Study of Life and Love

The house was quiet. The last group of girls had left, talking about a football game. I had been tempted to go but instead enjoyed the possibility of having a quiet house to my self.

Lazing around on the bed I stared at my desk from where I lay, my laptop was left open, screen black where hours before it had been resting open on an email I had received a week ago. I closed my eyes and rolled away from the laptop so instead I looked out the large window. I took a few deep breaths and let sleep overtake.

I woke, in surprise, when I heard loud voices on the stairs, feet stomping and doors slamming. I blinked and noticed that the sun had slowly begun to set. I must have slept the afternoon away. I grabbed, blindly, for my phone and checked the screen. I had a message from Niall. He wanted to meet for dinner.

I rolled out of bed, and ran my fingers through my black messy hair before pulling a long brown trench coat around myself. Keys and cards smacked together in one of the pockets and I let my phone rest with them.

Thea met me at the bottom of the stairs. “Oh, you’re going out?” Her smile dropped from her face and I felt momentarily bad.

I knew that I hadn’t been home lately for dinner but my mind slowly led back to that email and I felt like I was suffocating, needing to get out.

“I’ll be back later,” I promised, without sparing another glance I rushed out the door.

I smile in relief when I saw Niall jogging across the road. He was wrapped up tightly in his own trench coat. Blonde hair covered by a brown beanie. He smiled widely when he reached me and all the suffocating feelings slipped right out of my mind.

“Hey you,” he greeted, leaning forward to press a kiss to my lips. I pushed back and wound my arms around his waist, dropping my head to his neck to breathe in his familiar smell. His favourite cologne was strong here. “What have you been up to today?” He asked gently, his hands rubbed up and down my arms before taking a step back and wrapping one of my hands in his.

“Accidentally had a nap this afternoon,” I grinned at Niall’s jealous groan.

“I had that stupid exam.”

“How did it go?” I pressed Niall as we began walking in the direction of our favourite on-campus restaurant. We had been trying to go to the place once a week and so far Niall had been doing a great job of sampling nearly everything on the menu.
“Don’t even wanna think about it,” he said plainly, shooting me a wicked grin before frowning. “Actually did you heard about the drama with Indiana and Zayn?” He asked, surprising me. I shook my head.

“Apparently Zayn got into a fight with her old man yesterday and today she was in our front yard, abusing him.”

I looked at Niall, shocked for a minute, that Indiana’s dad had been here and that Zayn had had a go at him.

“None of the girls mentioned this to you? Apparently they were there?” Niall seemed surprised.

I shook my head; I hadn’t seen any of the girls except Thea. “No one came and told me anything. Maybe it wasn’t that bad.”

“But Caydance would surely have been upset about Indiana?” Niall pushed.

I shrugged. “I don’t think they’ve been talking as much anymore. I haven’t seen Indi around the house much anyway.”

I shifted uneasily under Niall’s piercing gaze. He let the subject drop, though, and we happily took seats at the restaurant and enjoyed the rest of the night. If Niall kept glancing at me when he thought I wasn’t looking, concern marring his features, then I happily ignored him.

“We should go for a drive or go to the beach or something tomorrow.” I suggested to Niall as we made our way back to the houses. The thought had occurred to me while we were at dinner.

Niall looked at me in surprise. “Don’t you have classes tomorrow?” He asked.

I shrugged, and swung our entwined hands between us. “I can skip. It’s just one day.”

Niall choked, his eyes wide and uncomprehending. “Are you serious?”

I raised an eyebrow at him; not thinking his little display was cute.

We stopped in front of Grace house and I waited for his answer. “Well you might be able to skip class tomorrow, but I can’t. But maybe we should go on the weekend.” He said gently, his arms wrapping around my waist and pulling me against his chest.

I fake sighed. “Fine, be boring.” I was secretly happy though; this meant I wouldn’t have to find time to catch up on what I would miss.

“I’ll text you later okay?” he said sweetly, eyes sparkling and I couldn’t help but smile back, letting him press a couple of kisses against my lips before pulling away.

“Night.” I called over my shoulder knowing he would be waiting until I walked in the front door. I gave him one last wave before letting the door shut behind me.

The house was dark, most girls already in their rooms by this time of night. The TV was still playing in the lounge room; Olivia was asleep on the couch. I was surprised. I headed in there and turned it off, nudging Olivia until she was awake.

“God to bed, it’s late.” I told her gently.

She only grumbled, climbing off the couch and headed up the stairs without any more complaints. I folded the blanket she had been using until it sat neatly on the end of the couch and made my own way up the stairs.

I noticed Thea’s door was open and her light was on. I hesitated, prepared to continue up to my room before I remembered what Niall told me tonight. I instead turned and headed towards her room, knocking gently on the open door.

She looked up at me in surprise.

“Hey, you got time to talk?” I asked her. She nodded and dropped the pen she had been holding into the crease of her textbook.

“So Niall told me there was an incident this afternoon with Zayn and Indiana?” I asked. “Everything okay with that?”

