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LOST AND STILL FINDING(larry stylinson)

chapter 56

Harry's POV

"Dont wake him up!" Somebody whispers beside me.


"Just checking if he's dead or not" another guy, a bit familiar speaks up.

"You're gonna hurt him" the same voice that previously spoke is heard. The person not shaking me anymore. I try to open my eyes but they're too heavy and I still feel nauseous inside. I flutter open to light and my eye shut again due to light.

"Oh he's not dead" an Irish guy speaks up and I know now that its niall.





After a bit more of trying, my eyes are finally open and the black haired speaks up again, "you didn't even wish me on my birthday. The whole week passed like that and now you are on your death bed. At least you could've called" the guy with black hair accuses me and mind realises its zayn.


Oh shit. It was his birthday a week ago and i didn't even call him. I called him yesterday too asking about Louis and now. Oh my god. Its obvious he's pissed. Liam pats zayns bum lightly, "This is not the time" he almost whispers.


"How are you feeling?" Niall asks scrunching his nose.


"A bit nauseous still" I reply lowly. I don't know I feel tired. I feel there's no energy inside me. Right now I just want to lay down down again my head spins a little still.

"must get away the" zayn says backing off a little. He's just here to calm me down. He probably knows what might've happened. Maybe he does. Maybe he does not, god knows.


Liam's pats his bum harder,"shut up will you?" He seems a bit annoyed.


"Sorry!" He exclaims,"u don't have to spank me every time, was just kidding" he ends it with a chuckle.

I try to pull myself up as niall holds the pillow for me and Liam's helps me shifting up as he raises the bed up a little.

I see Gemma sitting behind at the couch which is at the end of the room.


"Where's Louis??" I ask looking all around and then realizing the obvious reason he isn't here.


"Harr-" Liam's speaks up worry creases up on his forehead.


"What?" I say immediately.

"You don't have to worry" he says calmly.


"I will. Ofcourse I will. Where is he?" The obvious worry on everybody's faces seems to appear but they're not answering me. I feel like my body just gushed in with energy all at once and my heart starts to ache only for Louis. Where is he?
I can feel the pain near my abdomen. I feel it and its all bandaged already bit it still hurts but less than my heart.


"He's on high dosage of anesthesia and might only wake up wake up till tomorrow or day after!" Gemma gets up from the couch heading towards me saying all those words which didn't seem to get into my head.

I couldn't process those words. By the time when I did my stomach took leaps like kilometers deep down and churns like millions times a minutes. I feel nauseas. I so want to puke right now.



"Ohh ," my mouth escapes, "why?" I say my voice low and Gemma takes a seat at the stool beside me.


"Alcohol had to be drained out immediately otherwise the results could have been fatal." She says with no expression on her face. Just Blank.


I just want to knock out somebody so that the anger building inside like fire ends somehow. I don't think is going to stop.


"You can be more gentle with the words" liam exclaims scowling at Gemma. Maybe my jaw clenched and he saw that.


"He has to know one way or the other" she says shrugging.


"Its all my fault" I slap my forehead. If only I would've gone to his room and checked on him for once what the whole matter was. We could've talked all this out. Maybe he would've not done all this. Maybe he wouldn't be in such a crucial state. And I wouldn't be. Liam wouldn't be here all defending me. Niall wouldn't be here. Gemma wouldn't be here. None of us wouldn't be here.


Gemma looks at me and "There was still some left inside his blood. It was necessary"


"Enough Gemma !" Liam's gasps loudly as Gemma just rolls her eyes.

"You dont have to worry, he's fine! He's in the ICU" Liam's caresses my
hand.


"Can I go see him?" I plead. I know my eyes must be glistening by now.


"No you can't. Nobody's allowed. They're still operating" Niall says his voice worried deeply. This the second time he's spoken up till now and I know when he's sad or upset he doesn't talk.


