Secrets / Black & White / Playing for Keeps

As Lara made breakfast, she could not help but listen to the one sided conversation Harry was having in the living room. She could not hear who he was speaking to, but it was obvious that he was becoming increasingly agitated and it did not take a genius to figure out that it was Julian who was making him feel that way.

“I’m not at home.” Harry had told him and after a brief argument about where he was ‘hiding out’ as Julian referred it to, the argument escalated once the subject turned to Skye.

“I’m going to go.” Harry said firmly. “You don’t have to tell me anything, I already know the details… no, I’m going on my own.”

Lara knew he was speaking about the upcoming funeral. Harry had decided it was the least he could do and had been in touch with Skye’s family who had filled him in on the details. He had also asked Lara to go with him but she just shook her head. As much as she would have liked to pay her respects, she knew the spotlight would be shining brightly and she was not prepared for the onslaught of attention.

“Who cares about what they have to say?” Harry’s voice interrupted her thoughts.

She switched on the kettle, the sound of the boiling water drowning out the sound of his angry voice. Minutes later Harry trudged into the kitchen and let a deep breath as he watched her lay out the plates on the table.

“I’ll be out of here after breakfast.” He said quietly and she looked up to see him looking as drained as he had when he had arrived days earlier.

“You don’t have to go so soon.”

“Yeah I do.” He replied. “I don’t wanna keep bringing you down like this.”

“But you’re not.” Lara said softly.

Although he looked at her, his mind was elsewhere and he did not answer as he lowered himself into a chair. An hour later, Lara watched as Harry gathered his keys and coat, a feeling of emptiness overcoming her. She followed him to the front door, where he turned to face her.

“Thanks for letting me stay.” He said.

“Any time.” She said, thinking about all the times he had allowed her to escape to his apartment. He opened his mouth to speak but then seemed to change his mind as he awkwardly shifted from one foot to another.

“I’ll call you.” He said and she nodded. His eyes lowered to her lips, where they lingered for a moment before returning to her eyes. “Thanks Lara.”

She could only smile as he opened the door and walked away. Lara returned to the living room and glanced around. The silence was almost deafening.

X

On the day of the funeral, Lara could not help but go online.

Harry Styles Attends Funeral of Former Protégé

The headlines came through thick and fast and her discomfort grew as she read a few snippets.

Boybander Harry Styles arrived clad in black and wearing dark sunglasses to conceal his eyes and was seen embracing various members of Skye Taylor’s family.

Before her death, there were rumours that Skye Taylor’s time at Modest! Management was coming to an end, due to low record sales. Taylor did not reach the heights expected when Styles plucked her from obscurity.

An involuntary shiver ran down Lara’s spine as she read the words. Each article seemed to say the same thing; that great things had been expected, but she had not managed to strike a chord with her targeted audience, despite her connection to One Direction.

The articles speculated about her rumoured relationship with Harry and did little to speak about Skye as an individual. There was barely even a mention of her talent as a singer and songwriter. A tear slipped down Lara’s cheek as she mourned the loss of a young woman with so much potential.

Harry’s husky voice greeted her when she answered the phone that night.

“How was it?” Lara asked and she could hear him breathe in heavily.

“It was hard… but now she’s at peace. At least I hope she is.”

Lara did not have the heart to mention the articles she had been reading all the day.

“I spoke to her family today…” Harry began. “And it kind of helped me, you know? She was going through a lot in the last couple of weeks before she… before she died… she had been under a lot of stress…”

“From what?”

“People always in her ear… telling her she was never going to make it, that she had sold out her talent… I just hope it wasn’t because of me…” He took another deep breath and paused. “Her family were so good to me though…”

“You’ve got nothing to be guilty about.” Lara told him impatiently. “You’ve got to stop thinking like that.”

“Oh I fucked with her Lara.” He said. “I know I did…”

The words were enough to render her speechless, but before she could even think of a response, Harry added.

“Look at what I did to you.”

She knew he was referring to her dark past of alcohol and drug abuse and she could not help but bristle at the memory.

“That had nothing to do with you. I made my own choices.”

