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LOST AND STILL FINDING(larry stylinson)

chapter 119


Louis' POV

"What do you want to do?" I ask him. "Not what your therapist said but what do you really want?" I interrupt. He's talking too much. He needs to understand what is that he needs rather than thinking about what his therapist thinks he needs. Even though both are the same things but he won't realize that until he thinks about it, himself.

"Wha-t?" He looks at me like I asked him something that was way out of question. He looks at me a little surprised and bewildered.

"Come here" I call him to the bed because he's still standing so far away from me. Why is he so far? If whatever he wants to do includes touching and be touched, then he will have to be nearer than where he is now. If he doesn't start in a minute I'll lose my mind and what not. "Sit down..." I tell him.

After all the staring at the walls he has to do he speaks, "Is it too much?" He hesitates crossing his legs,. "Am I asking you too much?" His hands are on his thighs and he's been wiping his palms off since he's sat down. Typical Harry.

"You haven't even asked anything. Forget about too much." I chuckle. I shift closer to him and his knees touch mine. "I understand that you feel nervous about this. What experience do I have? Absolutely nothing. I've just watched people in movies. Nothing else."

He nods frantically. He doesn't look at me. Keeps staring at his knees and then his hands and then he's picking his skin at his nails. He's too nervous about this. "You've watched porn?!" He asks making a new face.

I can't understand what he's feeling right now. I don't know if my actions have been working to help him or am I just scaring him more. I do not know. I do not know if he thinks I'll hurt him. I do not know if he's having trust issues. I cannot be upfront about anything right now. I cannot because he's too vulnerable in the situation to be able to answer my questions and if I ask him it would be very mean. It would be very mean to just ask him if he trusts me or not when he's ready to try something he's never had experience of, with me. Looking at what he's been through for such a long time, I can't but just sit here and wait if he's okay with whatever we're about to do.

"As a teenager i did and I stopped when I knew what it actually is than what it portrays. You kind of get a conscience." I shrug. It's been awhile since he's been sitting like that and since I've been observing him, "Are you scared?"

"Fuck, yeah..." he chuckles. "If there was a meter or a scale which could measure how scared I am right now, it would break, literally." he's shaking.

I take his hands in mine and he's shaking, literally. "I trust you and I know you trust me, otherwise we wouldn't be sitting here right now, would we?" I gulp. "Say whatever you feel. Nothing is right or wrong"

He nods and smiles but then it quickly turns into a frown. "There are too many things happening inside my brain and I can't even explain it to you and I wish I could, like just be verbal about how much need I have in me...to do all of this with you and fuck! ... And how much of an urge this is...I wish you culd just step into my soul and feel it.. "

"You don't have to tell me. I understand as much as I can" I squeeze his palms.

"But I so want to tell you. It holds so much more meaning when its verbally put out. I want you to step into my shoes and feel this. Fuck, why can't I express?"

"It's okay, Harry. Don't stress yourself too much" I kiss him on the forehead, "Do you need something? Water? Juice? Anything?" I ask him, since all he is, is quiet and shaking.

"Water"

"Okay" I pick up the glass from the night stand and hand it to him. He drinks it in a gulp and I keep the glass back.

He takes a few breathes, "Lean back" he says quietly.

"What is it that you're planning on doing?" I ask feeling so turned on and giddy at the same time that I don't know which feeling to choose.

"You stay quiet because I can't be more expressive than this" he stands on his knees in front of me. He parts them and crawls upto my thighs, my legs straight between his knees. "I'll begin now"

He leans down his breath hitting my face as he begins, "stop me when it's too much"

And he leans down all the way, his palms holding my face in them. It's a sudden rush of blood through my body, spreading heat as if it's burning inside me. Maybe this is how all this should feel, all fiery and warm and safe. Maybe this is exactly how everything happening is supposed to be felt. His lip movements against mine are exactly the way he talks, slow but he tastes amazing. It's dark behind my eyes but it's Harry's face in the background and I can't love him enough. And this can't be it. This can't be all that i'm feeling. There are millions of cells and there are exactly same number of feelings.

His hands have moved to my waist and his lips have moved to my jaw. The slippery kisses are enough to make me feel breathless. .

"This..." He kisses me at the corner of my mouth, "this is the first time I've been so... brave for myself and for you" he takes my tongue between his lips, "I love you" his tongue glides along mine and my hands move to his hair.

"I'm proud of you" I kiss him back. His hands slide under my t shirt, rubbing against my sides making them burn more than they already were and then suddenly he pinches my nipple and..fuck I yelp, "...ow!" into his mouth. He pulls away immediately.