Thea frowned, her eyes dropping down to the textbook before looking back up at me. “I think so, I mean I’m not completely understanding of what happened because I wasn’t there for all of it. Caydance was though, both times.”

“Both times?” I asked.

“Yeah,” she said slowly, chewing her bottom lip. A bad habit of hers. “You should probably talk to Caydance but Zayn hit Indi’s dad yesterday. Louis and Liam stopped him but they got a bit banged up too. Caydance was there, she brought them here to get looked at.”

I gaped at Thea. “Zayn hit her dad? And Caydance brought them here? Shit.” I cursed. “What did her dad say? Is he pressing charges?” I pressed.

Thea shrugged. “Like I said, I don’t know much. You should talk to Caydance.”

I glanced out of Thea’s door in the direction of Caydance’s.

“Harry will probably be in there won’t he?” I asked, really not wanting to walk in on anything I shouldn’t.

Thea scoffed, rolling her eyes. “Harry and Caydance aren’t talking right now. Haven’t been for a couple of days now.”

I frowned. “I didn’t know.”

Thea rolled her eyes again, not a common occurrence for her. “It’s not the only think you don’t know right now.”

I looked at her surprised. “What’s that supposed to mean?” I demanded, lost as to why she was suddenly being hostile.

She shook her head, a sigh falling from her lips. “Nothing, doesn’t matter. Look I’ve got studying to do, so if that’s all?”

I stared at her shocked by her tone. She ignored me and went back to her textbook, tapping her pencil on the side of the pages. I took a few steps back before leaving her room, debating whether to knock on Caydance’s but decided to call it a night. Thea was already grumpy at me, for what I wasn’t sure, but I didn’t want to annoy Caydance as well.

-

The path to my secrete hide out seemed to have had a recent trim. A few wayward branches had been cut back but there were still many I had to push out of the way.

The same park bench sat in the shade and I happily climbed up on top of it, dropping my bag beside the table before sprawling myself backwards. It was quiet here, people were walking by but the bush around me blocked out most sounds.

It wasn’t long before footsteps rustled through the path I had not long taken. I sighed and closed my eyes wandering if Louis had an alarm on this place or it was a complete coincidence that we often showed up to this place when the other was here.

He didn’t say anything at first, climbing onto the table and nudging me over so he could lie down beside me; the sun came through the trees and warmed up our cold limbs.

“And what brings you here today?” Louis asked, clearly noticing something was wrong.

I didn’t open my eyes. I could practically see the email I had opened from my parent’s days ago now, but their letters were burned into my eyelids.

“How’s Zayn?” I asked, ignoring Louis’ question. “Heard he and Indiana are fighting? Something about her dad?”

“He kinda jumped her dad.”

“What?” I gasped, sitting up and turning to Louis. It was then that I saw the black eye that was marring his features. “Did you join?”

Louis snorted and sat up beside me. “No, I just pulled him back and got this as a reward.” He shrugged like it was no big deal. It looked painful.

“I heard something about an argument between them yesterday?” I asked.

Louis nodded, eyes focusing on a grassy patch coming through the cracks of the concrete. “Yeah, she had a go at him for laying into her dad. Basically told him to fuck off, he told her they needed professional help. Went to shit all round.”

I couldn’t believe I had missed all that drama. No wonder Thea was pissed.

“Where were you?” Louis asked. Obviously wandering how I could miss the fight.

“I’d been having a nap I think.”

Louis eyed me suspiciously before shrugging and leaning back on his hands. “Been having a lot of those lately?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I didn’t like his tone of voice.

He rolled his eyes. “You’ve barely been around. From what I’ve heard Thea’s been running the house. Which, you know makes your house look really vulnerable to the other house leaders.”

I gaped at Louis. “She has not been. It’s my house.” I growled.

“Act like it then.”

It felt like a slap to the face. Louis didn’t hold back.

The letter flashed through my head again. Perfect daughter…Just like we planned…don’t get distracted…

“You don’t get it.” I grumbled, pulling my knees up to my chest.

“Because you ain’t telling me about it and from what I gather Niall doesn’t know either. He’s a happy little Irishman but he’s not going to stay oblivious forever, he’s going to notice something’s up.”

I ignored Louis’ logic. Niall was all smiles, sunshine and cussing. He was the one bright spot in my ocean full of studying and strict parents with a life plan.

“You’ve missed like three house meetings so far as well. Even Camden seemed worried last time.”

I didn’t meet his eye. I knew I had missed those. I just hadn’t found it within myself to want to go.

“We’re all worried about you Sid. This better now be like back in first year when you tried to rebel for that one week. Because that lead to the fire in the library and I really don’t want to get into trouble again.”

I smacked his arm. Not wanting to think back to that time. “It was only a small fire.” I protested weakly.

“It’s about your parents isn’t it?”

I sighed and picked at the ends of my dark brown hair.

“It’s not just them you know. They have this whole life set up for me and I honestly don’t know if I want to be what they want anymore.” I felt lightheaded the minute I said those words.

