And somehow you can turn my walls in

Lara was still coming down from her high and was unable to process what he was saying to her.

Did he mean about their relationship? Was he talking about her misunderstanding his connection to Sky? In a strange way she could relate it back to Louis, but he didn’t know about that… did he? It could even be about her and Ben. The names were a jumble in her head, and were the last things she wanted to deal with at that very moment.

Her eyes were glazed over as she turned her head to look at him. When she finally focussed, she could see him looking back at her with raised eyebrows.

“I have to go.” She said quietly and Harry didn’t say another word as she stood up and pulled on her clothes. As she left his apartment, she couldn’t help but think that this was another of Harry’s games. Distract her with sex so she doesn’t know where’s up or down. Harry was free to do whatever he wanted, and all it took was for him to drag her home and have his way with her, and everything was okay.

Lara made it to work half an hour late to be met by James, who merely grunted at her apology. She spent the rest of the day in a daze until it was time to go home. Just as she was about to leave, James cornered her in the kitchen, a concerned look on his face.

“Is everything okay? You’ve been out of it all day.”

“I just had a late night.” Lara replied.

“I don’t know what’s going on… but I just wanted to let you know I’m here for you. If you ever need to talk about it … just let me know.”

“Thank you.” Lara said with a small grateful smile. It was nice to know there was someone in her life that was willing to back her up… with no strings attached.

X

When she got home Lara spent what felt like forever in the shower, relishing the warm jets of water that hit her back. She pulled on her pyjamas and crawled into bed, even though it was only 5pm, feeling physically and mentally exhausted.Lara had just started to doze off when she heard the click of the door and footsteps pad into her bedroom. She felt Ben, before she heard him speak as he lifted the blanket and lay down beside her.

“Ben, I’m trying to sleep.” She mumbled into her pillow.

“Who’s stopping you?” He asked as he wrapped himself around her. They lay in silence for a few minutes, their even breaths the only sound in the room, until Lara could feel him going hard, his erection pressing upon her back.

“Ben…” She said trying to unsuccessfully squirm away from his grasp.

“I’m just holding you!” He cried.

“Is this about the rent? Because I’m going to pay you tomorrow.” Lara told him.

“It’s not about the fucking rent.” Ben said. “It’s about me having a shit day at work and just wanting to fucking hold you.”

“Well then just hold me then.” She said and she eventually gave up struggling and relaxed into his embrace.

“I had a crap day at work.” Ben began. “Did you know Claire was promoted?”
“No.”

“She’s now my manager.” He chuckled.

“Way to go Ben… now you’re dating your manager.” Lara said shaking her head. “Is that why you’re upset?”

“No… I don’t care about that. Her being my manager makes my life easier… it’s the job I hate.”

“Just try and hang in there.” Lara said. “Give it a bit more time… you’ve only been there for a few months.”

Ben fell silent as though he was considering her words.

“You always know what to say.” He said finally and Lara shrugged. She hadn’t said anything really, but he seemed to use this as an opportunity to rub against her.

“Ben…” Lara said feeling uncomfortable. “No…”

When he ignored her, her rising panic gave her enough strength to unravel herself from his strong embrace. She leapt off the bed and automatically took off her pyjamas.

“What are you doing?” Ben peered up at her confused, watching as Lara pulled on her jeans.

“I can’t do this.” She said her eyes bright with tears.

“Where are you going?”

“Out. I just need to get some air.”

“Lara, just stay. I won’t touch you.”

Lara ignored him as she grabbing her handbag and coat before striding out the door. She took a few deep breaths of the cool air, before she began to walk. A feeling of hopelessness engulfed her, as she walked through the dark street, not really focussing on her destination.

Lara took out her phone to call James. She had no idea where he lived, but it would be nice to see a friendly face. She looked at the phone to see a new message had popped up in the last five minutes.

Hey… I’ve got the good stuff ;) so if you’re ready come and get it.

Louis.

She could hardly raise a smile at his silly message. He was just another person in her life who confused her. She was fast learning that nobody gave you something for nothing, but when it came to Louis she wasn’t sure what his intentions were. So she quickly tapped out a message before she could stop herself.

We can’t do this anymore.

Lara dialled James’ number and it rang out. But she kept walking. She knew where she was headed. Harry’s house. It was time to confess everything. How she had fallen into a deep hole after their friendship ended. The drugs that helped her survive. Living with Ben. Maybe even about her meetings with Louis. She wasn’t sure if Harry would still be speaking to her once he knew everything, but she knew the heavy weight on her shoulders would be lifted.

The words he had spoken to her earlier that day rang in her head:

“Things are not always black and white Lara. There’s always going to be shades of grey.”
If Harry truly believed those words then surely he’d understand why she made the choices she did.

Lara had just reached the top of Harry’s street when she noticed a small commotion in front
of his apartment building. A small group of photographers stood near the entrance, chatting as they checked their cameras. Lara stopped abruptly and frowned as she took in the scene before her. She could see a few of them leave in their cars, and she quickly turned her head when they drove past. The last thing she needed was the paparazzi catching her walking down Harry’s street. She tentatively walked a few steps and took a seat on a bench, waiting until the last of the photographers left the scene. Once she was sure they were all gone, she made her way toward the apartment, burning with curiosity. The doorman buzzed her through, confirming Harry was upstairs. She knocked on the door and didn’t have to wait long before Harry opened it.

“Lara.” He said a surprised look on his face. “Did you see the paps downstairs?”

“Yeah, but don’t worry, nobody saw me.” Lara said walking right past him only to stop abruptly in her tracks. She looked back at Harry who merely watched her, his face betraying no emotion. Her eyes fell back upon Sky who sat on the couch, peering back at her with wide
eyes.

Notes