He looks at me panting, like he's looking at a hurt rabbit, "did I hurt you?"

"No! It was lovely, I loved it" I place my hands at his chest to assure him but his heart beat is racing faster than ever.

"Do not say that, it sends out such a wrong message" he frowns

"I'm sorry. It was a pleasurable yelp, that's all. " I shrug.

"Okay" he nods and leans down again.

I didn't even notice when his hands wrapped around me under my t-shirt and now I'm almost in air as my waist is arched.

Fuck! That's the only word that's flashing behind my eyes and ears and everywhere else. That's all I can even think of. If I could put this feeling into words it would just be - fuck! all along and nothing else.

His hands are all over my body under my T-shirt and it's making my skin burn with the rub of his rings against my ribs. He moves lower. His tongue dragging all across my jaw to my neck. His touch is a little shaky like he's not sure if he should be doing this. But he is and it's all that I'll ever want.

He bends down a little more fuck! His boner rubs against mine. It's a sudden death and resurrection. It felt as if my body missed a breath and my heart missed a beat but in some way I was still in his hold. It's feels as if he weren't here to hold me I would need extra air to breath and extra heart to live. And somehow now I have him in my arms wrapped around my body just to make me feel alive.

He takes off my T-shirt suddenly and in a second it's lying on the floor, somewhere. I help him take his T-shirt off and "Holy shit!" I mumble.

"What?" He looks at me his arms wrapped around my waist as he's above me.

"Your tattoos"

"What about them?" It's like he's half breathing and half panting.

"They're so pretty on you" my finger traces the 'G' tattoo on his shoulder, "this is for Gemma, right?"

"Yes" he nods trying to scuffle his face into my neck.

"How many total do you have?" I ask when he's nibbling my neck and my hands are on his bum.

"67"

"Fuck! Hazza" and suddenly his lips and tongue movements have become faster and more rough as he's moving lower on my body. With every kiss follows a bite or just a graze of his teeth.

It's finally making sense now. Every touch on my body, every breath that he takes and hits my chest has a beat, a rhythm. He works on my nipple and fuck! I can't resist rubbing myself against him, I just cannot and every time I do that he pulls me down. It's like he's very good at this teasing game. My hands are all over Harry. If I could think properly right now I'd know what to exactly do with them but since Harry's taken over me I best leave it to him.

As if my nipples weren't hard enough already, he made them feel numb. It gets uneasy every time he does not let me rub against him. But his hands have travelled down on my skin. If he wasn't working on my nipple he'd be ripping off my pants right now. I pull him up, I kiss him because I need this touch between us to remain. He kisses me wet, sloppy to be exact and I imitate his actions. It's lovely to feel his tongue swirl in my mouth and his hands lower on my bum.

Another rub against me and my hand moves to my hard-on. "What are you doi-ng?" He breath breaks, panting, he's gotten a bit sweaty.

"What you're supposed to be doing" I groan as I rub myself.

"Don't " he pulls my arm away and instead places it against his tent. "touch me instead"

His eyes shut immediately, his lips mouthing a few good slurs. He presses my palm against him harder, "Lou..." He moans whispering and he lays back with I still on top of him.

He moves my palm against his length slowly. Maybe, whatever he's trying to do but I never imagined it to be happening this way. I never imagined myself like this. No matter what fantasies you've imagine, you always fail to imagine the right one and maybe that is why this is happening and it's something such better than all of it I ever imagined.

I kiss him moving up a little and his eyes flutter open, slowly, "you like it?" I ask him and when he stares at me with lust it breath taking and smacking him lovely.

He nods almost, non existent, but he did, "help me" he removes his hand and let's my palm rest on him.

He slides down on the bed and my eyes have never scanned him more hungrily than what I am doing now. he lies down beside me and parts his knees, my palm still cupping him. It's like it's a ritual he's done or something he does out of habit, parting his knees. I crawl between them. "You will have to remove the shorts too"

"Do the needful" nothing has gathered my attention more than the intended area in front of my face. And it's lovely to look at him and feel the need equally. I sit in between his legs my hands crawling on his torso. I lean up to his face and he looks back at me, "are you scared?"

He shakes his head a no, like for him, speaking right now would be too much. I lean down at his neck biting it, and his chest suddenly rises up as if my lips touching him not enough. Not enough for him to feel my touch. I remove my palm from his tent and his lips leave a scoff. I hold him at his waist and my index finger lands on his scar. The scar on his waist. I pull away from the kiss for a breath and he frowns suddenly his body stiffening a little.