"Look at yourself harry! For once. Your stitch got busted again. Do you really think you are fine enough to even stand up on your own? Forget about walking yourself to Louis"

At this statement of her niall and liam look all confused. They dont know what happened with me. They want then to know for sure. But not this way. Only in a better more comforting way. I don't want them all getting hurt. I know they're true friends and they won't leave me like that coz even after they don't know what's happening in front of them they're still by my side helping me comforting me.


"I'm fine" I sigh looking down at my hands. But I'm relieved niall and liam didn't go forward with asking me questions as to why I bust my stitch 'again'. They don't even know why that stitch is there. My god that could be a whole lot of explanation.

"Why are you so worried about him?" Zayn speaks up from behind liam coming out into view,"he's just your flat mate" he says chuckling.
"Wait-- what?" His eyes narrow at me, " is it all true??!" He can't believe whatever he's thinking. But its correct. I almost confessed my love for Louis on the phone with him yesterday how can he not know.

"Yes of course they're dating!" Niall spreads the news. "I caught them making out" i want to stop blushing at this comment and I sort of did control coz the guy I am dating is not here beside me talking to me. He's not here laughing at me making jokes. I don't even know in what condition he is. I just want to see him in front of me!
"Wasn't it obvious?" Liam's shoots a glare at zayn.
"You don't say" like he does not believe him. He looks at me and i assure him,"so cliché " he comments and he just shrugs walking behind to seat him self on the couch.

"When is he going to wake up?!" I ask again curiosity building inside me. But there's nothing to be excited about. And I am not. I just want to go see if he's OK and help him with whatever he needs. I want to be there for him.

"Look at you first. OK?" Gemma says angrily again. "And anyway he's not going to wake up before tomorrow, so there's no point in going and seeing him"


I sigh deeply. I know she's right. But I want to go see him. I want to have a look at him.


As I'm shift a little in my place my abdomen starts to ache really bad and I almost scream, "urghh..." My mouth escapes and my head rests at the back now. This is all my fault.

"You're not fit enough to sit up straight, and you want to go meet him and talk to him? And what are you anyway gonna go talk to him about? What are you gonna say to him? What do u think he'll hear from you? Your excuses? Right?" She huffs. The way her facial expressions are changing with every word I think she's angry at something else rather than me going to meet Louis right now. She's mad at something else and not this. She's not mad at me for going meeting louis. There some other obvious reason.


"Gemma?" I raise my head up.


"Yeah?!" She glares at me ,"you have excuses for me too?" "Guys can I have a word with my sister alone please? Just for a minute? Pls if its okay" I ask the three guys in the room.

"Yeah sure. Not a problem" liam speaks for all of them and they leave quietly shutting the ward room door behind them.

"Speak up now will you?" My sister seats herself on the stool again. "I'm sorry. I know the reason you're being mad at me is not Louis. You're mad at me for something else. What is it? Ask me" I say almost calm.


She gulps down, breathing in a little. "I read your file. While you were gone yesterday." she says looking down at her hands.


"Yeah? And?" I reply.


"The last time you visited the doctor was 5th December. The doctor then told you to visit after a week"


"Yes" I tell her. "That's correct"

"Did you go meet him?" She asks me but I guess she knows.
"Yes." I lie. I know i can't lie to my sister about my health. But I have to. She made me promise not to compromise with my health.


"And where are the prescriptions for that day?"


"I-i never had a prescription for that day. It was a normal check up and everything was perfectly fine." I lie so bad. I'm stuttering so bad. She's gonna know. Maybe she already knows. Shit.


"Okay." She nods sitting up straight folding her hands on her chest. " and what about the pills he gave you on the December 5?" Her blank bold expression is back. You ought to know when she's staring at you like that, back straight, blank face, eyes sharp, eyebrow raised and hands on her chest folded. You've been caught red handed that too followed by worse consequences.


"I-ive been having them as I've been told" I lie again. I'm sick of gulping pills constantly down them my throat. That weird smell in my mouth that stays back. Even after you've rinsed your mouth like 50 times brushing your teeth like five times a day and you still feel that stink is still there, no i can't afford that. The doctor even prescribed a medicated mouth fresher but I don't even like the smell of that. Everything that is prescribed is sick just sick. It doesn't make me feel better. It just helps me live more. I can't just live my life on medications.

