Secrets / Black & White / Playing for Keeps

Lara forced herself to stop crying halfway home. She didn’t know what had gone on between Harry and Skye in the past, but she did not want to be a part of it. Especially now that she was with Tony.

Tony.

She wondered if he was home. And she wondered if she could tell him she had gone to Harry’s party.

She could not get the look on Harry’s face out of her head. He was usually so affable that seeing him the way he was tonight was like a jolt to the senses. It had been a while since she had seen anger on his face and the reason for it didn’t sit well with her.

The same hopeless feeling she had when she felt her life was spiralling out of control engulfed her as she quietly sat in the back of the taxi.

“Is this it?” The taxi driver’s voice broke into her thoughts.

“Yes- just behind that blue car will be okay.” She said before she stopped cold. The blue car looked familiar and she could not help but gasp softly when her focus became clearer.

“Can I just wait for a moment?” She said and the taxi driver shrugged, not bothering to turn off the meter. Tony stood at the passenger door of the car and she watched as he deeply kissed a woman on the sidewalk, stepping away to reveal his ex-wife. Lara froze when Tony turned to look at the taxi.

“Please drive.” Lara said quickly.

“What? I thought this was your destination.”

“Not anymore.” She said as he revved the engine and drove away.

Feeling totally dejected, she wandered the streets for what seemed like hours. It was not until after midnight when she finally returned to the apartment, quietly tiptoeing inside only to find Tony standing there. They wordlessly regarded each other, her face now devoid of emotion. He cleared his throat as though he were still trying to figure out what to say.

“I know you saw us.” He finally said.

“I’ll move out as soon as I can.” Lara responded.

“Lara-“

“There’s nothing left to say.”

“No?” Tony said gently. “You don’t want to talk about it.”

“Why would we do that?” Lara asked. “It’s pretty obvious as far as I can see.”

“It’s not always black and white Lara.”

“Sometimes it is. I know this is. Why would I want to stay with someone who wants to be with someone else?”

She could not help but marvel at how calm she felt. No anger, no pain… just a realisation that it was time to move on, along with a glint of fear at what her next step would be. Where would she live, what would she do?

“You can stay here until you can sort yourself out.” Tony said as though he could read her thoughts. Lara half nodded as she headed to the bedroom. She needed to pack something away, just so that she could feel that this was final.

“Lara?” Tony said, snapping her out of her daze.

“Yes?”

“I’m sorry this didn’t work out.”

“So am I.” She said. And yet she felt nothing. Had they grown so far apart in recent months that the only solution was to break up? Even Tony’s obvious infidelity was not enough to break her. Lara took a deep breath as she removed her personal items from the bedroom.

The more she packed, the more determined she began to feel within herself. It was time for a change.

X

In the coming days Lara’s phone was flooded with messages from Harry. She sent one strongly worded message back asking for him for some space.

I’m going through some things right now and I really need to do it on my own.

She had told him and she had received a melancholy “Okay” response from Harry in return.

It did not take long for Lara to figure out what to do, and when she did, she charged forward without hesitation. She applied for an architecture course at her local university, marvelling at the timing as she had applied just in time.

As she organised everything, she recalled how unenthusiastic Tony had been every time she had brought up the subject of returning to school.

“I’m too old to be dating a student.” He had grumbled, the total opposite to Harry who had been angry when she had put off pursuing an education.

While she was at the university, she scanned the ads on the noticeboard for accommodation and found a couple of good prospects.

By a stroke of luck, the first person she called was the perfect option. As student named Camille needed a roommate. Her apartment was not far from school and after speaking to her on the phone, Lara made her way there. She was pleasantly surprised when a pretty French girl answered the door. Camille was polite and soft spoken and before Lara knew it, they were seated on the little balcony sharing a pot of tea. The available room was tiny, but Lara did not care. The rent was ridiculously low as a result but God knows she hardly had cash to splash around. Within the hour Camille had offered the room and Lara had instantly snapped it up.

X

It was amazing what she could achieve in such a short amount of time, but Lara felt like she was back on track again. The only thing left to do was pack up her things so she could move into her new flat.

In the meantime, she increased her hours at the café and tried to keep out of Tony’s way. But the day for her to move out had arrived and she was annoyed to see Tony was planning on sticking around until she had left.

“Do you need any help?” He asked.

“No.” She said flatly, hoping he would go away. For the past few days he had been trying to start up conversations and she got the feeling that he was trying to figure out where she was going to live.

“Probably thinks I’m running off with Harry…” Lara mumbled to herself as she folded her clothes.

“What?” The sound of Tony’s voice made her jump and she looked up to see he was still standing in the doorway.

“Nothing.” She replied. She stopped what she was doing and glared at him. “Look, I’ll be out of here soon, okay?”

“I’m not trying to rush you out.” Tony told her. “I-I just wanted to talk to you. I feel like we haven’t talked at all these past few weeks… and I feel bad.”

“Don’t feel bad about anything. I’d rather know where I stand rather than hold onto something that doesn’t exist.” Lara said barely looking at him, a tiny part of her marvelling at her own words. There had been a time when she would have held onto this kind of relationship, clinging onto the hope that things will change. But not anymore… as she walked out of his apartment, she felt Tony’s hand on her arm.

“I’m sorry Lara. I guess the guilt got to me… keeping my family together…the feeling got too strong for me to ignore.”

Lara wordlessly looked at him before closing the door behind her and walking away.

X

The following weeks were chaotic. She settled into her new apartment quickly and she fell into a routine of work, home and study. Camille was lovely and she enjoyed her company, but she also knew when to give Lara her space. Camille tended to spend a lot of time with her boyfriend, giving Lara the alone time she sometimes craved. Once upon a time she had been almost scared to be on her own, whilst now she relished it.

There were still times when Harry managed to invade her thoughts and she would often find herself lying in bed at night thinking about him. She knew she would have to contact him soon, in a way she almost ached to see him. But there was a small voice in her head telling herself to wait and let her life settle a little before allowing anybody inside.

Things were quiet. Almost too quiet, and it was just when Lara was finally calm within herself when she received the phone call.

“It’s me.” The deep husky voice said.

“Harry?”

He sounded different, almost as though he was holding back tears.

“I need you. I need you here.” He mumbled.

“Harry, what’s wrong?”

“Skye’s dead.”

Notes