"is everything okay?" I ask, my other palm cupping his face.

He just nods again. I kiss him again and he's lost his pace all of a sudden. "you don't feel fine , harry. its okay we can stop if we need to"

"no!" he quickly answers, "no" his head shakes. like he cant stop this time, "i cant see you hurting anymore" he cups my face.

"i'm not the one whose hurting harry. its you and if there's a need for us to stop we'll stop"

He quickly leans up to kiss me, "there's no need" he takes my palm form his waist and places it on his boner, "just help me o-ut?" he kisses me again and it continues.

"you know-" I speak in between kisses, "if you're not in the right mood, we ca-"

"i'm in the exact mood"

"you-" i breath in, "you weren't a second before"

"i am now" and he grinds against my palm harder throwing a bit too many slurs in my mouth, "this is the hardest--" he's panting, "hardest I've been in a years"

"and this is the nakesdest, if that's a word, I've ever been with a man"

He chuckles into my mouth and that makes me smile automatically, "that's not a word you fool" and his pace his greater than ever. I reach his chest, nibbling his nipples and his chest rises with every breath he takes. His hands are in my hair and it seems to guide me more than i'm guiding myself. Then, after a minute i'm sucking on his abs. I don't even know if Harry deserves a bullshit guy like me. He's perfect, look at him and it's like the God has come down to be with you.

My hands reach the hem of his shorts, "shall I?" I look up, my eyes scanning him from torso to eyes.

He nods taking in a deep breath. I pull them down slowly, his abdomen scar starting to appear. "it's not as ugly as you described" I rest my palms at his thighs and he shudders lying there, his eyes closed. I kiss him there, him rising upto my face.

"well-" he gulps hard trying to regain his breath, "wh-at d you think about it?"

"what? your dick? that's a very Harry Edward Styles question" I kiss him at the scar again.

"No!" he chuckles, "I meant the scar, how do you feel finally seeing me like this?" and my heart has never pounded harder. it feels so burning all of a sudden, feels as if i'm swimming in the sun.

"I feel loved" I shrug.

"that's it?" he asks after a little thinking.

"uh...yes" I pull his shorts down completely, removing them from his feet and throwing them aside. "that's all I need"

He stares at me for a while, just lying there when i'm between his thighs. and I wait until I feel I have his permission. I cant rush this, not this. it is supposed make him feel like real, the real kind of love he hasn't felt.

"do you want me to..? I ask because he's not moving, he's not saying anything. he's just deep breathing. but then his hand cup my face.

"i love you so much, lou"

"i love you back. I want you to know.." i tear slips his eye, "...just know that feeling loved is the best feeling in the world"

He nods, sniffling, "i'm feeling my best" he shuts his eyes, takes my hand in his and places it on his boner.
He takes in a breathy chuckle, "...is this how this is supposed to feel?" he asks moving my hand up and down on him.

"how do you feel?" I remove his hand and I slide my hand up to feel him fully.

"there's fireworks behind my eyes when I close them every time you mo-ve your hand like that.." his body keeps getting warmer with every touch, and if I glided against him right now, we'd burn.

"you like that?"

he nods quickly, frantically but then slows down. I don't wait anymore, I slide my hands under his thighs, pulling his shaft closer to my face, "fuck..Lou"

"excited much?" he nods and its like his involuntary actions are too much right now when his chest rises instantly. I don't think there's anything more to talk about. I kiss him, placing my lips just below his balls and he shudders right there, in my hands his boner twitching. I hold him again, placing my palm on his boner, he's fucking hot right now. I move my hand slowly up and down while sucking on his balls. He groans back, pushing himself into me. "fuck.." he mutters once again.

"You're being a little hesitant. You need to relax"

He groans, looking at me down like I stopped giving him his air and then he jerks down his head backwards, "why is this happening?" He sighs loudly.

"Because we love each other, don't we?"

"Yes we do"

"Then?" I keep continuing with my process of pleasuring him. He groans in return, his breathing becoming heavy all of a sudden. My mouth takes it all in, in one single go, with my palm covering the rest of it.

"We're showing.." I suck, "how much we love..." I lick from the bottom to the top, nibbling a little at the slit, "..each other.."

"Fu..ck" he groans thrusting little, but then he retracts.

I look at him and he looks the most beautiful of all the beauty that he holds. He's sweaty, his curls sticking at his neck and his lips, why should I even say about them? It's a part of him and they're beautiful too.

