of water.”

“I think we both need a drink.” Louis shrugged. “Maybe it’ll loosen us up.”

For what? Lara wondered as she took a sip of the wine. She watched as Louis sat down on the opposite couch.

“I came here for a reason.” She said when the silence became too loud.

“You usually do.” Louis replied with a wink. ”And I’ve got some Mary Jane that will blow your mind.”

“No, I didn’t mean that.” Lara said, although the mere thought of smoking calmed her down.
“I wanted to talk about Harry.”

“Surprise, surprise.” Louis muttered shifting in his seat. His ice blue eyes returned to her face as he waited expectantly.

“Do you know anything about what’s happening between Sky and Harry?”

Louis sighed loudly and avoided her eyes for a moment.

“Do you mind if I light up?” He asked.

Lara shook her head and waited awkwardly while Louis rustled around. Minutes later he was sitting cross legged on the couch smoking a blunt.

“Are you still waiting for an answer?” Louis asked and smiled when Lara nodded vigorously.
“If you want my honest opinion… I’d forget about Harry.”

Lara felt her stomach drop at the words her first impulse being to protest. But she stayed quiet as Louis took a long drag and blew the smoke out, shaking his head.

“It’s just not worth it.” He said. “You saw what happened to me.”

“Actually I don’t know much about what happened between you and Harry.” Lara said in a small voice.

“Remember that night we were at his house?” Louis asked.

Lara thought back to that night.

“You know how I feel about you Harry.” Louis had said.

“You know how I feel about my career.” Harry replied.

“Oh yeah… Harry fucking Jesus Christ Superstar, how can I forget? Why don’t you make your bloody mind up about what you want?”

Louis had turned to look at Lara.

“He’s been doing my head in since day one.” He said. “Good luck with him, you’re gonna need it.”

“I remember.” Lara said.

Lara remembered Louis’ voice being full of venom. But despite this Harry and Louis had continued to work together and even be friends.

“Well that should tell you a lot about Harry.” Louis said. “You know how much he loves what he does. And he doesn’t ever want it to end.”

“Yeah but-“

“So why do you think he went out with you? Because they told him to. He went along with the whole thing. Even when he started liking you, they broke you up and he didn’t even fight it.”

Lara opened her mouth but nothing came out. Louis was right.

“What about me?” Louis continued. “I’ve been through the same shit as you… only with us nobody was meant to know. I’ll always be friends with him- always. But I know that he won’t
even try anything with me until this whole fame shit ends. If it ever ends…”

Lara tried to process what he was saying. She knew Harry’s sexuality was fluid, but she wasn’t aware of any other guys. Only Louis. Always Louis.

They both went quiet for a while, until Louis suddenly rose from his seat and sat next to her.

He offered her the joint and she took into her mouth.

“I’m not trying to upset you. I’m just telling you how it is. I know Harry likes you… but in the
end Harry does exactly what he’s told.”

There were elements of truth in what Louis was saying, but then what about all the intimate moments, California, the heart necklace… that was all Harry. Nobody was directing him behind the scenes.

“So Sky and Harry…” Lara trailed off.

“I think you already know the answer to that.”

The atmosphere had become decidedly gloomy, but soon picked up after Louis offered her the cocaine. The first genuine smile of the day spread across Lara’s face as she gratefully accepted it.

“You want some?” She asked Louis who shook his head with an indulgent smile. He continued smoking as he watched her.

“You know, I always thought you were this innocent little girl.” He said.

“So you’ve told me.” Lara muttered as she prepared the coke.

“I remember being so jealous of the way Harry saw you. He thought the same too… he still does.”

”Well if you think I’m innocent… you should see Sky.”

“She’s harmless.” Louis waved his hand dismissively. “I’m more worried about you than her.”

“Worried why?” Lara rubbed her nose absentmindedly.

“You’ve got Harry.” Louis said simply.

“I wouldn’t say that.” Lara said grimly.

“You want to test that theory?” Louis asked. Lara looked up to see his face obscured by a cloud of smoke.

“How?”

“I don’t know… maybe test him to see who he wants more.”

“I don’t know what you mean.” Lara said. She was focussing more on the effect on the coke than Louis’ stoned musings.

“Leave it to me…” Louis said biting his lip as though he were deep in thought.

Notes

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