Secrets / Black & White / Playing for Keeps

The silence was deafening as the two stood there facing each other. Harry’s expression gradually transformed from concern to confusion. Lara could only focus on his eyes as they stared at her, a dark green under the street lights. He lips parted as though to say something but no words came out, except for a small intake of breath.

“I don’t know why I just said that.” Lara finally said her cheeks heating up.

She felt his arms wrap around her to hold her tightly against him and she shyly buried her head in his chest and listened to the soft thud of his heartbeat.

“Just when I think I’ve got you figured out.” Harry murmured in her hair.

“What do you mean?” She asked in a small voice.

“I don’t know Lara… maybe I just didn’t expect you to say that.”

She tensed beneath him, feeling the panic she had felt at the party rise within her. She looked up at him unable to disguise the hurt in her eyes.

“Heyyy… I don’t mean that in a bad way, it’s just…” He found himself trailing off, “Well, now I’m just speechless, I don’t know what to say”

He laughed nervously, and Lara wondered why he wouldn’t return the sentiment. She studied his face, waiting for him to speak.

“I don’t feel like going back in there… want to go somewhere else?” His face looked soft and hopeful and it was hard to be annoyed with him, despite her expectations. They silently walked back to the car. Lara knew she should feel mortified; after all he had not responded the way she had expected. But on second thought, she didn’t know how she expected him to respond. Did she really expect him to declare his love for her? Strangely enough she didn’t expect that at all…

Lara quietly sat in the front seat lost in thought until she realised Harry was just sitting there, not starting the car. The light in the car switched off automatically, plunging the car into virtual darkness except for the illumination of a nearby street light.

“Nobody’s ever said that to me before.” Harry said quietly.

Another long silence followed before Lara spoke up.

“This is all going to end soon isn’t?”

She felt Harry shift uncomfortably next to her.

“Not for a while.” He finally said.

“No but it is. Ben told me…” Lara said and half turned to look at him.

“What did he tell you?” His voice sounded tense.

“Just that the break up is going to happen soon… I think he said a month.”

“Ben doesn’t know shit.” Harry said. “I spoke to Julian and this whole thing is going to go on for much longer.”

“But he told me-“

“And I’m telling you.” Harry said. ”I asked Julian to extend it and he agreed. They’re going to talk to you about it soon.”

“Why would you do that?”

There was a brief silence before Harry cleared his throat.

“I told him that since it’s all going so well, why should we break it up?”

Lara pondered over his words as she felt his warm hand close over her cold clenched hand.

“You know what we’re doing is wrong, don’t you?” Lara suddenly found herself saying.

“What?”

“Oh I don’t know. Sleeping with each other for one” Lara said as though she were stating the obvious.

“Telling me you love me for two.” Harry said with what she knew was a smirk and she nudged him in the ribs.

“Forcing Julian to extend the contract for three.”

They laughed to themselves quietly.

“How about we just enjoy it while it lasts?” Harry said and Lara poked him in the ribs again, making him jump.

“After what I told you tonight?” She asked.

“You know I care about you Lara.” Harry turned to look at her, “But how you and I feel doesn’t mean shit to them.”

*************************************

The following few days proved to be even more confusing. They had gone from being two strangers thrown together in an unusual situation to a couple who had established some sort of relationship.

But Lara’s confession had created a shift in the relationship, and she found Harry keeping her at arm’s length. The space between them in bed seemed to widen, and they no longer slept a tangled mess of limbs. Instead Lara lay on her back staring at the ceiling, wondering what was going on in his head, but too scared to ask. She wanted to feel him in her arms, but was too afraid to touch him.

When they had crossed paths in the kitchen one morning and accidentally bumped arms Harry reacted as though he had touched a live wire.

“Are you okay?” Lara asked.

“Yeah, sorry.” He said with a shy smile. Their eyes met for a moment, but Harry looked away first.

“Are you sure?” Lara asked, touching his arm. He looked down at her hand and nodded.

She found herself taking the initiative when she gripped his arms and gently pushed him against the counter.

It was a strange role reversal.

Lara had always been the skittish one, afraid to take the lead, whilst Harry was always self-assured and confident.

He watched her curiously as she stood on her tiptoes, and then closed his eyes as she kissed him slowly. After what seemed forever, she pulled back to see Harry open his eyes, his eyes dark with confusion.

“What are we doing?” Harry asked, his face looking almost childlike. Lara half shrugged, unable to answer. His hand reached out to touch her cheek. “I don’t want you to get hurt Lara…”

“I won’t.” She said placing her hand over his. “This makes me happy.”

She kissed him again, her lips moving to his hand where they lingered.

“I don’t want to lose you.” Harry said quietly.

“I’m not going anywhere.” She smiled into his hand as she kissed it again.

The moment was interrupted by the beep of his phone and they looked at each other before
Lara loosened her grip on his hand. She watched him as he quickly scanned the text message, a small frown forming on his face.

“Julian wants to see us tomorrow.” He said.

That night their lovemaking took on a kind of urgency that she had never felt before. They clung to each other tightly, their kisses growing more desperate, their skin almost glowing from the heat of their bodies. As the pleasure intensified, tomorrow seemed very far away…

Notes