“But it was because of me.” Harry persisted. “I drove you to it.”

“Harry, it’s not all about you. Not all the time.” Lara said angrily. “Stop making everything about you.”

“I’m just saying-”

“Look I have to go.” Lara cut in. “I can’t talk right now.”

“Lara-”

“Bye Harry.”

She quickly hung up on him before he could get a word in. She took a shaky breath as the memories washed over her.

“You know what Lara?” Harry asked, pulling himself to his feet. “I remember the girl I first met… the girl who just wanted to be with me.”

Lara thought back to the fresh faced, innocent girl who had met Harry all that time ago. That girl had experienced all her firsts with him. First kiss, first sexual experience, first heartbreak. Lara snapped back to the present to see Harry watching her with a sad expression.

“Well then. Look at you now.” Harry said.

Lara looked up at Harry quizzically and followed his pointed gaze, down to her fingers which were now coated with white powder. She realised she had instantly reached for the cocaine the moment Harry had let her go, dipping her fingers and then absentmindedly licking them.

Harry shook his head before leaving the room.

“Yeah look at me now.” She echoed softly.

Lara snapped out of the memory, returning her attention to her computer screen to study the photo of Harry. To her surprise, she noticed Ben standing in the background, wearing a black suit with his hair slicked back and his sunglasses in place. The sight of him brought back unsettling memories and she quickly clicked out of the screen.

X

The voice on the phone sounded faint but there was no mistaking who it was.

“Harry?” Lara said huskily and she rolled over in bed to check the time.

“Do you wanna hang out?” He slurred.

“Sorry?”

“Do you wanna hang with me?”

“Harry where are you?”

“Just out and about.”

Lara rubbed her eyes sleepily as she tried to gather her thoughts.

“Harry, it’s three o’clock in the morning.”

“I know… I just miss you. I wanna see you.”

She could tell he was intoxicated by the way he spoke and she tried her best to let him down without upsetting him.

It did not make a difference, because he called her every night that week. If it was not obvious that he was hitting the bars every night, then she could easily google his name and find numerous articles about Harry’s partying. The media wasted no time implying that Harry was hitting the bottle after Skye’s death and the photos showed it. Lara felt a sense of déjà vu when she saw the images of Harry wandering out of bars looking worse for wear.
After the third night Lara invited him over and he crept into her apartment and into her bed. He slept there for the next few nights. Despite his attempts to get physically close to Lara, she still managed to keep him at arm’s length.

One night, he arrived at midnight with a pale face and bleary eyes. She quietly let him in and quickly led him into her bedroom, not wanting to wake Camille. She could smell the alcohol on his breath but he did not seem too intoxicated. He lay down on her bed and looked over to see her standing by the door.

“Come lie with me?” He said and she settled herself beside him.

“Why are you doing this?” She asked as she took in sad face.

“It’s the only way to get to see you.” Harry joked but Lara could not smile.

“Harry, that’s not even funny.” She said. “What’s it really about?”

“I guess I just want to tune out everything… and this is the only way I know how.”

“So you want a one-way ticket to rehab then?”

“Rehab?” Harry screwed his face in response. “Rehab is the last thing I need… I wouldn’t be doing this if I was happy.”

They simply stared at each other in silence for a few moments before Harry continued.

“I wouldn’t be doing this if I were with you.”

Suddenly aware of their close proximity, Lara nervously bit her lip, only for Harry to reach out and gently touch her mouth. His thumb swiped across her bottom lip before his hand rested on her cheek. His lips pressed onto her slightly parted mouth and kissed her.

“We can go slow.” He murmured. “As slow as you want.”

His slow kiss reinforced what he was saying and although she had initially stiffened at the sudden contact, she could not help but melt into his embrace.

One hand rested on her cheek as he kissed her and the other lightly rested on her hip, so unlike all their previous encounters. Harry usually did not hold back, with his roaming hands and hard kisses. But this was different. He merely kissed her, as though he could not get enough, soft, slow and deep.

It had felt like a lifetime since she had felt like this. It felt good and it felt right. It felt like home.

Notes