"Really?"she asks me. She is gonna slap me any second and believe me I'm ready to get beaten up rather than living just on pills. " yes".


"Then why were there 3 bottles of pills full with dosage not even touched? In your drawer?"


Oh my god. She's trapped me and I know she'll burst out on me any second.

"I-ive..." I begin.


"Got a longer chain of lies it seems. I thought u would stop after the second but now that you've got courage I think you could go long like that till the next morning" I am ashamed. Fully. My head hangs low and I try to pick the skin at my fingers.

"Look at me harry, will you?" she raises her voice a little.


"I'm sorry" I mumble not looking up. Shit I want to cry so bad right now. I just want to latch on to somebody. "I did not want a sorry, OK? I want a proper reason why didn't you do what you were told by the doctor?" She's stern with her voice. She wants the reason. I don't know what to tell her. If I tell her I just didn't want to eat them coz they make me feel yuck I'd sound like a 7year old and I'm sure gemma might punch me.


I look up and at the behind I hear the door knocking and liam peeps in.


"Harry the doctor is here to check on you" liam tells me and opens the door wide for the doctor and he enters in but liam and the guys stay out.


"Did he tell you anything?" The doctor asks Gemma as he enters in followed by the nurse.




"Nope. What else do you expect from him doctor?" She mocks me talking to the doctor.

"Okay" he sighs lightly. "Then I guess I'll do the talking for him" he walks and stands beside those machines the nurse following him. "Last you visited me was December 5th and since today your health has started degrading . I don't know why you stopped taking your medication despite of me telling you that this was your last medication and I would have decreased your dosage this month onwards as you wanted. You were finally getting your systems healed up." He tells me. It's like he's accusing me of doing things I wasn't supposed to do. But I did it. It was my fault. I didn't want to have those.


"And he's cut himself again!" Gemma tells the doctor like as if he doesn't know till now. Both of them are staring at me like I'm a ghost. Please, stop that.


"I swear that is 3 weeks old or something. I promised myself not to do it. And I'm doing great now" I speak up. Yeah I did that a few weeks back. Coz I was afraid about Louis finding out all this. I know I

shouldn't be hiding but what am I even supposed to do. "You promised yourself??!" Gemma laughs at me.


"Plz don't do that, plz. I'm trying" I am begging. This is the first time she's behaving like that in front of me. She's never like made a joke of me like that before. It certainly hurts more than anything right now but I think she's just fed up of me now.


"You know the reason I had to come leaving my office work. Harry youre a perfect grown up man now. This. All this sounds so childish you promising your self things for things you will never do." she huffs again. She's angry she's damn angry. What did she just say? I mean she had to leave her work for me? This can't be. She needs to go back now.


"What yo-u left your work and came here?" I narrow my eyes looking at her while the doctor is busy giving some instructions to the nurse.

"What? Is it too hard to understand? You know my boss the last time I visited you in May was the last paid leave left and now he just couldn't give me another till April." She shrugs but she's irritated and angry.




"Wha-t wh-at ? Does that mean you resigned?" My eyes are wide now. I don't know what to think. Of course her boss couldn't be just partial to her and grant her leaves all along the year.


"You could've applied a medical or something? ! You didn't have to resign" I almost grit my teeth at those last words. "What do you expect? One day I'm just fit and fine doing all my work and the next day I just felt so ill magically that I almost need a leave for a month!" Her eyes are gonna pop out. She's so angry. She's almost fuming in front of me and the doctor.

"For a month?!" My head snaps. What the fuck? She's here for a month, "who told you to stay here with me for a month?" I ask her surprised. Why the hell did she had to resign to stay here with me? This is insane.