"If you want to thrust in, you might as well do that" his hands are all over his chest

"You like that?"

"I'll like whatever you do" it seems I can't just stop giving him whatever he needs right now. I hold his balls while I lick him around at his tip.

"That's blind trust"

"Am I not supposed to do that?"

"I know you trust me, that's why we're here like this but blind trust is wrong, that too, at many times can be taken advantage of"

"Okay"

"Come up" he gestures, "I wanna do something before I come"

I move up and he pushes me go lie down, his lips attacking me, "take off your underwear" I do as I'm told and I lie back.

"You know what frotting is?"

"M hmm" I nod, "I've never tried" and his hands travel down between us. He takes both the boners in one hand, "fuck, Harry you've...oh my god...". I take in a sharp breath, breaking in between, ".. You've got inexplicably large hands" it's like I'm out of control for second but then these out of control seconds keep increasing with every move he makes. "Fu..ck" I almost shout. His curls keep falling onto my face but then he suddenly looks directly into my eyes and his hand movements seem to have slowed down. He ducks in to kiss me his movements in sync with each other. I love this and it's like I'm in a whole another world. He pauses, looks at me for a second and dives in again. He keeps his movements of hand and lips in sync until there tongue involved and then suddenly everything feels like heaven. Maybe it's just because I'm in his arms and he's in mine and we're so vulnerable and naked, literally, in front of each other that if someone just told me I can't keep this moment going on forever I'd kill them.

"This is the only moment..." He speaks up pulling away but his hand keeps moving up and down, "this is the only moment in which I wish forevers existed and I get to keep you."

"Yeah?" I ask almost whispering because what his hands can do none can do. It's like I'm breathing the air Harry's breathing out. "And this is the only time I think forever would be a little less for me to be with you. I want more than a forever. A lot greater than a forever with you"

His hand movements fasten, both of the erections rubbing hard against each other and then Harry squishes his face in my neck, his other arm pulling my hair. He's breathing so fast I think he'd need his pump in a minute. "Lou.." He moans, "I'm gonna c-ome"

I nod, holding him by his waist and I lean into his face, smelling him in. He's sweaty but he smells so amazing and nothing has ever driven me so crazy like the moment I am in now. His movements are out of control and then suddenly he chokes on his breath and breathes heavily when he's shooting all over my torso. I come after a minute.

He starts he settle down, removes his hand from between us and pulls away from my neck, his heartbeat still a bit faster than normal. "No, stay like this for a while" I say and she stops and buddies his face in my neck again.

"It was lovely...I mean it is lovely" he nods kissing me where he's buried.

"Yes, it is." I reply and I let him suck at my neck. If lovely could explain what just happened then let it be but right now we both know this was something more than just lovely.

"I love you" he squeezes once before pulling away lightly waiting for my permission to pull away completely and I let him.


"I love you"

He lies beside me, "I've never come this hard in a while" he says while looking at me.

"In a while?"

"In the past since.." He pauses and I know and he knows that I understand what he means. He turns on his side and rest his head on my shoulder and I rest mine above his. "Thank you"

"You don't have to thank me, we can do this all the time as you please" he chuckle, "i've also never come this hard, hell I've been a virgin for godsake and never been able to help myself through it."

" yeah?"

"Yes"

Harry's POV

The fact that Louis loves touch just after we've been so touchy a while ago is cute. The way he told me to stay with him for a while is cute. Everything about him is cute and sweet and I love him so much I'd die if I fail to ever express it.


Just being here with him is so fucking dreamy and heavenly like that if I ever were to miss this feeling I’d die a million times before I had to actually miss it.


Notes

well, yeah, here it is. Another exciting chapter. i hope i didn't disappoint with all the above words framed together.

comment, vote and subscribe!

lots of love xxx

Comments

Hi guys, if you are reading this fiction, please continue reading it on the new user id I have created. Which is "Boomelouu". The old one is "boomelou" The one I am using now. I shall be continuing the story there.

thankyou for all the love and support!

@LizzyM101
thanks for reading and staying!

@AlexxStylinosn28
Well, it has been the death of me!

JASLKDJGFLSKDJG these 119 chapters are gonna be the reason i fail schools,m fkjsdhabfkljsadhgf

@boomelou
I should be thanking you for writing such an interesting story. I love how its so unique and not like the other typical stories on this site. There much more depth to it. The chapters always keep me on my toes. PS I love love this chapter and Harry is trying to be brave and intimate with Louis.