“You don’t want to be a lawyer?” Louis asked, I could hear the shock in his words and I closed my eyes tightly. I didn’t want to see his face.

“I don’t know.” I said desperately. “I don’t know what I want. All I do know is that Niall makes me care less about all of that. And I’m really sick of trying to be responsible about everything.”

Louis let out a low whistle. “Well I gotta say, you really picked a crap time to second guess your responsibilities. We’re leaders for a reason, you don’t get to decide that you don’t want to be house mum.”

I quickly shook my head. I did not want to give up house mum. I never wanted to, those girls were my life. “Never.” I said.

“Then be there for your girls because I can see them floundering without you. Thea looks tired, too tired. She looks as tired as you normally do.”

I smile softly, I had been feeling less tired lately. And that was because I had been leaving all the house duties to Thea, now wander why she was so hostile to me last night.

“What do I do?” I leant over so my head rested on Louis’ shoulder. His laughter shook my head.

“I can’t believe you’re asking me, I’m just as messed up as you are. Probaly worse. But I think we’re kind of meant to be, messed up that is. We’re young, we don’t need to have everything figured out and you need to tell your parents to fuck off. If you don’t want to be a lawyer then fine, don’t be one. Just make the decision now otherwise you’ll be forty years old, divorced, childless, friendless and regretting every decision you ever made while simultaneously hating your parents.”

I choked on my laughter. “You paint a pretty picture Tomlinson.”

He laughed, “It’s the one I imagined with Eleanor.”

I looked up into his face to see all his laughter gone. He was serious.

“Glad you got out of that.”

He grinned sadly and ran a spare hand through his hair. His fringe just flopped right back to where it was. “Yeah me too.”

-

I spotted Caydance on my way back to the house, her red hair was a stand out into the empty Great Court, she was leaning up against a tree, her laptop open at her feet but she didn’t seem to be paying any attention to it.

“Hey,” I pulled her attention to me, my long legs neatly folding underneath me as I took a seat on the grass next to her, our elbows knocking together. “What are you doing out here?”

“Writing an assignment.” She gestured to the empty Word document she had open on her laptop. I wandered how long it had been empty for.

I nodded and rested my head against the bark of the tree. “Need any help?”

She shook her head; her red-painted fingernails picked the lint of her black high-waist jeans. Her red hair fell like a curtain around her face and I reached out to tuck one side behind her ear. It was rare moments like these that I remembered that Caydance wasn’t all loud, hard edges. That she was a girl who felt too much and put up way too many walls.

“Want to tell me what’s bugging you?” I offered, letting her know that I was here.

“Do you even want to listen?” she shot back, not nastily but there was hurt behind her tone of voice. I deserved that.

“Always,” I promised.

She hesitated, her eyes briefly flickering to me before back down at her jeans.

“I just feel like I keep making the wrong decisions.”

I highly doubted that Caydance was second guessing what I was. She had decided to be an actress the moment she had shot out from the womb. I don’ think I could imagine her being anything other than a Grammy winner.

“Harry’s not talking to me and I don’t even know where to begin with Indiana.”

“Wanna tell me about the Harry thing?” I suggested, better to focus on one issue at a time.

“I was supposed to have lunch with him and his mum.” She admitted, her knees pushed up against her chest and she wrapped her arms tightly around them. “But I freaked out and bailed. Didn’t even come up with a proper excuse.”

I furrowed my eyebrows, confused. “Why did you bail? Didn’t you want to meet his mum?” Caydance had been angry when she thought Harry was hiding her, I thought she would be ecstatic that Harry wanted them to meet.

“You would think so,” she said. “But what if she didn’t like me? What if Harry realised that he could get better than me? His mum could convince him of that.”

I frowned and reached out to wrap my arm around Caydances bicep, trying to be reassuring.

“Do you think he would want to find anyone else? Caydance I ‘m pretty sure that boy has been in love with you since the moment he met you.”

She laughed softly but didn’t say anything more.

“You know how to fix this don’t you? Go to his mum, talk to her. Apologise, do whatever you need to. Just show Harry that you actually give a damn about him and his family. Stop being so insecure about whatever you are insecure about. Because I guarantee you, Caydance, whatever you are worrying about, it’s not true.” I said honestly.

She grinned; her eyes alight with something that I couldn’t quite place.

“I’ve missed you,” she said sincerely and to my shock I realised she was crying, water spilling over her bottom lashes. I surged forward and wrapped my arms around her, pulling her against me so I could bury my nose in her red hair. I never meant to disappear for long enough for anyone to miss me.

I was shocked, how could I have let it get this bad that I would actually have my girls missing me.

Notes

Sorry guys, had a massive assignment last week. Then in celebration I had a couple of days off so I did a little road trip with friends up the east Australian coast to enjoy the beaches before winter starts rolling in :(
So I'll post another chapter later today to make up for the two I missed them back to posting regularly on Thursdays! :)