"The doctor called me up when it was over a month you didn't visit him. He was worried. He tried your cell the day before I called you. You never picked up. So he had to call me eventually" oh my god. The day I had left my phone in my overcoat in Louis' room after we returned from the new year. Shit. I had seen his calls but I didn't call him back. I knew he'd call me to visit him and at that point of time I wanted to move forward with Louis and my relationship. Though I know that day was a shit but I wanted to concentrate on my life which was somehow turning into a happier piece.


I don't know what to say anymore. She's here doing all this for me since 3 long years and I've been just messing it up all along for her more and more. I didn't expect her to land up here for a month or two.


"I'm sorry" I look up at her. That's all I want to say. I just want to tell her how fucked up I am. I don't know how all the time when its not my turn to think about me I end up thinking about me becoming all selfish and ending up doing things which just hurt other people. They are not even other people. They are the people who mean the most in my life. I can't jut keep ruining it like that.

The fact that I had promised myself of no longer doing selfish things, I know I somehow broke promises to myself. She's right how maybe fucking times am I gonna keep making excuses.


"I know" she says lowly standing up from the stools and sitting onto the bed beside me. "I'm sorry" I say it again and i mean every single letter. I don't know how many times I will have to say this so that my sister finally understands that I am sorry.


"Harry?" The doctor calls for me.

I look at him and this time he seems quite serious. Doctors are always serious anyway.


"From the day you are discharged from the hospital, if you do not show up on the dates you are supposed I'm afraid I'll have to keep you here permanently or i'll have a nurse kept at your house again. I don't know its your choice"


I panicked at the thought Louis knowing all this stuff and asking me all kinds of questions. I know I will not be able to answer him any time.


"Doctor I will show up. There no need of a nurse" I say as quickly as possible. "I hope so. I don't think that now that Gemma is here with you I will have to worry about you taking your pills" he smiles a little at the end. That wicked smile of his.


He's a nice doctor. I trust him with All my heart. Maybe he even knows me more than my parents will ever know me. I owe my life to him. I don't even know how am I going to return this favor if his.

"Yeah" I nod.


"I wanted to ask you something" that doctor speaks again as the nurse exits the room and liam enters filled by zayn and niall.


"Have you been smoking lately?" He stands there looking at me sure knowing the answer to himself but I don't know why he asked me that question in front of everybody. Oh my god.


Yes I've been I say in my head. But I just want to lie so I do. "No doctor. Is there a problem?" He's a doctor of course he knows if I've been smoking or not. Why did he have to ask me like that?


"OK" he nods and as he's about to exit I aks him the question I wanted to ask him from the time he's entered in. "How's Louis, doctor?" My heart aches as my mouths escapes his name.

He looks at me sympathetically,"he'll be good" he nods and smiles lightly as he leaves shutting the door behind him.

What dies he mean he will be good? Isn't he good right now? Is he in a bad condition? What does he even look like right now? Oh my god. Fuck. What did the doctor mean?

Notes

That hoe do it again.

He was online twice before and it never struck him to change it. Why now.

Just multiple stabs I guess. But its okay if he removed 1d from his name he has it in his heart. A safer place.

Well, an update after a long time but its a longer update so Ithink made up for that bit. But rremember people I have my exams so chapters might be updated a bit late so don't worry I won't be dead anytime soon.
Thank you for sticking with ne till now and I hope you will be here till the end.

Sty happy and safe.

Thanx and all the love x.

Please do comment. VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE and subscribe.

Comments

Hi guys, if you are reading this fiction, please continue reading it on the new user id I have created. Which is "Boomelouu". The old one is "boomelou" The one I am using now. I shall be continuing the story there.

thankyou for all the love and support!

@LizzyM101
thanks for reading and staying!

@AlexxStylinosn28
Well, it has been the death of me!

JASLKDJGFLSKDJG these 119 chapters are gonna be the reason i fail schools,m fkjsdhabfkljsadhgf

@boomelou
I should be thanking you for writing such an interesting story. I love how its so unique and not like the other typical stories on this site. There much more depth to it. The chapters always keep me on my toes. PS I love love this chapter and Harry is trying to be brave and intimate with Louis.