Secrets / Black & White / Playing for Keeps

Lara clattered down the sidewalk trying to put as much distance between herself and the party. She heard a familiar deep voice call her name and looked back to see Harry striding toward her.

“Lara, where are you going? What’s wrong?”

Lara ignored him and she kept walking.

“I’m talking to you.” He said sounding mildly annoyed.

“You want to talk?” She asked turning around. “Okay, let’s talk.”

Harry frowned, a confused look on his face as he waited for her to continue.

“Do you know Paige?” She asked.

“Yeah I know her…” He shrugged.

“No I mean before this week. Before they set her up with you? Did you know her before?”

“Why are you asking me this?” He asked, a slightly dumbfounded look on his face,

“Because I want to know.” She retorted angrily. “Can’t you tell me the truth just for once?”

“Okay, okay. Yes I knew her from before.” He confessed. “I just didn’t think you needed to
know that.”

“Have you fucked her?” Lara asked, and Harry’s face cringed at the sound of her cursing.

“Don’t talk like that.” He admonished her.

“I’m asking if you’ve fucked her.” Lara persisted.

“Yes I have.” He said loudly before glancing around the empty street nervously.

“What about this week?”

“Lara why are you doing this? Who told you this anyway?” He paused for a moment. “Louis, right?”

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“No I haven’t fucked her this week. Or even last week.” Harry snapped. “It’s been a year and a half since I last saw her. I met her at some party and we hooked up a few times… hardly anybody knows about it…”

“What about Lou Teasdale?” She suddenly asked. ”Have you been with her too?”

“Oh great, so now you think I’m fucking everything in a skirt?” He said angrily.

Lara spun on her heel and began to walk away again.

“Where are you going?” He asked.

“I’m going home.”

“Let me drive you.” He said.

“No.”

Harry followed her down the street until it was clear she wasn’t going to let him near her. She was relieved when he stopped and let her walk away.

Half an hour later Lara stormed into Ben’s empty apartment and swung the door closed. She stood in the middle of the living room, not knowing if she was coming or going.

Louis’ words replayed in her head, until it felt as the walls were closing in on her. Then Harry’s brutal words added to the mix. It was as if he was totally clueless about how much he was upsetting her. She glanced to the side to see a bottle of vodka. Without thinking she put it to her lips and she took a swig of the seemingly clear innocuous liquid. It felt like fire in her throat and she coughed hard before taking a second drink.

The sound of a loud knock on the door snapped her out of her reverie.

“Who is it?”

“It’s me- open the door Lara.” The sound of Harry’s voice came from the other side. She reluctantly opened the door to find him looking sad and sorry. They stared at each other in silence.

“What are we doing Harry?” Lara finally asked.

He shook his head and walked into her arms.

“I don’t know.” He said.

“I’ve told you how I feel about you… and you… you have never said anything back to me.”

“What do you want me to say Lara? You want me to tell you I love you?” He asked, his voice rising. “Can’t we just enjoy being together? Why complicate things?”

“Because that’s what love’s about.” She said in a tiny voice.

“You don’t know anything about love.” He said harshly. “I mean I’m the first person you’ve ever been with.”

“Thanks a lot.” She said breaking the embrace only to have him stop her.

“You think it’s been easy for me? How do you think I feel having to be set up like this? It makes me feel like shit. I hate not having a choice.”

“Are you talking about me or Paige?” Lara questioned. “Is that why you’re with me? Because you don’t have a choice?”

“I’m talking about you, Paige and every other girl they’ve picked out for me because they think I can’t make a fucking decision on my own.”

“Well I’m talking about now.” She responded. “I’m talking about you and me and the way things are now.” She stared at him waiting for a response, and he dropped his arms, letting her go.

“Lara…” He sighed deeply. “I care about you- a lot. I never would have done half the things we’ve done if I didn’t like you. I’m just trying to explain things from my point of view. I’m used to being with girls who have more experience than me... who don’t get caught up with this whole love bullshit. I’ve never been with anyone like you before…”

He looked down at the disappointed look on her face.

“I’m just not used to this whole relationship thing. I’ve never really done it before.” He said. “But I’m trying… can’t you see I’ve been trying? And now… I’ve kind of got used to having you around.”

“Used to having me around?” She repeated seeing all of her romantic notions fly out the
window.

He reached over to put his arms around her, but she stiffened in his embrace.

“No, don’t touch me.” She said coldly. “I’m not your plaything.”

Her sudden outburst surprised him and he opened his mouth to respond, only for Lara to continue bitterly.

“Everything is always on your terms. It’s always been about whatever you want, never about what I want or how I feel.”

“Lara it’s not like that-“

“It’s exactly like that. And I’m sick of it. I don’t want to do it anymore.” Tears sprang to her eyes, and she saw him reach out for her again.

“I said don’t touch me!” Her voice bordered on shrill, causing Harry to step backwards. His brow furrowed as he looked at her crying, and he shook his head as if to clear it. He watched as she fumbled in her handbag and then threw a small object at him.

“Here’s your key!” She said as it hit him in the chest and clattered to the floor. He bent down to pick it up.

“You don’t have to do this.” He said quietly.

“Yes I do.” She said, and she lightly pushed him away. “Now can you please go?”
Harry paused for a moment before heading to the door.

“It shouldn’t end like this Lara.” He said, but she shook her head vehemently.
“It should have never even started.” She said as she watched him walk out the door.

*************************************

Ben arrived home soon after to find Lara crying in a heap on the living room floor.

“Lara.” He said his voice full of surprise. He kneeled down to scoop her up in his arms. “What happened?”

“You were right.” She sobbed. “You were right all along.”

“Shhh, it’s okay.” He said softly. “Everything will be okay.”

She relaxed in his arms, but was unable to stop crying.

“Why does it hurt so bad then?” She whimpered.

“It might hurt now, but I promise you things will get better.”

Lara sniffled at Ben’s words. That’s what Harry had said, she thought to herself, and look at her now.

Notes

Guys, we are nearing the end of the story... so please let me know what you think.

Do you guys see Harry being Lara, or do you think it's not going to work?

Also, check out my latest story called 'The Wrong Woman' (it's a Harry AU)